The Love-Shy Male

[givinggirl]

So what happened, did he ask her out?

[givinggirl]

SA_Guy....you also have to be able to walk through the opened door. Other than grabbing him and kissing him, which I won't do, I've opened that door many times and he's yet to walk through it.

[SA_Guy99]

SA_Guy....you also have to be able to walk through the opened door. Other than grabbing him and kissing him, which I won't do, I've opened that door many times and he's yet to walk through it.

 

I know and I understand your frustration. I really do feel that if she opens the door by telling me she likes me, I could walk through it.

 

I will ask though, why won't you just grab him and kiss him?

[shygal2008]

Ohhhhh yes..he did and if i remember correctly they went for coffee at Starbuck's near where they work, and then a movie a few nights later i believe..it was a long time ago

 

I know it made a difference in hs life bcuz he was able to ask women out after that..it was still difficult but he made it through the difficulty and uncertainty of the unknown--which is what i tried to explain before to desensitize yourselves MEN!!!!!!

 

 

They saw each other a few more times i believe maybe for a month or so. She had been engaged and was stll dealing with the break up but they stayed friends and actually kept seeing one another for a while.

 

Now he is with a woman for over a year and i believe they will marry. They are looking for a place together and he seems very happy

 

 

You have to want it badly enough i guess? He didn't want to end up alone...and just a side note, he has always had a weight issue and extremely shy but he wanted happiness and a family of his own more then misery...he's a wonderful person...i am so happy for him!!!!

[givinggirl]

I know and I understand your frustration. I really do feel that if she opens the door by telling me she likes me, I could walk through it.

 

I will ask though, why won't you just grab him and kiss him?

 

Because, he's already told me twice I have the wrong impression...so it would seem like a not so right thing to do.

[givinggirl]

Good for him!

[SA_Guy99]

Question for you girls... How do you feel about guys still living at home at 26 years old? I have an image in my head that I can't get rid of, of a girl finding this out about me and running for the hills.

[shygal2008]

Yes, and he deserves it. He lost his father at a young age (13 yrs ago) and he has taken care of his mom and sister since then. He hasn't moved out bcuz he's been the ''man of the house'' but my aunt has given her blessing for him to go be with her...she wants this for her son so badly.

 

 

I do think it is painful for those around you, who love you not to see you get the things you want..especially when, to them it seems so easy and for some even effortless.

 

I can't tell you how many people i know that walk into a store and meet someone, walk out the front door and the love of their life is there waiting..lol..they break up with one guy and another is there for them...ready and waiting..it really does make me wonder how it is so easy for some and so torturous for others????

 

I believe in God, completely and with all my heart so i know he has a plan for me and i can't help but believe that if i was meant to be somewhere else, at a diffferent school, or town, or in a different place in my life...i would be there now.

[givinggirl]

I don't have any issues with it. I dated a guy who was 30 and still living at home, another was 28. I moved back home for a short period when I was 32.

[shygal2008]

At my school, where i work i have 3 assistants that help me with the kids, they are all college kids..accept one that wants to stay at the school and be a full time Assistant Teacher..she is not in any hurry to leave and does not want to go to school.

 

One is a guy, and 2 are girls and they all live at home. The youngest is 22 and the oldest, a guy, is turning 26..he is going to college for teaching and will be done in 2 years..he won't move out until he gets his first full time teaching position..he can't, he has no money!!!!

 

Around here its normal, all my assistants have lived at home, male and female, until they got married or out of school and on there own. My brother lived home until he was 29, he needed to save up money to buy a condo!!!!

[givinggirl]

I can't tell you how many people i know that walk into a store and meet someone, walk out the front door and the love of their life is there waiting..lol..they break up with one guy and another is there for them...ready and waiting..it really does make me wonder how it is so easy for some and so torturous for others????

 

Up until 2 years ago, I was never single for more than 2 weeks since I started dating at 19. I always had a guy knocking on my door. It's funny how in high school I had no guys lined up and then all of a sudden things changed. I don't know why. It's not like I'm a super model or anything. I'm very quiet and shy until I get comfortable. Definitely not the life of the party. I've remained single for these past 2 years because I've chosen to have patience with this guy because I think he's worth that and more.

[shygal2008]

Yeah i know what you are saying..i have never had a problem getting (or keeping) a mans attention. I can'tt ell you how many people comment on me never being married...they can't believe it, they always say the same things to me..but you are so beautiful, the total package...you'd make the best wife and mother, etc.

 

I am very shy too and thats part of my problem, as i get older i get more so i think..i can be very quiet until i get to know you...and all my hobbies and interests are of the domestic type so i really don't go out to clubs, bars, etc. just the typical, shopping, dinner, movies with friends and family...home cooked meals at home...enjoy my condo so much and having my own space..love decorating, gardening and cooking. I work with kids, LOVE IT SO MUCH i am just so content with my life BUT i would love some nice guy to share this with and have a family with...its just not like me to date just anyone, or strangers..i need to feel comfortable and really have the desire, i haven't had it in years until i met my shy guy at work

[SA_Guy99]

Around here its normal, all my assistants have lived at home, male and female, until they got married or out of school and on there own. My brother lived home until he was 29, he needed to save up money to buy a condo!!!!

 

I wish I could save like that. Since I work full time, my dad makes me pay room and board.

[givinggirl]

Same here. I'm pretty much a homebody unless I'm hanging with my friends. I get the same thing as you. No one can believe I'm single when they find out. But, these people who say it, don't really know me as a person...only in passing, so what makes them think I'm so wonderful? IDK.

[shygal2008]

My brother paid rent too..but he was able to leave by 30, not sooner but it wasn't easy for him to save either..thats why. My assistant who is 26 can't move out either, he has a girlfriend and he said when he's done with school (in 2 yrs) he may move in with her...he would need a room mate he said to help pay the bills. He will have a school loan to pay off after college.

[shygal2008]

If a girl is really into you, she won't care about your living situation..or money!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shygal2008]

I get that stuff mostly from people at work..or my aunts..lol..i just smile, i am so sick of hearing it!

[SA_Guy99]

I thought about going back to school briefly. Then I realized there was no way I could afford it, and even if I were to quit my job, my dad makes too much money for me to qualify for any aid if I still live with him. I would have to quit my $35k/year (Canadian) retail management job, be in poverty living on my own to qualify for anything.

 

I also looked through programs at different schools and I realized that I just have no interest at anything I can go back to school for. That, in turn, brings out my fear that being a guy who has no clue what he's going to do with his life career-wise is also a major turnoff. Retail management can't last forever. Not many people stay in that past 30. I need to figure something out. ](*,)

[Jake]

SA_Guy99 I understand that living at home & your current job don't make you as confident as you'd like to be. But is that the real source for not being able to approach this girl in the manner you'd like (asking her out)?

 

I've done a lot of things to "improve" my confidence and what I've found is that it did improve it, but only in that area!

 

For example, volunteering in the ER has helped me keep a more level head in stressful situations with people.

 

Thing is, this doesn't really help at all with a women I'm interested in. Sure my experiences have made me more of a "well rounded" person but that only bridges the gap so far.

 

There's still, a big piece missing that requires me facing my fear & opening up to the girl I'm crushing on. That is where I truly struggle.

 

I think SA_Guy99 the ultimate confidence booster for you (or me) is to be able to ask that one girl out.

[SA_Guy99]

Yes, it definitely holds me back. I honestly don't know anybody else my age who isn't living on their own. Maybe it's different in other places, but where I am, it isn't common at all. I can't help but wonder what she would think of an older guy who can't yet support himself.

[Bluesman89]

Yes, it definitely holds me back. I honestly don't know anybody else my age who isn't living on their own. Maybe it's different in other places, but where I am, it isn't common at all. I can't help but wonder what she would think of an older guy who can't yet support himself.

You should be proud of what you've achieved job wise. You're a manager did you say? It appears to me that financial security and ability to hold down a job is more important to women than a man who owns his own home. That's just my observations, perhaps the girls can chime in.

 

Not that I'm too bothered with it at the moment (though perhaps I should be).. but I'm not progressing career wise at all. I've no secure job at the moment, pulled out of college after 2yrs, and I'm all over the place to make money. And I'm also still living at my parents house.

 

So you're not alone.

[SA_Guy99]

I may be a manager, but I am far from financially secure. $35k/year Canadian is barely enough to support yourself, and with the bills I have to pay, I barely make to the next payday with anything left in my chequing account.... and that's with paying my dad roughly $400/month less than the average bachelor pad.

 

My job offers very limited benefits and no pension to build for retirement because it's not a job that many people work for very long. My company has pushed people out of management roles when they get to their early-mid 30s. The job I have is not a career.

[Jake]

I understand where you guys are coming from with your worries but clearly neither of you guys are content with your position and both of you want your own place. Any girl will see that and notice your motivation!

 

Now if you're just some bum that is content to live with your parents till you die; then I'd understand why a girl wouldn't want to date you but neither of you strike me as lazy / unmotivated in life.

 

 

I admit, I worry also about living with my parents also. Granted I'm 20 years old but realistically I only have 2 more years left to find that girl.

 

After that, I'll have my bachelors & I'll be off into med school too busy for anything else. I'll go into 200 thousand dollars of debt and I won't be out of school till I'm 30 years old. Which means I won't have my own place till I'm 30 something.

 

I try to be optimistic, but realistically the chances of me finding anyone in that 2 year window is pretty darn slim. Considering how I am.

 

 

-Jake

[SA_Guy99]

Motivation is one thing. Confidence and ability to change the situation is another. I would love to find a higher paying job, but I'm pretty much at the cap of what a high school diploma can get me. I would love to go back to school once my debts are clear, but there's just no programs I have the least bit of interest in.

 

To break away from that subject a bit, I found this girl on facebook. I am too chicken **** to click the "add as friend" button. ****!

[Jake]

Motivation is one thing. Confidence and ability to change the situation is another. I would love to find a higher paying job, but I'm pretty much at the cap of what a high school diploma can get me. I would love to go back to school once my debts are clear, but there's just no programs I have the least bit of interest in.

 

I can see your dilemma, but when push comes to shove I'm sure a new door will open for you eventually (if you look hard enough).

 

I'm just afraid of being alone and so far, that's the road I'm heading down right now. Rich, alone and pathetic. Perfect.

 

 

 

To break away from that subject a bit, I found this girl on facebook. I am too chicken **** to click the "add as friend" button. ****!

 

I don't even have facebook. I feel your frustration though, a few months back I made a POF (Plenty of Fish) account and after about a week & a half..... I deleted my account. I never even contacted a single girl.