strict and sheltered parents just ruined my life

[joe45]

have any of u guys have any friends or are u one of em , that come from a very very sheltered, over protective and strict family.

i actually come from one and i think it did me more damage to my life growing up then good.

Going to elemetary and HS i was told to come home right after class-why to study, even on a friday. on weekends i would either be at the local library to read the newspaper or at home studying. i had no social life and my parents were against having friends and going out. they thought friends would get u into trouble like drugs and be a bad influence.-yea way too over protective. i never got invited to any partys or get togethers -be it christmas, halloween, valentines.....etc u name it. in my whole time at elemary i probably had like 1 friend. in HS samething a differ friend , and maybe a few aquaitances-who i just chit chatted with.

 

come to college -guess what same thing never got invited to anything, never dated , no gf and jsut went to school and came home and studied. i didn't even have any hobbies, but maybe watching NBA basketball and tv-thats about it. my parents didn;t even want me to work, but be in school. they wanted me to go to school, so i could make lot of money and money. thats all they talk about money money.

ironically i never really did good in school-even though i studied hard, academics wasn't my thing, and i'm not the smartest guy , i went to a community college instead of a univesity. oh yea and they also picked what i was suppose to take-"this is good and make money, and this is not good and make little money "

right now i have like no friends, never had gf, hardly ever dated but girls off the net and i think my parents are to blame for my up bringing-i didn;t develop the social interactions and the social skills growing up, but was at home and stayed at home instead(sheltered).

 

i really wonder if i was raised by a differ family how differ it would be-would i have been more successful, be more popular, had way more gfs. i wonder. now i'm 25 and i really wonder what goin happen to me- in 7 years will i have to go to China to bring home a bride, b/c i can;t find one here. i have no luck now and is trying , so 7 years go by fast who nows. my parents would have no problem with a CHina bride-they are so old fashioned and traditonal , but me No. they can't speak english, or work and i will have to support her.

[Jayar]

Joe, now that you are 25 I strongly suggest getting out to some social events in your culture. For instance there's a huge Chinese culture in my city (Toronto) and that is where I imagine most people are meeting one another. You're right, your parents contributed to a sort of social vacuum. But they also did wonders for you and I'm sure protected you from making some bad decisions that kids tend to make. Don't hold it against them, but of course now that you're an adult, it is YOUR life to live. Work hard, keep your values, but try and find a sort of chinese club or something to join. I know they are everywhere around here (also other cultures too, my parents met at a Hungarian social club in the city).

[NeverMore]

If you lived in my area I would invite you to some wicked parties and introduce you to all kinds of girls.

 

I do think your up bringing is probably why your life turned out like this. But you are still young, and its not too late to learn to be social.

 

I will also tell you, my parents were pretty much the opposite, and (as crazy as it sounds) having unstrict parents came with its own set of problems.

[rocio]

I was sheltered too. But I'm the opposite. I think that's the reason I'm such a crack monkey. I just can't get enough fun fun fun

[NeverMore]

You're right, your parents contributed to a sort of social vacuum. But they also did wonders for you and I'm sure protected you from making some bad decisions that kids tend to make.

 

I have to disagree with this statement. Kids need to make those dumb decisions once in a while. It helps them become stronger, wiser adults.

[Beec]

Joe,

 

What your parents did is in the past. It's done, and if it is not done, that is because you are letting it continue. They can only contorl you now to the extent you let them. If they support you finaincially, start doing ti for yourself, and then get yourself some freedom.

 

As far as your skills with women and otherwise, work on them. If you are worried about what happens in seven years, then fix it now. There is no reason you cannot develop the skills needed.

 

If you need suggestions, just ask.

 

And as far as your parents, the one good thing I would say for them, they did what they thought was in your best interest. While they may not be perfect, they wanted what they thought was good for you. You cannot blame them for that.

[BellaDonna]

i didn;t develop the social interactions and the social skills growing up, but was at home and stayed at home instead(sheltered).

 

Hi there. Do you still live with your parents?

 

If so, I think it would be in your best interest to move out, if possible.

 

 

BellaDonna

[NJRon]

25 is not too late to start learning the social skills you need. But, in order to do so, you need to get out there and not stay stuck in the past. I had a somewhat sheltered life, though just as much due to my own fault than my parents'. It took me quite a while to finally get comfortable in social situations and the only way I was able to get there was to keep trying.

[Luke Skywalker]

I can identify with that, what compounds the problem is if you are unable to move out and support yourself and you are dependent on them, or have to risk abject poverty and homelessness if you move out.

 

It seems this arrangement has ruined my life in some way, because I'm always under mommy or some sort of mommy's boy and I'm dependent on her as she pays for virtually all the bills while I'm not making enough money to support myself so I cant really move out, I have no social life, never had a gf OR any romantic/sexual connection with a girl in my life and I'm 30 y/o, and I understand how you feel.

[New_Horizons]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm Indian and I had a similar upbringing. The only difference is that my parents rub salt into the wound by saying "go ahead and find a non-Indian lady, we don't mind". I want to say "Uhhh...I CAN'T because you never allowed me to learn those life skills in my teenage years!"

[Beec]

I want to say "Uhhh...I CAN'T because you never allowed me to learn those life skills in my teenage years!"

 

Learn them now!!!! There's no reason not to. I did not lead your kind of existenc ever, but that's not to say I had a great set of skills. But, there came a time when I did my homework and figured out parts of the skills, worked on them and had them. Once you start trying, keep improving.

[andrewman]

Well, the first thing you need to do is stop blaming anyone else for your problem. The moment you stop blaming and realize it's your own problem now, you'll realize and be empowered by the fact that you, and only you, now have complete and total control of YOUR life. So, live it, however you feel you want to. If you feel you don't have the social skills you want right now, learn. There's nothing stopping you. Go out and take some ballroom dance classes, that'll force you to be, not only comfortable around women but teach you a very powerful social skill, dancing. Also, as Jayar said, get involved in some groups where you'll be comfortable, either using your Chinese heritage or use one of your other hobbies or interests.

 

No matter what, remember, you have the power to change and noone has the power to stop you!

[quietgrl]

I can identify with that, what compounds the problem is if you are unable to move out and support yourself and you are dependent on them, or have to risk abject poverty and homelessness if you move out.

 

It seems this arrangement has ruined my life in some way, because I'm always under mommy or some sort of mommy's boy and I'm dependent on her as she pays for virtually all the bills while I'm not making enough money to support myself so I cant really move out, I have no social life, never had a gf OR any romantic/sexual connection with a girl in my life and I'm 30 y/o, and I understand how you feel.

Luke,

I can't afford to move out of my parent's house either but that shouldn't be our excuses for not dating.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I had a very lousy childhood. But I'm a grown man, and make decisions myself.

 

Yes my parents were bad, but the choices I make, are ones that I *choose* to make. I can't blame my parents for my life, and neither can you.

 

You might want to consider counseling to help work through the family of origin issues you have.

 

Playing the blame game isn't going to solve your problems.

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke,

I can't afford to move out of my parent's house either but that shouldn't be our excuses for not dating.

 

 

It's much more forgivable for a woman to be living with her parents, or being under mommy or daddy rather than a guy, since that's not manly but would seem boyish.

 

I never said it's an excuse not to date but I think this does affect the overall stock value compared to a successful business person who is living on his own and has his own house.

 

I'm also conditioned with a dominant and overprotective mother figure, that means I'm conditioned with an inversed sex role where I'm like emasculated in this environment. I think this has to have a psychological impact - I'm still as dependent on my parents now for most things, as say a teenager would be and would not seem 'grown up'.

 

That means if I go out to date people, I'm already conditioned by 'being under my mom', and not having any dating experienced since that's not really encouraged at all in this set-up. My mom is more concerned about having my company with her, and me being a surrogate husband to her when my dad is not around then to see that I'm going out there to date people - she'd likely rather me stick around here than find my own life elsewhere - may not be obvious, but likely subconsciously.

[quietgrl]

Luke,

 

It's time to cut the cord from your mom.

[wlfpack81]

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