having sex too soon in the relationship

[SeaBisquit]

hi , i know there has been alot of having sex on the first date threads. but this is different so.... i find myself meeting really nice guys. and i think in order to please them i need to have sex with them to make them happy. afterwards i feel like crap and wish that i hadn't done what i did. now i really like this guy alot and i had sex with him on the first date. now i think he is going to expect sex everytime we get together. i don't know how to make him respect me. i know sometimes it doesn't matter. but really i'm a nice person and i want him to know that.

[krnswte143]

Being intimate in the first stage of dating is not a very good thing to start. I understand how you are feeling. I was like that too. Unfortunately, the relationship dont last long because all they want from you is (sex). I was told you are suppose to wait after 4 - 6 dates before being intimate... but for some ppl they click really fast and feel comfortable.. I started to be intimate w/ my boyfriend after our 5th date. At first i thought it was soon but i felt a connection and i felt comfortable.

[SeaBisquit]

i think we definitely have a connection. but i feel i ruined it by sleeping with him to soon. i feel that he is not going to respect me much.

[laboheme]

i find myself meeting really nice guys. and i think in order to please them i need to have sex with them to make them happy.

 

I really don't know how to advise you on the situation with this particular guy, but what you said made me wonder...If you feel like you need to have sex with them to make them happy, are they really as nice as you think they are? I don't know, at least to me a truly nice guy would give off the "you don't have to do anything in particular, I just enjoy your company" vibe...

[helpme2]

Being intimate in the first stage of dating is not a very good thing to start. I understand how you are feeling. I was like that too. Unfortunately, the relationship dont last long because all they want from you is (sex). I was told you are suppose to wait after 4 - 6 dates before being intimate... but for some ppl they click really fast and feel comfortable.. I started to be intimate w/ my boyfriend after our 5th date. At first i thought it was soon but i felt a connection and i felt comfortable.

 

therre isn't a certain number of dates to wait before being intimate imo, but you should figure out what you want out of a relationship, what your partner wants, what sex means to you, what it means to them, and what you will do if things don't go swell before you throw sex into the mix.

[Day_Walker]

You cannot make him respect you, this guy is either going to be interested in you for the person you are or the sex that you give him. As long as you feel the need to please guys in this fashion you will continue to have sex with them early on instead of developing more compatibility before sleeping with them.

[Jamiegirl]

hi , i know there has been alot of having sex on the first date threads. but this is different so.... i find myself meeting really nice guys. and i think in order to please them i need to have sex with them to make them happy. afterwards i feel like crap and wish that i hadn't done what i did. now i really like this guy alot and i had sex with him on the first date. now i think he is going to expect sex everytime we get together. i don't know how to make him respect me. i know sometimes it doesn't matter. but really i'm a nice person and i want him to know that.

 

 

If u want to have a long term relationship with someone you should always wait a couple of months before having sex. Thats how u know the guy will be serious and that is how u gain respect. This isnt advice from me... My guy friend told me this. Girls that give it up too easily are easy to quit as well. hopefully this helps u. U dont need to please a guy with you body please him with your mind.

 

Good Luck

[flower99]

i think we definitely have a connection. but i feel i ruined it by sleeping with him to soon. i feel that he is not going to respect me much.

 

It is always a risk when sleeping with someone too soon (add so many problems and questions)......but it's not always a guarentee that he won't respect you. That depends on the kind of man he is & his feeling for you.

 

I think the best thing you can do is talk to him.

Tell him you regret sleeping with him so soon. That you do like him & enjoyed it, but you are afraid it may ruin things, and damaged the chance of having something real.

talk to him. It's a good start to the relationship to be honest with how you feel.

[SeaBisquit]

i know in some cases it doesn't matter. but i wish i would have waited.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi there,

 

I have no axe to grind pro or against having sex on a first date - I think it's wrong to judge anyone else, and sometimes it is what feels right, and that's terrific.

 

However, I recently met a guy again that I've been crazy about for soooooooooo long. We went out and had a fabulous evening together, and I have never been so tempted to sleep with someone, but I don't know, I was a bit shy or whatever. Anyway, I told him how tempted I was to drag him off to bed, but I wasn't going to that night. He was really nice about it, but I felt a bit bad about mixed messages. The point of this ramble is that he has been *incredibly* sweet and attentive since. So I don't know, I genuinely wasn't playing games about waiting etc, but it does seem to have a really positive effect. Just to be clear, I am absolutely NOT against sleeping with someone early etc, but - maybe there is something to be said for waiting even though you're both desperate to tear each other's clothes off???!

 

I also read somewhere you should never sleep with a man who you weren't absolutely sure would either cook you breakfast in the morning (ie llet you stay the night) or would get up and take you home no matter how late it was. That seemed like a sensible bit of advice too.

 

Don't beat yourself up about it, though, seabisquit. Maybe make a rule that for the next few months you're not going to sleep with anyone until you've seen them 3 or 4 times no matter how tempted you are. Not even if it's Johnny Depp. Oh okay, if it's Johnny Depp you can drag him off to bed.... !

[babypink61]

Well I slept with my current boyfriend after going out to maybe like 2-3 dates? That was before we became "official" too. We've already been hanging out for about like 2 or 3 weeks believe. I decided to sleep with him because I know that we were both really interested in each other and I knew that we were both looking for something more than just dating. If I remember it correctly, I think we became official right after we slept together and that was 1.5 years ago. I don't think that there's really a rule on how long you should wait, you kinda just know it. But I def would not do it on the first date.

[rocio]

hi , i know there has been alot of having sex on the first date threads. but this is different so.... i find myself meeting really nice guys. and i think in order to please them i need to have sex with them to make them happy. afterwards i feel like crap and wish that i hadn't done what i did. now i really like this guy alot and i had sex with him on the first date. now i think he is going to expect sex everytime we get together. i don't know how to make him respect me. i know sometimes it doesn't matter. but really i'm a nice person and i want him to know that.

 

"how soon" or "after how many dates" is soooo irrelevant. If you respect yourself, then other people will follow suit - and that includes the guys you date.

 

But sleeping with a guy to make him happy and then feeling like crap afterward is definitly not respecting yourself or your body.

 

I think it's alot less about timing and more about you what's going on in your own head.

[RayKay]

I think the mistake here is in sleeping with a guy to make him happy - and thinking that you cannot be a great person to be around without having sex.

 

I do not think that sleeping together early on means there won't be a relationship ever - that entirely depends on the persons involved. Sometimes things for both of you are just right and it just works....independent of having sex early on.

 

I do think that sleeping together early on for the "wrong" reasons like expecting a relationship from it, or to "make them happy" is however more likely to end in "disaster". You cannot expect respect from others when you do not have respect for yourself...it does show. Note that you can have respect for yourself and sleep together earlier, but.....if respect for yourself is lacking, people will see right through it.