What Do Women Want???

[slickspartan]

WARNING – THIS IS VERY VERY LONG

 

Ok, I really need help. I've always thought I've understood women and I generally have as I've never really had any problems getting women but I think I have finally met my match and I don't know what to do.

Basically I work for a HR company and there's this girl that works on my floor but for a different team. I've often noticed her around as she is very beautiful but I've always dismissed her as she comes accross as someone I wouldn't have a chance in hell with.

Anyway about a couple of weeks ago now her team had some kind of award ceremony and they were allowing people in other teams to vote for people they think deserved some kind of recognition, but before this actually kicked off I was talking to a girl who works on my team and she was telling me that she heard from a friend that this girl has a crush on me. So as I'm quite confident I decided to put in a vote for this girl and I put the reason why I was voting for her was because she was gorgeous. Which I did just to kinda break the ice as before that I never really spoke to her. Well anyway she found out about this and she was blushing and she thanked me. So later on that day I sent her an email just basically saying well done for all the effort she put into the ceremony and a lot of people enjoyed it. The next day she emailed me back just saying thanks and then we started instant messaging. The first conversation we had was really weird. Anyway we were having a conversation and she was saying that she was really good at saying no, Here's how the convo went:

 

ME: so your really good at saying no

HER: yep

ME: OK, so if I was to ask you out then you would say no

HER: that's a bit pushy ain't it

ME: Well not really as I didn't actually ask you out, I was just checking to see how good you were at sayin no.

 

She then went onto to avoid the question totally and I never got an answer. The next day, we were chatting again and I thought I'm really tired now of beating around the bush and this was said:

 

ME: Look I'm really tired of beating round the bush, Do you fancy going for a drink sometime and no avoiding the question this time, just say either yes or no.

HER: But we work together

ME: Well we don't exactly work together. We work on different teams and have nothing to do with what each other do.

HER: But it'll be awkward

HER: I haven't been on a date in like a year.

ME: look all I'm saying is that we go for a drink and see what happens. Don't think of it as a date, just think of it as 2 friends going for a drink, that way there's no pressure on either of us. It's totally up to you.

HER: OK, I'll think about it.

Me: OK.

 

Now that was Friday afternoon and she didn't let me know all afternoon, so I left it. Later that night I went out with my friends and who should I bump into but her. We said hello, I bought her a drink and then we had a chat. She was telling me that she's seen me out a few times and once I bought her a drink and she was chatting to me but I didn't seem interested so she walked off. Now I must have been really drunk as I really do not remember this, but after a little while, she went off with her friends. By now I'm thinking I haven't got a chance and its never going to happen as she just doesn't give anything away. So on Monday, I was just going to ignore her until she gave me an answer, then she messaged me first asking if I had a good night on Friday and she commented that I left early. That afternoon we had a really good chat, just about general kinda stuff and just joking round, the same thing happened on Tuesday, we were just really getting to know each other but I started to realise that there was a totally different side to her then that what everyone else knows, it seems that she was starting to let her guard down and even she admitted this was the case. The thing is that everyone at work knows her as fun but also quite loud and a bit mad in a good way, but I started to realise that she is also a really sweet and caring girl.

Anyway on Wednesday I was on a course and she messaged me, here's how the convo went:

 

HER: are you missing me

ME: yeah…..

ME: like a really bad headache.

HER: your hard work, do u know that?

ME: well if I'm hard work then your impossible

ME: I was only jokin though, but if u mean have I been thinking about you, then the answers yes.

HER: ahhh your so sweet

ME: Well I try

HER: xxxx

ME: So do you think we're getting on well then?

HER: Yea I think we're getting on well, we should really go for lunch together though?

ME: yeah we could do, when did u have in mind.

HER: I'm not bothered whenever really.

ME: Ok then, what about Friday/

HER: Friday sounds great.

ME: By the way you did mean just us 2, didn't you

HER: It's up to you

ME: Well I'll just prefer it to be us 2

HER: Yeah so would I

 

So that was it, we had a date. Also it is some girls leaving do on Friday who works with us. I will be going to it but I heard that she wouldn't be going to it as she was going away that weekend. She then told me on the same day that we organised the lunch date that she will be going and will now go away on the Saturday instead. So all in all I left work that day really happy thinking things are finally looking up.

 

Then on Thursday we were having a really good chat again. I can't remember what started it but it went something like this:

 

ME: I can't wait until I finally get to spend sometime alone with you.

HER: ahhh, yeah that'll be nice

HER: don't worry it'll soon happen

 

(Now I'm thinking, wait a minute aren't we supposed to be going out tomorrow, but before I could say anything she says this)

 

HER: It might not be tomorrow now as I have to go to the town to get a couple of things, but I'm thinking you can take me out on a proper date.

ME: Well look its totally up to you, it would of been nice to spend sometime alone with you but if you've got things to do then that's cool.

HER: ahh your so sweet.

HER: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

So that was it, I would be lying if I said I weren't pissed off coz I so was, but at the same time I was thinking it can't be too bad as she kind of said I could take her out on a proper date. After that we didn't really speak again that day until I was leaving, I had to walk passed her but instead of ignoring her I thought I'll talk to her and say bye. So I went up to her and we had a chat, just general crap like how's your day been etc, but I started to realise that I'm really starting to like this girl. Then I was about to go and she said that she promises she'll come to my desk and talk to me tomorrow, so I was like ok.

 

Now on Friday, I said to myself that I'm sick of making the effort and she could. So I didn't message her all day, but I was talking to some of her friends and I was saying to them that she is coming to this girl's leaving do but they said No she's not coming. So I'm thinking why she told me she was coming, and if she changed her mind, she could have told me. So I was a bit annoyed with that plus work was just annoying me as well, so I was in a bit of a bad mood. One of her friends noticed this and asked if I was Ok and I just said that I was really busy. Now a lot of people noticed I wasn't my normal self and they were being really nice and checking if I was OK, yet she didn't say anything to me all day, not to see how I was or anything. Anyway this whole day she didn't say a word to me, then I went to talk to her friend who sits next to her and she was kinda telling me to go away and that I shouldn't be over there, so now I'm really confused and thinking what the hell is going on, so I just walked away.

 

I went home that night not knowing what to think. Now Monday I came back to work and I thought I'm going to give it one last shot, so I said this:

 

ME: Hey, how's are you? Did you have a good weekend?

HER: yea it was good thanks

HER: Look sorry if I was rude on Friday, its just that they watch my every move here.

HER: Its for your own benefit as well as they'll probably fire me if they see me not working.

ME: Na that's cool, I kind of figured that anyway. ( I totally lied) And your right it probably is for my benefit as well, what would I do without you here!

HER: Ahhhhh, xxxx

ME: Look I was wondering, seeing as you blew me out on Friday to go shopping, lol. Do you fancy going for lunch one day this week?

HER: Yeah sure, I'll have to let you know though, what day would suit me best.

ME: Yeah that's fine; just make sure you give me a bit of notice.

HER: Yeah, of course I will. xxxxx

 

So that was yesterday morning, I didn't speak to her for the rest of the day after that. I tried but this happened:

 

ME: hey, how's your day going? You look busy as usual!!

HER: I sure am

ME: Ok then, I'll leave u to get on with it.

HER: Thanks, xxxx

 

So now I'm at a loss, I'm just thinking that just a little bit of effort from her won't hurt. I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. I know something's going to come up and we're not going to end up going for lunch. The thing is I haven't crowded her and been too pushy, I've been quite the opposite to be honest and I've given her loads of space and there are times when she makes contact first. But its weird, when we organised that date everything seemed to be looking up and now it's like I'm lost I the middle of nowhere again. What does this girl want? She said she likes guys who are persistent and I've also been that, most guys would have given up by now but I'm still here. I know when it comes to things like this that its not a race and most women like to take their time but this is taking the biscuit.

 

Anyway if you've took the time to sit through this all, you are a true friend!! Please let me know what you think of my situation and ANY suggestions are greatly appreciated. Sorry this is sooo long but you don't know how good it feels to actually let it all out.

Thanks

[brando]

Just as I suspected...no replies. Not even from a woman. LOL

[jmantra]

Dude,

 

Hate to break the news to you but based on the conversations you had with her she doesn't seem that interested. Besides fishing the coporate pond is never a good idea, best to move on and let this one go.

 

And as far as what women want, no one can say what women really want because women are individuals that want different things, have different beliefs, and were each raised in a different environment. In other words they're human beings too and shouldn't be objectified.

[agent1607307371]

Just because she's good at saying no in a work setting doesn't mean she's so good at it when it comes to dating.

 

But to me she is saying no every way she can without actually saying it. Cut your losses..

 

 

Also, I want to be the best bass guitarist in the world. Do you think that means all women want that?

[slickspartan]

Ok this is what i thought, that she's not interested but just doesn't know how to tell me. But if this was the case, why would SHE ask me out for a lunch and then change her arrangements to come to a leaving do she wasn't planning on going to only when she found out I was going. Also 1 of her friends have told me she likes me and when she cancelled our first lunch date, she said that she was thinking I could take her out. Also why would she agree to another lunch date this week if she didn't like me. I'm getting so many mixed signals. Normally i wouldn't even bother but this girl is so worth it. It seemed that things were going well and then something happened and it all changed. But i don't know what happened. Also it might be helpful to know that she's been single for a year and hasn't been on a date that whole time.

[Honey Pumpkin]

It's all a bit mixed messagey, so to speak.

 

Why don't you ask her out on a specific date, at a specific time? Ask her to go out with you for a drink on xxxx, at xxx time. If she can't make it, let her suggest an alternative. If she doesn't give you a straight time/place (ie says that would be nice, maybe another time but without saying *when*), then I would forget about it.

[rusty_boi]

Ok well in my opinion shes keen, but she isnt 100%. I think there she has an underlying issue which you need to find out and hopefully help her overcome. The other thing "Is the juice worth the squeeze?" if you think shes worth investing more time and effort into then do it, if your meant to be you will end up together. I know it seems like your doing all the work but i dont think the positive is outweighing the negative so far. If it keeps happening though then move on. Its important that you try not to think of her as the be all end all, because that way you can get a clear head on what to do.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I see a big flaw going on here...

 

You are being too fuddy-duddy. Women like a man with confidence, a plan. None of this, "it is up to you..." or "whatever you want to do..." Many woman HATE that. Try not to be too much a pleaser, you are putting on a show and not being your true self. You should not have fibbed to her about to the extent you were annoyed with her and why. She will not respect you in that sense.

 

She is slipping away. She is giving you a bit of the run around...the "let me see if I am free" line. If you are still getting on well, ask her out, properly. Think of a place, time and when you will take her. Then ask her. If she says, "okay" then you played your cards right and she is still interested. If she is like..."well, I am not sure, I have to see what is going on," or "I am not sure if I have something to do, let me get back to you..." then you missed your chance. Move on. Stop chatting with her on IM after that. There are plenty of other women out there to ask out.

 

What women want? They want a man with a PLAN! None of this "well, what do you want to do?" or "It is up to you..." or give a call when you are free..." stuff. They want to wooed, they want to be asked out on a proper date. I always liked it when a guy had everything planned out. It shows confidence and that he has his act together, and that he has given it some thought.

 

I hope everything works out. Good luck.

[Day_Walker]

I would take advice from women about what they want with a grain of salt. The typical answers you will get are just going to be what that particular girl likes and probably wont help you with that girl. I am an advocate for acting like yourself and if a girl isnt interested then move on. After reading what happened between you two, I would say that she does not have an interest in you. It sounds like she is into another person, probably an emotional attachment but this is not beneficial to you. I would say let this one go and move on.

[BetterKarma]

I agree with Kellbell.

 

Both of you are being really wishy-washy. You never really asked her on a date and she's never really said "no, i'm not interested." To me, she seems interested but is very flirty and shy. I've played that game before because I wanted the guy to take charge and really ask me out on a date rather than say "let's hang out some time." I could be wrong but why don't you just bite the bullet and ask her out on an official date with a date, time, and place?

What have you got to lose? The worse she can say is "No" but you will finally have your answer without driving yourself insane.

[Dating Coach]

You gave me a lot to respond to, so this reply is likely going to be interrupted by a few phone calls before I get finished...

 

To start with, you blew it. Sorry to say it brother, but it's blown and it would be best to cut your losses now, shrug your shoulders, and move on.

 

Let's take a look.

 

So as I'm quite confident I decided to put in a vote for this girl and I put the reason why I was voting for her was because she was gorgeous. Which I did just to kinda break the ice as before that I never really spoke to her. Well anyway she found out about this and she was blushing and she thanked me.

 

I'm not fond of that approach at all. For one, it's superficial. Two, it's kind of a weak way to express your interest. Three, you let her know what you thought of her before she even met you.

 

If you thought she was cute then I'm sure you could have found a way to "bump" into her and have a conversation. The best places are at Happy Hour type settings.

 

So later on that day I sent her an email just basically saying well done for all the effort she put into the ceremony and a lot of people enjoyed it. The next day she emailed me back just saying thanks and then we started instant messaging.

 

First, you should have been getting to know her in person as much as possible and keeping the impersonal boring IMing down to a minimum. Iming isn't half as fun as talking to someone in person and it also exudes weakness because it can imply that you're not confident enough to carry a conversation in person. Not only that, but you also deprive yourself of nonverbal communication which only leads to more confusion-as you ended up experiencing.

 

The first conversation we had was really weird. Anyway we were having a conversation and she was saying that she was really good at saying no, Here's how the convo went:

 

ME: so your really good at saying no

HER: yep

ME: OK, so if I was to ask you out then you would say no

HER: that's a bit pushy ain't it

ME: Well not really as I didn't actually ask you out, I was just checking to see how good you were at sayin no.

 

She then went onto to avoid the question totally and I never got an answer.

 

She avoided the question? I'm sorry brother but you avoided the question. You never asked the question. Not only that, but you did nothing but hint. Hinting shows a lack of confidence, plus you basically started off by acting like you expected to be rejected. Everything you've done so far was exude a low level of self confidence. Women really respond well to someone with a high level of confidence, someone who doesn't hesitate, someone who takes charge, someone who goes after what they want. You've done none of these things. In fact, you've done the opposite.

 

The next day, we were chatting again and I thought I'm really tired now of beating around the bush and this was said:

 

ME: Look I'm really tired of beating round the bush, Do you fancy going for a drink sometime and no avoiding the question this time, just say either yes or no.

HER: But we work together

ME: Well we don't exactly work together. We work on different teams and have nothing to do with what each other do.

HER: But it'll be awkward

HER: I haven't been on a date in like a year.

ME: look all I'm saying is that we go for a drink and see what happens. Don't think of it as a date, just think of it as 2 friends going for a drink, that way there's no pressure on either of us. It's totally up to you.

HER: OK, I'll think about it.

Me: OK.

 

Allow me to quote this conversation from what I suspect is her point of view:

 

YOU: I'm tired of me hinting and you not giving me a clear answer. I really want to take you out on a date. Yes or no?

 

HER: He's acting impatient when he's never even asked me out? I think it's best if I avoid this one. No.

 

YOU: That rejection didn't register with me. Will you go on a date with me?

 

HER: No.

 

YOU: Please, I am so into you and would even settle for us just hanging out as friends to see if perhaps I can convince you to like me more. What do you say?

 

HER: He's not taking a hint. I'll just buy time and get out of this awkward situation by telling him maybe. Maybe.

 

YOU: I'll settle for this.

 

This was not a good exchange. There was no flirting, there was no fun, it was just pressure pressure pressure on her to accept a date with you. This has gone all wrong already.

You could have been flirting with her, teasing her, having a blast, etc at a Happy Hour or if there were none that you know of you could have organized one. You could even have found a reason to "bump into her at work to carry on a short yet better face to face conversation but instead you've resorted to relying on IMing and pestering her. I'm not trying to be rude at all, but if you want help then you have to take a good look at what you did wrong.

 

Now that was Friday afternoon and she didn't let me know all afternoon, so I left it.

 

Of course she didn't. Being pressured by you or having you beg more isn't on really at the top of her "to do" list.

 

Later that night I went out with my friends and who should I bump into but her.

 

Did you really just "bump" into her or did you have a suspicion that she may be present at that location? I bet in her mind she was suspecting this.

 

We said hello, I bought her a drink and then we had a chat. She was telling me that she's seen me out a few times and once I bought her a drink and she was chatting to me but I didn't seem interested so she walked off. Now I must have been really drunk as I really do not remember this, but after a little while, she went off with her friends.

 

You didn't seem too into what she had to say and she left. It looks like she took the opportunity to bail.

 

By now I'm thinking I haven't got a chance and its never going to happen as she just doesn't give anything away. So on Monday, I was just going to ignore her until she gave me an answer...

 

She's actually given you an answer already you just haven't picked up on it. Besides, going on about your daily routine is one thing, but pointedly ignoring someone who has not done anything to you is not cool. It does not reflect well on you to behave in this manner.

 

then she messaged me first asking if I had a good night on Friday and she commented that I left early. That afternoon we had a really good chat, just about general kinda stuff and just joking round, the same thing happened on Tuesday, we were just really getting to know each other but I started to realise that there was a totally different side to her then that what everyone else knows, it seems that she was starting to let her guard down and even she admitted this was the case. The thing is that everyone at work knows her as fun but also quite loud and a bit mad in a good way, but I started to realise that she is also a really sweet and caring girl.

 

This is the only part I find contradictory. Her actions in the beginning and in the end all suggest that she has no interest at all. During this segment her behavior is different than at other times and the question is why?

The only thing that I can think of is that perhaps her friends told her that they thought you were really cute, and in addition you probably weren't as overbearing on her when talking in person. Maybe she thought she'd talk to you a little more to feel her way in. Or maybe it's possible she thought one of your friends were attractive. Or, if you want to get simple, maybe she likes the attention. As we go on though she reverts to her efforts of avoiding the hook-up.

 

Anyway on Wednesday I was on a course and she messaged me, here's how the convo went:

 

HER: are you missing me

ME: yeah…..

ME: like a really bad headache.

HER: your hard work, do u know that?

ME: well if I'm hard work then your impossible

ME: I was only jokin though, but if u mean have I been thinking about you, then the answers yes.

 

You're basically taking all of the challenge out of it. You're telling her that if she wants you she can have you because you liek her that much already. It's overbearing, it's easy, it's not a challenge, it's not fun. You guys haven't even gone on one date but you're telling her that you've been thinking about her alot.

 

HER: ahhh your so sweet

ME: Well I try

HER: xxxx

ME: So do you think we're getting on well then?

HER: Yea I think we're getting on well, we should really go for lunch together though?

ME: yeah we could do, when did u have in mind.

HER: I'm not bothered whenever really.

ME: Ok then, what about Friday/

HER: Friday sounds great.

ME: By the way you did mean just us 2, didn't you

HER: It's up to you

ME: Well I'll just prefer it to be us 2

HER: Yeah so would I

 

So that was it, we had a date. Also it is some girls leaving do on Friday who works with us. I will be going to it but I heard that she wouldn't be going to it as she was going away that weekend. She then told me on the same day that we organised the lunch date that she will be going and will now go away on the Saturday instead. So all in all I left work that day really happy thinking things are finally looking up.

 

This lends support to either her being a complete flake, or as an attention sponge. She appeared eager but then made up excuses to get out of it.

 

Then on Thursday we were having a really good chat again. I can't remember what started it but it went something like this:

 

ME: I can't wait until I finally get to spend sometime alone with you.

HER: ahhh, yeah that'll be nice

HER: don't worry it'll soon happen

 

(Now I'm thinking, wait a minute aren't we supposed to be going out tomorrow, but before I could say anything she says this)

 

HER: It might not be tomorrow now as I have to go to the town to get a couple of things, but I'm thinking you can take me out on a proper date.

ME: Well look its totally up to you, it would of been nice to spend sometime alone with you but if you've got things to do then that's cool.

HER: ahh your so sweet.

HER: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

So that was it, I would be lying if I said I weren't pissed off coz I so was, but at the same time I was thinking it can't be too bad as she kind of said I could take her out on a proper date. After that we didn't really speak again that day until I was leaving, I had to walk passed her but instead of ignoring her I thought I'll talk to her and say bye. So I went up to her and we had a chat, just general crap like how's your day been etc, but I started to realise that I'm really starting to like this girl. Then I was about to go and she said that she promises she'll come to my desk and talk to me tomorrow, so I was like ok.

 

Now on Friday, I said to myself that I'm sick of making the effort and she could. So I didn't message her all day, but I was talking to some of her friends and I was saying to them that she is coming to this girl's leaving do but they said No she's not coming. So I'm thinking why she told me she was coming, and if she changed her mind, she could have told me.

 

So I was a bit annoyed with that plus work was just annoying me as well, so I was in a bit of a bad mood. One of her friends noticed this and asked if I was Ok and I just said that I was really busy. Now a lot of people noticed I wasn't my normal self and they were being really nice and checking if I was OK, yet she didn't say anything to me all day, not to see how I was or anything. Anyway this whole day she didn't say a word to me, then I went to talk to her friend who sits next to her and she was kinda telling me to go away and that I shouldn't be over there, so now I'm really confused and thinking what the hell is going on, so I just walked away.

 

She's hugely disrespecting you and was rude to the extreme. She clearly isn't interested in you and treated you like dirt. When she did this you should have laughed and walked off planning on not pursuing any more conversation with her. She should have been done at this point in your mind. If she tried to talk to you again you should have been polite but should have excused yourself from the conversation and walked away. Let's see what you do...

 

I went home that night not knowing what to think. Now Monday I came back to work and I thought I'm going to give it one last shot, so I said this:

 

ME: Hey, how's are you? Did you have a good weekend?

HER: yea it was good thanks

HER: Look sorry if I was rude on Friday, its just that they watch my every move here.

HER: Its for your own benefit as well as they'll probably fire me if they see me not working.

ME: Na that's cool, I kind of figured that anyway. ( I totally lied) And your right it probably is for my benefit as well, what would I do without you here!

HER: Ahhhhh, xxxx

ME: Look I was wondering, seeing as you blew me out on Friday to go shopping, lol. Do you fancy going for lunch one day this week?

HER: Yeah sure, I'll have to let you know though, what day would suit me best.

ME: Yeah that's fine; just make sure you give me a bit of notice.

HER: Yeah, of course I will. xxxxx

 

You had every right to feel disrespected and there is no excuse for her acting the way she did. Instead of moving on you show her that you have no spine and will ignore verbal abuse and disrespect. Basically, you show her that she's got you.

 

So that was yesterday morning, I didn't speak to her for the rest of the day after that. I tried but this happened:

 

ME: hey, how's your day going? You look busy as usual!!

HER: I sure am

ME: Ok then, I'll leave u to get on with it.

HER: Thanks, xxxx

 

"I'm going to leave you alone" "Thanks". She's glad she doesn't have to pretend niceness and talk to you. She's not interested. Not in the least. Move on.

 

So now I'm at a loss, I'm just thinking that just a little bit of effort from her won't hurt. I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. I know something's going to come up and we're not going to end up going for lunch. The thing is I haven't crowded her and been too pushy, I've been quite the opposite to be honest and I've given her loads of space and there are times when she makes contact first. But its weird, when we organised that date everything seemed to be looking up and now it's like I'm lost I the middle of nowhere again. What does this girl want? She said she likes guys who are persistent and I've also been that, most guys would have given up by now but I'm still here. I know when it comes to things like this that its not a race and most women like to take their time but this is taking the biscuit.

 

Anyway if you've took the time to sit through this all, you are a true friend!! Please let me know what you think of my situation and ANY suggestions are greatly appreciated. Sorry this is sooo long but you don't know how good it feels to actually let it all out.

Thanks

 

What you do from here is forget her. She becomes a regular person at your work. You don't have to be rude, impolite, etc, but move on completely. If she IM's you seeking attention, be courteous but excuse yourself in a way that doesn't tell her flat out that you are trying to ignore her. Don't make any effort to continue the conversation and have a legit reason for excusing yourself. Never IM her again. If she talks to you, be professional, smile, even laugh, but don't initiate conversation and find a legit excuse to get out of the conversation. She gets no attention from you, and you don't show her how much this bothered you. Be mature and move on.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I think she simply isn't that keen on you..I'm not getting any passion, real flirtation etc. here.