bogie78 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 We're coming up close to our wedding and thinking about the honeymoon is stressing me out. We've known each other for about five years and been together for the last two. The crazy thing for most people to believe is that we're in our mid twenties and have been waiting to have sex until marriage. We've both waited to this point and nether of us have had sex before. This is very important to both of us and I want it to be very special for her. Of course we understand the mechanics of the issue, but I'm seeking advice for making it more comfortable for her and for side stepping possible pitfalls people tend to make. What music is best, candles/scents, techniques, etc. We're staying at a nice resort for the honeymoon with the big tub and everything. I'd really appreciate any constructive advice anyone can give. Thanks Link to comment
Scout Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Well...you've probably read how important it is for women to feel an emotional connection during sex. So, instead of worrying about candles and technique, concentrate on how you two will be relating before you have sex. Make it a very close day...with affection and good conversation. Make sure to hug/put your arm around her/hold her hand. Talk with her about your upcoming life together, your hopes, your dreams...and include some laughter in there, as well! Make sure you two do a fun activity together the first day of your honeymoon. Or go for a long walk. (If by any chance you two are going to your honeymoon straight from your wedding and you're both exhausted, it's PERFECTLY OK to not have sex the first night!!! Remember, this is something you've been looking forward to, not an ordeal. You want the first time to be loving. It may be perfect in it's very own way, just from working on that premise.) The point is to create a loving, relaxed aura around both of you when you finally have this close physical act together. But if none of that works, stock up on Yankee Candles' "Ye Olde Multiple Orgasm" scent. It never fails. Link to comment
Juliana Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 No, there is no "orgasm producing" candle. All you guys can stop looking it up online now. Scout gave you great advice. Just relax and think about her, not the act, and certainly not the accessories -- candles, sheets, etc., none of that matters as much as telling her that you love her. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 bogie78, It's nice to hear your story and i wish you and your wife good luck in your marriage.I'm a 36 year old virgin female and i hope to lose my virginity via LT boyfriend or husband.Your story is an inspiration to me and other virgins who are waiting for sex with commitment. Link to comment
constantine Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 My input is: Don't get your hopes up. It probably won't be perfect the first time (in a physical sense), especially since you both are virgins. Don't worry so much about candles, scents, rose petals, and the whole shizam. It's a special event but doesn't need to be overdone. Just be comfortable. Good luck & congratulations. Link to comment
Dako Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 The nice lady on the phone at Yankee Candle was puzzled by my request. The ladies here are giving you great advice. It's all about the love and caring. I had no sex on my honeymoon, and it was magnificent. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 since she is a virgin, it will probably be painful, or uncomfortable the first several or dozen times or so. the best bet is to buy lots of lube and to go slow. I actually read a statistic somewhere that 35% of people do not have sex on their wedding night! they are either too nervous, or they are too pooped from the long day! anyways, best just to relax and go slow. hm. dako, that is very odd. Yankee Candle processed my order just fine! hmmmm.... maybe you should call back and ask for a different operator? Link to comment
n83 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I'd like to add something.. Most people's first time is not this passionate romantic thing you see on TV/movies.. have a sense of humor about the awkwardness. Don't stress making it "perfect" or anything, because in all honesty it probably wont be. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 LOL... like "American Pie." Vicki: "I want our first time to be perfect - perfect time, perfect place...." Vicki's friend: "It's sex, not a space shuttle launch." Link to comment
bogie78 Posted October 16, 2006 Author Share Posted October 16, 2006 Thats pretty much the what I've been going by so far. I know its going to be far from perfect on the first night and for a while thereafter until we both get comfortable. I'm pretty sure we'll be waiting until we actually get to the honeymoon location the next day. After our conversation the other night, she is actually expecting a comfortable/nice set up with the music and all. She really wants to be relaxed because her hymen is completely intact. I do really well at relaxing her for everything else, but she feals she needs the little extra for her to be comfortable that night. Link to comment
NJRon Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Soft lights... red silk scarves over the lamps work nicely (make sure they don't *touch* the bulb... oops ) Soft music... preferably without lyrics... just playing in the background. Maybe a hot bath and a nice massage... Don't stress out too much and don't go overboard as you want things to be *relaxed*. Don't worry about anything that is out of place... just move along. The idea is relaxation. Too much build-up or contrivance will cause tension. Breathe Link to comment
candy604 Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 haha just makes sure u don't come in 5 mins or something b/c ur too excited that would be horrible. maybe read up on some books on how to pleasure her too? Link to comment
justpaisley Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 Y'all are cracking me up with the candle stuff. My husband and I were both virgins on our wedding night, too. You have to know that it will most likely hurt her, and she may bleed. It hurt me for 5 full days, I could hardly walk. (Little embarrassing limping to lunch and sitting gingerly with my parents the next day.) Just know that with time, it will get better, and hurting her is not your fault. After 5 days of sex with my husband hurting me, I called my stepmom to ask for advice. She put the phone down to laugh for a few minutes (I could hear my dad in the background going "what's wrong with you?") then came back on, still giggling, and said "Try baby oil, and have a few glasses of wine." Now I hate wine, except for the super sweet stuff. So on the 5th day of holy matrimony, I downed a bottle of Arbor Mist (gag), squirted my husband with a bottle of baby oil (which he had next to his bed, gee golly whiz I just don't know why) and we got it on. It was AWESOME. We giggled a lot, which relaxed me, and the tiny bit of alcohol in the Arbor Mist relaxed me. I had never had a problem with lubrication before, but I think the anticipation of pain dried me up every time we had tried having sex till that point. Good Lord, I am so embarrassed right now. Anyway, we have honestly never had a problem since that day. I think the ice had to be broken. Our hotel room was just right, we had soft music playing, the lights were down low, we had a ton of foreplay... I was totally ready, but I just had a mental block that it would hurt, so it did. Alcohol and baby oil, a virgin wife's best friend. Congratulations on waiting - I consider it to be one of the best decisions I've made in my life. You won't regret it! Link to comment
Scout Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 haha just makes sure u don't come in 5 mins or something b/c ur too excited that would be horrible. I disagree, it would be entirely understandable given they have been together for so long and all the sexual tension that has probably built up by now. In fact, with that in mind, I would be shocked if you lasted longer than three minutes the first time, lol. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 lol. especially if she is in pain the first time, I think she would really appreciate him lasting 3 minutes!!! Link to comment
quietgrl Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 Thanks for the sex tips.Ouch! I hope i won't be hurting for 5 days after i lose my virginity to my husband or Lt boyfriend. Link to comment
justpaisley Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 lol. especially if she is in pain the first time, I think she would really appreciate him lasting 3 minutes!!! EXACTLY. I hurt so much the first time I couldn't wait for it to be over! Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 22, 2006 Share Posted October 22, 2006 EXACTLY. I hurt so much the first time I couldn't wait for it to be over! yup, pretty much like mine. Link to comment
kelkel Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Congratualtions on waiting, make my heart so happy to know i am not alone I have the knowledge, and i am an 'experienced virgin'? i only got this concept from this site, i am highly sexual it is amazing i lasted this long, and i intend to be less explorative, but i am just one of those people that dont find ignorance to be bliss!! Paisely80, THANK YOU, i needed to hear that Congratulations on waiting - I consider it to be one of the best decisions I've made in my life. You won't regret it! i get so horny sometimes i dont think i can wait, and then everyone else isnt a virgin i dont have much support and i pretty much almost wanting to give it, the irony is, it is the guy that i am intrested in who is encouraging me to wait because it is something i have always wanted and i wont want to live in regret anyway all said and done CONGRATUALTIONS again! it will be wonderful, you will be with her for the rest of your life so no need to rush, enjoy every moment, it only will come ONCE ! Link to comment
quietgrl Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 kelkel, You should be glad your bf wants you to wait that's a virgin woman dream bf. kelkel you're not alone as a virgin female because I'm a 36 year old female virgin. Link to comment
lucia Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Hey you guys are making it sound like loosing a virginity is such an awful and painful experiance. Don't scare the poor guy. There are women out there who don't experiance any pain during their first time. I was one of them and my first time was very very romantic. Link to comment
quietgrl Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 I hope i'm one of the lucky virgin women and not experiences pain Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 if you use a vibrator or dildo, you should be ok. if you've never been penetrated at all, sex as your first penetration should not feel so good. Link to comment
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