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Is this a legit reason to be mad or am I over-reacting???


shep88ner
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ok...here's the background...i have been dating this girl for 9 months. she used to be best friends with this guy 2 houses down from her. their parents are friends and they've known eachother since elementry school. well, this guy also happens to be kind of a friend to me. he was on my baseball team for 3 years and my parents used to be best friends with his parents. so we kinda know eachother but dont really talk that much.

 

well newho, my girlfriend (ashley) and this guy (matt) started drifting apart as friends once highschool hit, he went with the popular jocks, she went with the band kids. so he started being a "jerk" to her n treated her badly infront of his friends to show off. so for this whole 9 months they havent talked at all n she always had something negative to say bout him.

 

so one day, me n ashley got into a fight n she was driving around lookin for me and she stoped in to the lil store he works at to buy a drink. she was really in a bad mind set to drive so matt, outta nowhere, asks her in full detail what happened n if she was ok....then takes her keys n says she cant drive till she settled down. (first words in 8 months). so suddenly, matt is the nicest guy in the world.

 

after this, matt called ashley a couple times a week for some stuff, homework n stuff like that...5min convo's. then after a week, they drifted apart again. then we got into another fight n she told me she'd invite someone else to go to her meeting with her. so with me sitting right there, she calls matt n asks him to go with her instead. (to piss me off). so all that worked out n he didnt go n i did...but then, he starts callin almost every day since that. 20-25-30min conversations.

 

then i leave for college and the very first day im gone they hang out. n within a couple hours, he tried to hold her hand and kiss her. she didnt do it but he still tried his hardest to get her to cheat on me. she told me this 2 weeks later n she said she "talked to him about it". well, im still not cool with that idea. so every night to this day they talk allll the time, 20-25min conversations bout god knows what. n i asked her why she's so fine with the fact he tried to get her to cheat on me, n all she says is "we talked about it". n she's still all buddy-buddy with him n id much prefer her to stop talkin to him n stop being his friend. her excuse was to me "her parents are making her be nice to him because they dont want her to be a * * * * *y girl" this is the exact same excuse i got for why she still talks to her ex. bf who she called "her first love".

 

i had an ex. gf message me online once tellin askin how i was doing. (that's all!) and she got pissed off n yelled at her to leave me alone n that i hated her. but then she does this with matt n expects me to be cool with it.

 

last night we broke up over it, i dont know how official our breakup is because we've "broke up" like, 3 other times...but this one might be for real.

 

did i over-react or do you all feel this is a situation in which me gettin pissed was alright?

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I definitely agree with you on this one. If she expects you to let go of your ex, then the same rules should apply to her. As long as you talked about this, and she wasn't willing to change her mind...well, there really isn't anything to be done about it. You have to make your own decision about whether you wish to stay with her or not. If she is not willing to let go of Matt, and you are unwilling to put up with that....then, it is better to make this breakup permanent.

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I definitely don't think you are over reacting. This guy sounds like bad news! Just the way their friendship came about doesn't seem right. He would hardly talk to her and made fun of her, and all the sudden they are just best friends?

 

When somebody outside of the relationship tries to make a person cheat, that is so disrespectful and not right at all! But the one to blame is your girlfriend. She is disrespecting you even more because she's continuing to be friends with this guy and pretending like it's ok when obviously it's not ok, not for you.

 

I can understand her not being rude to this guy because his family is her family's friend, but there's a difference between being nice.

 

And really, if she's going to throw fits about you talking to your ex, why would she even think that it would be ok for her?

 

Honestly, she sounds insecure to me. And because of that she likes any kind of attention from guys. She might not have feelings for this guy, but she sure likes his attention. Unfortunantely, it seems like she likes his attention more than she cares to make you happy.

 

You tried to tell her how you felt. She's obviously not going to change the situation, not any time soon. You need to stick up for youself here. And by that, you just need to not give in and only take what you deserve. What she's doing is not ok.. you are feeling disrespected and for a good reason.

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I don't think you're overreacting at all. She seems to be showing you that she is neither considerate nor respectful of your feelings. She also seems to be very unwilling to communicate with you. You should let her know that if you guys should decide to stay together then the communication and the trust has to be there. Lack of these two things is one the most prevelant factors in the failure of relationships. If you don't have that, then there's nothing to build on and the relationship goes nowhere. You guys need to indentify and discuss these issues if you are going to continue on together.

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I don't think you are over reacting. You did what you thought was best in a situation like this.

 

Just a friendly reminder, please don't think of this as mean, if I were you I wouldn't use your friends' names in posts due to the fact they or anyone else who knows you all might stumble upon this post and be offended and create a bigger mess. I know that a lot of people find a lot of things on the internet about their friends and information can get the gossip mill rolling. Just wanted to give you a warning.

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There is a flaw with how you've been handling the relationship all along which involves her manipulating you and you not sticking up for yourself enough. That's the reason why she has this double standard working in her favor where she can talk to her ex with no consequences and you can't talk to yours or she'll go off on you. Also the jealousy game she played with you for that meeting, you got manipulated ad didn't react right. Personally I would've called her on her BS and ripped her a new one. She would've had to apologize like crazy just to get me to be with her again.

 

Girls get bored with guys who they can manipulate. They don't respect them. All of this leads to getting dumped and/or getting cheated on. The situation with this other guy is completely unacceptable, either she drops him or you drop her.

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