Loneliness (a reflection)

[renaissancewoman101]

Going to grad school is a good thing. I am working towards becoming a teacher. I have fun interacting with kindergarteners twice a week. Tomorrow I have school again and classroom time with the kindergarteners. School is fun. I am learning a lot. Getting a better perspective on education and teaching, the second time around. Have made some acquaintances from classes.

 

Yet, I am still very lonely out here. I have a few acquaintances and one or two friends. I have no SO but that isnt a priority right now. School keeps me busy (have group projects and stuff). But the people who are in classes with me are more intent on their studies and not intent on being friends. It isn't like undergrad where people were more social and more intent on being friends.

 

I need you guys to talk to me about the pros and cons of reconnecting with T. When you guys are lonely, do you ever think of reconnecting with someone who is toxic to you, even though they are bad for you? Do you ever think of reconnecting so you have someone in your life (although they may not be good for you) because it helps to relieve the loneliness and give you something to think about besides your pain?

 

Part of me misses T a lot and wants to reconnect. I may be looking at this through rose colored glasses. I want to get a wake up call before I go blundering into this mess, if this is EVEN a good idea. Someone told me that if I reconnected with T, it would be a mistake because he would treat me badly like he did before.

 

Head me off at the pass before I do something stupid because of my loneliness.

 

Thanks!

[CarnelianButterfly]

Take off the glasses and smash them on the ground!

 

He used you, treated you horribly, and could have messed up your whole life.

 

DO NOT CONTACT HIM!

[WorkNProgress]

Hello,

 

I have followed some of your posts and the main theme is loneliness. Yes being single can get lonely sometimes but try not to focus so much on that element. Going back to someone who was toxic is not a good idea. That would be like a battered wife asking "since I am lonely do you think I should go back to my abusive husband?" What would you tell that person? You would say the most common response.....no.

 

There is a website link removed It is a website that lists clubs in your area. From political, ethnic, and hobbies. Also Craigslist in the Groups section you can find others who have the same interests as you. Perhaps put an ad up saying these are the things you like to do and if any likeminded people would like to meet up.

 

To combat loneliness is not to count on someone else for your happiness. You and only you can do that for yourself. I say you are better off by yourself then back in a toxic relationship.

[rightfromthestart]

if a relationship is what u are thinking about regardingcontacting someone who was toxic - DO NOT DO THAT.

if it is simply to chat and shoot the breeze - sure. as long as things are no longer toxic.

figure out why you are thinking about that, whether it is doable, and make your own decision.

[TheRedQueen]

Take off the glasses and smash them on the ground!

 

He used you, treated you horribly, and could have messed up your whole life.

 

DO NOT CONTACT HIM!

 

Ditto. [-X [-X [-X

[rightfromthestart]

if contacting someone is something u can't handle and will only be bad - do not even give it another thought. sometimes, it is best to never contact someone again. so, while some can because they are confident and secure - some can't because it would be problematic - either reason is kewl.

[renaissancewoman101]

Thanks, you guys. It is always good to come here and get a voice of reason, rather than blundering into the wrong things myself. At least I have you guys here. That helps with the loneliness.

[WorkNProgress]

Although everyone is here you shouldn't use this as your only avenue for interaction with people. Virtual friends are great but you also need real life friends to do things with. Going to the movies, drinks, the beach, etc.

[Beyondthesea]

The only person in the world who can 'fill the void' for you, is you. RW, you depend so much on others to make or break you, when it's really only you who is able to do that.

 

You need to look inside and find out why you are so dependent on others to make you happy. Then find out why you aren't making yourself happy.

 

Peace love and hugs.

[renaissancewoman101]

I'm doing ok. I have school again today and I get to work with the little kids later on this afternoon. I was just having a hard time yesterday. Life is not easy and I struggle along just like the best of us.

[Ms. Babydoll]

Take off the glasses and smash them on the ground!

 

He used you, treated you horribly, and could have messed up your whole life.

 

DO NOT CONTACT HIM!

 

I can't agree more

[GottaLetItBurn]

I see that everyone knows you have some ex that they are telling you not to contact. Well recently I have had a lot of thoughts that have are really starting to set in over this girl that I want to try and still be friends with. SHe used me though, betrayed me, abandoned me. Then she asks why cant I call her...after getting dumped by the ex she went back to over me.

 

Now, see, those little thoughts of only remembering the good times would take over my mind. Now, not anymore. I remember everytime I get a text from her and she is looking for a confidence boost.

 

Why would I want to be her friend? She is a worthless person, who can go off and be happy..with out me. I didn't lose her, she lost me. She is a user.

 

This guy mistreats you? He will only do it again, remind YOURSELF: He is a worthless person. Why would you want to be friends with someone that did: whatever he did to hurt you.

 

Being lonely is part of being single. Lonely..hmmm..is not being lonely but being with a person that makes you feel miserable better??

 

I don't know your situation, but take the second opinions that your mind isn't giving you. Don't contact who ever they are saying not to contact.

[Aurian]

Take off the glasses and smash them on the ground!

 

He used you, treated you horribly, and could have messed up your whole life.

 

DO NOT CONTACT HIM!

 

Ren, I don't think I have posted in your threads before, but I have read and noticed you around. I third this. [-( [-X =;

 

I know its lonely right now. I am going through the same feeling of loneliness. But there are worse things. Going back would invite one of those worse things.

[Batya33]

Thanks, you guys. It is always good to come here and get a voice of reason, rather than blundering into the wrong things myself. At least I have you guys here. That helps with the loneliness.

 

Need is a great basis for a short term relationship. Long term and healthy relationships require that you enter into them from a position of self-esteem and strength. It's almost insulting to reach out to another person intimately just because you're lonely.

[Aurian]

Need is a great basis for a short term relationship. Long term and healthy relationships require that you enter into them from a position of self-esteem and strength. It's almost insulting to reach out to another person intimately just because you're lonely.

 

Agreed. I feel very lonely and in need of loving contact myself, but I know that it wouldn't be right to look for someone until I've cleaned myself up and am strong. It wouldn't be respectful of the other person (I KNOW I would be clingy and moody right now and they wouldn't get to know the REAL me. More importantly, it wouldn't be respectful to myself.