Great Date; no call

[Medusa]

I recently re-entered the dating scene after a horror of a 2 1/2 yr relationship which ended last week.

 

Ok so I met this guy and on the first night we hung out talked about our goals and etc we really hit it off,he asked if he could hold my hand and i said I don't think i would be ready for that yet because i'd like to be friends first, to feel him out and he was fine with that.

 

2nd night/date we had a great time again talking and what not and he kissed me at the end of the date, thats when i felt abit strange because i was sure if that would ruin getting to know him better as a person

but we talked about it and it didn't change anything really

 

3rd night/date had fun again this time we made out quite abit there was alot of hugging and he told me that he doesn't want to push me away or rush me and that he loves spending time with me and looks forward to it.He asked me where we "stood" and i said i didn't know i assumed we where "dating" he took it well, but was just at a lost as i was at how to apporoach what we where doing.

 

Ok after that date we spoke briefly online and he hasn't made contact since.did something go wrong?.I don't want to call or text him because i don't want to come off as "clingy" I just want to know if he's alright or still interested.What would you do

[rose2summer]

Men have a rebound radar,

 

I am sure he senses the leftover wounds,

 

From your recently ended relationship,

 

I have no idea how men can sense it,

 

But someone told me that's the case,

 

And I think it is true.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[Day_Walker]

It is hard to say what his exact motives are but at this point you really just dont know what is going through his head. It is your decision if you want contact him in some way. If you are going to do it then I would do it by text or an indirect means of communication rather than on the phone.

[andlamv]

I would try to get a hold of him, if something seems shady about why or if not been able to contact each other then stay away from him.

[Medusa]

Thats a very negitive way of seeing it lol,He can't be a rebound if we're not really "dating" and aren't intimate.I said I wasn't wanting to rush and so did he, he knows i'm not looking for a rebound or to hurt him I made that totally clear on the first night.

 

Its human nature to have "wounds",he told me his wounds infact he got very emotional and personal. but i doubt that( leftover wounds) are the reason,but i understand some men are tenderfoots when it comes to dating.

 

Thank you for the hug and input ^_^

[BellaDonna]

I don't think it would hurt to contact him. Keep it casual and friendly (i.e. don't say "why havent' you called me"? something more like, "I wanted to see how you were doing" is less threatening)

 

It sounds like he was interested in you.

 

He might be tired of the ball being in his court, and wants some reassurance that you're into him.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Medusa]

Thanks Andlamv,

 

I don't have a shady feeling in the least at the moment,trust me if i did i would have chucked him out of my mind lol.But I will make sure to trust my gut.

[Medusa]

Day-walker, I was thinking the same thing but I don't know if texting would be to pushy and words can be misunderstood went not said aloud =(.

 

Thanks for your thoughts

[zer0effect]

you had a 2.5 year relationship that ended a week ago. I wouldn't worry too much about this guy, worry more about yourself. You shouldn't be jumping into the dating scene so quickly and already doubting yourself, thinking ahead and so on. I would take another week off or so and take it easy. If I found out the girl I was dating who I just hooked up with just got out of a 2.5 year relationship a week ago, I would be very wary that I was just a rebound and that the chances of you running back, your ex pursing you, or comparing him to your recently ended relationship are very high.

 

I don't know your situation, maybe you ended it a week ago but have been broken up mentally for sometime. If you really feel ready to date again, I wouldn't talk much if at all about your situation without scaring people away, or seeing you as a quick hookup. With this guy though, it sounds like you started hitting it off, he seems to be quick to feel something for you, holding hands, etc.. Maybe he is afraid of getting hurt, maybe pursue him a bit, assure him you are genuine and not using him as a quick fix.

[Medusa]

Thank you Bella Donna,

 

what you said makes quite alot of sense,he has been reaching out to me more then I have to him so perhaps you are right he does want to see if come on to him.

[Batya33]

A few things. If you are going to contact him I think texting is a bad idea. Pick up the phone and call him. You will not know if he received the text, will not know if your words were misinterpreted and if you don't want to seem pushy to me a text is just as "pushy" just more transparent/indirect.

 

Also, if I go out with someone three times unless we have a specific time/place for our next date I assume I probably won't hear from him again. That sounds negative but it is they way I self-protect. It is too soon for us to have an understanding and it is only three dates. If he is into you, he will call and after three dates I don't think he should feel put upon in having to call for fourth date.

 

Finally, as much as it is nice to bond over stories about exes, etc that can backfire and make the date feel more like a therapy session, not as much fun - even though it's intense it's almost too intense and detracts from the budding romance. Honesty is great but I don't think that's the same as "telling all" - the subject of specifics about exes should be avoided if at all possible so that the two of you can get to know each other and have fun!

[Medusa]

Thanks Zeroeffect, I like your point of view

 

It is true,I'm trying very hard to take care of myself infact I haven't been or felt this happy in almost 3years,My ex hurt me many times but I'm stronger for it and I don't have a drop of emotion for that man ^_^.

 

I tried to assure him i'm not here for a quicky or anything I let him know I was serious and wanted a strong bond with a person be it as a friend or relationship.He did tell me he was afaid of being hurt because of his past i'm not sure how to show him i'm really a true hearted person without coming out as intense.

 

thanks again

[Medusa]

Battya33,

 

I feel the same way about the texting,but i'm afaid to call be were both attending colleage and his classes are all over the place.

 

We spoke about hanging out this weekend but didn't make it final,but i totally understand what you mean about a protection method.I don't like talking about exs but sometimes i just blurt it out =/.

[Batya33]

Battya33,

 

I feel the same way about the texting,but i'm afaid to call be were both attending colleage and his classes are all over the place.

 

We spoke about hanging out this weekend but didn't make it final,but i totally understand what you mean about a protection method.I don't like talking about exs but sometimes i just blurt it out =/.

 

In that way, treat dating like a job - you wouldn't just "blurt out" certain things on an interview, right? Of course be honest but have that all important filter and learn how to avoid "blurting things out." It will help in your friendships too.

 

When I was your age there was no email or texting. You called, period. We also went to college and had classes together - didn't matter. I would not text him - it's very indirect, etc as I said before. Just my opinion.

[Mun]

Why don't you call him up and see what he is up to.?

Make no mention of the "date" you had set up. See if he asks you out again.

 

I agree with who said you should not talk too much about the exes. Not a good way to start a new relationship, you all already covered that- time to move on.

 

Date to have fun. See it that way and maybe you can take the pressure off of both of you.

 

You honestly don't know why he hasn't gotten in touch with you. It could be any number of things, he may just be too busy. Don't assume the worst girl.

 

Be positive about yourself and show him your fun, happy side. Nix the woe is me stories for now.

 

Love

[Lansing]

well.. it is not clear when the last time you talked to him was... Since you have already been on 2 dates with him in the last week, I imagine it wasn't too long ago since the last time you talked to him....

 

I don't think there is any harm in calling him or texting him... maybe he is thinking he is taking things slow by not contacting you on a regular basis....

[ayekantspeylgud]

Sounds like he is waiting for you to make a move OR possibly doesn't want to push you away and is trying to make sure you have your space and feel comfortable.

[Batya33]

If he has been waiting 8 months for her call that would be impressive.

[BellaDonna]

If he has been waiting 8 months for her call that would be impressive.

 

LOL.

 

Yeah, I'm not sure if people realized that this post is from 9/2006.

[ayekantspeylgud]

OMG ROFLMAO Oops... yeah I wasn't paying that much attention.