I spent the night with a married man...

[TheRedQueen]

This guy needs to get a series of alternating elbows and kicks to the testicles, and you just need a wake up call.

For too many reasons to count, this is a bad situation, cease and desist immediately.

[Goldfish6888]

Red Queen and spugly Fuglet. IT WAS JUST ONE NIGHT>...there is no more....there has been no more.....can people not just understand.....we only had ONE NIGHT and I felt bad about it and posted here. THIS IS NOT AN AFFAIR. Spugly Fuglet I know it was wrong - one night of wrongness and I'm not going to DO IT AGAIN. Goodness - I am just wondering if people really even bothered reading my post properly.

 

THanks for posting - as every post is someone taking time out for me and to give advice. But in this instance, I've realised what I did (for one night only) am not in contact, nor have been in contact with him and it is what it is now a one night stand that I feel bad over....

[ImThatGirl]

Goldfish - I just want to offer additional kudos to you. I know you are going through a time of loneliness right now. Loneliness that was not even started by this situation.

 

You are a strong girl. Remember that. You did the right thing. You admitted your mistake and you moved away from it rather than ever attempting to contact him.

 

Good job and hugs to you!

[Goldfish6888]

Thanks I'm thatGirl.

 

It is true - I can't even bear now to watch this thread as I'm afraid what people will post about me now - when none of it is what I really deserve.

 

Are you from Indy by any chance? I was there this year for a few days...Friendly welcoming people.

 

Hugs also

[ImThatGirl]

I can imagine it is difficult reading this thread. Just keep in mind that it is 6 pages long. I'm very doubtful that the latecomers have read all of it. And even if they have, I'd consider it tough love.

 

I admire your strength taken to post about it. Not everyone would be able to. And ((whisper)) I have had an experience somewhat like this that last much longer than a night. It took me much longer to realize what you realized quickly! Proud of ya, Girl!

 

I am 20 minutes from downtown Indy. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Most of us here don't know a stranger. It amazes me how in many areas, making eye contact and smiling while in the city a little is completely unexpected and rare.

[Beec]

Goldfish, as you know, lots of people here are ready to jump on the badnwagon of telling you to stop everything with this guy. You did, good, kudos. Better kudos to you if you think about and work on taking ont he problem that made you vulnerable to his advances. It will be work, but it can be done.

[TheRedQueen]

Red Queen and spugly Fuglet. IT WAS JUST ONE NIGHT>...there is no more....there has been no more.....can people not just understand.....we only had ONE NIGHT and I felt bad about it and posted here. THIS IS NOT AN AFFAIR. .

 

My post was not intended to hurt your feelings, and I apologize if it did.

 

My father happened to be a compulsive cheater, hence my feelings towards the guy/husband/father in this situation...

This guy needs to get a series of alternating elbows and kicks to the testicles

And my mother happened to be his mistress, hence my advice to you....

you just need a wake up call.

For too many reasons to count, this is a bad situation, cease and desist immediately.

I don't judge you AT ALL for your actions. Trust me, I know how these men can manipulate wonders.

[Daddy Bear]

I don't judge you AT ALL for your actions. Trust me, I know how these men can manipulate wonders.

 

oh, please. the OP is an intelligent grown woman, and nobody held a gun to her head or put her in a hypnotic trance. she takes responsibility for her half of the tango; why do you have to try to lay all the blame on the firefighter just because he's male?

[ImThatGirl]

She has taken responsibility! And, she's evaluated/evaluating what got her in the situation.

[Mike_Wazowski]

It's hilarious how people blame everything but themselves for their bad behaviour..Oh..I had too much to drink. bla bla bla........

 

I love the quote from Indiana Jones and the last Crusade when he was about to embark on the search for his father.

 

'Trust no one Dr. Jones.'

 

Life is so much simplier when you accept the fact the people are basically evil........

[Goldfish6888]

people are basically evil........

 

NO mike - I disagree- People are human. We are not robots. We make mistakes. We feel remorce (and hopefully) some of us learn.

 

And I'm sorry to hear that you feel loneliness "is hilarious" and feeling down is "hilarious" and having "guilt" for what you've done is hilarious and actually writing it down and "admitting" it is hilarious.

[Daddy Bear]

a man who is basically good knows that people are basically good.

 

perhaps Mike didn't read your whole thread. i made the same mistake at first and ending up eating crow, and i mean feet, feathers and beak!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

don't give in to the fantasy that he is a 'good one' as in 'all the good ones are taken' just because you had a night of good sex... 'good ones' don't cheat on their wives, and bulldoze their way into your room in the morning for another go at it before they go back to the wife and kiddies and kiss their mouths with the same one that was just kissing yours a few hours before...

 

lots of cheating men *love* to have affairs far from home because it is unlikely they will get caught, not because you or your 'chemistry' is anything special to them... so i can almost guarantee this man will want to keep contact, but only when he is going to be in YOUR town, not his own... don't give in, no future there other than heartbreak for yourself, his wife and family...

 

if you need another friend, go get one that is truly available all the time, not just when he wants some 'free' sex where his wife won't find out about it...

 

move on, and find a REAL good man, one who available and not lying to anyone else in order to sneak around with you.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

btw, kudos to you for not seeing him again... drink makes one do more than sense would advise sometimes... so harsh criticism of you when you have chosen a better course after thinking about it is not warranted... just don't yield to the urge to call him again when drinking, not everyone who decides against re-ignitng the flame keeps that resolution, so people here are trying to provide the support you might need to stay out of a sticky situation...

[Goldfish6888]

Even if I wanted to see Mike again I couldn't - he lives in a different country. Anyway its well forgotten about at this stage.

 

Thanks for posting everyone. This goes down as a bad life decision, but one which I learnt from!

[kuhaaica]

I agree with everything said, LEAVE HIM ALONE>

 

Read my post i have myself and five children depending on my man, whom i think is cheating, the amount of pain and anguish it causes is undescribable on soooo many levels, for myself my children and our child together will be ever lasting, it will always be there it will affect my future relationships and very well could effect my childrens future relationships. Is it really worth causing inocennt children pain, because he made you feel good???

 

Hes obviously not dignified and respecting enough to put his wife and kids first, you should.

 

Dont be a home wrecker.

 

Fine you made a mistake, mistakes are to be learned from DONT DO IT AGAIN!

 

 

I am sorry if this is harsh BUT YOU ARE A BAD person if you try and continue this with him.

[Goldfish6888]

I just want to add something to this thread, which was posted last September. I was in a very different space then. I would never, ever, ever do this again. It was a horrible mistake and I can't blame my state of mind or my depression or loneliness or drunkiness. It was my decision alone and I should have listened to my inner values, when I did not. Instead I choose to block out their incessant warnings and act selfishly and totally "out of character" for me. This was the one and only time i will get myself into this situation and I'm hoping that if anyone reads this post, they will learn, that when we make decisions for ourselves, it can sometimes affect others and their lives.

 

I made the wrong decision, albeit a drunken and blurry one, but the wrong one nonetheless.

 

I read this post and in a way, I feel sorry I've admitted this to the ENA. But maybe, if someone can learn from it, it won't be a lost lesson. It is certainly one lesson I won't be repeating. I cannot believe also that I contemplated even being friends with this man afterwards.

 

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

 

Thanks to everyone that answered this post, both good and bad.

 

I stand here to apologise to myself, to his wife and kids (who I don't or didn't know) and most of all to God. I have let myself down and my beliefs in a very fundamental way.

 

Thank you all

 

G Fish.

[dada]

It sounds like you've learned from your experience. You aren't a bad person, you did a bad thing. A bad person wouldn't have regrets, which you did. You'll be fine.

 

Avoid the attractions, trust me, you can see them coming.

[lostinwilderness]

It sounds like you have learned a lot about yourself and your values. It sounds like you have gained the stregnth to be a better person in many aspects of your life.

 

It was a harsh way to learn that leason, but do not forget the positives that have come from this experience.

[kuchelde]

Just wanted to reply this post.

I think it is better to stay away from the man. NOthing will come out of this relationship. I will tell you one more thingg - love is something which you felt for. It ended up in bed - that is natural. I guess it is time to move on and when you look back - think as " at that moment of time what you did was quite natural". Do not dwell on these things becuase you can not change what has happened. It is time to move on. It does not matter whether he will meet some other female.

By the way - it looks to me reading at the other posts -most member has blamed the man. I guess that is unfair. You see you knew that he was married and he did not force on you. SO I guess if you want to look at this incident -

just think you had fallen for him and you did what you think right. As I said before nobody chooses to fall in love - it just happens...

so forget about it and move on....

[p_fred]

Things like this happen in life so you can learn about yourself and your values.

 

I think you need to be honest with yourself and say yes you were the type of person that sleeps with a married man. Hopefully you have learned your lesson and you are NOW not that type of person.

 

A ring on the finger is a sign to stay away. If you are single do not talk with married men - talk with single men who are available.

 

I think some single women talk with married men because they think they are "safe" because they are married.. next thing you know that "safe" person isn't so safe and you end up sleeping with them.

 

Not good for two reasons: 1) your faith in men is shot down because now its not possible to trust a man to be faithful and 2) your self esteem is shot because you stooped so low as to sleep with another women's man.

 

Don't do it.

[metrogirl]

Have no contact with him. nothing will ever come from it. Sure he gave you a wonderful evening but he gives his wife the same thing.