Evilken21 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I know she can improve on her look if she really wanted too.. link removed link removed (Left) link removed (Left) I liked her for her personality, but now I come to realize that "Sexual attraction" is important as well. Me and her have been talking for 6 Months and recently got into a relationship. She really loves me alot and I can't just break it up with her, I care for her too much. I just know she can improve on her looks somehow. But all I have been telling her is that she looked fine the way she was. She recently told me she was going to change her style but, Im not sure what she is going for. She is 18 and just got out of high school and now attending college. She only takes English however. She said she has to get a Job and make money to buy make up and stuff like that. I do want to have the balls to tell her but, That is just not me. I CANNOT tell a person to change something about them. I don't have authority over that and I don't want too. They are who they are. So what im saying is, instead of breaking up with her because I don't find her attractive, how can I give her a hint or tell her nicely to improve on her looks. Because it doesn't seem she takes care of herself that well and told me she doesn't care about her looks. I need to give her a message saying that looks DO matter. What can I do? Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I agree with you, looks do matter to an extent. But it's not what matters on the outside, it's whats on the inside. Todays society puts a message out that you have to look a certain way and so forth. Link to comment
MythicDawn Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Looks do matter... But I have always found that if I did truly lover her than I can look past the face and body. Recently when I broke up with my ex, afterwards I was apauled at how she looks and still am and I think to my self, how did I go out with her... The only option I see for you is to do was shoegal21 suggested or like, make small suggestions. Say like, "you should try putting your hair up, I think it would look good on you" or something similar... I've done that in the past and it did in fact work. FYI The links are broken. Link to comment
candy604 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 um...yeah you might end up lowering her self-esteem and she might become self-conscious. Maybe you can say, oh i think that would look so nice on you or i love it when you put your hair up etc..things like that. Or say, when you dress up and balh blah you look so attractive , or even hoter. Also can you buy her some make-up for her bday or something, and say something sweet, like "oh i thought of you b/c you wanted to get some so here's ur first set and i hope you use it." Link to comment
candy604 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 by the way, your pics don't work, repload them? i want to see how bad it is or what i'm trying to comment on. thanks Link to comment
shoegal21 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 yeah, the pics aren't loading. Link to comment
Evilken21 Posted September 9, 2006 Author Share Posted September 9, 2006 link removed Click on the links from my first post. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 So after you change her looks, what next? Are you going to start saying "Well, her friends really aren't good enough" or "I don't like the books she reads" or "She's just not smart enough"... When will it stop? Being with someone isn't about changing them to fit some ideal you have of what is perfect, you have to take them as they are, good and bad. You start making hints, comments, suggestions, guess what you'll get, a self-conscious girlfriend who feels like she's not pretty enough for you, which means she's not going to be happy. Leave her alone. Link to comment
candy604 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 well she's not too bad, i think she just needs to get a haircut ( a nice one with layers and side bangs),smile and put on a little bit of make-up. give her a gift certificate to a hairsalon with free make over or something. You said you care about her though inspite of it? like usually if you find the person's personality attractive, the person themselves become attractive to you no matter if they are good-looking or not. But i'm sure she's not the girl that has bad hygiene though ( that would be a different story then). problem is you went out with her the way she looked. It's different if you went out with a good looking girl and then they started to fall apart , then you can prolly say something. But maybe both of you can go get a makeover for fun, so it's not just her. But seriously she should get her hair redone and get layers and bangs. ( hair style can help a person's looks ALOT). Suggest it as a new style for her? my bf always tells me what hairstyle he likes and me for him too. Link to comment
Dako Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Does she know she's on display for public criticism? I'd never do this to someone I love. Ever. Link to comment
InaneCathode Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Does she know she's on display for public criticism? I'd never do this to someone I love. Ever. Heh, i agree actually. @ OP, she isn't a super model, but alot of girls aren't. Link to comment
Shadow25 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 - looks do matter. So does attractiveness..if you arent happy with her, just tell her that you'd just like to be friends, and that you want to take a step backwards in your relationship, tell her you really enjoyed yourself, etc, and that she is a great person, make her not feel like there is something wrong with her, but do let her know that you don't like the relationship. - grow up!, you can't CHANGE someone for who they are, either you stay with her for who you fell inlove with, or you leave her and tell her you don't find her attractive, so then maybe she will improve. If you tell her while you're with her, she'll most likely dump you and move on, then think about it later. She is who she is, and nobody should ever have to change for anybody else. - Take down those pictures! this is pathetic, really, does she knows you're posting pictures of her publicly? I can't imagine she would, you'd definitely be screwed if she saw them! Not to mention that you'd shatter her heart and give her something to be really insecure about...ever consider that? - Not everyone is perfect, and I'm sure you're not all that crash hot drop dead gorgeous either, whats to say that she doesnt think the EXACT same thing about you? hmmm, bet you didn't think of that one! even if you have a nice physique, and look like a male model, she may not find you attractive at all, but she feels as though it can go further. - I'm not having a dig at you, but what you've done is just broken her privacy and made it public, by showing the pictures, so take them down firstly, if she sees them...don't expect to ever be friends with her for a long time to come, I doubt she'll see them, but...it's not nice at all!. If you are not happy in your relationship, I would suggest you move on into something you will be happy with, rather than staying with something that you arent happy with, true?..just try and remain as friends rather than a couple...and move on if you're not happy. I realise that you do not like reading this post, but take it as constructive advice rather than destructive, you definitely should think before you act! Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 She looks like a man... I dont think physical attractiveness is a huge category with relationships, since (for me anyway) if a girl has a nice personality, they will appear hotter. That said, its hard to remain attracted without physical attraction... Link to comment
nmduipd Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 "Rate this girl " ????? Are you joking???? How would you feel if someone put you out there for public criticism? What you are doing is terrible. My advice would be: leave her and let her find someone who will respect her. If you don’t like her, don’t be with her. As simple as that. Why do you care what other people think? If we all rate her 10/10, would you like her more? Next time, I suggest you put your own photo and ask people to rate it. Link to comment
vermilion Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Break up with her. If you really care about her, you'd know she deserves someone who likes her for who she is. I would never want any guy to try and change me, nor would I want one who would think of my flaws as something he'll "just live with." How would you like it if she said, "Oh, I really hate your hair and face and body but you could change everything about yourself to fit my standards." And I can't even imagine how she'd feel if she came accross a forum where people are saying she looks "horrible". It'd probably make her feel really upset and insecure. And I saw your girlfriend's picture. She isn't ugly. But what about you? Do you have the guts to put up your picture to be critiqued by strangers? Link to comment
PrincessJOA Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Shes not ugly. Shes just natural and innocent. Besides, if you want her to look good for you, take her shopping ...under your expense?? Link to comment
maasikus Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 "Rate this girl " ????? Are you joking???? How would you feel if someone put you out there for public criticism? What you are doing is terrible. My advice would be: leave her and let her find someone who will respect her. If you don't like her, don't be with her. As simple as that. Why do you care what other people think? If we all rate her 10/10, would you like her more? Next time, I suggest you put your own photo and ask people to rate it. I have to agree 200%. What if she finds out that you are posting her pics all over the internet asking for opinion. That is more humiliating and any self respecting girl will dump the guy for doing that. Sorry pal, I don't wanna be rude, but this is unacceptable. Link to comment
Bethany Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I get the feeling that in five years time she will grow in confidence, change her image, discover the true her and is gonna be a knock out chick with a fab body that women envy. But by then she will probably got pissed off with you, found out what you have done, dumped you and will be laughing at YOUR ugly mug on screen and embarrassed that she even spent time with you. Link to comment
maasikus Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 There is nothing wrong with finding her unattractive. Where you went overboard was putting her up for public display all over the internet and asking people to rate her. Link to comment
Marianne Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 hi i saw the pictures and to tell you the truth it shouldnt really matter wot she looks like she could have a loving heart and to bee honest i use to be ugly and i went from ugly to beautiful .and it was horrible n hard to get ppl to like me or be friends with me when i wasnt that attractived it ppl who only like me cause my looks isnt worth it .because i have been mistreated badly in the past for looking unattractived and not a nice feeling at all scars frm pain remain on you over the years tilll you healed. the 1st time i saw her(your girlfriend) photos i thought she had beautiful eyes . you should love her for who she is not wot she looks like , its not a nice feeling to get told your not attractived . Not everyone is perfect . please have a heart and think about wot your doing n wot you could cause. Link to comment
lost_status Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Does she know she's on display for public criticism? I'd never do this to someone I love. Ever. I agree!! I believe no one has the right to judge anyone else apart from themselves...enough said. Link to comment
SarahRose Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I agree with the others that is is pretty mean of you to put her photos up for public display. What if someone recognizes her and tells her? How humiliating and embarrassing! How many other message boards did you do this at? One other at least! Maybe she has a picture of your willy up somewhere with rate my bf's willy and everyone is having a good laugh. Link to comment
lost_status Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Maybe she has a picture of your willy up somewhere with rate my bf's willy and everyone is having a good laugh. Now that would be good payback! Link to comment
theallegedparadigm Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I was in the same situation a couple of years back, i got on REALLY well with her and we had such a laugh but she really didn't make an effort with herself at all, i wouldnt go as far as saying she looked horrible, but with a bit of effort she could have looked much nicer. I had to end things - i couldnt go out with someone i wasnt physically attracted to in any way.... Your girl can probably improved in her looks quite alot if she wanted to, if she is happy with how she is though then theres not really much you can do about it! Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 let me ask you evilken21, are you a supermodel yourself? i dated a guy when I was 20, and soon, he was telling me I needed a different eyeglasses, a different haircut, different clothes, lose weight, etc... i finally asked him what it was about me he even liked! he was such a jerk, i broke up with him shortly after. what is the point of posting her photo? As the title of your post says, you don't find your gf attractive. So why ask a bunch of internet strangers what we think of her? will our opinions make you think she is more or less attractive? There is no way to tell her without making her feel bad, and having your gf feel bad about herself because of something you said does not make for a good relationship. now, if she comes up and asks you to come shopping with her, or asks how to cut her hair, then show her that photo of Hillary Duff. The only people's critisism who I accept about looks are from models and personal trainers. If you are just an ordinary guy, who are you to judge her? Are you Brad Pitt's identical twin yourself? how would you feel if she posted your photo on a forum and told people she didn't find YOU attractive? don't you think it's a little messed up? Link to comment
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