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Shadow25

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Everything posted by Shadow25

  1. I can't keep track of whats on my mind....seriously, if someone asks me what is wrong with, in a personal situation (not on the internet) I choke up, I don't know what to say, because so many thoughts just fly through my mind at once...there are alot of people I don't want to know that I am feeling this way. Yes...I can type alot, because like I said, it's my little way of venting for the time being. And if I just said "I'm depressed" it doesnt exactly say much does it. For all you know, I could be someone claiming to be depressed just so they could get attention. Yeah, my master instructor is a health and fitness professional aswell, but I don't really like him due to his cocky attitude...talking to him is intimidating, like he doesnt want to talk to you sort of thing. all good, what do you mean by neg and pos = attraction? Are you talking about being attractive? I can be attractive, I can act like the most positive person in the world if I want...but I always feel like crap deep inside. Once I think of one negative, that's it, my mind is triggered to start thinking negatively. Trust me, I've tried staying positive, no matter what, even the most embarrassing moments and bad things happening I still try to look at the bright side...but the problem is, that I am too conscious of what I'm thinking that I feel like everything i say or do is just fake or played out...even though it's not...it's hard to explain....I guess that's also the reason I don't cry, because I don't want to force myself to do it. It's really hard to focus on one thing at a time aswell, because everything links to each other in some way, If i don't do one thing, I can't do anything else, and if I do it, then it can cause more problems....it's like there is no escape. Yoga and pilates and stuff like that, I would do them, but I don't have a job, I don't have the money to pay for them. I have been to a doctor already, he said to go to a physio, but ...did I go? no, I had no motivation to. Anyway...I'm off to tae kwon do now :S....yay F'ing hay! EDIT: Ok...back from Tae Kwon Do. Basically, my master instructor had to teach, and I hate being in his classes...I dunno why, I think it's just because that's when I most push myself. Anyway...It was ok, I didn't kill myself in the lesson at least...my foot is killed though...I brought it up for a kick and it started hurting :S Uhmm...yeah, the only thing I didn't like was the sparring, because it's not sparring day, and if we do sparring any other day, we do it without any protection (that's the way I prefer it, more mobility), anyway...when I was partnered up with the master instructor (I am highest belt in that midday class) and straight away he's kicking me in the head and punching me in the chest and crap....so much for light sparring :S Then he says exactly what I expect people to say every lesson, and that is "are you going for your black belt" in a kindof rhetorical question way...and then, well, I just knew that I was gonna get drilled with every attack I did on him....so I was trying to pick the right moment....then he starts relaxing and leaving himself open for me to kick him, I was slowly getting more confident with attacking, but then he ended the sparring practise there and we had to swap sparring partner. Anyway...later on, we were doing patterns, and in between the patterns he stopped us and said "what is it, the one single thing that stops us from doing most things in life?" I straight away said "fear" and I knew that he was talking about me....like usual, I feel like the goddamn voodoo doll, I just get pins stuck in me whenever possible. Then he went on to talk about fear, I forget what exactly it was he said, but I think he directed it at me at one point. Then after we finished the class, we all sat down in a circle like normal, and he asked us what did we get out of the class....I was first, and not expecting the question....I didn't really have an answer, so I just said "not to be so fearful of things" then he went around the rest of the class asking them, then he asked me again "so what did you learn in that class again" I said the same thing, then he said "what do you do about that fear" I said "I have to confront it", that was kindof a reminder of something I have been thinking about alot, whether I should confront the black belt grading, as I'm scared to do it, on that note, during the class...earlier on, he stopped to say something about the black belt grading...something like, do I want to get my black belt, or do I want to be a black belt? I really felt like saying that I don't want my black belt, because I am not a black belt, but ...I didn't of course. Anyway...back to his little speech about fear...he went on about it, how he was afraid of sparring when he was at red belt, how he hated it, so he confronted the fear and now he has been national champion many times and his trophey collection is just...huge, not just from sparring of course, but...yeah, basically, if he didn't tell you that, you wouldnt have never figured it. Later on I was working, he went out for lunch, he got back, and said "you should start saving your money" and I asked "what for?" he then said "for going over to korea next year" and then i asked "to train or to..watch" and he said to train, and then went on to say that we now have a sister school in Sol, Korea or something. Then I kept on working...and about 30mins later...maybe less, he says "come sit down" so I go over to the reception desk sit down, and he starts going on about how I will be a great martial artist, and why that is so, and he was saying that I am persistent and all that, he also spoke about how I should get working on my flexibility, and how my technique is good (uhm....my technique is what everyone jumps on me because of) but my flexibility is restricting me to do things. Anyway, he was going on about how it took him 10 years to get to where he is at, and that I've only been training just over 3 years, that I have a long way to go, but he thinks that I'm on my way towards that, towards being a great martial artist... Now....all of that has happened today has made it harder to quit, If I quit, I will be a disappointment...I have tried quitting before, and he said he was disappointed...I felt disappointed aswell, that was when he gave me a job at tae kwon do to clean twice a weak for my training. That's why i'm working there... Last time I went to quit, I didn't tell him the real reason why, I only told him that I couldnt afford it anymore (because dad was paying for it and we had gone down in terms of money) so he didn't know that I just didn't want to go anymore, because back then I felt like I do now, but I had less reason to feel that way. But...yeah, after today, I feel just as bad, just as confused, just as disappointed, I can't think straight, why can't I just bloody well be happy, I've never truly been happy, isn't there any way >( I should point out that all my friends are in at tae kwon do, and also the person I am attracted to, who is actually 10 years older than me with a daughter, and I have asked her out, that didn't work out so well, and...well, right now, she's just starting to bring that friendship back again, she has started talking to me, not me trying to talk to her, hell she's even complimented me, because when I was teaching a class the other day with the disrespectful students, she said I handled it really well. I often wish that I never became attracted to her, that I never left it so long to ask her out, that I actually flirted back when she flirted with me, I often wish that the friendship we once had was back... This is another topic all together, but I'm still stumped as to why she flirted with me in the first place, it was heavy flirting, she was also very touchy touchy with me, just...extremely friendly in a very short time, and made many sexual hints, and actions (spanking me when I was putting kick paddles away or spanking me when I was bending over when I was cleaning, then running off laughing like crazy about it, then saying things like "come here , it's time for your spanking, hehe"... She did things like that all the time, and heck, she even tried to subtly leave tae kwon do together with me...which is actually what made me really wonder if she actually wants me, because it was really obvious...one night I had to stay behind even longer to learn an advanced phone script, and she actually stayed, and studied until I was finished, but...my brother came in to pick me up and I think she was kindof annoyed by that, because she didn't get to leave with me and chat....that was the last time she left at the same time as me, and from then on, it all went down hill, I went through a phaze of depression, because of my joints (when they first started hurting, and it was all rather new to me, I couldnt do anything and felt pathetic...like I do now, only back then I wasnt used to it as much), and...I stopped being as social as I normally was, then...after that phaze finished...her and I didn't really talk to each other anymore, I thought something was up, but wasnt sure... Basically...I just found it strange for her to be all flirty with me, and show nearly every sign of attraction to me, without me really doing much, I felt strange about being attracted to a woman 10 years older than me who has a daughter, I also didnt know if she was single or taken, which stopped me from asking her out earlier...after all that..she just stopped....if she liked me as a friend, she wouldnt have done that, she would have kept being friendly, not distant...I didn't know what I had done (this was before I asked her out) she just...stopped, I figured it was something to do with me, as she was just being her normal friendly self to other people, stopped talking to me all together...so I gave her some distance...eventually I asked her out...but waaaaay too late obviously. Anyway...that didn't help my confidence, it didn't help my mentality at all. Now we are starting to be friendly with one another again...so...now that's another reason I don't want to leave tae kwon do behind... AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! it's so frustrating....tearing my brain in two directions....it's crap, I'm so tired.
  2. Well, like I said, if I quit, I know I will regret it, I will not be able to watch my friends do the black belt grading, because I don't want to cry in public, I don't even let myself cry alone (not healthy)...only lately i've let a few tears come out... My stress has been built up of an unhappy life altogether, from family, to school, to social life, to employment, and now sports. well...sports I have always had problems with...I am skinny, I didn't like people pointing out that fact to me all the time, yet I always got a nickname like "twiggy" or something like that. As for my martial arts, I do Tae Kwon Do. The only friends I have that I actually see, are in at tae kwon do, including people I'm attracted to is also another cause of my stress...I'm trying to get over the person, but like everyone I become attracted to....that's never going to happen...it's always there. I don't have any motivation to do anything anymore, I can't even drive yet, I have my L plates, but have only done 4 hours... I don't have a job, I've been looking for ages, but I'm not going to lie, I havent exactly been trying my hardest...I don't even think I'm good enough to be an employee for any job, It's like I know I am but I feel like I am not. I don't want to go for crap stand-behind-the-counter-beeping-items-through jobs, because they are going to be the death of me, I can't stand in a spot for so long doing nothing but a repeated task...I know most of you have probably done that kindof job...but I have a very active mind...so active that it screws up my speech when talking to people, I'm also very paranoid with alot of things. I could go on about the bad things about me, but...I feel like a mess, I havent vented EVER, I mean, EVER, I havent ever been able to scream out to the top of my lunges, I havent been able to cry on someones shoulder for hours, I havent been able to break things and smash them to bits to release anger or anything.....I've been supressing...for my whole life..just supressing my anger, my sadness...and I try to stay positive and happy to counter this negative stuff, but I guess now I'm at a state where I couldnt care less to think positively anymore...like it's no use... I'm never going to suicide, so no chance of that ever happening, no matter how bad I get.... It's funny...I help others with these problems, but I can't help myself, I feel so pathetic for that...and by helping others, I mean ALOT of people, I don't know how many who have said they have wanted to commit suicide, 1 of which I couldnt help, and she actually did. I knew for a long time that my depression would just get worse and worse....but i always believed that if I just kept supressing it, it would never effect me.....how wrong I was, how very wrong i was. I'm off to bed now....otherwise I won't get anymore than 5 hours sleep before i go to work for the dole in the morning (yeah, I am starting to work for the dole now....how great )...I didn't ever want to go on government funding...but I was forced to, so I could help support our family with payments and food and all that. Oh...and guess what else is going on now....due to my depression and lack of mental energy to do anything, I havent even written down a list of 20 jobs for a friend at tae kwon do to help me out with, because she wanted to help me get a job.....she doesnt know I'm in this mental state...nobody except you guys and a few friends online know of it...you guys know the most so far...I don't want people to care for me, I don't want them to hate me either, and I don't want them to feel like I am pushing them away, I just guess it's hard to explain....other people have their own problems...they shouldnt worry about me and try to do things for me, and when people do, I feel useless, helpless, weak, etc etc, I don't like that feeling, as you already can quite clearly tell... I guess in a way, typing all this is a way of venting...but it's not the greatest way, it makes me feel better while writing it...sometimes it makes me feel worse, but...afterwards...my emotions just come straight back. I honestly don't know what I want to do with my life, I have no motivation to do anything right now, I have nothing left in me...I feel like a lost soul right now...I think that's the best way I can describe my complete mentality and emotions....I feel dead, non existant, out of touch... Another thing, I forgot to mention, is that it's not just my black belt that is causing the stress...it's training in general...before I go to training, I get nervous, almost so bad that my stomach feels crook like....gassy i guess....(yeah bad) when i get to training I feel ok, if my master instructor is training, I feel scared, intimidated, etc, mainly because I know that i'm going to die that lesson, and I'm also going to have alot ALOT of comments being directed my way, because these past few months, I havent been getting any of my techniques right or anything, i'm always unsure of techniques...almost like I never knew them and...well that shows in class, both to him, and the other lower belt students....and ....ya know, I'm surprised i havent broken down crying in a class yet from constantly f'ing up, and having people tell me that i'm f'ing up and that I should know these things, blahblahblah. If my friend who is helping me with the jobs is doing a class, I feel the same, only she goes on about it like she was never my friend, like she wants me to break...she doesnt think she is doing any wrong, she is doing the right thing, trying to correct me and stuff, but....she does it too much, because I am the belt before black belt, and that is when we get alot of correction happening. uhm...and when my mate is teaching the class, I feel fine, he's a good friend, he doesnt usually try to kill us, and he at least understands how bad it is to train with these sorts of injuries, because he has had plenty of them. The bad thing is...he isn't here all week, so I have to try and deal with the other 2 above. I also am required to teach classes....and...on the day of typing this...I went out to teach a class because my mate was busy on the phone...and these kids...they couldnt have been any more disrespectful towards me, it hurt something fierce...I was thrown out there all alone with a class of 30-40 students, and alot of them were screwing around, deliberately trying to test me to see if i would see them, I almost sat the whole class down and not teach them I was so angry inside...but I didn't... I kept on teaching the class...handling the situation the best i could, and finally, my mate comes out, sits them all down in a circle and gives them a lecture on respect, basically told them how disgusted he was when he was watching...that both made me feel good and bad, because I don't like people sticking up for me...it was my problem, I had to deal with it.... OK...I think my post has gone on long enough...I need to get at least 4-5 hours sleep before working tomorrow, so i'm off. I feel like, by the end of this week, I'm going to be an absolute wreck....but...ahwell....life goes on right.
  3. I am not a quitter, I don't usually quit, even when I really absolutely want to quit. As some may know, I do martial arts, I have my black belt coming up in about 10 weeks from now. I have joint problems that have been reducing me to a mess during training. I havent been able to do anything anymore, my technique is gone, my dedication...I don't know if it's gone or not, I train, when i have to train, but I only train at martial arts, I don't train at home anymore. I have tried strengthening my joints (knees, hips, and the joints next to the groin on the inside of the leg), by doing weight training, but I only did 4 weight training sessions before mentally giving up, I didn't feel any progression, and I am not feeling any progression, I am getting worse in my training, and the more I train, the more I am pushed beyond my limits to do what is not making me better, but putting me through torture, both mentally and physically, to the point where I often want to just scream out of anger, to the point where I want to break down and cry....but i don't, I hold it in, like I always have, and I just don't vent at all. These joints, are stopping me from doing something that was a dead set goal of mine, I trained for so long, and I trained so hard, perhaps too hard, so I could achieve my black belt, not just the belt, but my attitude, my heart, the black belt isn't just a belt, it's ..i dunno, you have to do martial arts and respect it and your training and development to understand...black belt is not a belt, it is an attitude, it is a lifestyle, it's..many things, many things I aimed for. But a black belt, is also someone who should remain positive, no matter what happens, someone who pushes on when the going gets tough, someone who doesnt just train at martial arts, but trains outside of the martial arts training school, someone who becomes a martial artist, not just trains in the art. I've lost all that I developed, in just a few months, I would say this started around january..perhaps before then, and it wasnt as bad, I even went to quit once before, but my pride stopped me from telling the real truth as to why I wanted to quit, so I kept training, and I trained more and more, I trained even harder, but only found myself getting worse. I havent prepared for my black belt, just like I didn't prepare for the belt I have now, which is my cho dan bo, and even though it's just 1-2 hours of my time to spend doing the grading, I ...feel like I can do it, but I feel like I can't do it. My technique is out, it's terrible, it's embarrassing to try and teach a class with 20 students in it, and have to get one of the lower belt kids to demonstrate a technique, because I can't do it, and if I try to do it, I look ridiculous, and the kids' parents are watching most probably thinking "does this guy know what he's doing", it is also embarrassing to be doing my own class, and not be able to kick a bag hard, because even tapping something with my right foot, causes my foot to pinch, and it feels broken...that has been like that for about 5-6 months now, ever since I kicked someones elbow about 20 times in succession from anger of not being able to spar properly...at the time it didn't hurt, because of the anger, but I feel it every time I train, I feel it when i walk even. NOW...I'll just cut to the point, save all the dramatic talk. I have trained for over 3 years for my black belt, I aspired to get my black belt, I have been inspired by other people when I watched them go for theirs, I was and am proud of those people, I look up to those people (some of them anyway..but thats another story), but...some of those black belts, I look at them now, and I wonder why they have their black belts...it clicked to me...these people arent even good at their techniques or any of that, they arent leaders or people to look up to, but they are happy...I think...and then I think..."well, If they can do it, so can I...but...oh..my master instructor expects alot out of me, he expects me to be great, have great everthing...I can't deliver, and I know I won't"... See...that is the problem...I am expected to do what I cannot do anymore, and my master instructor just doesnt understand, I don't like talking to people in person about personal issues like this....and I don't, and I most certainly won't feel all that great telling him about all this, because I know, that if i try and quit martial arts now, my pride will stop me, because i DON'T WANT TO QUIT. Well...one half of my doesnt want to. The other half is jumping up and down in an angry fit, saying "if you don't quit, you are not using your common sense, stop letting your pride get in your way of doing something you shouldnt do, just quit and you will feel better". Then I think "if I quit, I will regret not going for my black belt, and I will have quit, I will have done something I don't like to do, I will have done something shameful, embarrassing, and I know that I will regret it" BUT, If i don't quit,...I will continue getting worse, physically and mentally, I will be like a time bomb, ready to explode, and I know, that If i do my grading for black belt, and I pass, I don't deserve it, because I am not a black belt at heart. I don't know what to do, I really don't, it's like there is no possible way out without. I know some of you will say that if you do it, it will be done, it won't be an issue anymore, but I do know that, everytime I put that belt around my waist..that is all I am doing, I am putting a black belt around my waist, and that I don't deserve it, because my heart isn't there, nor is my skill, or attitutude. If I quit, I won't be able to watch others do their black belt grading, because I simply do not want to cry in public...I know I most likely will, and I know that the black belt grading, it isn't going to be as hard as my cho dan bo grading, and...I will be wondering why I didn't just do the grading and get it over with. Right now, I'm wanting to quit very much, VERY much, but where i train...it's a part of me now, I've trained for over 3 years, I've made great friends, I've learnt so much, and...to throw that away, I dunno, it's a waste, but it is also something that will make me feel better physically. If you've read this far, I thank you for taking the time to read a problem that probably couldnt be compared to most peoples problems..so...thank you. This is a decision I have 10 weeks to make, and I've had about 2 years to decide what to do, whether i want to quit or not, and over those 2 years...I have stayed, now...the stress and pressure is so intense, I can hardly feel any respect for myself, I guess in a way I am disgusted in myself, why I even let myself come to this position. My pride is a burden, it's stopping me from doing something that could possibly make me a much happier person, but it's also stopping me from leaving behind something that is a huge part of my life, it's like ripping the soul out of myself, and throwing it away...I can't win.
  4. haha, myspace = disaster central for relationships.. Alot of people are right in saying that because someone in the relationship doesnt update their myspace account, that things can get out of hand...and it's true, very very true...hence why I don't intend on ever having a myspace account , lol.
  5. Ok...I'm attracted to 3 women here, lol 1 woman that is 10 years older, and ..well, that's kindof not going to go ANYWHERE. Another that I only get to see once a week when I go to lunch and is a very attractive and very nice bar maid who i think is interested in me. lastly, another person who I train in martial arts with, she has a glass eye, and I'm attracted to her, but don't want to be. How is this possible...I'm attracted to her....but I DON'T WANT TO BE. I just don't get it...I flirt with her, I show signs of interest, but...why!? I don't want to like her anymore than a friend..and yet I feel like I'm the most attracted to her..whats the deal here! Anyway...last night...I had a dream...very weird one at that, I guess you could call it a wet dream without the wet bit, because I didn't wake up with a mess. Anyway...I can't remember it perfectly, but I do remember lying on a matress on a floor, my friend from martial arts was there, and I figured it was his house, as a girl in the dream said that we should do it in his room... yes...confusing already isn't it. I didn't see my mate from martial arts in the dream, so no..he was only a voice, anyway, the one eyed girl was also on the matress, and she was lying down facing towards me, I was lying down facing towards her aswell. She was twirling her hair and then...I dunno what happened, but the other girl that was there just disappeared, and I found myself looking up a corridoor, which looked similar to the corridoor outside of my martial arts centre, when I looked back...the one eyed girl wasnt there, but instead, the girl who I just saw outside took the one eyed girls place (freaking hell!) then when I looked outside again, the one eyed girl looked as though she was waiting in the corridoor near the stairs with her martial arts bag, and she had a sad expression on her face...then when I looked back..she was lying next to me again.... What The F!!! Then she was complaining because she wanted to have sex, and I think I said that I had no condoms and that I will only do it safely, and she got angrier, then...the next bit is blank in my mind at the moment... But, the door to my friends room was open, and a matress was inside there aswell, she was sitting inside, but the door closed as I went to crawl into the room...there was this gap under the door which is kindof strange...the gap was big enough to put my whole fore arm under...so..well..the next bit is kindof detailed...but anyway... I can't remember what made me put my hand under the door, but when I did, I was playing with the rubber mats that we have at our martial arts centre, and I think I was...I dunno, i had 2 fingers...making a fingering gesture I suppose, and I was fiddling with the edge of the mats, then she gently grabbed my hand, put one finger away, and then ...I felt my finger..go into her then because I was kindof stuck with my arm under the door, my big fella downstairs was enjoying the feeling of it...but yeah, I was faced, stomach down, so it kindof hurt to get an erection, then I could just see around the corner, and ....she was around the corner again, in that corridoor with an even sadder miserable look of disappointment...almost like rejection, and loneliness, as if nobody will ever want her because of her eye (it's hard noticeable).. I think I just woke up after that, and it was about 5am in the morning, and I was all freaked out not knowing what the hell just happened...so I felt kindof weird and couldnt get back to sleep for about another 2 hours, I kept getting up getting a drink, and going back to bed, trying to relax, but I felt so weird... Why did I have to have such a dream! It was a good feeling dream, it felt real...not that I have ever had ANY real life sexual experience with women before, but...arg...I just don't get it...I feel so weird, and I havent stopped thinking about whether I should try to show her more interest or not.... It's like I have 2 of me living in me....one wants her badly...the other doesnt know what the hell to do... I wish I had dreams like this about the 27 yr old that I am attracted to...damn...
  6. wo wo wo WO! hold up a second....she lives with her husband.... THERE IS A PROBLEM! She's married mate, what the hell!? She's cheating on her husband for you....do you NOT see a problem with that!? The age gap isn't really a concern, you're right...as long as you're both happy, but...she's CHEATING ON HER HUSBAND!
  7. lol, well, I thought of her when I wrote this thread....havent really thought about her since, in fact, I don't think about her much at all, but when I'm having lunch, its like I want her to be the one to serve me, so that I can have a bit of a chat with her. I know she gets hit on ALOT, I've been standin in line waiting for them to finish ordering..and chatting her up. It's just that, a while ago, on my 18th birthday, I went out with my mates to that pub/nightclub, and she was working that night, when I ordered a drink, she stood there with a smile on her face as I downed a shot of ...something, lol, and whenever I walked past, I would notice she was looking...that was a long time ago though...in april that was. But yeah, now whenever I go there, the only time I really notice her looking at me is when she is washing up the cutlery, glasses and dishes, when I look up, she looks away suddenly, my vision has been kindof crap lately and so, I can't really tell if she's smiling when she looks away or not, but yeah, she doesnt look just once, she looks over several times, I often find her staring, because I can see her out the corner of my eye while I'm pretending to be thinking deeply about something...then I'll look up and she'll look away. And the day I wrote this thread, I noticed her playin with her hair as she walked past me, I only thought women did that to guys they are interested in, while talking to them, not while walking past them...so I dunno how to take that...I'm not really thinking about it (now I am, because I'm writing about it, lol), but yeah...dunno what it means, if it means anything at all. There is nothing wrong with asking her for her phone number, and then asking her out, she's not going to ask me out...no woman ever does, it's always the guys job...which sucks. You say to not hit on her...well, I don't, and I never have hit on her, I just talk to her like I would anyone else, and this has been once every week since late march this year...so that's a while! Now, I'm actually considering asking her out, and basically, I just want to know how I can go about doing that.
  8. uhm....does she know you are looking at her myspace thing....sorry, but you sound kindof creepy by what you are saying and how brief you are....I don't even see any purpose to this thread... You like this girl, you are looking at her myspace account, and you are trying to find out every little thing about her....why not just talk to her and be friends...you'll find out more that way, and it will give you a better chance for if she splits up with the boyfriend.
  9. Perhaps she just did something she was procrastinating over doing...I mean...maybe she came over to you, asked you if you want to study, you say ok, she walks off and says "okay..." possibly saying "it's a date"...I mean...it's almost as if she hadnt planned what to say or anything...did she seem nervous? As for the wave...she may not have seen you, heck, some people don't realise they're being waved at, even if the person waving is right infront of them. Let us know how the ...uh...DATE goes.
  10. It's all normal I'm glad to see that all is good now. As Friscodj said, do something else to occupy your time, and then just CALL HER...us men are like on off switches, if you half turn a switch on, it can often crackle and carry on stupidly (which is dangerous mind you), so if we try to slowly turn on, we end up getting this crackling thing going on. Now to translate that. The longer we take to call (turning the switch on), the more nervous we get, until eventually, something might blow and we turn back off again and not call. I find myself getting VERY nervous over calling someone up, my body just instantly gets nervous....but if I just call the person, It's too late, time to suck it up, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and JUST DO IT. When waiting, you create tension, it's like preparing to perform infront of a large audience your very first time...beforehand, you are nervous as hell, and when you get out there...it's like "WOW!, i'm actually doing this...ok, no backing out now", alot of people even cry from this tension....but if they JUST DID IT, straight from the word GO, they would of been much better off. Tell me...did you feel alot better once you called her? and did you call her a 2nd time and it felt easier? It just takes practise, and really...we are all afraid of rejection and embarrassment, so it's perfectly normal to be nervous over that factor. Good luck with the date
  11. I think he's just horny....i'm serious, I just reckon that he wants sex, I doubt very much that he could see himself in a relationship with you, I doubt that ALOT. I think you know what the right thing is to do, and that is tell him to leave you alone. I know that being harsh is probably not in your nature...you don't need to be harsh. Tell him that it's wrong, you are blood to blood cousins, the family WILL NOT approve, and it will ruin both of your lives if you do anything. Tell him the cold hard FACTS, if you tell him to look for girls his age, he won't listen, he's stubborn, no matter how mature you think he is, he JUST WONT GET IT IN HIS HEAD,....UNLESS, you tell it to him straight that it absolutely WILL NOT WORK, EVER! Don't try to let him down nicely, that is what I'm saying. It's different for non blood relations, but seeming you are cousins, it's freaking disgusting! use your common sense, do what you have to do. Let him know that he needs to snap out of his fantasy world
  12. aw bummer I went to have lunch and she wasnt working today....ahwell, I guess I'll have to wait until next week then
  13. hahaha *raises hand* GUILTY! I used to try and get the hell out of there as quick as possible...funny but strange.
  14. lol, It was an example of how a normal conversation goes, so you have some idea of where to work off. The scriptedness is so it's easier for you guys and gals to read, because when I read some people's posts and they try talking about a conversation, I usually end up getting lost wondering "who's saying what". I don't EXPECT the conversations to be played out like a script, a conversation goes however a conversation goes, for that very reason you pointed out, if she throws a curve ball, I'm gonna be F'd wondering where to go from there. I've never tried expecting conversations to go how I PLAN them to, I can never predict what a person is going to say until I get into a conversation. Yes, how I've written it, does sound like I'm expecting the conversation to ONLY be like that, but I don't ONLY expect a conversation to go like that, and when it comes to the conversation, it all comes naturally, it just flows like it should. Usually when I do have these little SCRIPTS, It's more or less a preperation for IF she does say something, because I'll either go blank, trying to figure out what to say, or something will pop straight into my head and I will say it. I'll make sure I stay away from these scripts next time I write a post, seems nobody here likes them at all! ----------------------------------------------------- I understand what you mean about emails. But I learn, keep it short and sweet, your suspicion is probably right, but only if I called her, and kept getting an answering machine, or I call her, leave a message, and she doesnt reply within the next day, I would send an email asking if she got my message It would not be long, infact it would probably be "hey, I called but you werent available, so I left a message, did you get it?"...it'd be something short like that. Oh, and yes, of course i'd be here dissecting the message, I'm clueless when it comes to understanding women! Anyway, I think you're right about not getting her email address, I'll just get the number instead, if i get her number tomorrow, when is a good time to actually call her and ask her if she wants to go out? That night, the next day, or what, I dunno, I would want to be calling her that night, I know that's for sure, lol Basically, I don't mind if she isn't single, doesnt want to give me her number, etc. like you said, move on to the next, I hardly know this girl at all, so...ahwell, she's not interested, so what, no big deal. If she's single, and gives me her phone number, then I can consider that as a good sign, if I ask her out and she says no, I'll be confused, but ahwell, no loss really, I hardly know her, lol. Thanks for the advice. Jayar, I think it was the only advice here that had any sense to it. Batya, I think you must be in a bad mood or something, I knew someone here would have a reaction like that, it's hard to describe every single little flirty action and body language in words without someone jumping the gun and pretty much saying "you're obsessing". It's like people here don't know people who think a hell of alot, are creative in everything they do, who love it when good things happen, and love it even more when unexpected good things happen, and like to share as many details as possible when talking about a situation. I mean...really, what good is it, if I say "there's this bar maid who I see on thursdays when I have lunch, and she flirts with me, and shows signs of interested, how should I ask her out" Doesnt exactly say much at all, and I already would know the answer to that question, people would say "walk up to her, just say, blahblahblah, etc etc", but do they know how the normal conversations go? nope, do they know that it's not that easy to just straight out ask her out...nope. Anyway...blah, this post has gone on for a while, I'm only asking for advice on how to ask this girl out without appearing desperate, shy, needy, etc I'm not asking for people to abuse me.
  15. Good one DN, that's pretty clear, not suger coated, and it gets the point accross. Unfortunately, no matter how a person says they are not interested, people will still persue in hope of getting them interested, when in fact, it just p***es the person off even more. However, when I get a rejection, I prefer it to be pretty clear, but not harsh. My last rejection was harsh, not overly harsh, but it was. Instead of making derogatory comments that just arent necessary, she could have said "Sorry, I'm not interested, and never will be, how does friends sound" OR just like DN said, I think that one is spot on. I would take that very well. It's an easy let down, without being harsh, and without being hard to understand, it makes a clear point "I'm flattered that you're interested in me, but I don't feel the same way", it simply means "I'm not interested" but makes it sound nicer...how could you go wrong with that. Unfortunately, I have many female friends who just won't listen to your advice...they would ask me "this guy likes me, blahblahblah, I don't like him blahblah, and I don't know how to tell him I don't like him, blah, how do I do it?" I tell them "Tell him the cold hard truth, but don't be a ..... about it, the only way he will stop persueing is if you tell him the truth, don't feel that you're selfish or anything like that for telling him the truth..he'll be hurt either way, but trust me on this when I say that he'll be alot more hurt if you don't tell him the truth straight away" So what happens...a few days later, they come back saying "OMG, he won't get the point!" I ask.. "what do you mean, did you tell him the truth" the girl says.. "I didn't want to be mean to him, or harsh, I didn't want to hurt him, I just said that I dunno if it could work out, and that I'd rather be friends" I say.. "did you listen to my advice at all the other day?" her... "yeah" me... "noooo, you didn't, like I said, he just won't get it if you don't tell him the truth about how you feel, tell him "sorry, I don't feel the same way about you, I'm not interested" he'll either get the picture and give up, OR he'll be a creep and keep persueing you" Then I usually don't hear back from the girl until later on she comes online one day saying "omg this guy is P'ing me off, aaaaaargh, I want to rip his throat out!, why doesnt he get the picture!?" I ask... "Did you tell him what I told you to tell him?" Her..."no, but I'm gonna send an email now that hopefully he'll get the picture!" Meaning she's gonna send him and email that's going to be harsh, mean and all of that, because of her own silly stupid fault for not telling him the truth in the first place. So yeah, be truthful, don't be harsh, don't be nice, just be upfront, make your feelings CLEAR, but if you hate him and all of that, don't tell him you hate him, just say you're sorry and that you arent interested..end of story.
  16. Whatever you do, do NOT tell her you like her, or anything, let her figure it out for herself, show her you like her, but never make it absolutely 100% clear that you do, flirt with her heaps, get her missing you, wanting you, get her to try and get your attention more. Whenever you normally see her, you should miss that day or something, because she expects you to be at the class or whatever it is, but when she arrives and you're not there...she instantly wonders where you are, and then you have given the gift of her missing you, lol..it'll work wonders. Her taking your phone and being all childish is a form of friendly flirting, going into the girls toilet area, well, hmmmmm, either she wanted you to come in, or she knew you wouldnt come in, either way, I bet that she was hoping you would come in. I don't think she needs to be any clearer of her feelings for you, I COULD be wrong, but there is a VERY..VERY VERY VERY slim chance of that, but I reckon that she wants you, have fun with the situation, ask her out again, and well, if you want some help on what to do when you go out, or making that first kiss, go to link removed There is a little section on the side of the website, which branches to another thing, you open whatever the category is, and it gives you a heap of tips, and things. There is some kiss test thing ...that's what they call it, but..yeah, while in conversation, just say you like her hair and touch the very tips of it, if she smiles and likes it, then you can continue conversation, and stroke her hair. after a little while, lock your eyes, and move in for a kiss. If she pulls away (highly unlikely) she is probably just unsure about it, or doesnt want to yet, or she may think she has bad breathe or is a bad kisser or something like that...there are plenty of reasons..otherwise...if she doesnt, and she kisses you, please take that as a sign that SHE IS ATTRACTED TO YOU The only thing I would want to question about this..kiss test, is what if the two people were sitting at opposite sides of the table, it'd be hard to lean over to kiss each other then. Sit next to her when you go out...that's my suggestion, that's what I'd do to avoid any awkwardness of the kiss...or when walking together, you could try it. It sounds like she is attracted to you, she's enjoying the flirting, I would suggest you enjoy it aswell, lol, but don't leave it for too long, or she may just give up. Have fun OH, as for asking her out...you have her number, CALL HER MAKE time for another date, don't look for time.
  17. Thanks, I almost took your advice, but since I'd already written an apology email that was nothing but saying sorry for things I wasn't really sorry for, and the email was scrambled, because I wrote it in the morning, the morning I read her harsh response, I was more affected by the way she said it more than what she said. The good thing is, I never expected her to be all happy and cheery about it and want to be going out with me, so thereforeeee I'm not really HURT by the rejection, If I expected way too much, I was of been highly disappointed and pretty wrecked. Not expecting much, means, rejection is taken alot easier, ALOT easier, almost as if I went rejected, and if something does go right, it's a HUUUUGE surprise, and it's 10 times better than if it was already expected. Sometimes thinking negatively in a situation can bring more good than harm. Anyway, she started being quiet around me a while ago, not just when I asked her out, and really, this is the only time I have appeared to have showed my attraction for her, so I'm stuffed If I know how she figured me out before then, lol. I think my email response was something like this: "haha, I'm already laughing You went quiet a long time ago...how did you know I was attracted to you then, when I showed NO signs of attraction at all? grrrr, it's true, women can read minds. Talk to you later" It was something like that...it'd be funny to see when she found out I was attracted, and how she found out.
  18. Hi, yes, as some know I am also attracted to the 27yr old woman with a daughter...but anyway...this isn't about her. I also became attracted to a bar maid where I go to have lunch on thursdays, straight away I felt it...of course, that was the looks, then I spoke to her, she was a very nice girl, I think she may be older than me, I guess about 20-21 yrs old, but that's ok, I also havent got her name yet (I know..lol funny isn't it) she had long black hair (she cut it, and it was short last week when i had lunch), she's got a very attractive body, and face, just natural uhm, oh, she has a british accent I love british accents on attractive women...yet I can't stand watching british TV shows, lol. I never really thought about her much at all, well I didn't think about her, I see her once a week, thats it, while I have lunch. I DID start thinking about her when I noticed that she was blatently looking over at me while she washing up...I was eating, and I looked up, and saw her looking accross at me, not facing me, but looking out the corner of her eye almost, I figured that maybe it was something behind me or near me, I look around..nothing there...I don't take much notice, but I feel good about myself, then ever since then, she's been doing that very same thing, looking over at me, and well, now she actually faces in my direction, shy's away when I look back, etc. And I usually look down or away a bit and smile, or I'll smile at her, but she usually looks away too fast to see me smile. She also tries striking up conversation with me now, when she cleans the tables and what not, we've had only one long sortof conversation (considering the amount of things she's doing at the time) which wasnt heaps long, but longer than "hey, how are you...etc.etc". She does other things that I've never noticed before, such as twiling her hair when walking past me aswell. I know that this is WAAAAAAAAY WAY overthinking this, but I usually have lunch with a female friend from martial arts, who is friends with the 27 yr old, and she has short hair...well, It's possible that the bar maid cut her hair short thinking I like women with short hair know, how bad is that, lol, that's just overthinking, I doubt thats really why she cut her hair short...she may of done it for a change, and she may of done it to see if I'd compliment her hair cut or something... If that's so, I plan on complimenting it, and I plan on giving a little tip on what would make it look even better (rough it up a bit). Anyway...the thing is, I want to ask her out, but I'm not sure how, I mean, I reckon that with a lot of thinking, I could possibly come up with something, but I dunno, I guess, I'm just really unsure of what to say. The normal conversation usually goes like this: *I arrive, and walk up to the bar buying area* *she sees me, smiles, and comes over* Her: "hey, how are you" (I often beat her to asking) Me: "hey, yeah, pretty good, yourself?" Her: "yeah, I'm good" (in a rather happy tone of voice, added with some nodding) Her: "What would you like today?" Me: "Spaghetti bolegnaise, without cheese...aaaaand pinapple juice" Her: "that'll be..." *I hand her money, and we normally touch each others hands* *she gets the change, gives it to me, and goes to make the drink* NOW All of that above is not what I consider to be flirtatious..if it was, than every girl I meet that works, is flirting with me, lol. That is generally how a normal conversation goes with her at first. After this bit, we usually talk about other things, and get to know each other I guess... But next time, on thursday instead of striking up conversation, I want to ask what her name is, I want to know if she's single, and I want to know what her phone number and email address is. I'm not going to ask her out there and then..well, to be honest, I don't know what I will do. The way I'm thinking I should do this is while it's quiet, I can just say "Hey, do you know how long I've been coming here for lunch?" she'll probably laugh and say she has no idea, then I'll say "hahaha, well...we still don't know each others' names yet, haha....My names Nathan, I assume you DO have a name?" She'll probably laugh again and tell me her name (I've heard her name before, but, I can't seem to hear it properly..it's a short name like Pen for Penelope or something). (Let's just say her name IS Penelope, or Pen) Then I would say "well, Penelope, I have a question I want to ask" She'll ask me what my question is, I would say "are you single?" Either she will frown, or she'll smile, if she says she does, then I will laugh it off and say, "ok" take the drink, go sit down, and, have my lunch.. I assume that she'll either flirt by asking me a question back like for example "why..are you interested?" or she'll just say "nope"...in any case, If she asks me that question, I will say "nope" she will get confused, then I will reassure her, if she says nope, I will continue on and say "great, so do you have a number?" she'll say yes of course..if she says no, then yeah, that goes another direction, I'll get her to write it down for me, and I'll say "write down your email while your there" she'll either say she doesnt have email, or she'll just write it down with the number. If she asks for my number back, I'll say "Oh, I don't have one" I'll smile and walk away to my table, then I'll take out my mobile phone and pretend to check messages or something while she's around, she'll probably say something like "I thought you didn't have a phone"...In that case, I'll laugh and say "haha, oh, no..haha, this is a friends phone ya see" then I'll poke my tongue out at her. So yeah, I think it will be fine after writing that, I think I'll be able to get her number and email, and all of that, but...if I was going to ask her out then and there, I don't know If I'm sure what to say...I'm thinking of saying : "Hey, when do you have time off work?" she'll tell me and I'll try and figure out a good time to go out then I'll say "well, ok, how about at glorea jeans, we can go grab a drink at and get to know each other better, what do you say?" I can do that OR, I can call her, but I don't know how many days after, to call her... Basically..I just want some ideas on what I can do to get her name, number and email, and what I can do to ask her out. Thanks for any help, I greatly appreciate it.
  19. YAY! Something good happened! I sent her another email basically a more understandable one. This is what I said: ======================================== (This email is long, but more understandable than my other one.) I wrote the other email straight after reading your rather... harsh response this morning, and it probably wasnt the right time for me to be responding to what you said, I guess I just wanted to make it clear that I was sorry. I was hoping you'd read it before going to tae kwon do, to save any awkwardness I guess. But yeah...the email probably needs some rewording, I think at the end I made it sound like you led me on...but I didn't mean that at all. Just to save any further trouble. Look, as people have told me, It's better to try and find out, than to be left in wonder until I do try, so I tried, and now I know you're not interested...end of story. So...really, to be completely honest, I'm not sorry, I would be sorry If I was being a pest, and in that case, I'm sorry for this email, but...nah, I'm not sorry, I did something I thought I would never do, I tried, didn't get anywhere...so what, time to move on. I don't want to have any awkwardness in at Tae Kwon Do, I find it hard enough just to say Hi now...even before I asked you out, it felt as though you did not want to talk to me AT ALL, so I didn't bother talking to you. The only thing I'm sorry for is that asking you out has probably made you disrespect me, hate me, or whatever, from the response you gave me, it sounds like I pissed you off... I didn't, and I don't want that, friends is fine (that was all I asked you out as, because we never talk to each other, so maybe it would be a good time to talk... but..I guess even that wasnt going to happen). I'm moving on, I hope that you don't mind friends either, I don't expect you to be all to happy about this all and be great friends with me the next time you see me, but, over time. I don't mean for anything bad to happen, I don't mean to piss you off, I don't want to be a pest, and I won't be a pest from now on, if you are pissed off, perhaps you should cool down a bit before saying anything. so yeah...hopefully this email is more understandable than my other one...if you've read this one first, than I guess you can read the other one if you want, but yeah, better that you know that my other email was all over the shop, and I realise that. Well..that's it, whether you want to respond or not is up to you, I don't expect a response, but if you do respond, try not to be so harsh. I'm trying my best to keep this civilised, it'd be nice if you do the same. --------------------------------------------------- BTW, just a sidenote...I never said your life was BORING, nor did I ever imply it when I asked you out, sorry if what I said came accross that way. ====================================== hey there sorry if you thought I was harsh. unfortunately in situations like this it can come accross that way. I have been feeling a little harassed by you, so that probably came through in my response, but I'm not angry and I'm happy to forget the whole thing. with time the this will be a distant memory, and so will any awkwardness at training. hang in there. you're right, you should never regret trying stuff, but just so you know, the fact that i became less chatty with you was the "obvious" sign that I wasn't interested. but that doesn't mean that we can't be friends. we'll laugh about this one day, i swear. take care. ================================================ And this is what I said in reply ================================================ Haha, I'm already laughing about it I was actually kindof worried that the last email I sent you was probably a bad idea aswell, lol, now i'm glad I wrote it. Sorry if I appeared to be harassing you really didn't want it to seem that way Well, you became less chatty with me a long time ago...how could you tell I liked you back then?! I didn't show ANY signs of attraction Grrr, I knew it, you women can read minds, haha, well, I'm glad the situation has lightened up. Talk to you later =========================== So as you can see, it's all good again, I feel happier than I have in a while, I'm just glad that we both know what was going on, etc, and that we can both just...forget about it. Of course it's not as easy as simply just forgetting about it, but...it will happen, I'm cool with friends..besides, if you read my other thread about a bar maid, you'll know that I have attraction elsewhere, and it might be coming back my way aswell. Thanks for your help people, I appreciate it.
  20. well the email i sent back was very apologetic, I wasnt saying sorry every second word, but I made it clear to her that I realise that It was a very silly misunderstanding, and feel like a moron for it...so whether or not she replies is another question... I did mention that I started becoming attracted to her a while ago when she was more than friendly...I said that, that wasnt her problem, it was mine, and I didn't feel too good about it or something (I can't remember exactly what I said). And basically just said, that it wasnt her problem, I wasnt blaming her for my attraction, I was just pointing out, when and why. Attraction isn't a choice, and since we werent exactly in the best situation at the moment. (She was flirting and carrying on for ages, then STOPPED out of nowhere, and I thought that it was because I didn't show her I was attracted..obviously I was wrong) We don't really talk to one another anymore, and I probably asked at the wrong time as we just...didn't talk to one another...when I tried getting into a conversation, it would be fine, but...other than that, she doesnt say hi anymore, she doesnt ask questions, doesnt flirt or anything...all we did was make eye contact a little bit. So I thought...it's my last chance, I may aswell just ask her, see if she still has a little bit of attraction, I thought that she may of been insecure about going out with a guy of my age, and when she sent the first email saying she'd feel like a perv...I thought 1 of 2 things: 1. She is trying to let me down easily, but didn't do a very good job, because I don't understand at all. 2. She said she couldnt go out for tuesday, because she had to pick up the daughter, and she was pointing out an insecurity of hers for some reason. So I was stuck between thinking 1 and 2, and I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to be a pest, so I didn't ask her right away if she wanted to go out, I did ask her what she meant by feeling like a perv, but I got no response. As for today, well, It was better than I thought...and...kindof annoying in a way, we RARELY get paired up to do an activity, VERY RARELY, but today, we got paired up several times, and we had a drill, where we had to turn our belts around, have our partner grab the loose bits of the belt and hold us back, while we tried sparring the other person, anyway...it was fun, but then she suggested doing a spinning whip kick, and asked how we do that, so then she kicked straight back and went to whip the foot in my direction...it was kindof playfully, but it was like she really wanted to put that foot accross my face... I just don't understand...every girl I've liked, and have told that I like them, or every girl I ask out, they all just turn bitter, and nasty ...one girl WAS my best friend, and as soon as I told her I liked her, she turned into a b**** and treated me like crap, the others were friends, there was only one girl who was christian and she was nice about it, because she's a nice person in general...shall I say..angelic.. Now, I ask a woman out, a woman who I thought for some strange reason wanted me, but then I ask her out, she has a reaction like that like I was just TRYING to annoy her...which was the very last thing I wanted to do. If I sent her a serious email, and made it seem like a drama..I figured i would get a dramatic reaction and tehre would be a drama...so I send this email, and she gives me a dramatic reaction anyway...just lovely. Anyway...I'm just hoping she doesnt go tell others about it, I asked her not to in my email response, but I'm thinking that maybe she already has told someone... As for keeping my distance, I guess if her and I werent talking to each other much anyway, that we were...keeping our distance (for some weird reason). It's a bit hard to keep the distance if we train together... I do think she was harsh, I actually was fairly angered by her email, and how harsh it was, I wasnt implying that her life was BORING and would be EXCITING to spend time with me at all, so I'm stuffed as to why she'd think I was even implying that in the first place...buh! I'm not going to bother with her at all from now on, no point in chasing, it'll only get me into more s***, I honestly don't think I'll be doing martial arts for much longer anyway, I've got some crappy joint problems, and I'm coming up to black belt, my skill has fallen dramatically since I started getting the problems, so I think as soon as I get myself a job (should be sometime this week or next), I'm outta there..well, I might be outta there, I dunno, a part of me wants to stay, because I've been doing martial arts for 3 years a bit now, but a part of me wants to get the hell out of there, because the place just gives me stress at times.. Ahwell...It's a long post, I'm tired already, thanks for your support, I appreciate it, I think I'll just try my best to play it cool, like it never even happened, but it's WAY easier said than done. I'll update the thread when she replies.
  21. Finally, after half a year of being attracted to this older woman, I now know that she definitely doesnt feel the same way, in a way i'm glad that I can just...leave it, but, I guess it's going to be really hard for me to see her at martial arts training from now on. I half to go train in 1 and a half hours...and I will see her there. Last night, the 27yr old with a daughter replied to an email I sent her...I said: ----------------------------- ""sorry, by the time you finish i have to pick up . besides i'd feel like a perv having coffee with an 18 year old. catcha." ------------------------------------------------ Hey again, I realise you have to pick up from school, so what time is a good time? don't tell me you're always busy either, I'm not silly! ....oh, and you reckon you'd feel like a perv having coffee with an 18 year old do you...well, i'm 18 and 5 months and nobody said you had to have "coffee" with me, glorea jeans has plenty of good tasty drinks, have a mango chiller/smoothie, a hot chocolate with marshmellows, or something else... so... How about friday night, after leadership team, the only people around are the girls who work at Glorea Jeans and it should make you feel more comfortable if you are really THAT paranoid about having a drink with me. So, what do you say? Are you going to go home and do whatever it is you normally do, or do something different for a change? something that might not be as bad as you think...just try to remember a few months back, when we used to talk outside of on friday nights...it's no different, true? So call me when you have an answer, or talk to me at training ok. Talk to you later." -------------------------------------------- And last night she replied with: "Nathan, I can't even begin to explain how not interested I am. I thought that was fairly obvious. I talk to you because you're one of the kids I train with, that's all. Oh, and your assertion that my private life (about which you know nothing) is boring and it would be exciting to spend time with you is just insulting. Look, no hard feelings. stick with girls your own age, hey? catch you at training." I have replied, with apologies, and telling her that I'm not going to bother anymore, and I thanked her for being alot clearer this time around...as her last email could of meant a few things, I just didn't know for sure. NOW, I just don't know what going to happen at training, I'm not really upset that she made herself clear...I'm glad in one sense that I can just forget about trying to be with her all together, but...now the bitterness and awkwardness at martial arts is going to be the hard part. My gut feels like it's been pulled through a meat grinder or something at the moment...I just hope that she reads my reply before going in to training today, so it's not AS BAD....anyway..if she doesnt reply, I'll try talking to her alone when I have the chance, and just say sorry to her. I feel like an IDIOT! and absolute idiot, and I am.. Some of you probably don't know the backstory to this all. Basically...I took on a job at my martial arts centre a while ago to pay for training, and so I started doing midday classes before working, the 27 year old was in these classes, and she became more than friendly after about a week of me training there, she got very close to me, touching me, flirting with me, even going to the extent of waiting for me after classes so she could talk to me for a little bit, she made a few sexual hints and signs, she showed alot of signs of attraction towards me...I started feeling attraction for her, it built up, I did nothing about it, I didn't reciprocate with her actions, and eventually, out of nowhere, she stopped the friendliness, and we almost became awkward around one another, eventually, we did, and I asked her out, in a casual way, just to come have coffee after i finish work on tuesday (2 weeks ago I think that was..or last tuesday), she replied by saying she'd feel like a perv, I replied with the next email and wrote that on sunday morning, she replied last night at about 11pm. So that's a short summary... Now, I think just by asking her out, I may have completely ruined any possible friendship aswell...I really didn't want this to turn out all dramatic...but well, it did, and I knew it would, I knew it was all too good to be true, and I was right. I just don't know how to deal with it at training..I mean, I could hardly look at her after the first email she sent me, I don't know why, I just felt stupid I guess, I dunno...but now...sheesh...this is gonna suck!
  22. firstly...lemme tell you, never apologize for something you are not sorry for. Say...you kiss a woman, and she pulls away...DON'T SAY SORRY. In this case I think it's ok, and you found out that she would want to give you another chance. Just keep getting together with her, and be confident, if you run out of things to say, then say something completely random...I'm serious, and then when she gives you a weird look, you can tell her that the silence was unbearable, so you needed to talk about something, then do something like play a question game, where you each take turns at asking each other questions...it can be fun, and it should keep you entertained for a while. While you're sitting at your computer now, search for things you're interested in, or you think would be interesting to her, look at news websites like yahoo, or even msn, you can always say "hey, I saw a thing on link removed the other night and blahblahblahblah"...that should create conversation for you. Just another thing...when writing emails, don't appear to be angry of frustrated about anything..that doesnt mean to be an arrogant cocky ignorant POS (piece of ****) aswell, but just be cool, calm and collected. Instead of apologizing you could say something like "Well our little get together was a little...awkward, kindof quiet, it was a new experience for me, and well, I'd like to have a get together with you again, how does friday afternoon at 3pm at such and such place sound to you?" It is alot better than saying something like "sorry that our get together was really quiet and we couldnt have much conversation, I really wanted to have better conversation, but didn't know what to say, so...sorry for that, I thought I might of pissed you off" I'm assuming that you said something along those lines...try and stay clear of that, it gives a negative vibe...which is not what you want. I hope I've helped...good luck.
  23. WHAT!? you're married and you're just 19 years old.....wow?...the only people I see that get married around our age are couples that accidentally got the woman pregnant. Well, I guess if you're happy, nothing else really matters
  24. You already know which one you like more...and I think you like Rachel more than Jennifer. BUT...you're 14...what the? you shouldnt even worry about this at your age!
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