Flame all you want, I still need to vent.

[Soylent Green]

I've been reading other people's stories for a while now and seeing how they have had some tough times finding love. It makes me sad, because everyone on the forum seems to be pretty decent and deserving of a nice relationship. And I guess it wasn't until tonight that I felt the need to put my story out there, for what it's worth.

 

I've been divorced for a year and a half, separated for two years. Married my ex-wife because I was certain she was "the one". Well, obviously that didn't turn out very well. I've never been what anyone would call attractive, but I see people who are probably on the same level of attractiveness as me dating all the time, having girlfriends, getting married, etc. However, I believe that I am distinctly different from them because of The Curse. I don't know where The Curse originated from, but it is real and undeniable. I know some people will simply say I am a lunatic, but if you had experienced what I have experienced, you would agree.

 

Aside from my lack of a strong chin and Brad Pitt looks, I am what many would consider to be the complete package. I have a good job that pays pretty well and I have a functioning car. I am responsible, caring, and very funny. I am good at making friends, I am kind to animals, and I do my best to make life fun and interesting for those around me. I have a bachelor's degree from an Ivy League school and a master's degree from another school that always seems to be in the top five schools in the country. I am basically every mother's dream guy for her daughter. But then there is The Curse.

 

The Curse rears its ugly head on nights like tonight. I go out to a bar to meet a group of people and mingle. There are several women there whom I find attractive. I start conversations with some of them; there is clearly no interest on their part. I try to make eye contact with others; they simply look away and avoid me. Other guys are having nice, enjoyable conversations with women without any of the problems I'm having. A casual observer might just say that I was having a night of bad luck.

 

However, THIS HAPPENS EVERY NIGHT I GO OUT. Every time I go out, every time I meet a women in the check out line at the store, every blind date I've been on, every interaction I have with a woman my age ends the same. It is as if someone has handed the woman I'm talking to a plate of dog crap. I'm not saying anything mean, arrogrant, or weird in these conversations. I'm just asking basic break-the-ice questions. Hence, The Curse.

 

The only reasonable explanation for my failure to generate any interest in any woman is The Curse. I'm not talking about an actual "curse" put on me by an individual. I'm talking about a general inability to connect with any woman the origins of which I can't determine, thereby making it appear as if some has put a "curse" on me. That's The Curse.

 

I know I'll probably get the usual responses of "just be yourself" or "when you least expect it love will find you". That's all a crock. My chances of finding someone are ZERO. No matter what I try, the result never changes. I don't want anyone's sympathy, I just needed to find a place to vent my anger, loneliness, frustration and disappointment. Nor do I expect anyone to have an answer that will help me in any way. But I'm figuring that some people will just tell me to stop feeling sorry for my crazy self. I don't feel sorry for myself, I'm just pointing out a fact: most men aren't cursed, but I happen to be. There is no solution to this; it is something I must live with for the next 50-something years of my loveless life.

 

There, my first post. Let the flaming begin.

[TheRedQueen]

well sorry about that curse, but at least you are smart and funny?

 

Soylent Green is made out of PEOPLE....PEOPLE....

[Raingate]

Removing this account...so theres no need to have my posts up.

[Daddy Bear]

nobody here is going to flame you. however i AM going to be totally blunt. you're most likely saying things that turn girls off, and i have laid out the following points to help you improve your chances:

 

1. The Curse is imaginary, and a good indicator of a person who externalizes his faults.

 

2. you are not every mother's dream guy for her daughter. nobody is.

 

3. you are probably not going to have much success until you recognize (1) and (2) as the truth.

 

good luck in the future.

[TheRedQueen]

Maybe you should attempt to meet your next girlfriend from an internet dating site? You could show her your sense of humor, and intelligence while evading the dreaded Curse Effect.

[Daddy Bear]

there is no frickin' Curse, TRQ. he's not saying the right things, or he would be in.

[TheRedQueen]

So says you, and what exactly do you mean when you say, " or he would be in"?

 

As a woman, I find that borderline offensive Mr. Bent.

[Daddy Bear]

so say i, and "would be in" means that he would succeed in his quest to find companionship.

 

for as well as you should know me, and for all the male-bashing that you yourself have done on ENA, i find your protestation unamusingly ironic.

[Aurian]

Its a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think you are cursed. You act like you're cursed (body language perhaps or not projecting yourself as well, because you expect to be shot down anyways). You get the expected result.

 

I would suggest internet dating as well. You can charm girls with your sense of humour and then feel more confident once things reach the meeting stage. Goodbye curse (and tell yourself it does not work online! )

[hosswhispra]

Its a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Using a job interview analogy of two applicants, Bob and Jim.

 

Jim believes that he's a failure and won't get the job. On the morning of the interview, he wakes up late, rolls on some rumpled clothes....he goes into the interview thinking he does not the get the job. And you know what? He doesn't get the job.

 

Bob on the other hand, maintains a positive attitude. He gets up early, has a cup of tea, takes a shower and puts on his best interview clothes. He goes in to the interview and gives his future employer a firm handsake. And you know what? Bob gets the job.

 

Forget the curse! Start thinking positive and visualize success. Amazing things will happen when you think positive.

[sweetdreamer]

Curse does not exist!!!

It is what you think because the kind of energy you are giving others and yourself!!! Maybe you are feeling negative and people do feel negative energies....

Maybe if you stop believing that you are cursed and maybe you will begin to feel the positive and people do feel the positive and they will come.

[MaeMae]

I totally understand. I have a male friend who suffers The Curse as well. He's a great guy, great job, great education. Just for some reason can't get a girl. He is very upbeat and positive so it's not the negative vibe thing per se, however, he does sometimes project a desperate or 'needy' vibe, which is an INSTANT turn off to girls (and guys too I imagine).

[bulletproof]

Maybe you could give us more detail about your approach? While venting on a message board can help, I feel that ultimately these forums can be used to get constructive criticism and advice.

 

You don't have to be saying anything weird or mean for a woman to be uninterested in speaking to you. I know for myself, if i find a conversation to be too one-sided or if the person I'm speaking to is too serious, I tend to become bored. And I try to be really aware of this about myself, too. Conversation should just be fun and interesting, without any agenda.

 

While I don't believe in anyone being cursed, I do know how one might feel like that's the case! Maybe your curse is actually that you are not ready to date yet. Maybe you are still carrying around the pain that your divorce and separation left you with. And if you are in fact cursed, how does it explain you ever being married to someone in the first place? Clearly, you were not cursed then. A lot of people never get that far.

 

Either way, people posting here are right when they say that you will get what you give, on some level. If you can maintain positivity, there will be no shortage of people wanting to be around you.

[Soylent Green]

Wow, nice responses by all. I've joined several clubs and organizations to meet new people, but maybe my problem is that I join those things hoping to meet someone instead of joining just for the fun of it and not caring whether I meet someone or not. And I don't think it's my approach to women that's causing the problem. It's almost as if before the conversation starts, a woman has already written me off and then goes through the motions of a conversation just to be polite. It's frustrating because it is very hard to explain to someone.

 

I try to tell myself that, like SlightlyBent said, the curse is imaginary and maybe I'm just projecting a doomed attitude outward. But even the times when I've genuinely been positive, nothing has really seemed to change. So I'm not really sure what the answer is. Maybe I just think about this stuff too much.

 

Thanks for your posts, they made me feel a bit better.

[EternalHindSight]

Two potential reasons from what i can tell, from my own experiences,

 

First is confidence- if u think ur crap then youll act like it

 

Secondly - Dress/ Style - As much as women say it and deny it that they arent shallow and looks dont count if anything is important within the first 5 minutes of contact its how you look. If they think ur "cute" or "hot" often simply by your hair style and clothes , not so much on genetics then youve got your foot in the door for them to get to know u.

 

Thats a by product of a shallow society

 

I suggest if u havent already done, get a new wardrobe, a nice haircut and ooze confidence even if its false (u will find it becomes real once your actually talking to her beyond that 5 minutes), so u can talk to any girl then im sure u will find one who recipricates.

 

Best of luck, your not cursed, your stuck in rutt /moment and by thinking about it everytime you go out your destined to repeat it.

[Derge]

Lifes a * * * * *

[madhornet]

I've found internet dating to be a complete waste of time - mainly because there's a vast overload of men and few women from a percentage point of view.

 

So the women end up getting loads of messages (like in a pub/club situation and end up having to ignore several of them because they have to decide which ones to reply to). The men who will mess around with the woman and cause her to relate to her female friends about how all men are evil etc., despite the fact she's ignored the genuinely decent emails sent.

 

Women like a challenge and not a boring email. So do we (the non-evil men) send an 'evil email' first and then behave as we would normally or should we put on an 'act' so we don't remain single for eternity?

 

All very confusing... perhaps it gets easier once men reach 30???

[Aurian]

Well, I would like a not-boring email. I would not want an evil email. Isn't there a happy medium? A not-boring email from a nice guy? I want a nice guy who is fun to be with and to talk to. Perhaps evil guys are just more confident or something....

 

I married someone I thought was a really nice guy. He showed his true colours after 3 years. He was an evil guy. I kicked his butt to the curb. There are women out there who want nice guys. Or at least one in a few months

[Managor]

*thinks* Does this work both ways? Because I write - more or less - the most boring emails possible

[Scout]

1. The Curse is imaginary, and a good indicator of a person who externalizes his faults.

 

2. you are not every mother's dream guy for her daughter. nobody is.

 

3. you are probably not going to have much success until you recognize (1) and (2) as the truth.

 

Blunt, yes. But in my opinion, absolutely what you need to hear.

 

There is no magic formula that woos women. I've seen gorgeous women with homely guys. I've seen highly educated women with guys who are not.

 

What seems to be the common thread is that these are people who march to their own drum and look for substance, not show.

 

But here's some additional practical advice you might be able to use...and one that sounds like you're already giving thought to, anyway...follow interests that really speak to your heart, rather than ones where you think you'll meet women. If you do this consistently, you are bound to meet kindred spirits, and at some point, romance will surely follow, because nothing ignites love such as the experience of discovering someone who just really "gets you."

 

It's really that easy. Not overnight, necessarily, (although it could be), but easy.

[Soylent Green]

Well I went to an event tonight, met a nice girl, talked to her. I was funny and confident, not arrogant. That seemed to get a response. Then I watched her talk to her ex-boyfriend, who is a total stalker. Set myself up as the cool, laid back alternative to the stalker ex-boyfriend. Didn't overdo it, just acted interested but not crazy. Wore a nice, newly purchased outfit. I smelled good, felt good about myself, looked good tonight. She left without giving me her number.

 

Thought I had a chance tonight. It looked good for a while. But, I have learned that the reward for being positive is disappointment. And so it goes...

[TheRedQueen]

Wow, nice responses by all. I've joined several clubs and organizations to meet new people, but maybe my problem is that I join those things hoping to meet someone instead of joining just for the fun of it and not caring whether I meet someone or not.

 

B-I-N-G-O.

 

My advice to you? Do as I do, take a chill pill, everything's gonna be okay, relax.

[Scout]

I have learned that the reward for being positive is disappointment. And so it goes...

 

You're externalizing again.

[bulletproof]

Life isn't a system of rewards and punishments. Being positive is something we should do regardless of the outcome. And anything worth having is going to take a lot more than one positive try. A good attitude needs to be sincere, and genuine, and it might take a while to develop. Give it time.

 

So she left without giving you her number. Did you ask for it? Will she be around again? Maybe she wishes she had given it to you. Maybe she felt overwhelmed by the ex-boyfriend's presense and didn't want to irritate him. Don't just assume that you did something wrong or that she wasn't interested. You just don't know.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Ok its taken me 3 days and night in mud hut SG, with a shamen from the wartage tribe, 6 sheep,4 cows and 2m of blue string. But after chants and the tossing of holy rocks, laying of coloered sand in very complex pattens.

The exstenciv inpeation of a sheeps walk pattens on drugs.

We have at last lifeted the Curse. It was exsorciting work but I can now say its gone for good and for ever. Now be a good chap and go meet and many woman as you can in the next year. All you have to do is say Hi, see we also recursed you to meet your new love some time soon thats why all the blue string,but and this is a big one but I lost the papar I wrote her name on so blowed if I know who she is. best thing then is to just go out and meet as many women as you can one of them has to be her.

 

Im really sorry about this, next time ill make better notes.

 

Im not joking I mean it get started now or she'll be real mad by the time you find her.

see shes out there thinking shes Cursed never to meet you so get ya skates on kido