Soylent Green

If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. I think all of the awfulness of my romantic life up to this point cannot be written off as simply bad luck. I feel like it's a sign, an indicator of something deeper about me. Basic laws of statistics would imply that if all that has happened to me is "bad luck", my luck should have changed by now. So I don't think my numerous failed relationships with women who have hurt me, my divorce, and my continuing dating woes are attributable to bad luck. I might well have been designed to be unlovable. It's a legitimate fear I have.

I agree that everything you guys are saying is true. It just doesn't change the fact that no one wants me. And I guess that's what's bothering me.

Nope. I've never done that.

I am always amazed that people keep giving this advice Yes, that strategy may work for some people, and it's always how things work out in romantic comedy movies. But for people like me who are not designed to be loved, this is simply a form of false hope. As if just going about your everyday life and not thinking about love will miraculously end many years of sadness and loneliness and heartbreak. This strategy requires too much faith in the idea that there is a happy ending for everyone. Life isn't Hollywood. Not everyone wins the big game. And one of the worst things you can have in this world is faith; it's a recipe for disappointment. After years of loneliness punctuated by several periods in which I thought I was loved by someone only to have the relationships all end badly, I don't believe that sitting back and relaxing is going to solve my love problems. That would be too easy

Doesn't do me a whole lot of good.

I always hear women complaining about how all guys lie. Well, in my experience, women lie just as much or even more than men. I was going out with a girl for about four months. Everything was going pretty well until one day, out of the blue, she says that she never really wanted a serious relationship and just wanted someone to date. She said a lot of mean things and we broke up. But her main argument was that she had gotten out of a serious relationship a short while before we started going out and that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship. This was all about a month ago. Today I find out that she's now in a serious relationship with another guy. So, it wasn't that she didn't want to be in a relationship, she just didn't want to be in a relationship WITH ME. A little honesty would have been nice. I'm very tired of women lying to me. I'd really like to know why women lie so much.

Yes, but he may have had Asperger's Syndrome or some type of condition that made it hard for him to have relationships, so maybe that lack of a documented relationship should have an asterisk I'm 30, and all of my relationships with women have been very negative, so if you've never had a relationship, you're not missing much. Believe me, it's better to attract no one than attract psychos.

Damn, Sky, if you replaced "men" with "women" and "granny" with "grandpa", your last post would sound like something I would say! I just looked at your profile and your photo, and I know it might sound kind of shallow, but no one with your looks ends up alone. I'm not surprised that you can attract men, and I'm also not surprised that you attract a lot of lousy ones. Those type of guys tend to pursue attractive women because they think they're God's gift; women are initially attracted to them for various reasons, but then find out about their wife, prison record, crack addiction, etc. These guys tend to be more outgoing and thereforeeee more memorable for better or worse. What tends to get overlooked by women is the nice reasonably attractive guy in line at the supermarket, or the bank teller, or the guy they ran into in the elevator, the ones that don't aggressively hit on attractive women because they are a little shy or something. The bad boys are remembered as spectacular examples of why men are pigs, but the other 90% of the guys out there have little or no staying power in women's memories. Just a thought....

Wow, man, you seem pretty mature for only 14 and you clearly have a good sense about yourself and your emotions. You view yourself as a "little shy kid", but if girls are already asking you out, you're probably not giving yourself enough credit. But even if you are really "shy" and "little"....repeat after me...you're only 14! You could be six feet tall and brimming with confidence when you're 18, for all you know! Alot can happen between 14 and 18. In any case, don't feel rushed to be in a relationship or become a full-blown adult. Being an adult sucks a lot of the time. Enjoy being a kid for a little longer!

I appreciate the effort Spug. So sorry you lost three days working on it. I hope the farm animals were returned without incident My old college roommate recently told me that dating is all a numbers game. If you ask out 7,000 women, at least one will say yes. It's just asking out 7,000 women that takes a lot of time. I don't know if he's right or not, but he seems to share your enthusiasm. We will see....

Well I went to an event tonight, met a nice girl, talked to her. I was funny and confident, not arrogant. That seemed to get a response. Then I watched her talk to her ex-boyfriend, who is a total stalker. Set myself up as the cool, laid back alternative to the stalker ex-boyfriend. Didn't overdo it, just acted interested but not crazy. Wore a nice, newly purchased outfit. I smelled good, felt good about myself, looked good tonight. She left without giving me her number. Thought I had a chance tonight. It looked good for a while. But, I have learned that the reward for being positive is disappointment. And so it goes...

Wow, nice responses by all. I've joined several clubs and organizations to meet new people, but maybe my problem is that I join those things hoping to meet someone instead of joining just for the fun of it and not caring whether I meet someone or not. And I don't think it's my approach to women that's causing the problem. It's almost as if before the conversation starts, a woman has already written me off and then goes through the motions of a conversation just to be polite. It's frustrating because it is very hard to explain to someone. I try to tell myself that, like SlightlyBent said, the curse is imaginary and maybe I'm just projecting a doomed attitude outward. But even the times when I've genuinely been positive, nothing has really seemed to change. So I'm not really sure what the answer is. Maybe I just think about this stuff too much. Thanks for your posts, they made me feel a bit better.

I've been reading other people's stories for a while now and seeing how they have had some tough times finding love. It makes me sad, because everyone on the forum seems to be pretty decent and deserving of a nice relationship. And I guess it wasn't until tonight that I felt the need to put my story out there, for what it's worth. I've been divorced for a year and a half, separated for two years. Married my ex-wife because I was certain she was "the one". Well, obviously that didn't turn out very well. I've never been what anyone would call attractive, but I see people who are probably on the same level of attractiveness as me dating all the time, having girlfriends, getting married, etc. However, I believe that I am distinctly different from them because of The Curse. I don't know where The Curse originated from, but it is real and undeniable. I know some people will simply say I am a lunatic, but if you had experienced what I have experienced, you would agree. Aside from my lack of a strong chin and Brad Pitt looks, I am what many would consider to be the complete package. I have a good job that pays pretty well and I have a functioning car. I am responsible, caring, and very funny. I am good at making friends, I am kind to animals, and I do my best to make life fun and interesting for those around me. I have a bachelor's degree from an Ivy League school and a master's degree from another school that always seems to be in the top five schools in the country. I am basically every mother's dream guy for her daughter. But then there is The Curse. The Curse rears its ugly head on nights like tonight. I go out to a bar to meet a group of people and mingle. There are several women there whom I find attractive. I start conversations with some of them; there is clearly no interest on their part. I try to make eye contact with others; they simply look away and avoid me. Other guys are having nice, enjoyable conversations with women without any of the problems I'm having. A casual observer might just say that I was having a night of bad luck. However, THIS HAPPENS EVERY NIGHT I GO OUT. Every time I go out, every time I meet a women in the check out line at the store, every blind date I've been on, every interaction I have with a woman my age ends the same. It is as if someone has handed the woman I'm talking to a plate of dog crap. I'm not saying anything mean, arrogrant, or weird in these conversations. I'm just asking basic break-the-ice questions. Hence, The Curse. The only reasonable explanation for my failure to generate any interest in any woman is The Curse. I'm not talking about an actual "curse" put on me by an individual. I'm talking about a general inability to connect with any woman the origins of which I can't determine, thereby making it appear as if some has put a "curse" on me. That's The Curse. I know I'll probably get the usual responses of "just be yourself" or "when you least expect it love will find you". That's all a crock. My chances of finding someone are ZERO. No matter what I try, the result never changes. I don't want anyone's sympathy, I just needed to find a place to vent my anger, loneliness, frustration and disappointment. Nor do I expect anyone to have an answer that will help me in any way. But I'm figuring that some people will just tell me to stop feeling sorry for my crazy self. I don't feel sorry for myself, I'm just pointing out a fact: most men aren't cursed, but I happen to be. There is no solution to this; it is something I must live with for the next 50-something years of my loveless life. There, my first post. Let the flaming begin.