Not too pleased...

[redrose85]

There's something that is bothering me. This is mostly a rant, but your opinions and personal stories are very welcome.

 

I've been with my bf for close to 6 months now. He's 20 and I'm 21. He's very sweet, treats me like a queen and up until a week or so ago (our birthdays) I thought he was the one for me. Now, I'm not so sure. He's letting his immature side shine through lately (I think deep down I thought that after he turned 20, he would immediately mature a bit more, stupid huh?) I've been staying with him most of the month because I can no longer stand my room-mate, and I am moving into my own place in a few days. Some days it's great, like a honeymoon and I feel so in love with him. Other days, like the last couple of days, I feel annoyed because of his laziness. Yesterday he didn't get out of bed until 12:30, and we have to leave for work at 1:00. The reason is he is up all night playing his games. That brings me to another point. I am SICK of going to bed alone, hours before he does. I'm also sick of spending mornings by myself because I get up around 10, and he doesn't wake up until a few hours later. I cooked a lot the other day, and wound up doing two loads of dishes. His kitchen only has one sink, so it's a bit of a chore... Last night, I was finally tired of having to wash dishes everytime I wanted to eat something, so I asked him to do the dishes. I had to ask him, and even nag him a little, even though it's his own house! I just see that as him not respecting me, and not trying to keep his home in order so we are both comfy. (it's a very small apartment, and gets easily cluttered)

 

I'm just frustrated. He was supposed to go and get insurance for a car that he is fixing up, so he is able to keep it in the driveway, but wouldn't wake up this morning to go in time. Now it's 12:15 and he is in the shower. I know it's his house and he can do what he wants, when he wants, because we're not technically living together, but I'm just feeling really frustrated. This is the way my ex was too. I went to bed by myself, woke up and spent the morning by myself. It makes me feel lonely, ya know?

 

On the plus side, this is really the only downside of the relationship, that he is still a bit immature. Other than that, he is a great guy, everyone old and young likes him, he's good to me, we have a lot of fun together trying new things and exploring, etc... as well, neither of us like to party much. We'll go out for drinks on occasion to unwind, go see a movie, take a day trip somewhere, and we recently spent this last weekend bungy jumping, going to a nearby city and spending the day there, and in a couple of weeks we are going camping, with a side trip to a nearby hotsprings. So, we are good together, we do have lots of fun, but his laziness is starting to really bother me. I'm a much more mature person and I have older friends, and a different outlook on life. He knows what he needs to do, and gets it done, but he never takes it a step further. we talk about getting married one day, and I know deep in my heart that he'd be a wonderful parent and a good husband, but this stage right now is bothering me. I'm wondering if maybe the honeymoon is ending, which I guess is just a new phase of the relationship. Thanks for reading!

[DN]

Have you noticed that you seem to have had similar problems in living with an ex-boyfriend and a room-mate?

 

And, now I read previous posts, your Mom and your Dad?

[redrose85]

that gave me chills. not quite sure what you meant though. Care to elaborate? let's pick Sherry's mind lol

[Tigris]

You need to sit down and talk to him about this problem otherwise it will continue. To be honest with you I can't see it getting any better. You say you want to marry him and have children with him are you sure that's a good idea? If he's this type of person now I can't see him in the role of being a father that will change a baby's nappy/diaper or help them to get dressed or feed them, etc. If this is the type of husband you're looking for then I advise you to choose carefully.

 

One of my brother-in-laws helped my sister when the first baby was born, but by the time the 2nd one came along which was about 18 months later he'd stopped helping. I've been in their house when he's shouted for my sister to reprimand them and he's been in the same room!

 

I hope this doesn't happen to you.

[DN]

What I think you should do if to look at the various scenarios where you have had problems with people with whom you live and seek a common denominator.

[LostInMyThoughts]

You're the one doing the dishes because you feel like you have too. Don't hold that against your boyfriend.

[Siriana]

well first leave the dishes. just decide to be messy as much as you can - or better to be said in the same extent he is. just to see what is he going to say.maybe he woan't even notice or maybe he will dare to ask you about it. If he tought that you washing it all the time is wrong he would participate. This way he is just enjoying the fact he doesn't have to do it.

 

Now you are living together and it looks like you have the "privilege" to see him completely as he is. You have wonderfull moments while you're having fun - bungee jumping, going out. But living together is something different. Sometimes we perfectly get along with someone while dating but later we find out that this person has completely different bio ritm, habits, the ideas of things beeing clean than we do.

 

For example my ex was great in company but around the house he expected me to be clean and he was sitting around. he's my ex. he was going to sleep late and I am the morning type of a person.. my current bf is the opposite...

so, if you want to have fun enjoy, but in the long term perspetive you need to recognize if this behaviour is acceptable for you. If he stays the same, how long can you put up with that?

[Meow18]

I kind of don't really understand what you are saying. I mean, I guess I can see what you mean about him going to bed late and waking up late. But when you live with someone, you don't need to go to bed at the exact same time and wake up at the exact same time.

 

It seems like you just don't like his lifestyle choices. But really, that's up to him to change.. and maybe one day it will. But you can't change it for him.

 

It's not your job to do his dishes. I mean, if you want to out of kindness than that's one thing, but you seem really upset about it. But the thing is, it's not your job. You don't really live there. You could eat at your own place..

 

It's kind of funny because we always see a different side of our significant other when we live with them. I think at this point you are just realizing that this is who he really is. Maybe he will change in a couple years, maybe he won't. The question is, can you still be with him if he doesn't want to change?

 

But it's good that you are getting your own place. I suggest it stays that way until he can develop a more responsible lifestyle.

[redrose85]

I'm not sitting around and waiting for him to change. I do love him for who he is. I may be only 21, but there are times I feel a LOT older, and he keeps me young in a way, and reminds me to just live life day to day, as happily as I can. We're not living together, and what I posted is basically the reason why, because we're not ready to co-habitate. It's just going to the place I rent got so bad with the room-mate, I didn't feel at all secure or happy there, and he welcomed me into his place. This month has been a test, and it's really been mostly good but of course there are things we don't like about each other. I wanted to point out that he is very very responsible with money, he always pays bills and rent early, and makes sure that he does. That pleases me, helps me feel secure and I really don't think he is going to stop being responsible like that. It's just that we're both young, and he needs his bachelorhood. This is his first place on his own, and he wants to be able to live in his place just the way he likes to. If he needs to, with the exception of today, he gets up earlier. He said to me, he just enjoys his sleep. The same goes for me though, I am so ready for my own place with no room-mates or boyfriends or anything, and I feel like we need to live in our own places for a few years, and just continue on like we are, and I think that in a few years' time, we will be ready to live together, get married, etc... not to say that that will happen for sure, but we've both felt that way from day one. I really didn't want to paint him as a bad guy, because he really isn't. I'm sure most of you understand what I mean. thanks very much for your replies. It is making me look deeper at myself, and why I find it so hard to co-habitate peacefully with others. I'm really hoping it's just because I am truly ready to live on my own.

[Momene]

The trouble with one person going to bed much later is that it doesn't do your sex life a lot of good and I sometimes get bored waiting around the house for my wife to wake up.

 

Seen my post count?

[redrose85]

holy posts batman!

 

I know what you mean, the sex part doesn't matter because I can never really sleep after sex anyways, it takes me a long time to cool down again. the mornings though, I like to get excercise at least every day or I get really sleepy at work. Though it is nice to have that alone time, I do wish that sometimes he would come out with me in the mornings, for a swim, or a bike ride or whatever. Either way, I'm glad we're not living together yet. I'm gonna miss him when I move into my new place in a couple of days though. After a month, it's going to be weird to be alone...