Time to move on..

[tobetterdays]

Hey all,

I just want thank you all for the support in the recent days. I came to the realization that I am concentrating too much on what happened, the guy she might be dating, and the past without focusing on myself. I need to shut that door and keep walking. It is the only way I am going to heal. I really think i am at about 95% accepting what happened and that she will never call me again. I am working on the other 5%. I do know that if she realizes she made a mistake and threw away a good guy, I will never take her back. So in a way, I know what i need to do-- get over her. I will eventually find a girl who will stick with me through good times and bad, and i will be a more experienced man having this happen to me. So i just want to write this to get my thoughts out, stick to my NC for good. She is not worth my pondering and ruminating at this point. She left me, it was her decision, so every minute i spend thinking about her is a minute i am wasting improving myself and healing. i need to be selfish, take care of myself, be strong, focus on my new career. the best revenge is success, and that is what i need to strive for - for myself. so if i ever get down on myself, please remind me of all of this.

 

thanks!

[Relationship Coach]

Congrats, you've made a huge discovery as to how to move on! Seeing the situation for what it is versus torturing yourself will surely put you on the fast track to healing!

Best of Luck!

 

RC

[LONESOUL]

TBD~You are so right, I came to the same conclusion a few weeks ago,

feels pretty good actaully. ( I still need allot of reminding though. My journey

is just beginning. ) Good for you! Selfish here we come, and it's about time!

[Silentlyfor]

Good for you man. I was still at a point where I wondered what she was doing, why she did what she did and why all the emotional abuse. But.. man..... I'm only 23. I Have books to read, things to write and new friends to make. I've already pissed away a whole summer because of this... how much longer do I have to go one like this before I realized what you just did; 'she pissed away the best thing in her life and I'm better off."

 

And I am better off for a number of reasons that I expressed on these boards, more often than not. It's time to get a move on. I have a book I still need to get started on. I still have a HUGE collection of books to read. I have to find a way to ameliorate my IQ. And I still have to go to school. Her life is not part of mine anymore (and thanks to my friends... we're going to keep it that way). There's no more I can do than just... move on..

 

Thanks! You've inspired the right decision in many of us!!

[LONESOUL]

Go Red!!! anyone else climbing aboard the TBD time to move on train???

[desertnomad]

Count me in. Same as red said 'she pissed away the best thing in her life and I'm better off." Theres got to be something better.

[joeshmoe]

Count me in. Same as red said 'she pissed away the best thing in her life and I'm better off." Theres got to be something better.

 

 

I'm jumping on board as well....same as you guys!

 

it's actually kind of fun realizing how many weekends you "wasted" doing the stuff she wanted to do, just to try & make her happy....like you said: "selfish, here I come"

[beebee]

this is fun!... lol... you go "to"... you definitely have your supporters thats for sure!... love... bb

[tobetterdays]

yeah, screw our ex's.

lets party!

 

it's their loss anyway.

[desertnomad]

Yeah! Going out with friends to have some fun! Seriously only second time in two months since ex left. I agree their loss big time.

[kiki]

Very inspiring, its fantastic that you have reached this stage- keep going tobetterdays, If you need a lift me up listen to Gloria Gaynor - i will survive hehe!

[tobetterdays]

i am going out to a bar with a chick i know tonight.

i spent the last 6 weeks feeling sorry for myself..life is to short to sit around and sulk..we all need to get on with our lives, with our without our ex's.. my ex is probably out getting wined and dined..so im not gonna sit around and waste my time thinking about her. NC to the end.

 

 

desertnomad--- good for you man. stay strong man and have fun.

[tobetterdays]

so i went out with this girl last night and had a great time..its been close to 2 months since i really been out...i highly recommend forcing yourself to get out of the house. its been a pretty good couple of days relative to coping..hopefully i can keep it up. i still think of her constantly, but im trying to really move forward..it is tough but its what i have to do to keep sane..

i thought it would be weird talking to other girls, but i found it to be very exciting. so im keeping my chin up- for now.

 

take care all

[desertnomad]

Sounds like the 'move on' train is picking up some speed. gonna take some more time though thats for sure. I agree with you TBD about forcing yourself to get out of the house. Thats the absolute worst place to be unless your tired and just want to sleep...and even worse if you lived with your ex there. I went out also and had a decent time with some of the guys from work. When I woke up this morning though man I have really been missing her. Its like I had my fun drinking some beers with some friends but what I really missed this morning was that closeness or illusion of closeness I had with her. So its been a tough morning for me. I dont know why it has to be one or the other. Had her...not alot of friends just doing things with her...now dont have her have a few people to hang out with. Good to hear you had a great night TBD Take Care

[tobetterdays]

mornings are difficult, i can attest to that..but all mornings will eventually turn into afternoons so know we will get through them. believe me, i miss my ex terribly now that i am home tonight doing schoolwork. but i am trying not to live in the past..keep moving forward..think about it..it is the only logical option to get through this. take comfort in the fact that you were not the one to make this decision, she was. we will eventually move on to the promise land of indifference without regret. she will always have to live with the "what if" of walking away from a great man.

so keep plugging along. take one day at a time, one hour at a time, keep yourself busy and live your life.

[blemished]

AMEN!

 

You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Period. Let the past stay there and live in the present. Don't be down, because you don't know what the future brings-- and now you are equipped to find something better!

[tobetterdays]

mornin.. having a rough morning..woke up and went to mass and feel somewhat better..you are all right.. need to snap out of the past this morning and get done what i need to get done today..i wonder if she even thinks about me..but i know i shouldnt care at this point. anyway, need to stay focused..no looking back. this thread is very therapuetic for me.

[desertnomad]

Yep same problems for me and sundays are the worst me and my ex did so much on the weekends now I am alone. Have to go to church myself and just got my new digital camera since the one we bought earlier this year she took with her so gonna go out and take some pics. I know what you mean about the ex thinking about you. Sometimes I wonder if my ex ever really loved me at all. And if she did how could she not be thinking of me. If anything I bet shes angry with me though...blaming me for her having to leave as if I was such a horrible person. But our ex's blew it not us...unfortunately we are left with picking up the pieces 8(

[tobetterdays]

i've been thinking about her all day today..having a little bit of a setback..

trying to stay concentrated on my work though.. and trying to keep my chin up. as much as i try, it is impossible to not think of her..just gotta man up and stay strong..hopefully time will help me. but back onto the move on train for me i guess

[hllywood44]

TBD - Staying concentrated on your work is a major part of it. That's what I've been doing and without that I'd be over the edge. I actually shot a short film about my break up and I'll post it when I'm done. I think it will help people, especially guys. It's a humorous spin on what happened to me and ends on a light note. And I know what that's like to have a girl lose faith in you and leave you hanging because you hit a rough spot in your life. That's what happened to me. Everything was going great, but things at work were rough and I was unsure about my future. We stopped going out as much and my energy to be the "funny guy" dwindled. Then out of the blue, without any willingness to discuss options, she CALLS ME and drops the bomb. She was crying the whole time and says it's because she couldn't open up to me because her last boyfriend cheated on her and she is still hurt. I think that's all crap. She did have a difficult time opening up to me, but she was acting weird and secretive a week before she broke it off. I think she just found someone else and wanted to jump to what she thinks is the next best thing. It ain't fellas. They're kidding themselves. They catch us at a weak point, and instead of supporting us through it, they run because they think we're spineless. They don't get what's really inside. The heart of lion that only gets stronger when faced with adversity. We just need time to figure out our plan of strike. Women don't always give us that time. There are some, don't get me wrong. And I love those women and respect them with all my heart. And my quest for one continues. Go see the new movie Invincible. You'll love it.

[desertnomad]

Yes I have yet to meet one of those women also Hllywood. My ex was with me for 4 years but she was always ready to run at the first sign of any argument as if surprise I'm not perfect. In fact it seems all I have ever dated is girls who havent grown up yet. I think its all crap to about them coming up with stories or blaming us for everything. Its just to justify their own actions. And yes women and men both can be like that. Like that old Foreigner song "your digging for gold but throwing away a fortune in feeling but some day you'll pay..your as cold as ice.."

[tobetterdays]

I need some advice over here.. i went out with this girl on friday night..we had a good time. she has been emailing me for a few weeks now..now she is calling and i think she is very interested in me..

 

im still a wreck over my dumping, although im slowly getting better.

i really don't want to lead her on, but i also want to spend some time with her because she is cool.. i know it has rebound written all over it, but i really do not want to hurt this girl.

 

but getting out of the house and hanging with girls is really helping me..

and having a girls interested again is helping my crushed self-esteem..i just don't want to lead her on.

[LONESOUL]

TBD~ I would say just be honest. Tell her where you are coming from, without too much detail for now, and see what happens. Respect her decision at that point regardless of what it is. Hopefully the least you will end up with is a friend. For me one of the things I know I need to work on in

my next realtionship is setting healthy boundries. Actually, I think that may apply some to my friendships too, now that I think about it. Anyway, good for

you for enjoying anothers company and for honestly caring about

another persons feelings at this point as well, it so easy for us not too sometimes because we have been so hurt.

[desertnomad]

Since this is the 'move on train' thread just thought I would post that it looks like the train I am on has stalled. I just cant get over the thought that I lost the most important person in my life and that I blew it. We traveled the country together many times with a million other memories all special to me. Almost everyday I thought how special she was and I never wanted to lose her. She often told me that she (and her daughter) were special and unlike some other women. They were giving and kind and she had put me 'first' in everything though I never asked for that. So I still cant accept that she has moved on and so quickly and I cant. Where I will find someone else I have no clue. It was such a struggle for me and her and when things really had a chance of being much better she left without a word. Got a deep hole in the heart I dont see it ever healing.

[LONESOUL]

Desert~you deserve better than then what she did to you.. This is what I will give you. The person or people who WE'RE most important to you in your life have chosen to leave your life at this time, for whatever reason AND it hurts really bad. Really really bad. But okay, take my ex for example. I have never loved anyone like that, ever..but I could not trust her. Now lets just say that your ex came back right now~could you trust her, or would you spend the rest of your days wondering when the ball was going to drop again, leaving you right back where you are right now? My suggestion? Cowboy up (I believe that is the term) Do this thing. get through it!! Get back on this train ( yes it is going uphill, chuggin painfully along and all you can see right now is the mountian to be climbed, but remember there is another side to that mountian, a down side, a good ride and just because you cannot see it now or the journey to it seems tiring and slow and painful~ doesn't mean it isn't there.) Do this for you. Do THIS,

the first thing in 4 years...FOR YOU. You will be a better man for having gone through it~and yep it's going to hurt like H*ll. Your pal.

 

Lone