Casual sex to get over a guy?

[Pheonixpassion84]

I cannot be with the guy I am in love with... for many reasons I am too tired to explain. I am depressed by it and heartbroken. I don't know how I'll ever get over him. All I feel is pain. Other than that it's just numb.

 

Here's where the casual sex comes in: I have had two offers from two different guy friends to have casual sex. I am considering one of the guys. Normaly I wouldn't since there is only one man I want. But now I can't have him and my heart is broken. I know It'll be long (maybe never) before I love someone else again. I never had sex with the other guy (the one I love) because we never got that far. I don't think I will for a long time if I ever do so I think I should give up on saving myself for him.

 

So I thought that maybe if I try this sex with a friend thing it could help me get over him. Get me to feel something other than the heart break. So I was wondering, what is the best thing to do in this situation? Have any of you guys experienced with the casual sex thing? Does it help you get over someone or just make things worse? How can I get over him?

[Majoraslayer]

I really don't want to give you any solid advice here, as doing so may wind you up hurt. Most professionals advise against casual sex, and I have an underlying feeling that there is a good reason that using sex to get over someone is wrong.

 

From my personal experience, however, I had a fling with a girl for one night and I felt sexually cleansed to be able to say my ex whom I cared so much about was no longer the last person I had sex with. Of course, you have a completely different situation so I hope you listen to other people before making a decision; I'm not the best source of advice on this.

[Imperceptible]

You can get attached to someone you engage in casual sex with. that could make things worse if the friend doesn't develop the same feelings. You could be heartbroken twice. If you're sure you can handle sex with no emotional attachment go for it.

[GottaLetItBurn]

It's not going to make you feel better period. Just do what you want, but don't expect it will cure your brokenheart. That take a long time, maybe a year from now you'll be okay.

 

Have sex with whatever man you want, just take precaution, be safe. You already know, but don't slip up because you were down and out and didn't care.

 

Take care of yourself, don't let any guy mistreat you.

[annie24]

hm. actually, I don't see much wrong with it.

 

do you think it may make you feel better? if so, go for it. just be safe. being physical with someone else may remind you your ex isn't the only man on earth. if you think you this is what you need right now, then go for it.

[laboheme]

I never had sex with the other guy (the one I love) because we never got that far. I don't think I will for a long time if I ever do so I think I should give up on saving myself for him.

 

Forgive me if I'm not interpreting this correctly...but I sure hope that your first time is not casual, but rather with somebody you really care about and who returns your feelings. However, if I misinterpreted "saving myself for him," I tend to agree with the above poster. There's the risk of emotional attachment, but if in your heart you feel okay having casual sex, it's not up to me to tell you not to...

[Majoraslayer]

Quick question; how does one go about receiving casual sex offers?

[Imperceptible]

Quick question; how does one go about receiving casual sex offers?

 

I got my 1st offer this year!!

I dated this guy and thought we were getting serious. After a romantic evening he said his job was "becoming more demanding" since he was up for a "major promotion." He was "the type of guy who wanted to put 100% into a relationship" and he couldn't do that right now because of his demanding job so he asked if we could "keep things as is without labels." We talked alot until he admitted that he prefers to be FWB right now. He said he really cared about me and he didn't want things to change between us and would I want to be his partner without the label of girlfriend/boyfriend?

 

I'm guessing that's how most FWB initiations start. Befriend or date someone. Wait for the sexual tension to buildup often. Briefly mention the desire to get it on and not be ready for commitment in the same conversation. And see how the friend responds.

[lozic21]

Since you said saving yourself, does that mean it would be your first time? Eeek, nooo please don't!!! Seriously, it will totally screw with your emotions, especially if its just a friends with benefit thing...then you may want 2 guys who arent willing to have a relationship. Sex, especially first time (in my and my friends experiences) totally get you attached to someone, even if thats not the intention.

[MacGyverRI]

I never had sex with the other guy (the one I love) because we never got that far. I don't think I will for a long time if I ever do so I think I should give up on saving myself for him.

 

 

To the OP, don't do casual for a 1st time!!!!!!!

You will regret it the rest of your life as every woman remembers her first time and who it was with so wait and make it a good memory.

 

 

 

Quick question; how does one go about receiving casual sex offers?

 

 

You just need to be an adorable nice guy!

[Anna.]

From personal experience, yeah, casual sex will momentarily take your mind off the other guy. But get ready to say hello to a whole new set of problems. Casual sex is SO complicated, atleast it always was for me.

[ilovecats]

If this is going to be your first time ever having sex,don't do it.PLEASE!!You will definitely regret it.But if it's not,I really don't see anything wrong with it.Have fun!Make sure you use protection,though.The only thing that I am worried about is how vulnerable you probably are right now.I would be afraid that you might start to develop feelings for the person you are having casual sex with.And what if that person doesn't want the same?You will end up getting hurt yet again.Just do whatever you think feels right.

[Bethany]

I think that although it seems like a good idea, this time next year when you are feeling stronger, you may feel like you were taken advantage of at a weak time in your life and regret it.

 

Casual sex is far better when you are feeling 100% good about yourself and looking for the same thing, at the same time. You don't seem to be that person right now. Think long and hard.

 

I also think that if a man doesn't want all of you, he's not entitled to any of you.

[annie24]

oh wait - if it's your first time, then no. don't do it.

[a__manda1212]

I've tried exactly what you're thinking about doing and it was a huge mistake for me. Even though the sex was casual it still brought up a lot of emotions..Like I didn't have enough already. If you think you can do it without stirring up lots of unwanted feelings than have fun

[Jane0815]

I don't like that the guy-friends have offered casual sex. The guy who used the job excuse was pretty lame, too.

 

My take is that casual sex can work when the woman truly just wants sex and thus seeks someone out and initiates it. Quite a few friends / acquaintances have done this at some point.

 

The problem that has come up more frequ. than I'd expect is that the guys in these situations are first thrilled with the idea, then get shocked when it sinks in that she really just wants sex, and then his "performance" suffers. Men want to have open, non-committed, casual sex with a woman who is only sleeping with them and WANTs them as a relationship but doesn't make any trouble about it.

 

So at the end of the day, it's pretty rotten to be a woman out looking for a regular supply of respectful, safe casual sex. Maybe if the woman does some good play-acting, but that's a lot of work.

[bebecole]

it works for me

[Rabican]

depends on your morals, and character, and just the way you are. Either itll 'free' you and get your mind off of the heartbreak... or youll enjoy it until 5 minutes later and then feel even worse because you just had sex with a guy you have no connection to.

[n83]

I would say in many ways also it depends on the guy. Will he be sweet to you after (aka affectionate and cuddly) or will he get up and bounce? It sounds kinda silly, maybe, but I think that can make or break a casual fling.

 

A year ago I was casually involved with this guy and with him, there was no affection during/after whatsoever, and I felt kinda dumb after because of that.... but my next "fling" after that was totally the opposite. There was a lot of kissing and cuddling, and it made me feel better, not worse.. And since I wasn't ready for a relationship, it was perfect.