A bit freaked out

[renaissancewoman101]

Thanks for the support.

 

Funny thing is if this had happened three years ago, I would have jumped at meeting the guy, wherever and whenever, because I was desperate. I would not have cared if it was last minute or what.

 

I learned a lot from my last relationship, I guess. I do want to meet guys but I am not like jumping at the last minute to do so. That smacks of desperation and I am not that desperate right now.

 

That can change though! Hope not!

 

The people here along with one or two good friends I have, have helped me survive this long and kept me going.

 

I wish to thank all for your support.

[Beec]

I am afraid that once a guy sees how short I am, it will be a turnoff and that will be the end of the meeting. I have had that happen to me a few times with online dating. The last time I tried online dating, it was a disaster and I was really hurt by it.

 

He knows how short you are, you put it right in your ad. He's seen a picture, so he has an idea about how you look. What's the worst that can happen? You get rejected and embarrassed? Good, then go out and do it again next week.

 

One of the guy's who writes on how to get women, has told guys to go out and ask for women's phone numbers or emails, and to keep going until you are rejected ten times. It makes you keep going and practicing.

 

If you get nothing from this, so what, NEXT. Sooner or later, some will be right.

[renaissancewoman101]

I am kind of freaked out about the whole thing. If I get rejected and embarrassed, I am going to swear off dating for a while.

[annie24]

I wouldn't take it too personally if they reject you. first off, if you never hear from a guy again, it may not have anything to do with you. maybe his ex came back in the picture so he's decided to try things with her again. maybe he just didn't feel the "chemistry" was right, or it became evident pretty quickly through the date that you don't have the same life goals.

 

you can't expect the next guy you meet to be your soulmate. just go and have fun. it's just getting coffee with a new person. if you were to have coffee with a new female co-worker, you would immediately expect her to be your new best friend would you?

[Beec]

If I get rejected and embarrassed, I am going to swear off dating for a while.

 

That's the wrong reaction. If it doesn't work, get up dust yourself off and get back in the game.

 

During the years from 2000-2003, I went out with so many different women, I could never remember them all if I was asked to make a list, and surely cannot remember all of their names. When I ended up in a relationship and that did not work out, I was soon right back out there. Just keep trying.

[RayKay]

I wouldn't take it too personally if they reject you. first off, if you never hear from a guy again, it may not have anything to do with you. maybe his ex came back in the picture so he's decided to try things with her again. maybe he just didn't feel the "chemistry" was right, or it became evident pretty quickly through the date that you don't have the same life goals.

 

you can't expect the next guy you meet to be your soulmate. just go and have fun. it's just getting coffee with a new person. if you were to have coffee with a new female co-worker, you would immediately expect her to be your new best friend would you?

 

Bingo...if your expectations are going to be that high before you ever meet, online dating is probably NOT for you.

 

Even regular dating is not like that! You can't plan your lives together before you ever actually find out if you are compatible and both feel the "vibe"!

 

If one date does not go well, don't take it personally. Not everyone is supposed to be a match. Just pick yourself up, and move on and meet someone else.

[renaissancewoman101]

I am not planning my life out based on ONE date. I dont work like that. Actually, I am freaked out about just GOING on the one date. I woke up this morning very freaked out about this.

 

I have a lot on my mind right now besides this ONE date. School starts soon. I worry about some personal issues in my life now. I am lonely as hell.

 

I am going on this ONE date because I feel that this is the right thing to do, so I can branch out. I just dont know why this freaks me out so much.

 

I have the same stupid anxiety issues right now that I did, the day I went to take the stupid DMV written test.

 

But this is worse, I have to hang out with someone.

 

I wish I could be like coollady, she seemed calm and collected when she posted about going on her date.

 

I want to cry!!!!!

[Dako]

What if you meet someone nice to be with?

That might be better than the DMV, and a lot cheaper!

 

Big Hugs.

[renaissancewoman101]

Thanks!

 

I will go on the date tonight and be calm about it. I will not get upset and I will be nice.

 

If it blows up in my face, this is the end of online dating for awhile.

 

My ego is very fragile right now and a blow to it would hurt real bad.

[hosswhispra]

You can do it Ren. Like I said yesterday, I'll be with you in spirit when I am on mine

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Good luck to both Ren and Hoss

 

Ren, You probably haven't dated a lot, and really you just need practice. Even if the guy turns out to act like a total butt! Don't worry it's not the end of the world. It just gives you more reason to say, "Whew, glad I'm not stuck with him". Lots of guys are perfectly nice people, too, but most of them arent a romantic match for any one of us. You just got to get out there and keep doing it. Keep an open mind, and you just might meet a match!

 

Years a go I was very scared of the Dentist. I did not want to go. I had nightmares and even thinking about an upcoming appointment would make me shake. I had to take the whole day off work just for a little filling because I was so freaked out about it. But after I kept going, I found that it's not really as bad as I had it in my mind, and while I don't look forward to it, I don't really get that afraid anymore. Once you've done something several times, it's a lot less daunting, you have a better idea of what to expect.

[AwdreeHpburn]

WOW! Ren! Good for you! Sounds fabulous. But of course you're nervous. Who wouldn't be? Just identify it and don't even be afraid to call it out. "I'm sorry, I'm just really nervous. It's been a while for me." Why is that weird?

 

We're all people, we all get nervous sometimes. Right? Don't worry about feeling how you feel.

[renaissancewoman101]

Iamteddybear, thanks for your vote of confidence. I will be calm about it. Actually, I am a bit excited to go and meet up with someone for coffee. I just am afraid that it wont turn out well. I have such a hard time going out and meeting people and making friends, esp since I moved here. It's been an uphill battle for me to make new friends.

 

I dont know how people can do it over and over again (go on dates), get rejected, or else have a dating relationship and it blows up down the road, and they do it again and again.

 

After a few times of having your heart broken, doesnt it start to feel self-destructive.

 

Sometimes, it takes a lot of kissing of frogs to find the prince, and sometimes you never do find the prince.

[vandgsmom]

Okay, Ren. I am putting the pressure on you babe. You have to do well tonight because I am measuring my potential for diaster against how your night goes... lol

 

You are going to be FINE (and I mean in the sexy looking way)

You are going to have FUN

You are going to RELAX

and you will remember at all times to BREATHE.

 

Good luck, girly!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yes, for me the best thing to do is to keep pressing forward an onward. I know this techniqe doesn't work well for lots of people and they like to have down time to reflect. But for me if it is done with or not working out then I just want to move ahead. For me that is the healthiest thing. Just reminds me that I don't need to put all my life into one person who isn't working out for me.

 

And just look at dating as sort of window shopping or job hunting. I know on the surface that sounds callous, but you don't need to be very emotionally invested on that first or second date with someone. Hey if a cute dress doesn't fit you well, you don't buy it, you don't invest in it, right. Thats all you put it back on the rack and look for a better fit.

[Beec]

I dont know how people can do it over and over again (go on dates), get rejected, or else have a dating relationship and it blows up down the road, and they do it again and again.

 

After a few times of having your heart broken, doesnt it start to feel self-destructive.

 

Sometimes, it takes a lot of kissing of frogs to find the prince, and sometimes you never do find the prince.

 

Your heart, my heart and everyone's heart is of unlimited capacity. Each has plenty of untapped love left in it. It's not your heart that gets in the way, it's your pride and your ego.

 

When you do finally get the right one, the pain is worth it, big time.

[Lady Bugg]

Hey RW!!!

 

Great to hear you're venturing out there and dating again!!

You know what? It's all a numbers game. Kinda like the lottery..if you don't play you can't win!!!

 

Don't worry about impressing THEM. Make sure they impress YOU.

Be honest about things....and if possible post a pic so they know EXACTLY what to expect.

 

My advice is to not go into this looking for Mr Right..just enjoy it for what it is.. Have fun with Mr Right NOW. Dating is fun if you put it in the right perspective.

[now_better]

i think one of the worst things you can do getting ready for a date, going on the date, is to think too much. you put too much pressure on yourself of all the possibilities that could go wrong that when the moment comes, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. this is easy to say, hard to do, but relax.

 

close your eyes before you meet the guy, picture happy thoughts, life will go on tomorrow, you will meet new people, when you meet this person, you're going to be perfectly casual. you're going to listen, you're going to smile, laugh, kid around. the more you think about it, the more tense you're going to be and the worst you're going to have it.

 

and this person you're going to meet, they're a REAL PERSON too just like you. they might be nervous too... can you imagine 2 nervous people staring at the ground/table over coffee? nah, don't do that. and he picked you out of the ads which means he already has some interest. you just have to keep riding that and see if there's a good fit. good luck tonite! and if you're having fun, Seaport Village in downtown SD is a nice walkaround.

 

ps this advice is so easy to give out... doing it, that's another story.

[coollady1957]

Ren seems you and I both have had a case of the nerves about dating again. I haven't had much confidence there since the breakup last January.

[Hope75]

OK Ren--

 

So How did it go???

[orangecounty]

Dating is scary,hehe Just today I ran into a guy I had met the other day who seems really cool. When I seriously thought about the possibility of going out with him, I felt totally fearful. And I thought how I can fear something I want so much. The more you do it, the more comfortable it'll become. First dates are always sort of weird, just plunge in. You just need to take that next step and risk the rejection, which we ALL face! Good luck and tell us how things go!!