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A bit freaked out


renaissancewoman101
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Monday, I posted on here that I put up an online ad to see if I can get dates. A bunch of people replied to me and two people want to set up dates. One of them wrote me to see if we could get together tonight, but he seemed a bit "fishy" like wanting sex or something (which I DONT want right now) so I have kind of written him off. The other guy, who seems nice, wants to go meet up at a coffeeshop tomorrow evening. We set up a time and place already (via email) but he also wants me to call him. He gave me his number. I dont know what to do.

 

I am SO out of practice when it comes to dating. Putting up the ad was a big thing for me and I am not sure if my heart is into it. I am afraid to talk to a guy on the phone for fear that I will sound VERY insecure, like I have no idea what to talk about, etc. I am also afraid to meet up with someone at a coffee shop because I have gained 15 lbs in the last few months and I look hefty. I can dress decently, but I have no idea how guys are out here since I have NEVER dated out here.

 

I am afraid that once a guy sees how short I am, it will be a turnoff and that will be the end of the meeting. I have had that happen to me a few times with online dating. The last time I tried online dating, it was a disaster and I was really hurt by it.

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well, you have your height mentioned on the profile, right? so, it shouldn't come as a surprise.

 

trust your gut! if a guy seems creepy, then delete his e-mails and move on to the next.

 

as for this new guy, just go, meet in public, don't give him your home address or last name, just meet at a coffee shop, but not one 1 block from your house so he can follow you home. Don't let him walk you home! If on the 2nd date, you feel more comfortale, then do that.

 

and just go and have fun! remember, you are just meeting for coffee, to say hi, to see if you have anything in common. no worries. just have fun. be happy. if you don't like him, come up with a reason to end the date and go home.

 

congrats on your date! I hope it goes well!

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call him! but, don't talk for longer than 10-15 minutes. no long conversations, just ask each other a few questions. "so, how long have you lived in CA? what do you do? what did you do last weekend?" After about 10 minutes of this, just say you have to get going, gotta run some errands, and you'll see him tomorrow.

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Tyler, thanks for reminding me about that.

 

I guess I will give the guy a call sometime this evening. Have to sound upbeat, give off a sense of self-confidence, not talk too long. Ugh!!!! The thought of talking to someone for the first time on the phone, really freaks me out.

 

I need to circulate out more often. I spend too much time alone and I think that is affecting my social and interpersonal skills.

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Oh, honey... I am so excited for you. I am so terrified to go out of my house anywhere where I have to meet new people ,but you have such a neat personality that if he dosen't snap pretty quick to what a find he has made, then just ditch him and move on to the next one.

 

Let us know how it goes!!

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vandangsmom, I am very afraid to do this. Most people would be excited to go out on a date. I am more the freaked out one. It's been a long time since I've gone and done this. Although I have lived in CA for over 7 months, I dont have a lot of friends out here and I spend a lot of time by myself.

 

I will let you guys know tomorrow what happens, if anything. He may call off the date once he talks to me . I am not a good phone conversationist so I will try to keep it short.

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no, don't worry. plenty of people are nervous and scared at the prospect of a first date. actually, you should be worried! they are quite nerve-wracking!!!! ug. I hate first dates. It's too bad you can't just skip ahead to the 4th date.

 

*sigh*

 

hang in there. just view it as meeting a friend or new co-worker for coffee, nothing less, nothing more.

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You do not look hefty to me so I really wouldn't worry about that if I were you. You must have your height and pic posted, right? So this guy must be attracted to your size and build or he would not have asked to meet you in the first place.

 

I say just go and have no big expectations. Even if one or both of you doesn't feel a spark for the other, there's no reason why you still can't enjoy a nice chat and a cup of coffee.

 

Go have fun. If he's not Mr. Right, no harm, just move on and you'll meet someone else.

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Ha, we'll see.

 

I dont think I am cut out for this dating thing. It's been so long.

 

Case in point, tonight. One of the guys who answered my ad, asked me for my phone number, so I gave him my cell number. He calls me tonight, just about 10 minutes ago. I screw up the phone call because I have no idea what to say to him. He wants to get together tonight. I dont like getting together on such short notice. That is NOT my style. Plus people here keep saying it's not a good idea to do things like that. He asks what I am doing tonight. I say nothing much, just hanging out. He asks if I want to get together tonight. I say "no" and he asks "why?" I give some stupid lame excuse and he brushes me off.

 

I am such a dork. I should have just gone out with this one tonight, or else come up with a better excuse.

 

Now, I still have to call that other guy.

 

Nice start!#-o

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I agree that you shouln't meet them on such short notice. Safety issues aside, I believe it's a bit rude and presumptious if they expect you to jump to meet a complete stranger at the last minute. If they aren't seriously ADD, then waiting a few days won't kill them.

 

Next time, make up something. Such as. I'm going over to a friends house for a bday party.

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Awww, Ren. I would be excited to go on a date; right after I threw up and worried myself into a seizure....

Except for the one almost uncountable deviance 2 months ago, I have been celibate, undateable, and single for the better part of 4 years.

GO OUT THERE GIRL!! You can be my inspiration! I need some courage for an upcoming date that I am committed to going on. I want to go, I need to do this, I just have to take the first step out the front door...

 

YOU ARE GREAT! Things will be fine, just take it sslllllloooooowwwwwwwwww

and you will do fine.

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I DO want to go on a date.

 

I am just so freaked out about this.

 

Also, with the guy who called me tonight, would most of you guys go on a date at the last minute???????

 

I had a long day today and was tired. Plus, I have always been told it isnt a good idea to go on last minute dates.

 

Maybe I am NOT cut out for this.

 

Hosswhispra, good luck on YOUR date!!!!!!

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I wouldn't go out on a last minute date. I agree with teddy. Usually, I'll schedule the first date at least 3-4 days in advance.

 

and I agree with coming up with an excuse. maybe would it help you when talking on the phone to have a loose "script" written out by the phone? ie, a few questions to ask and a reason why you can't hang out the same night or next day? I don't know - it could help a little if you get anxious talking on the phone.

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Don't accept last minute dates, Ren. It will give people the impression that you're available whenever they call you. YOUR time is valuable....

 

Another thing I noticed is that the guys give me their numbers. I don't call them because I am done chasing guys. I want a man to call me now. So I reply back with my number and say that if you'd like you can reach me at ########. Then if they're interested they will call.

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Well, I called the guy that I am supposed to meet tomorrow and set up the date. We are going to meet up at a coffeeshop close to downtown, but not downtown. The guy sounds sweet on the phone. I took you guys advice and didnt talk long. So it's good so far.

 

Remember the guy who called earlier this evening and I brushed him off. He called me again and asked me if I wanted to go out tonight (like come over to his place and hang out for a movie). I was like "no", I dont do that on a first meeting. I like to meet up at a coffeshop and I was willing to meet up tonight at a coffeeshop since he called me a second time. He was turned off by me NOT WANTING TO GO OVER TO HIS PLACE!!!!!!!!!!

 

I dont get things!!!!

 

Going on dates is not supposed to be so freaking hard. Maybe I should just do last minute things.

 

But I am tired tonight and am NOT mentally or emotionally ready for this.

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OK so you got a weirdo... there are a few out there. Try to shrug it off. Don't meet that guy-- he's way too pushy.

 

Guy # 2 sounds promising. Go, enjoy yourself, keep things light, have fun, tell friends where you are, take your own car, your cell phone, and enjoy!

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