Is younger always better?

[napinasv]

I know it's hard to put this the right way; whatever I try to say seems to come out wrong… But I'll try anyway…

 

In terms of female attractiveness, younger is always better.

Firmer, rounder is always better.

Without trying to say that nothing else matters to men, … men will always find younger, firmer, rounder girls better looking. They may CHOOSE to be with someone not as good-looking b/c of their other qualities – but when it comes to sex, but they will always be tempted by cute little things. They may CHOOSE to resist the temptation, but the idea that my beloved hubby of 20 years is TEMPTED by any cute little girl that comes into his vision still bothers me so much!

He actually HAS to DO something to prevent himself from acting on his desires! To resist. Resist what? Other woman's body that he finds more desirable than mine?

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY AND GRATEFUL BECAUSE HE MANAGED TO RESIST?!

I don't get this.

COULD SOMEONE PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE EXPLAIN THAT TO ME?

 

I'm 45 and I don't find 18 year old guys better looking than 50 yo. I can't even look at them 'that way'. They are kids for goodness sake! They are the same age as our son! How could I look at them sexually?!

 

But my husband CAN – I mean he can still find 18 yo girls sexually attractive. He can still find them better looking than me. Ok, I asked him specifically about that, but still… even after a specific question I could not (honestly!) say that 18 yo males are 'better looking'.

 

I guess, I'm venting a bit here… Sorry… I'm 45 and as not as good looking as I used to be…Maybe this is just my middle life crisis…

 

I realise I'm the unreasonable one here for not being able to accept the facts of life.

I guess, my question is: next time we see some young, sexy girl around, how can I feel good (or at least not this bad) about the fact that he thinks she has better boobs…or but… or whatever?

At the end of the day, he is making a compromise by being with me. Who would not want better-looking woman if he could get one?

 

 

I apologise to all men if I sounded harsh and not fair. My value system has been so shattered now…

[BellaDonna]

Not all men behave the way your husband does. I think in general men can safely be called "visual" however it does not mean that they have to be rude, perverse, or obvious about it.

 

There's something called "free will" which sets humans apart from animals. Yes, something may come into a man's (or womans) field of vision that he may find physically attractive, but it does not mean he has to turn his head or boast about it (or make it seem painful/hard for him to resist doing so). Finding someone attractive is nature, however reacting to it (head turning, staring, talking about it to your wife) is rudeness/disrespect.

 

If you are in love with someone and married to them, resisting is part of your vows.

 

BellaDonna

[DN]

I don't know what is happening in your marriage to make you talk in this way but it does seem to me that whoever is at fault here (one or both) you need to get this straightened out or there may be no marriage left.

[RayKay]

You know, I guess I am just of the mind that sexy is more than what is going on with your body, and that sex appeal is about your brain and heart more so than your looks.

 

I found this on MSN today about "secrets" about men & women, this is a "man's secret" (from link removed). Anyway, it just shows that there is more to men than what their penis points at...and that looking does not mean they prefer that over you!

 

 

 

Alright, so I am young myself, but I guess, I feel sexier every year as I am more comfortable in my skin. I keep myself in great health and shape, and feel confident with whom I am. I know age will change my body, but I can still have the best body and health I can for me by taking care of it. When I was 20, I did not have this confidence, sense of self and while attractive physically, I think I was really lacking a lot of what makes me "sexy" now.

 

My mum is 48, and just had both her breasts removed due to breast cancer in April. She has scars, and of course her body changed dramatically overnight. My stepfather, whom has been with her 20 years, thinks she is absolutely beautiful, amazing, and grabs her butt all the time (much to our disdain ). You know what, I think she is gorgeous too...so I know he is not lying! Given my high cancer risk, I know that will likely be me one day...and my boyfriend just said to me, I will adore you and want you even if you had to wear chicken cutlets (if I did not have breasts).

 

I just think there is so much more to attraction then the physical alone, and if my man looks at other women be they younger, older, it to me does not mean he finds me less attractive. I want him to be with me for the whole package, not looks alone. I don't think when someone is into you on ALL levels, it is hard to "resist" the short lived temptations, I don't even think it is all that appealing if their heart is with you.

 

Maybe the bigger problem is that instead of you realizing he is damn lucky to have such a fine woman as yourself whom is the mother to his children, his lover, his best friend, partner....you feel he had to "compromise" to be with you. Maybe he does look at other women, but I would say for one...it does not mean that he would trade you for them at all. And two, if he DOES rub it in your face that others are more attractive...the problem is with HIM, not with you.

[Dako]

Wish I was still 45.

I find some women from about 22-70 to be quite attractive.

Some guys are trying to recapture their lost youth or just appreciate things they missed as hormonal young adults.

[Daddy Bear]

hi, and welcome to eNotAlone. could it be that your husband is the one in midlife crisis? he may find young girls fun to look at but i think that if he tried to hook up with one, reality would rear its ugly head in two ways: 1), she would likely give the coot the brush; and 2), he would quickly tire of her lack of wisdom and giggly-girl shenanigans and realize his sad mistake.

 

don't you think?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Nap - I think I know what you're saying but I don't know that they will always be "tempted"

 

I agree they...well, WE, cuz I think it's men AND women, will probably always be attracted to youth, in a way, or the firmness etc that you described, but being attracted or aroused is not the same as being tempted or unable to resist or having to cheat.

 

I believe my husband to be a very honest and open individual. He's told me many times that he thinks young girls are attractive. Duh. So do my brothers, heck, I catch my dad looking at young girls.

 

I think humans are attracted to each other and youth represents fertility all of that survival stuff, right?

 

But if your husband knows you are uncomfortable with hearing it, seeing his neck snap off at the site of a girl etc, and he continues to do it, that's just completely disrespectful.

 

I personally have no issues with my husband looking or commenting but he is very attentive to me and says wonderful things to me all the time. Maybe that makes me feel good about myself too so I don't feel like he prefers them to me.

 

Hope this makes some sense to you...

[Mythical_Suicide]

I know im not much help but my father says it best "They just werent made that way when I was younger" meaning girls his age didnt have the body and shape of girls these days. He would never mess with a young girl but sometimes you just can't help but look, it's human nature when a person finds another attractive they look. I didn't get anything from your post that would seem like he'd be tempted to mess with these girls, I would rather them look and stay with me and be honest about looking then hiding the fact they are looking and be out messing around.

Once again, sorry im not much help.

[doyathink]

I think a lot of people, myself included can appreciate beauty in a wide variety of ages. And, as it's already been stated, there is a difference between admiring and 'resisting temptation'.

 

I would tell him that if it's so hard to resist than go get it.Open the door for him and see how far he gets. (Most ) younger women will vomit at his approach, curl their nose and tell the pervert to get lost. After all, they can have the young, tight built men out there.

 

I don't want to live with someone who is looking for an opportunity to crawl in bed with another women regardless of their age. The next time he acts like this and breaks his neck to look, smack him on the back of his head right in front of the girl and embarrass him.

[rose2summer]

I had my recent ex completely oogle over this girl with fake boobs, and I was mad at first but then I realized that her breasts were fake and popping out everywhere and I have a very nice body and build and it's ALL MINE, not the result of plastic surgery. My point is that you need to be happy with yourself and make him stop this nonsense. I worry that you are maybe feeling less happy with your own body, is that the case?

I get frustrated because I am almost 26 and everyone thinks I am 18, I get carded everywhere I go and people ask my if I am still in high school, ha ha! Does it bother me? Yes, but I must accept I have a baby face.

I agree with stopping your husband's behavior, next time he stares at a young girl, call him a pervert where she can here, or say you shouldn't be checking out girls who are your daughter's age.

[napinasv]

Thanks guys!

I have to admit that I expected less understanding and more 'get over it' type of stuff.

 

I don't think he is the one midlife crisis. I'm almost sure he would not hook up with a young girl.

It's me. I'm the one who finds the fact that "he may find young girls fun to look at" quite disturbing. I don't find young guys 'fun to look at' so I suppose, I can't understand it

 

I had a serious car crash in my late 20s. A year in a hospital and a lifetime of not being able to do simple things other people can do. A few scars outside, not really enough to blame that for me feeling unattractive…

He was with me during that time. I know he loves me.

 

As I said, I know this is MY problem, but I simply cannot understand how I can find my son's friends attractive.

Do women feel this way too? Do women find younger guys more attractive, no matter how old they are?

 

I'm obviously missing something here, but I still cannot pin point what.

 

And, I'm sorry, but I have to ask: Dako, do you know any real 70 yo woman who you find attractive?

I'm not trying to be rude her , but, in the same way I don't find 18 yo attractive, I don't find 70 yo attractive.

I must be the only one to feel this way

[Day_Walker]

I would like to think that no matter what age a person is they can still be attractive. I have seen women who are 45 even women in their 70's comment on younger men or how they wish that they were younger. I dont think that when we marry a person it is based on how attractive that person is, instead it is based on other qualities that the other person has and how we mesh with that person. As far as attractiveness goes there is always going to be the bigger and better deal out there, but thats not the point in a relationship. Being in a relationship is about the commitment that those people have.

[napinasv]

Being in a relationship is about the commitment that those people have.

You have a valid pont here.

But, by 'commitment, do you mean 'resisting temptation'?

[RayKay]

You have a valid pont here.

But, by 'commitment, do you mean 'resisting temptation'?

 

Personally I feel commitment is about WAY more than "resisting temptation".

 

It's about being committed emotionally, mentally, physically to the person and the relationship. About being supportive and reliable. About working towards mutual goals together, but also encouraging individual goals in the other person as you want to see them develop as people too.

 

To me, the "resisting temptation" is just a natural part of this. Honestly, something is only tempting if your heart and mind are not committed. Being attracted and looking at what is attractive is not the same as being tempted.

[napinasv]

Being attracted and looking at what is attractive is not the same as being tempted.

Maybe this is my problem! I don't see the difference.

What IS the difference? Why wouldn't you want something that you are attracted to?

[Dako]

Nap

 

I know a lady who's now in her late 70s, a Danish textile and glass artist named G---- ----------. She's hott!

I won't lay some trite stuff about intelligence and personality on you.

It just comes off as pandering to some agenda and scares the children.

[RayKay]

Maybe this is my problem! I don't see the difference.

What IS the difference? Why wouldn’t you want something that you are attracted to?

 

 

Maybe because your heart and brain have a stronger pull than lust?

 

I don't know, all I know is I can perceive someone as being attractive and not be tempted at all because I love and want to be with my partner as he is the complete package. There is no "debate" for me because my heart and mind are absolutely committed and there is no question or temptation.

 

We are designed to perceive when things are "attractive". This is biology, but also sensory perception. You for example can look at a piece of art and think, it's great, another can say "ick". Might not be a piece you want to hang in your living room, but you can look and enjoy what it offers.

 

Alright, some kinda bad examples of the "attraction" vs "temptation" thing. I am an athletic person. I train at 5am to fit it in to my schedule which for most people sounds horrid I am sure. You know, there are days where laying in bed is more "attractive" to me. But, it's not tempting, because there are so many more benefits and joys for me in going for that early run, then there are in staying in bed. So it does not tempt me and it's not even a matter of resisting. I just do it without even a second thought.

 

Or, I see a big piece of chocolate cake while eating my lunch at some cafe. It looks yummy, has lots of goopy icing. My friend orders it and persuades me to share it. But, it's not worth it to me to eat it. Besides, my true "love" is ice cream anyway and I can easily turn the cake down without even a thought. Why even bother thinking of indulging in something that is not really going to be at all satisfying?

 

Sorry, bad examples. All I can say is for me it is just very different to be able to "appreciate" attractiveness versus actually being tempted.

 

Maybe this is not the same for all though, so I am only answering for me.

[napinasv]

Thanks so much for your replies.

I have to go to work now -I'm on the other side of the planet!

Hope it won't be too late to get back to you later.

[Dako]

Guys are often referred to as "visual" in this regard even by guys, but I don't agree. It may get their initial interest, but only the dumbest mouthbreathing yokel would risk or base a relationship on looks alone.

[Bethany]

I really have to say this... IN HIS DREAMS. I think he's the one having a mid-life crisis not you.

 

If I were you, I'd sit him down and tell him how this makes you feel and that you do not want him to do this anymore. If he can't or won't stop for you then next time your out when a young cute looking guy walks by, say to him PHWAORRR, check out the *** on him!!! Let him see how ridiculous and disrespectful he is being to you first hand..

[MissDashwood]

Have you ever seen the film LOVE ACTUALLY? I think the situation in that film between the husband and wife is truly accurate to what your husband may be experiencing. In the film, the husband is "seduced" by his much-younger co-worker whom makes it her goal to have an affair with despite meeting his wife and everything. The husband and wife have two children and the wife is at a point where she is not as attractive anymore and prefers dumpy clothing to "trendy" outfits like the co-worker.

 

The husband is rather coerced into the relationship with the co-worker and buys her a necklace which the wife finds, expecting it to be for her. Instead, she never receives the necklace (it was Christmas). Now, the film does not show anything between the co-worker and husband in terms of sex, but the co-worker made it perfectly clear to him that if he gave her something "pretty" for Christmas, he would get "something" in return. We see that the girl received the necklace, but we do not see if he ever received anything, though it is implied.

 

Now, the smart move on the wife's part is how she calls him out on it - she basically threatens him with taking the children to "cut and run". She does stay with him however for the children and because he does own up to being a fool and is clearly remorseful. We see that they're not as happy as they were but they are dealing with it because they had years together.

 

The point of this long post (forgive me) is that the husband was being propositioned by a young, pretty co-worker who was seemingly interested in him. He was cowed by it in the beginning, shocked and a little nervous with her. However, he fell for the tricks because she showed genuine interest. So, I think in the case of men actually acting out their desires like the husband did in the film shows a lack of something they're wanting, also male idiocy ( ); but if a man is just looking and would never in a million years react, again, male idiocy just for looking ( ), but it's also a good thing that he can control it.

 

And also, there are many men out there who are different. Take this example as something nifty: the actor who played in LOVE ACTUALLY as the husband is Alan Rickman. He never married nor had kids, but he has been with the same woman since he was 19 - and she was his first girlfriend (and last, it seems). He is 60 years old now and while he gets to act onscreen with other women and perhaps get that momentary rush of male excitement to be involved with a younger girl onscreen, he has never acted on it and broken up with the girlfriend of forty years. That and he is said to be generally the greatest man around! But that's more one of his female fans talking.