Members Sound Off - If You Love Something, Let It Go?

[Daddy Bear]

letting go is a state of mind... you can physically be with someone and already have let them go....

very true, aminae. you can also be dumped by someone and still not let go for months or even years.

[Dako]

I wonder if others accept the risk of heartbreak when they fall in love as part of the deal. I just bought a PC montor and paid a disposal fee as part of the price.

[RayKay]

I wonder if others accept the risk of heartbreak when they fall in love as part of the deal. I just bought a PC montor and paid a disposal fee as part of the price.

 

Well, without a risk, there is no reward.

 

You could "avoid" heartbreak altogether by never putting your heart out there....but that to me is pretty heartbreaking in itself.

 

At least if you take the risk (of course wisely!) there is that chance of great reward. Without the risk...well, you might not have had your heart "broken" but you sure would of missed out on the true joys in life.

[Daddy Bear]

I wonder if others accept the risk of heartbreak when they fall in love as part of the deal. I just bought a PC montor and paid a disposal fee as part of the price.

lately i've come not only to accept the risk but the inevitability of heartbreak as well. if i can get one sweet, lasting memory out of a relationship, i feel like i'm ahead of the curve.

 

sad perhaps, but true.

[guy0221]

In order to "let them go", one needs to possess a great deal of selflessness. Unfortunately, those that can let go for the good of the one they love, end up taking the brunt of the heartache.

 

I'm waiting for the "it's yours forever" part.

[nottoogreen]

lately i've come not only to accept the risk but the inevitability of heartbreak as well. if i can get one sweet, lasting memory out of a relationship, i feel like i'm ahead of the curve.

 

sad perhaps, but true.

One can have win-win, win-lose, lose-win, lose-lose, null-null.

 

No pain, no gain.

 

My sister (2 years younger than me), but got started 5 years ahead, told me that one ought to use experience to choose better but start any relationship afresh and without regret or fear.

 

Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

[evy38]

I wonder if others accept the risk of heartbreak when they fall in love as part of the deal. I just bought a PC montor and paid a disposal fee as part of the price.

Good point. People don't let go of the one's they really love. They let go when they think they can find better. Many relationships are disposable, these days, so we need to be aware that there may be a hidden price for loving. It doesn't mean we stop loving all together, but it might teach us to be less reckless with our love lives. It may make us all choose a little more wisely, be a little more picky about bad behavior and work out minor problems, BEFORE they become major ones.

I think refusal to accept the possibility that you might get hurt is unrealistic, fantasy and the act of burying your head in the sand. I think you can love wisely or recklessly. Which you choose to do, depends on how well you know yourself and your own needs and goals, and it depends on how much you respect yourself thus how much bad behavior you are willing to put up with. Knowing that you can get hurt should make you expect the best from your lover, because you are worth the best. It shouldn't make you stop attempting love, altogether.

[Beec]

I wonder if others accept the risk of heartbreak when they fall in love as part of the deal. I just bought a PC montor and paid a disposal fee as part of the price.

 

Not sure, but I know that there are those who refuse to open themselves up to love, because of their fear of heartbreak.

[neva_black_n_white]

I think it could be quite easily a mixture of all of the to be fair.

 

For me, if i love someone and its not going too well.. not to plan.. or however we need to put it.

 

THEN.. im sure,

i would have started of uncertain

seen something negative emerging..

by this point i would have already tried to fight for it.

 

 

then, for love i would let it go. they deserve to be happy, i wouldnt see it any other way.

 

then finally. id question the love. but never regret.

 

im sure theres stages, in betweens. etc.

[Pheonixpassion84]

sometimes people love more than one thing. For example: someone who loves their significant other, but also loves their career. When those two things separate and you have to go with one. It doesn't mean you don't love the other.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

What do you think of the saying, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

 

The saying is overly simplistic. It could be the right thing to do in one situation. and the wrong thing to do in another.

 

For instance, if you're in a relationship, you don't just blatantly ignore the person, figuring that they'll stick around if they really love you. You put effort into it. Same with when you're relationship needs work. You put effort into it. You don't simply 'let it go', bury your head in the sand, and hope for the best.

[Wimpy]

I loved my ex so much but I knew that he had to go home to his country and give consideration to our future....I knew I had to let that happen and whatever would happen would happen. From my perspective it wasn't a risk - I mistakenly believed he'd cared as much for me as I did for him...that wasn't the case.

 

Now, 15 months on I figure I'm perhaps not one of those people meant to be with someone and I'm enjoying my life being single. Things are going well - just had a wicked vacation in the US and doing better at work than I have in a looonnnngggg time.

 

If they loved you they wouldn't let you go - I know if I loved someone I wouldn't.

[dogheadma]

Aaarrrgghh! This is one of the corniest, cheesiest, most annoying cliches I've ever heard! If you're fortunate enough to love someone and have them love you back, be thankful, grateful, and appreciative. If for whatever reason(s) it doesn't work out, then take your gifts, learn your lessons, and keep on movin'....

[shelly7]

I let my SO other go, because he wasn't ready to commit. I even wrote this cliche we speak of in my last letter to him. I confronted him about some issues and then stopped all contact.

 

About a month later he came back. I'm still confused whether this saying is true and to what extent because I'm still waiting to see if the result ends in happily ever after. It's only been a few weeks that he's back, and I'm taking it slow.

[Beec]

You know when you let someone go, you often are taking away the things that they like to receive from you, whatever it is. When that's gone, it can be like you pulled the rug out from under them. If hey want to stop falling, they come back.

[Jayar]

There is one thing I learned since my break up that I will remember forever... You CANNOT make someone love you! This seems like a simple concept, but honestly a lot of people don't get it... At least not until they have had maybe 3 or 4 relationships under their belt.

 

I learned very painfully that if someone doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you, there is nothing you can do short of putting them in a cage maybe, that will keep them with you. My ex had to leave. I realize now that under NO circumstance does begging or pleading work, and I learned I will never do it again (whether with him or with someone else).

 

My ex and I are in "reactive NC" (or LC) and my only choice IS to let him go... And if he comes back, I honestly have to trust he's meant to be mine forever.

[perfectliljewel]

i think it depends on why you need to let them go. my best friend was thinking about leaving to get away from her abusive parents, in that case yes i had to let her go because i didnt want her to get hurt. it all depends.

[itsallgrand]

What do you think of the saying, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

 

It's a good general purpose saying. But there's lots more to it than that, and the subtleties are thick.

 

I don't like how it refers to someone/something being 'yours'. It implies ownership, or actually having something reliable and 'object like'/constant.

People aren't like that. They're like mercury. Think you know, and it's already changed. Think you have a grasp, and it slips through your fingers or vaporizes. That's love, too.

 

Part of the letting go and the loving is in constantly defeating that urge to own, claim, seek. Love is transcendent of all that bs.

 

Painful, but so sweet and liberating that. Love doesn't care about the mechanics of our desires. It's just love.

 

Can't let go if you're not holding on.

 

Maybe one day it won't take moments of great emotion for me to live without that pull to always fight and have. But, when all other options are exhausted, it gets real clear that it is the ONLY real option.

[bobo85]

My special rule: i will never fight for someone who will not fight for me.

[bebecole]

My special rule: i will never fight for someone who will not fight for me.

 

thats a good rule

[Jane0815]

 

2) If you love someone, but they do not return the same level of love you yourself need, then maybe the first person you need to love is YOURSELF

 

 

I have a feeling you're going to be one of the ones totally kicking my posterior here ...

 

As Martha S. would say, "it's a good thing."

[Bethany]

I think from the poll that people are pretty messed up.

 

If you love someone you shouldnt chase after them or take offense when they leave.. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!!!

 

You should understand that maybe this person feels a great need to do something in their life and however much that hurts or rejects you, you should see the other point of view and let them go. They will then look back with great fondest and respect for you for not pressuring them or trying to making them stay, by not clinging to them and making their lives a misery, for allowing the freedom of choice to follow their dream. This is the only way someone will want to come back.

 

If you chase after them, cling to them or refuse to let them go, they will resent you and ever come back and it will be your own fault.

[shes2smart]

A couple of earlier posts brought up this point, but I think it might need to be repeated in a different way.

 

Seems the majority here are interpreting "letting go" in the context of ending a relationship.

 

If you apply that meaning to the phrase we're discussing, yes, it does sound cheesy and trite and cliche and the sort of thing we tell ourselves when we're bawling our eyes out after having been dumped.

 

However, there's another way to interpet "letting go" and keep it within the context of a relationship.

 

Can we agree that few, if any, people enjoy the feeling of being trapped? Yes?

 

"Letting go" can also be interpreted as giving one's partner enough space to be who they are---and not what you want/expect them to be. If you let go enough that they feel comfortable being who they are with you and accepted by you as they are, then it follows that they're more likely to "return" (or stay) with you and the relationship. If they also let go enough so that you have enough space to be who you are and feel loved and accepted as you are, then you're also more likely to return.

 

Relationships are a balancing act in many ways. One of those ways is allowing enough space so that you and your partner still have identities as individuals, but enough of a partnership that there's also an identity as "we" and "us."

 

If it's always "we" and "us," people can start feeling like "I" and "me" don't exist anymore....and I don't think that's healthy.

 

Looked at that way, the "If you love something let it go...." phrase reminds us that a balance is needed in a relationship. Both partners have to let go enough to allow for that healthy degree of independence, but realize they'll return to the relationship for the experience of "us" and "we" as something greater than themselves.

 

Put another way:

 

1+1 = 1+1 - I'm me, you're you and when we're together, I'm still me and you're still you. Probably a decent mathematical representation of a friendship.

 

1/2 + 1/2 = 1 - the romantic song/poem/fictional view of a romantic relationship. "I'm not complete without you"

 

1+1 = 1+1+1 - I'm me and you're you, and when we're together I'm still me and you're still you...but we are also something greater than just me and you.

[Considerate Empath]

If you really are in love with someone who - for example - "needs some space", you are simply in the dilemma of granting the persons wishes for that persons sake, or do what you yourself want. But if you really love this person, it doesn't really matter what you want does it?

 

 

//C.E.

[Bethany]

If you really are in love with someone who - for example - "needs some space", you are simply in the dilemma of granting the persons wishes for that persons sake, or do what you yourself want. But if you really love this person, it doesn't really matter what you want does it?

 

 

//C.E.

 

Absolutely!!!