i think i really messed up

[Blue Skittles]

OK - I know I'm totally going to get bashed for this, but for some reason feeling the need to confess? I don't know.

 

I cheated on my bf last night. I don't want to create excuses, cuz I don't believe there is any valid reason for what I did. We are trying to go through a Long Distance relationship and lately we've been distant. I finally met a REALLY good friend in this town, I was lonely for a long time, and she and I have been hanging out everyday. WEll last night we got really drunk, went to the bar, and got hit on by these guys that were both roommates as well, and we ended up going back to their room for makeout session. ARGH... I feel so bad. NOthing happened past kissing. The worst thing is the boys want to take us out for a dinner and a movie tonight and if it were up to me I would just not have anything to do with him anymore but my friend really likes her guy and I need to go along on this double date for safety reasons, by her request. I am going to see my bf in a few days and I know I'm going to be unable to look him in the eyes knowing what I did but I don't know how to tell him i messed up. We really love each other and it would devastate our relationship if he found out.

[DN]

You messed up but it did only involve kissing. Telling your boyfriend is debatable but I would advise against it.

 

But you must not go on that date. Your friend will just have to understand that and find someone else to go or handle it in some other way. If you do go then that would be a major mistake.

[laura_5000]

I cheated on my x boyfriend when I was with him for about 2 years, at the time we were going through a rough patch but there was still no excuse.

I tried to keep it from him but I felt to guilty and told him, it wasn't something I could keep from him in the end. We did manage to work it out but I have learnt that we were never ment to be otherwise I wouldn't have done it.

 

I wouldn't cheat again though, I seen how much it hurt him.

[annie24]

You messed up but it did only involve kissing. Telling your boyfriend is debatable but I would advise against it.

 

But you must not go on that date. Your friend will just have to understand that and find someone else to go or handle it in some other way. If you do go then that would be a major mistake.

 

I agree 100% with DN.

[Beyondthesea]

In my opinion, honesty is always the best policy. I would tell your boyfriend the truth. I know no one else will agree with me on that, but I'm someone who needs a clear conscience.

 

I would not go on the date however, that would be a grave mistake.

[ButterflyWrists]

i wouldnt tell him, unless you are really sorry, and most people do tend to do alot of bad when drunk, but in the end, its up to you, do you know how he might react? Would it be good or bad? It's best to just leave it i believe

[annie24]

do you know why you did this (the kissing)? have you thought about the reasons why?

[Hope75]

I agree with others that there is no way you should be going on this double date tonight. Your friend is a big girl and should understand that you have already cheated on your bf and it is completely unfair of her to ask you to come with her tonight. She knows you have a bf- does she know what happened last night?

 

As Annie said, have you thought about why you went through with the make out session?

 

Is this long distance relatonship working for you? How far apart are you? How often do you see one another?

[yeawutever]

Well I do agree that being honest is the best policy, however in your case since it only involve kissing, I wouldn't tell, I would deal with the guilt alone and don't go on any dates. If you're positively sure you're not gonna do it again, save your b/f the burden by not saying a word about it, no need to tell.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Yes, you made a mistake. Don't make it even worse by going out with the guy you kissed. A real friend would understand if you said no.

 

And don't tell the boyfriend, mind you if you're seen in public with another guy you might noy NEED to tell him, even if you're in a long distance relationship. Trust me on this one, information (ie gossip) has a way of flowing to the one person you don't want it to get back to.

 

It's how I found out my now ex was seeing someone on the side. It was a LDR too and we didn't have mutual friends either.

[Blue Skittles]

I went out with them last night. Oh, I wasn't going to, I had decided not to, but then I got a call from my boyfriend and he BROKE UP WITH ME!!

 

Which leads me to the question of WHY I did it the other night? We have been having some problems with our relationship, I was starting to lose trust in him and faith in us. And, I guess it was partially the friend I am living with now, not that she convinced me to do it, but I can't really explain just the thrill of going out on the town with the girls and having a good time. I don't know. I know that doesn't make any sense.

 

Anyways, He broke up with me, I have no idea why, He didn't know about what I did last night, maybe he sensed it but I don't know. He said it was because he has put so much time and commitment into it and he doesn't think I love him. I was really upset. Then those boys called to go out. So we did, I needed to get over him. I ended up spending the night over there (no sex though). I couldn't stop thinking about my now EX all night. So even making out with him didn't really happen, we just cuddled. Oh and then I went and stole his hoodie when I left this morning ( I do intend on returning it) But i was cold and it smells good and its totally a comfort thing, I love wearing it and I don't know why.

[Riggz41510]

Well actually before she was my girlfriend, she * * * *ed another guy. We had a understanding that even though we were not a couple that we wouldn't * * * * any one else!!

 

Well she confessed one day out of the blue.. I was hurt angry and mad.. But after my emotions simmered, it gave me a whole other level of respect for her.. 1. She didnt have to tell me and 2. we were not technically together..

 

So I would have said tell him, but you guys are apart now so it kind of defeats the purpose!!

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Hey Blue Skittles,

 

Sorry to hear your boyfriend broke up with you. It does seem like from what you said about it, he sensed you weren't 100% committed to the relationship. It's probably the same reason you kissed this other guy. I don't know anyone who's 100% committed who would even contemplate kissing some other person.

 

As for you losing trust in him, yeah, that does happen. Trust in a long distance relationship is a hard thing to manage. Doubly so if you have someone who's putting thoughts in your head. From what you told me, it sounds like this friend you're living with may have done that. Heck, I do see where she would be coming from. I've had a roommate once who would kid and such about my then girlfriend saying stuff that made me question her commitment. Turns out he was doing it so he had someone to hang out and party with who didn't feel the need to check in with the girlfriend. We aren't friends now, he was more than a little selfish.

 

As for this new guy, don't rush, take it slow. He might just be a "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" type of guy if you know what I mean. Also, I'm curious, when he kissed you, did he know that you were involved with someone? If so, I'd turn and run, not a very nice guy. I've known guys like that who are either looking for some sex or get a kick out of getting other guys girlfriends. If you didn't tell this new guy then why didn't you feel the need to tell him?

 

Regardless, it might be a good idea to step back and examine everything that's gone on before jumping into another relationship right away. After all, you did say you think your boyfriend broke up with you because he sensed something was wrong with the relationship on your side. It doesn't mean that he still doesn't love you and that you could get the relationship back if you show him you can be devoted to him.

 

It's a lot to think about to be sure. Mind you, I could be way off, but it's what I sense.

[Blue Skittles]

Thanks for your replies. I'm trying not to rush into anything with the new guy as I am only here for another week and I gotta admit I went to see him last night to help me get over my now ex.. its sad. My father says that there is a possibility that he was just using me until something better came along. Typical dad to make his little girl feel better by saying stuff like that. But I do think he has a point - and hes done this to me before too.

 

Anyways - to top it all off I'm totally getting stood up tonight - the new guy asked me a million times if I would go see a movie with him and that he would call me at 6:30 tonight but of course he hasn't called. So me and my girls are going to the movie anyways. BUt man, getting broken up with AND stood up in one week? Karma really comes back to bite you in the ***. Or maybe I just have terrible luck. I'm seriously considering getting a couple more cats and calling it quits to dating. I miss my kitties so much right now

[annie24]

forget this new guy, this isn't what you need right now. you don't even like him, you just got broken up with, and he was the first guy that asked you out.

 

no worries. you'll get through all this.

[Blue Skittles]

The new guy called like 8 times while i was at the movie. He wants to see me tonight. BUT ----- I just came down with a strep throat... HOw more messed up can this week get???

[arwen]

I think as messed up as you choose to, to a certain degree

 

If you have an infection in the throat, you should rest. If you just broke up with a guy, you should take some time to heal from that. Adding up, why not have a girls night at your house and drink a lot of tea with honey and watch some movies? I'd not start anything with the guy. If he persists, you can tell him that you are not interested.

 

Ilse

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I'd have to agree with Ilse, I mean you've been single for a whole 2 days! And have been seeing this guy for 3-4 days. Talk about giving yourself 0 time to deal with what happened with your ex and figure out what made you stray in the first place.

 

Honestly, as nice as he makes you feel (unregected) it's best to step back for a bit.

[Blue Skittles]

Well, I'm not going to continue seeing this new guy. I'm leaving in a weeks time and Im certainly not doing a long distance relationship with someone I don't know. Besides that, having strep throat I have enough decency to not get him sick. Anyways, just a quick question - i was digging through my papers today to find my healthcare stuff and i found some important documents I must have accidentally grabbed from my ex's apartment. there are some tax forms and phone bills and stuff. I'm currently on no contact with him - would it be mean if I didn't call him to tell him about it? I really don't care myself I could rip them up and throw them away but i certainly don't want to hang on to them. I also have his "lucky" sweater and I have no clue why he gave it to me in the first place if he really doesn't love me but i don't feel like calling him to give it back to him. I don't know his mailing address so its not like i can just mail this stuff. He told me never to call him again because he will not answer my calls or reply to my emails.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I suggest sending him an e-mail, tell him that you have his things, ask what he wants you to do with them, then tell him that the sole and only reason you're e-mailing is because it's either this or toss the stuff.

[4lorn]

I agree with Lonelyinasmalltown. The right thing to do is give your ex the opportunity to get his documents back. They sound pretty important if they have to do with taxes. If he's a stand up guy, he'll appreciate your actions despite the NC situation.

[annie24]

what do you mean, you don't know your ex-boyfriend's mailing address?

[Blue Skittles]

I have no idea what it is. I wouldn't even know where to start to look it up - i don't even know what his apartment building is called. I've only sent him mail through the post once and i never bothered to write down his address.

 

NOt to worry, I emailed him a short and sweet note that said I had his documents and if he wanted me to get them back to him let me know. He replied back and asked if i could drop them off on my way through town when i move back to my town. why he didn't just give me his mailing address is beyond me.

 

I've really been missing him this past couple days. I've been really lonely - just laying on the couch watching tv trying to get over strep throat. And I miss how much he used to care about me when things like this went down.

[4lorn]

You could always just ask him for his mailing address so you could just get it over with and move on. That way you could avoid an in-person situation. Was he a jerk about it?

 

He won't be the last to care about you that way, but maybe it hurts more because it just happened and being sick you have lots of time to think about it.

 

Best wishes.

[Blue Skittles]

After being sick with the Strep throat for 3 days, I'm finally really dealing with the emotions that I've needed to deal with since the breakup. I'm really missing him today. He was my BEST FRIEND. I lost him. Its hurting me like hell, and I'm so angry that I let him go for a party scene with friends that REALLY aren't even friends at all. The anger is eating me up sometimes. I'm trying to find ways to deal with my anger - like listen to my mp3 player, which I just found out is broken, probably freakin melted in my car on one of the hot days here.. *sigh*... i put some music on and my roommate comes and turns it right down theres no point to listen to it. I hate her. Then I wanted to watch the daily mass on the computer but I can't even get that to work. I can't even just lay in bed and go to sleep cuz shes got some dumb guy over and I keep hearing 'noises' from their room. Good heavens.. I'm ready to pack my car and drive back to the city TOMORROW where I at least have some REAL friends. God, Life SUCKS right now..........