Escorts...

[CynicalGuitarist]

Obviously, you've probably never been to California before. It's not like "oh, I just created these complaints out of thin air" a lot of people really ARE like this. I know this because I have spoken to them, and the girls are much, much worse. A real strong majority see no value in a guy unless he's tall, dark, handsome, and rich. That's ok, you can keep saying "California really isn't that bad" and that I created all of these qualities to californians, but if you lived here, you'd be saying a whole different story. I am, however, thankful that I don't live in Los Angeles, the ultimate armpit in the stink-state of Cali.

 

Oh, and for the record, I have talked to girls about guitar playing and the different facets to what makes it so great, yet they end up saying "you're weird!" "That's confusing!" "I don't care, play an Angels and Airways song!" "right... whatever (walks away afterwards)" But that's ok, cause according to you, I'm making all this up...

[Carnatic]

Oh we don't deny that you are put under this pressure, but if you find it all so repulsive then why on earth would you want to buy into it by hiring a prostitute so you will be accepted. Wouldn't you much rather wait till you can move into a society where you will be accepted, respected and found attractive for the exact same qualities that make you so unsuited to California.

[joeshmoe]

HI, I live in the suburbs of the "ultimate armpit" you call LA. Dude, you need to get a clue, there are a-holes wherever you go, and you better get used to it, because you sure aren't going to change the world.... There are also GOOD people wherever you go. You just need to talk to them & find out what they're really all about. What's wrong with driving a fast car? its fun...what's wrong with getting "wasted at a party"? nothing, that also can be stress relief.

 

It seems that you have a serious chip on your shoulder against the whole world, or at least California. If you're walking around pissed off & angry, nobody is going to talk to you, let alone wanna have sex with you. (maybe my perception of you is wrong, and if it is, I apologize)

 

I used to be the sullen, angry guy that wore the odd clothes just to not be one of "them"...a non-conformist....but ya know what? there's just as many non-conformist types that dress normally, drive decent cars & blend in a little bit. And I am one of them! I have met many great, real, unpretentios people in the last few years. You have to get rid of the bad attitude, first though.

 

...and if sex is what you want, you can't just play guitar...you need to be in a band...one that plays what the majority of girls will like.

[CynicalGuitarist]

Impressive how you can live with all that smoggy air... Yeah, your perception of me is wrong, but it isn't your fault. I don't really say what I think in public. I try to mask my sadness to others and try to be "my true self" in order to find these people. I don't really break down in public, and show people I don't think maliciously of them. In fact, if you saw me in public, I'd actually be smiling. All of this masking just doesn't work. Forums are the only place where anybody is even willing to consider what I say. I've given up completely on girls in almost every sense anyways, so I'm not even planning on getting an escort. Honestly, I need a REAL vacation by myself away from everyone I commonly associate with.

 

What's wrong with getting wasted at a party? How about puking my guts out all over myself and having to explain it to my mother. I didn't say there was anything wrong with driving a fast car, but people tend to get caught up in that and forget about the things that really matter in life. But whatever, I've completely given up on myself anyways, and don't really plan on having a future.

[hosswhispra]

Trust me, girls would prefer a virgin to a guy who paid someone to have sex with them.

 

Ditto.

 

Sublimation i.e, focusing on other things like physical exercise really works. Running works for me.

 

 

Women's sex drives hit the roof in their thirties and are similar to an 18 year-old male's drive. So I feel your pain.

 

Hang in there,

hosswhispra

[Carnatic]

As far as the guitar goes, playing the guitar can make you cool, but it can also make you more of an outcast it depends how you use it. If you use it like a geekish obsession (this isn't necessarily you this is just an extreme) boring people to death with tales of the time you lost your capo while strumming randomly on the guitar, and spending most of your time sitting in your room alone with it playing heavy metal songs about being alone and wearing entirely black then it certainly won't make girls want you.

 

If you can sing as well as you play up-beat songs that people can dance or at least sway to while being dressed fashionably, leave the guitar alone when you get talking to a girl and have an attractive, approachable personality then it will make you cooler.

 

My advice is;

1) if you don't already do so then learn to sing;

2) the guitar won't make you cool on its own, how you dress and how you behave is still a factor;

3) find a popular bar which has an open mic night and play there; better still keep going back and become a regular.

[neva_black_n_white]

I agree with the comment on girls preferring a virgin.

I had an ex who saw sex as well.. just that, and i didnt find it appealing knowing how many people he had slept with.. without a care in the world.. you know?

 

(not that your without a care in the world..but you catch my drift)

[Cadence308]

It sounds like your self-esteem needs some work. Have you thought that it could be your attitude and the way you think and act towards women as a reason why you haven't gotten into a relationship? It sounds like you are going through the motions just trying to get laid. A lot of women have a sixth sense for picking up if a guy is only interested in one thing.

 

An escort sounds like a good solution to what you are looking for. Sucks that you have to pay for it, but you are right in that you both will know what the other person wants and no one gets hurt.

[eriko]

I say, "what the hell?" Do it. Get with an escort man.

 

It's so easy for others to tell him to "wait for the right person." Sometimes waiting for a few years can seem like an eternity! Now I'm not saying this from experience, but I can relate to this guy in some ways.

 

When I was younger, about 15, I went about 6-7 months without any girl touching my penis, and HOLY SH*T, masturbation was just not cutting it. Being with a woman FAR SURPASSES masturbation hands down. Women, please, don't try to convince us otherwise.

 

So, if this guy gets with an escort once, and DOESN'T get addicted to the illegal institution that it is, WHY NOT?

 

Go for it bro.

[RayKay]

So, if this guy gets with an escort once, and DOESN'T get addicted to the illegal institution that it is, WHY NOT?

 

Well, if you read what others said, you would note:

 

- Seriously high risk of STI's, not all of which can be prevented with condoms.

 

- Failure to address real issues. Sex alone is not the answer to this guys problems.

 

- A lot of women whom said they would NOT get involved with someone whom slept with a prostitute. In other words, jeopardizing future relationships. I sure would not...not just for moral issue, but also the physical threat to myself (ie HPV that causes cervical cancer cannot be detected in men, but it sure can lead to severe issues for women whom sleep with them)

 

- Um, where is the guarantee he would not get addicted to paying for it? (Which by the way...would cause the risks above to increase thousand folds, and add financial debt, etc).

 

Just because you are horny does not mean you must buy sex. It's very disturbing when someone is 15 or 18 or heck even 30, they feel sex is the answer to it all, and even would consider or pay for it.

[eriko]

From what I have read of your posts you are an extremely intelligent person.

 

However, the topic of male sexuality is a bit out of your reach, being that you are a woman. This man is well over 20, an age that almost IMPLIES sexual regularity. For him to have to dwell in his own misery is a shame.

 

A man without ANY sex at that age is like a young boy without playtime; It's simply illogical.

 

Sometimes we must ask oursevles: Is it truly worth it to abide by the set morals of society when they so completely compromise your own happiness?

 

OK, I'll put myself on the line here. If I were in his exact situation right now, I would resort to buying sex. One of my dear friends who is very obese did the same and relieved much of his sexual tension.

 

NOTA BENE: Escorts are indeed prostitutes. However, they are what you would call the "creme of the crop" with regards to prostitution. So, the chances of them having STD's or STI's are much lower. If he wears a condom (which most of them will make him wear) he should be OK.

[eriko]

Was directed toward Ray Kay.

[RayKay]

Yes, as a woman I have no sexuality....

 

Look, contrary to popular belief, we do have sex drives. Add in that I have "some experience" with men of that age, or whom have BEEN that age. Add on to that there are several MEN in this thread whom have also said "save your money".

 

However, the topic of male sexuality is a bit out of your reach, being that you are a woman. This man is well over 20, an age that almost IMPLIES sexual regularity. For him to have to dwell in his own misery is a shame.

 

No, he is 18. That does not imply sexual regularity. It implies hormones yes, and still a developing emotional brain...but it does not imply sexual regularity.

 

A man without ANY sex at that age is like a young boy without playtime; It's simply illogical.

 

See above. There are many 18 year olds whom have not had sex, and while it may cause frustration, it does not mean they need to pay for it.

 

 

NOTA BENE: Escorts are indeed prostitutes. However, they are what you would call the "creme of the crop" with regards to prostitution. So, the chances of them having STD's or STI's are much lower. If he wears a condom (which most of them will make him wear) he should be OK.

 

Again, many STI's are NOT prevented from condoms.

 

And, if he is 18, I am going to say that "high class" is not exactly going to be within his reach. Most 18 year olds don't have thousands to fork over for "high class".

 

Even escorts are not regulated in most areas, and so, there are no requirements for checkups, safety, etc. Some of them WILL willingly not use protection if paid enough.

 

Escorts have slept with thousands of men....so it's foolish to think that in some way you will be treated any different, be anything to them other than money, or that you are "safe". "Most of them" is not good enough, especially when even "most of them" will have NOT done so a few times too.

 

Of course, it's ultimately his choice, his risk, and his body. If he really feels it will "fix" his issue, fine, but I would not be so surprised if he finds that there are much deeper things he needs to address than sexual frustration. Not just ones that are there now, but also after the fact...when there are more.

 

If he really believes he needs to do it as "girls don't like virgins", and because he "needs a workout as he is out of shape" and he is "stressed" and because "college students do it"......well, there are MUCH more things at play there...

[eriko]

Ok, I may have made a mistake about his age, but where did I even IMPLY that women have no sex drives? I was merely discussing the sexual gender line that you are trying to breech. A man can in no way understand the sexual mind of a woman, and vice versa. Please, don't put words in my mouth.

 

This issue can be compared to SO MANY OTHERS. For instance, many smoke pot and/or cigarettes to relieve tension. One of them is legal, but both do only harm to the body. However, they are both smoked regularly by countless people. BUT, they are not considered taboo, like prostitution, which pretty much provides the same service to the buyers.

 

Even though he is only 18 he is probably screaming for sex inside. I can't even imagine having to watch and know that everyone around me is getting laid and that i'm not. I feel so sorry for this adult, which makes him entitled to make his own decisions, despite how disgusting they may seem to others. Self preservation is one of the single most important tasks we have as humans. This problem certainly pertains to that.

[Carnatic]

But the fact is everyone else isn't getting laid. When I was 18 I was convinced I was the only person in my year going without sex, becuase those who were getting it were full of it and those that weren't either avoided the issue or pretended they were. Only now I am 23, and after frank discussions with friends do I know that most of the people I am in university with didn't lose their virginity till they were about 20... many, me included are still virgins now... and I certainly see no correlation between those that are most stressed and those that are still virgins.

 

As as for your accusation eriko that we are not treating cynical guitarist like an adult, and that we are not letting him make his own decision... that is not true... the truth is he is having difficulty making the decision himself and came here for advice, which we are giving him... because he asked for it. You cannot simply say that any advice you do not agree with is bad advice.

[shamus]

wow...

 

as many others here have stated there are greater issues at hand here than needing to get laid, mainly self esteem issues here.

 

You bring a holier than thou attitude in your postings...saying everyone is superficial, egotistical, fake, etc. as if you are better than everyone else.

 

also, reading your posts, you say you fake smile, and these forums are the only place you can truly express yourself (true), you need to realize that YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. Looking to sex to make you happy will in fact make you feel worse, trust me, been there done that.

 

people can sense when someone is being genuine or true. you can fake it, but it seems you are still projecting a negative energy about you. You state that the relationship is never going to work out any way so why bother.

 

you defeat yourself before you ever give yourself a chance...or anyone else.

 

Hooking up with girls is not that hard...be friendly keep the conversation light, and be fun. just because you play guitar doesnt mean jack. just go out have fun...here's a trick...get them to talk about themselves and at least act interested if you aren't.

 

 

"I'm out of shape in every way possible, no matter how hard I work out my body"

ok, if you are working out regularly and eating reasonably well there's no reason why you shouldnt be in good shape...get to the gym regularly.

 

what hobbies or activities do you participate in? be social. go to groups where there are women, maybe a co-ed softball team(worked for me).

 

i have to get going...but you really need to focus on what is going on in the head on your shoulders not in your pants.Straighten that out, get to the gym at least 3 days a week, start being friendly and meeting people, and you will get a good girl.

 

paying for sex is just sad and pathetic sorry to be brutal

[eriko]

Whether his actions are "sad and pathetic" should not matter to him, being that he hates the "superficial" nature of where he lives.

 

I'm a bit confused about why he needs advice if he hates the popularity contests and obsession with outward appearances in California. As on who says these things, he should be more concerned with what he thinks about himself, not what others think.

 

Yea, I think we beat this one to a pulp.

 

Man that puts me in the mood for tropicana with extra pulp.

[patch2006uk]

Other way? HA! I've tried it all... medication, meditation, pot, baths, cooking, hobbies, improve diet, warm baths, spending time with friends, exercise, and then some. Nothing works.

 

just read the whole thread. wow. just a quick question though - have you tried being yourself? finding people who care about you and who you are, and not just their flash cars and parties.

 

I know you say tht there's no one where you are, but the laws of averages say there has to be one person at least who would be suited to you. don't throw in the towel yet. prostitutes aren't worth the time or effort.

[CynicalGuitarist]

just read the whole thread. wow. just a quick question though - have you tried being yourself? finding people who care about you and who you are, and not just their flash cars and parties.

 

I know you say tht there's no one where you are, but the laws of averages say there has to be one person at least who would be suited to you. don't throw in the towel yet. prostitutes aren't worth the time or effort.

Of course not! What a brilliant idea! Be myself! Yeah, like any girl would want to get to know a 5'4 clumsy guitar geek who sucks at everything (including video games). I've tried to "be myself" but I've figured out that I'm a social retard with no self-esteem and an idiotic pseudo-intellectual thought process. I've given up on escorts. I've given up on prostitutes. In fact, I'm considering giving up girls period and donating to a sperm bank.

[CynicalGuitarist]

just read the whole thread. wow. just a quick question though - have you tried being yourself? finding people who care about you and who you are, and not just their flash cars and parties.

 

I know you say tht there's no one where you are, but the laws of averages say there has to be one person at least who would be suited to you. don't throw in the towel yet. prostitutes aren't worth the time or effort.

Of course not! What a brilliant idea! Be myself! Yeah, like any girl would want to get to know a 5'4 clumsy guitar geek who sucks at everything (including video games). I've tried to "be myself" but I've figured out that I'm a social retard with no self-esteem and an idiotic pseudo-intellectual thought process. I've given up on escorts. I've given up on prostitutes. In fact, I'm considering giving up girls period and donating to a sperm bank.

[CynicalGuitarist]

Holier than thou? It's not like I'm making anyone look at the pathetic words I type anyways. I'm not better than anybody else, but I am alienated from everyone else in almost every way and it totally sucks.

 

Believe you me, I've tried the things you've mentioned. I've tried going to the gym, I've tried going to parties and meeting people. I've tried talking to the girls my friends try and hook me up with. I've kept conversations light. I've let girls say their piece and listened to them. I've even tried dressing nicely and going to some groups where there are women around. Nothing works. They still hate my guts.

 

I know you mean well, but these mundane solutions just don't cut it for me for some reason. Oh well, somebody's got to be the girl repellant... otherwise dating would be boring with a bunch of strong, talented, happy, perfect angels of guys. I don't know why it has to be me, but there's probably some sort of twisted reason behind it. Still sucks though

[spider007]

try this first

 

 

[Deviant_Kate]

Cynical is right.

 

It's actually kind of normal to be a virgin at 18. Nobody is SUPPOSED to be having sex, college student or not. It's not a requirement. There are plenty of people on this site that are adult virgins, and I've got a friend who's 23 and he's NEVER had sex. If so many other people can NOT have sex and still be happy, the problem isnt your virginity - the problem is your perceptions and your coping skills.

 

P.S. True feminists want equality of the sexes. Don't blame feminism for the behavior of a teenage girl, even if she did reject you.

[CynicalGuitarist]

Cynical is right.

 

It's actually kind of normal to be a virgin at 18. Nobody is SUPPOSED to be having sex, college student or not. It's not a requirement. There are plenty of people on this site that are adult virgins, and I've got a friend who's 23 and he's NEVER had sex. If so many other people can NOT have sex and still be happy, the problem isnt your virginity - the problem is your perceptions and your coping skills.

 

P.S. True feminists want equality of the sexes. Don't blame feminism for the behavior of a teenage girl, even if she did reject you.

I'm not blaming feminism as the sole reason I've been rejected so many times. What I was trying to say is that it allows girls to be able to have a much easier time rejecting me... not only that, but it allows girls who dress like Amish bag ladies to gripe and moan that I'm a chauvenist (which is far from the truth) just because I don't want to go out with them. Oh well, it's not like I deserve much better anyways.

[boybornbad]

Don't lose your virginity to a hooker. Trust me. You will be haunted by that bad boy for the rest of your lifer. You have lady issues, I think you need to relax about the whole thing. I you're not ready to have sex. I was a virgin till I was 21. It wasn't an issue and shouldn't be to you. you'll meet a girl who rocks your world and it will happen. Just be patient and be gentle with yourself. Don't get deflowered by a hooker. its a bit rock and roll but the reality of being with a prositiute is that it leaves you feeling very empty (excue the pun) and could affect your future relationships.