I Feel Like A Fraud

[nottoogreen]

H Superstar,

 

Itsallgrand said it better than I could have.

... I dunno if you've read my thread, but my bf pulled away as well bc of my instability and negativity I was (mostly unconsciously and unintentionally) allowing to contaminate our relationship. I've seen big improvements since I've made the effort to: 1)improve myself and take care of my problems, put more energy back into my own passions and goals 2)respond to him with more consistency and positivity (i don't contact him every day but when i do it is with a focus on the positive) 3)give him the benefit of the doubt and put some faith in his love for me, hence allowing him to begin to trust my new found confidence again...

You could listen to her.

 

I do not like you bf drinks, I hope he will get better once you look after him a little better.

 

ENA member Carolineq proposes the N-U-R-S-E approach coupled with change that evolves through introspection to feel better.

N = Nutrition (eating right, appropriate quantity)

U = Understanding (who you are, what you want, drawbacks, skills, ect)

R = Rest (getting rest regularly with plenty of REM sleep)

S = Spirituality (doesn't mean you have to worship anything, just reflect and focus on being bigger than you are, able to overcome, more like affirmations and meditation for me)

E = EXERCISE (the most important in my humble)

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

He only drinks in a typical social/student context once a fortnight or so when he goes out.

 

I think I follow the NURSE acronym aside from Nutrition. The diet police would have a fit - yesterday I ate 1500kcals in total, in the space of 3 hours, consisting of ice cream and cake bars.

I work out a lot, I analyse/understand too much, I am obsessed with religion, and I try in vain to sleep a lot.

 

I appreciate itsallgrand's input. And everyone else's for that matter - thank you as ever. I have seen/heard of relationships being ruined by insecurity, which is why I conceal it as far as possible from Xal, but it's still in my own head.

 

Yeargh.

[nottoogreen]

He only drinks in a typical social/student context once a fortnight or so when he goes out.

OK, sounded worse than it is, no problem.

 

Please take care yourself.

 

And I am proud of you for progressing.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I had a direct conversation with my boyfriend about the topic of this thread last night.

 

I didn't mean to, however he can just get information out of me like a .. like a....well, like no one else ever could. And I can't lie to him, so I pretty much just came out with it.

 

He made some rationally and calmly made points in return:

 

1) Didn't I think he'd be able to tell what he wanted and made him happy? In other words, he was capable of knowing that I made him happy and I couldn't prove otherwise, could I?

 

I conceded I couldn't.

 

2) He didn't have any way of knowing that *I* wasn't leading a kind of double life, did he, yet he trusted anyway?

 

I had to concede that was the case.

 

It went on in that vain, with him telling me clearly he was "crazily stupidly in love" with me.

 

It made me feel marginally better. Im just going to stop thinking about it.

[Dako]

Sentient beings like that are hard to find.

Even more reasons to keep him.

[Süsser Tod]

It made me feel marginally better. Im just going to stop thinking about it.

 

 

Well, if you find a way to keep your mind entirely off those thoughts, please let me know, I could use it.

[itsallgrand]

Excellent news, Anti. Yeah, holy crap, Dako is right. He sounds like a great guy.

 

take care

[sddeaston]

Antilove-

You should not keep such a dark opinion about yourself...you are incredibly smart, consequently a very intriguing person to listen to..I enjoy your posts!

[Siriana]

I've red your first post, I skipped everything else. Sorry, not enough time for reading everything. So I will make my responce based only on your first post.

 

I got this idea that you don't want to leave him not because you don't love him but because you feel insecure and affraid of getting hurt. It's 8 months since you date and you are getting more attached to him. Probably you want to bail out and the best thing how to do that is by cheating.

 

Now, I guess it wouldn't be smart to end things, but if you can't control yourself you will probably do that.

 

Also I think that you do think too much about things. And if you were older I would say to you to ask yourself if you have a problem that you need to sort out, but I think that maybe a part of it goes to your age (even tough you are really smart and mature for your age - as I've seen in your responces)

 

I had an ex and he was a master in relationship sabotage. (I am not saying anything about our relationship but his caracter in general). He suceeded to lose a girl he really loved, she dumped him after a year, and he couldn't get over her for 3 years. So be sure that you're not sabotaging things.

 

I learned not to be affraid to get really hurt maybe a year ago and you know how? I got really badly hurt by a guy. And I survived. So if you get hurt you woan't die - you'll just get over it. If you keep protecting yourself you woan't be able to live free and enjoy love. And trust me, 8 months of beeing spontaneous and yourself are worth every single day of pain in case you brake up one day.

 

Sorry if I got you wrong.

 

And this avatar of yours looks like one of my ex'es - the one who hurt me and I realised that getting over someone is something that can be done. ](*,)

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Sorry for unintentional avatar there.

 

Thank you for the response.

 

I know what heartbreak is like - I had it to vomiting point last year - I want to avoid it again.

[AwdreeHpburn]

A mercy break-up for a perceived issue... ALS - sorry you're at that place of doubt. I think if ever you are again you should share it with your beau. He sounds like he can take it.

 

I think he's a good sounding board for you and can read you well. I say trust him with your thoughts and feelings.

[Siriana]

Well you could stop walking accross the street too - because there is always a possibility that you might get hit by a car. Staying home is the safest.

 

It can't be avoided. Unfortunately. I wish it could be.