Is there point in being in a relationship?

[skyblue1]

Hiya people,

 

I'm a single chick and been reading problems from this site and i've been thinking is there any point in a relationship? People seem to be unhappy being too jealous girls or men perving at other poeple and people cheating. I'm really fed up with this. Had enough with the relationship thing and finding the one if there is such a thing.

 

What you do think?

[JJRadical]

Well the only problem is CSI is a rerun tonight...

[skyblue1]

hahaha very funny!

[Balbina]

Not every relationship will be a success. Infact, every relationship will be a failure until you're in that relationship.

 

To me, the purpose of every relationship is experience and personal growth. I was never one naive enough to believe that every guy I could date would be the be all and end all of my relationships - I realize I'm still young and have plenty of time to figure out what I want and find Mr. Right-for-me.

 

The point is, if you don't go through these expeirences - the good, the bad, the worse - how will you ever know when you find the one that he is good for you? If you don't learn the hard way what you deserve, admire, crave in a partner, will you ever be happy or will you ever even see something good infront of you?

 

People that go through these problem relationships over and over and cycle back to the same types of people are the ones that don't learn from their past expeirences and mistakes. It's those people that don't take the time to step back and learn a little, take time to heal and actually grow emotionally from each relationship.

[Day_Walker]

Well you will get those people on here who will say the reason you should be in a relationship is because of love, companionship and blah blah blah all that other stuff. The truth is that in practice relationships can get ugly and people start self destructing. If you see no point in relationships then dont have them, it has been done in the past. My own personal stance is that you have to find a relationship that it is worth being in.

[chai714]

Sky,

 

You've pointed out a few negatives about relationships.

 

There are also positives too - such as taking trips together, sharing a glass of wine, getting a massage, and lots of other cheesy but fun things.

 

All relationships require maintenance. Successful relationships work through problems as they arise whereas unsuccessful relationships let problems build up, then supressed emotions surface and explode.

 

So, the point of relationships is to be able to love someone else and receive it. Obviously, when you have two people then you will naturally have some disagreements about some things and the better you are able to understand your partners views on life and vice versa, the higher quality of relationship you will have.

[sumguy]

I'm a single chick and been reading problems from this site and i've been thinking is there any point in a relationship? People seem to be unhappy being too jealous girls or men perving at other poeple and people cheating.

 

Remember, people posting on this website might not exactly have the healthiest relationships -- that's why they're here!

[Batya33]

For what it's worth, here is what the benefits are for me:

 

I have a best friend who wants to spend lots of time with me and does;

I can tell him all the little and big things that happen during my day and I know he wants to hear them (and vice versa)

I have someone to love and care for

I have someone to be intimate with and to laugh with constantly - who "gets" me

Socially it's easier to be part of a couple where I live/and given who I socialize with

I get to learn constantly more about myself and my flaws and strengths and because it is with someone I respect and admire I am inspired to work on myself and to change where necessary

It makes working out more fun because I know that it will benefit me in several ways ;-)

 

That's about it for now - but to generalize about "relationships" is impossible because each one is so different.

[shes2smart]

Hiya people,

 

I'm a single chick and been reading problems from this site and i've been thinking is there any point in a relationship? People seem to be unhappy being too jealous girls or men perving at other poeple and people cheating. I'm really fed up with this. Had enough with the relationship thing and finding the one if there is such a thing.

 

What you do think?

 

Well...the site is mostly about relationship problems/difficulties, so it's not like you're gonna get a fair representation of happy/healthy relationships here.

 

But, yes there is a point to a relationship. Many points at that. It is within a relationship that you have great opportunites for personal growth that are very different from the personal growth you can experience when you're single. Neither type of growth is better than the other...they're different and both useful.

 

I think one of the places people go wrong and cause themselves undue misery is buying into the concept of "the one." It puts way too much pressure on your interactions with the opposite sex, and has been used by people as an excuse to stay in relationships that are clearly unhealthy.

 

What I found to be a much more realistic way to look at it is over the course of my life, I've met a number of people. Some I didn't get along with. Some I did. Of those, some became friends...some I had a greater attraction to than friendship. Of those, some returned the attraction, and of those, I became involved with some. Sometimes it was a really bad idea...sometimes it was a good idea.

 

Nothing wrong with taking yourself off the market for a while. In fact, if you're feeling kinda bitter and like it's pointless, you are probably better off not dating until you have time to change your perspective to something more positive.

 

During one break-up years ago, I was questioning what's the point of getting involved with anyone, and a friend of mine said, "Because when it works out well and it's a good relationship, there are few things in life that are better."

 

When I (finally) managed to get into a healthy relationship, I realized that friend of mine was right.

[RayKay]

I love what Chai and Shes2Smart have said!

 

You have to also see that this site tends to be a support system for those having troubles, though there are many of us here IN wonderful relationships, we tend not to make posts about how great everything is going frequently.

 

The most important thing is to first have a strong relationship with YOURSELF. This will lead to healthier, stronger choices when you do pick a partner. And it will also lead to better decisions overall when it comes to relationships.

 

All relationships require some effort to prevent boredom/routine, taking one another for granted, to address differences of opinion, and to maintain yourself as an individual AND as a couple. The difference between a healthy one and a unhealthy one is that this "effort" seems to be quite natural, voluntary by BOTH partners and there are far more pros to cons. When it's good, and right, the "cons" are mere puffs of smoke in the overall picture.

 

100% of your relationships will end until you are in the one that doesn't. But that does not mean they are all failures. You experience, learn, grow, love, laugh, cry. Not everyone is going to be the right fit for you, or you for them, and heartbreak is part of the risk. But the reward that comes with that potential risk can be great.

 

I would rather be single than be in a bad relationship, but I sure would not trade the work involved in a great one for anything.

 

So what is the point? To share life and it's ups and downs together. To love, and be loved. To laugh together, cry together, just BE together. To support one another and encourage one another's journey in life. To have a best friend besides yourself to learn from, to teach. To have a witness to your life, and to witness theirs. To share your goals, dreams. To grow....as your own person, and together.

[flower99]

Absolutely agree, you read my mind & spoke it perfectly

[skyblue1]

Thank you for your input. Guess i'm having one of those days. I would love to believe that there is someone great out there for me. Guess i've lost faith.

[chai714]

Thank you for your input. Guess i'm having one of those days. I would love to believe that there is someone great out there for me. Guess i've lost faith.

 

There are great people out there, don't lose the faith.

 

These great people however won't jump into your lap. Sometimes, you can help people become great.

 

Good luck.

[tylercdurden2004]

I agree with the previous poster about this site being for people having problems. Every relationship will have its rough patches and its how you get through them that determines the strength of your relationship, not whether you have problems or not. Its an oft made mistake single people make when they see happy couples holding hands in public they think "wow it would be nice to have a relationship like that." But you dont see what happens behind close doors, you dont know what really goes on. As with everything in life you have to learn to take the good with the bad and determine is the "bad" a dealbreaker for you. Examples of "bad" things that are dealbreakers can be:

 

-Cheating

-Non-communicative

-Financial irresponsibility

-Negativity

-Violence

 

The list can go on and on and this is really up to each individual.

 

As for what you see and read on this site, you have to understand this is not a true reflection of society at large. The simple fact is that people who have come here have issues they may not be able to work out on their own and they are wanting to deal with problems. People who are in healthy relationships for the most part are not joining "relationship help" sites.

 

There are people on here with healthy relationships for sure and you should really be focussing on those, but having said that a relationship is really about what YOU think not what other think. Comparing is not going to help you solve the issues you seek to resolve. So dont take what you read on here for what happens in everyday life its simply not a reflection of society at large.

[Dako]

skyblue,

 

I've doubted the sense of relationships many times, even though I've had good ones. Luckily, it's hard to avoid.

[canonman]

Wow, Balbina, you must not be TOO young, your post was very thoughtful and right on.

 

Most relationships do not move towards permanance. And actually, if you think about it, it makes sense. I mean, for two people to share enough of life's experiences, common values, who challenge eachother to grow, who edify eachother, "get" eachother, are both healthy, self aware, and choose to love that person unconditionally..., is a rare thing. Even when two such people find eachother, there are no gaurantees. They still have to do the work. But the rewards of a fulfilling relationship are worth it.

 

Given all this, it's a wonder any relationship lasts, but it does happen. I personally believe it happens more often when we look to God and want to serve and please Him, and He brings the two people together.

 

Something I've thought about lately is, you've heard that there are too many divorces. I actually think there are too many marriages. That is, too many are not ready, not willing to do the work, or just not in "that" relationship. Most everyone will marry at some time in their life. But, that doesn't mean they were wise and chose well.

 

David

[VeganBohemian]

The benefits of finally finding someone outweighs the bad stuff you have to go through.

[Dako]

Something I've thought about lately is, you've heard that there are too many divorces. I actually think there are too many marriages. That is, too many are not ready, not willing to do the work, or just not in "that" relationship. Most everyone will marry at some time in their life. But, that doesn't mean they were wise and chose well.

 

David

 

I disagree. I've seen successful marriages end. Mine did.

Wasn't her fault or mine.

 

How long have you been married?

[colors]

I disagree. I've seen successful marriages end. Mine did.

Wasn't her fault or mine.

 

How long have you been married?

 

I'm sorry I don't really understand, How was it a successful marriage if it ended????

[canonman]

I disagree. I've seen successful marriages end. Mine did.

Wasn't her fault or mine.

 

How long have you been married?

 

Successful marriages end? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

 

I haven't been married, but I've seen most of my friends and family go through painful divorces.

[canonman]

Dako, I think I know what you mean. It's what I was saying on my original post, that, even if the two people have all that going for them, there are still no gaurantees. Still wouldn't think it's a success if it ended in divorce.

 

My point is, relationships take work, and most don't last. Not trying to be cynical.

[Dako]

No, it's not a contradiction. All marriages end.

Some folks stay married until one dies. Those are called successes by people who see marriage as only two people sticking together.

I can assure you that's a misconception. A successful marriage is one that both people find fulfilling, even if they separate.

[shes2smart]

Another bit of relationship philosophy that I've picked up that may be a piece to the puzzle...and it applies to all relationships, not just those of the romantic/intimate variety:

 

All relationships have a shelf life. People come into your life for a reason(s), and you show up in others' lives for a reason(s). Sometimes you're the teacher, sometimes the student, sometimes both. When the reason(s) for people to be in your life (or you in theirs) cease to exist, the relationship ends.

 

Sometimes, we know why we're in relationships. Sometimes, we think we know why, but later on discover we were wrong. Sometimes, it's years later that it makes sense. Sometimes, it never makes sense. Sometimes, the reason we need to be where we are has nothing to do with us and everything to do with the other person's growth and learning...sometimes it has everything to do with our growth and learning.

 

As long as you can take what you learned from a previous relationship and use it to become a better person, it's not wasted time or a failed relationship...it was just one more step on your path.

[canonman]

No, it's not a contradiction. All marriages end.

Some folks stay married until one dies. Those are called successes by people who see marriage as only two people sticking together.

I can assure you that's a misconception. A successful marriage is one that both people find fulfilling, even if they separate.

 

You know what I meant. Of course all marriages end in death. You know, "till death do us part". Those that stay faithful to that vow are the successful marriages.

[colors]

Those are called successes by people who see marriage as only two people sticking together.

I can assure you that's a misconception. A successful marriage is one that both people find fulfilling, even if they separate.

 

I disagree I DO believe a successful marriage is two people sticking together.

 

Where both people find fulfilling, even if they separate. I believe that is a Successful Divorce. (not many of those, so you did well) but I don't think that is a successful marriage - cause you are no longer married.

 

For a marriage to be a success you have to hold up the vows you made - that is what marriage is to me. Anything less than that, I can't consider a successful marriage. maybe successful divorce, or successful individuals, but not successful marriage.