Hotest girl in the world?

[nmduipd]

I had very similar experience.

After 12 years of relationship, he told me he finds his ex's body perfect.

He admitted he always felt like that and, even though he loves me, he still thinks my body is not perfect. And never was.

I was crushed!

After so many compliments he gave me over the years, I felt cheated. Is it possible that he was lying all the time?

 

Like you, I knew I was attractive and sexy.

Him looking at other women didn't bother me that much, only because I knew I look better than most of them.

 

But after 13 years, your body changes.

Now, I am not as attractive as I used to be, but I am still in the 'competition'. Gradually, I start to lose it…

Now, I wish I left him many years ago…

 

Decision what to do is yours, but bear in mind that the competition with other women is going to be tougher and tougher as you're getting older.

The fact that HE is getting older too will not stop him to look at 18 year olds and compare them with you.

Not fair, I know, but it seems that it is how most men feel.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

[friscodj]

+1

 

Excellent post...

[basnik0]

To be honest, I feel like I want to dump him right now. I also know he IS a good person.

I am not sure if it's just a spur of the moment.

I'm scared… It's going to miss him so much…

And the reason sounds so shallow to me...

Maybe I'm the shallow one?

 

PROS:

- It hurts like hell

- I hate spending my life with someone who will always find someone else better

 

CONTRAS:

- I myself know that some women have better bodies – why does it hurt so much if he thinks so too? (maybe because I don't go around looking at them all the time )

 

The fact that HE is getting older too will not stop him to look at 18 year olds and compare them with you.

Not fair, I know, but it seems that it is how most men feel.

 

As you said, most men are like that, what chance do I have?

Should I leave him only to find someone else who is the same?

 

How do you avoid being in a competition?

 

It's so confusing…

[friscodj]

To be honest, I feel like I want to dump him right now. I also know he IS a good person.

I am not sure if it's just a spur of the moment.

I'm scared… It's going to miss him so much…

And the reason sounds so shallow to me...

Maybe I'm the shallow one?

 

PROS:

- It hurts like hell

- I hate spending my life with someone who will always find someone else better

 

CONTRAS:

- I myself know that some women have better bodies – why does it hurt so much if he thinks so too? (maybe because I don't go around looking at them all the time )

 

 

 

As you said, most men are like that, what chance do I have?

Should I leave him only to find someone else who is the same?

 

How do you avoid being in a competition?

 

It's so confusing…

 

If you're having to sit down with a pro/list to decide this...I think it's already done...

[basnik0]

If you're having to sit down with a pro/list to decide this...I think it's already done...

He's gone from my life, hasn't he?

It feels like it, I just don't want to accept this at rational level.

 

Plus, I've never broken up with anyone I still loved.

I don't know how I'm going to do it.

[yeawutever]

Sometime is better to break up than be with someone who will only consider who in second place.

[basnik0]

Thanks very much to all of you.

 

It really helps to hear other peoples' opinion in moments like this and I'm really grateful.

 

It seems I have some serious thinking to do.

 

If you have any other comments, please keep them coming.

[yeawutever]

You welcome, anything you need help, you can always write and if personal you can pm.

[DN]

He’s gone from my life, hasn’t he?

It feels like it, I just don’t want to accept this at rational level.

 

Plus, I’ve never broken up with anyone I still loved.

I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

 

Well, you could do what he did and tell the truth about how you regard him. Or you could find a tactful untruth.

 

To avoid this sort of situation in a future relationship, I advise you be more upfront about what you want by way of an answer to questions about how your partner views you. Or simply don't ask questions of that nature.

[Scout]

I guess I'm just not a subscriber to the school of "Brutal Honesty." In my opinion, people who enjoy being "brutally honest" do it for their sake, not for whoever asked for an opinion.

 

There is a way to answer a question without lying, but also without pissing off/hurting someone.

 

In fact, it's one of the basic tenets of eNotalone - give your honest opinion, but do it in a way that doesn't disrespect or flame the other person. Because if people don't, all civil discourse goes right down the drain.

 

I am just having a hard time understanding why anyone would think comments like "her skin was firmer than yours and her boobs were better" isn't a cruel use of "brutal honesty."

[Holiday]

It does seem rather cruel, crossing the lines. When I read the first post, I thought, she has to be exaggerating (just being frank). I could imagine someone being this cruel ONLY after repeated questioning, "OK, OK, her boobs were nicer and she had nice skin" and then, on further interrogation, the person might provide aspects of their assessment that back that up. Fact is, we don't know how much interrogation took place and interrogation is a big NO-NO! If you push someone to the point that they are uncomfortable, I could see them giving this crap back!

 

I think if the circumstances were that she interrogated the heck out of him over and over again, what was better, were they nicer, what specifically was nicer and then, reported to this forum saying the one liner summary, "he said her boobs were better and firmer and her skin was toner", well of course, we could pound him. But did she interrogate him?

 

You can brutally question someone and under those circumstances, I think it's fair that you might expect brutal answers!

[Scout]

My take from reading her original post was she simply asked if she was hotter, and then got this incredibly detailed answer back.

[Batya33]

I think it's fine to notice others even if you're married - we're not blind. However, I find it rude and disrespectful (and "TMI") to tell your significant other about others that you find attractive, to blatantly check out others when with your significant other, etc. Everyone has a different "line" that cannot be crossed in those situations - those are just mine. I also think it can be unfair to lure someone into the trap by asking that they compare you to someone else physically or intimately. What's the point other than the other person will know he/she is being tested and your insecurities will be all too apparent (and this can be a turn off).

 

It also sounds like your bf thinks that whether someone is hot is an objective assessment. Not true at all - people have their "types" and that results in a whole range of looks, weight, height, style that different people find attractive.

[Holiday]

Yah, I just reread it and that seems to be the way it happened. If it happened the way she said it happened, he really seems vehemently cruel. I agree.

[wayne]

I see a few problems here.

 

First, don't ask a question unless you want to hear the answer. In this case, you wanted his honest opinion and you got it. Do you regret it? That's not his fault.

 

Second, if you expect your man to believe that you are the hottest girl out there, you will either be deceived or disappointed. If you're 20 or under, you might be the hottest girl that regularly comes within his field of view. There's even a one in a hundred million or so chance that you are the hottest girl in all of existence. But in ten years, you won't be.

 

If you've found a good love match, he will strive to make you happy, and he will have fun with you in bed and out. But he will not think you are the hottest girl in existence. He may tell you that, but if he does he will be lying his * * * off to try to make you happy because he loves you for reasons that have nothing to do with hotness. Or, if he senses that you will not be happy with anything other than the blunt truth, he will tell you that you are not the hottest girl he sees. Either way, he can love you and he can even be excited by you, but he will not fail to see what is plain to anyone with eyes. He'll just love you anyway.

 

And you'll feel exactly the same way about him, whether you admit it or not.

[basnik0]

It seem that I'm the only one to feel like this, but anyway...

I love him to bits. I think he is the sexiest man that ever walked the earth.

(I'm sure other people wouldn't think so, but who cares?)

I don't go around checking other hot men.

I don't want anyone else, no mater how hot they are; I'm not interested even to look at them twice.

And I'm not able to cut him to pieces and compare him piece by piece to someone else.

 

Since I feel this way, I guess, I expect same from him.

 

I think my problem is not the fact that there are bigger and firmer boobs out there, but that he shows interest in them.

 

 

For those of you who were wandering, I wasn't exaggerating! It was word by word.

I didn't push or nag or interrogate – I just asked simple, half serious question. (Well, at least it was half-serious at the time I asked, feels my more serious now...)

[Scout]

I'm not able to cut him to pieces and compare him piece by piece to someone else.

 

Since I feel this way, I guess, I expect same from him.

 

And so you should expect the same! But, if you're willing to lower your expectations, I guess all I can do is wish you the best of luck in this relationship.

 

But I have a feeling it's pretty tarnished now after hearing such devastating comments.

[nottoogreen]

... And what a thread for a simple question.

 

One big thing I learned here is that thinking positive counts at least as much as love. If he is a good guy, be positive. He will appreciate it.

 

As he matures, he will look less at other boobs, don't worry. Young hormones.

[Scout]

Anyway, we were just chatting last night, and someone mentioned her. Since I've never met her, I asked if she was hotter than me. (I don't even know why I asked that, just sort of came out, more like teasing than anything else)

He simply answered:

- She has bigger, better boobs and a cute, round, firm butt – your' softer and not so round. And her skin is firmer. But you have better legs. And you're taller.

 

I was soooo hurt. I am still hurting.

Now, I feel ugly and don't want him to touch me again.

I'm dying inside.

 

 

I meant to ask you before...when this conversation came up, you said "someone" mentioned her name. So I am wondering if your boyfriend made his comparison of you and his ex in front of other people, as well. Or was it just between the two of you.

[Scout]

 

But, he doesn't really sound like a "good guy." He makes no effort to hide the fact he ogles other women. And he made no effort to hide the fact that he thinks his ex has "firmer skin, a rounder butt, and better boobs." In short, he makes no effort to hide the fact he is very much fixated on the superficial. I wonder how many times the original poster was trying to fight for his attention while he was blatantly staring at another woman's boobs.

 

And there is a difference between positive thinking and burying your head in the sand.

 

Frankly, I am shocked there are people even defending this guy. I mean, I realize many situations are going to elicit all sorts of opinions, but this one seemed so obvious. Wow, guess not.

[basnik0]

I see a few problems here.

Second, if you expect your man to believe that you are the hottest girl out there, you will either be deceived or disappointed.

I know lots of girls who expect that.

How about girls here? Do you expect to be the hottest girl out there to your bf?

 

If you're 20 or under, you might be the hottest girl that regularly comes within his field of view. There's even a one in a hundred million or so chance that you are the hottest girl in all of existence. But in ten years, you won't be.

Under 20?? That leaves you only 2 years of legal age.

Isn't that discrimination?

Why can't a 30, 40, 50 yo woman be the 'hottest thing' to someone? Same goes for men.

I know this goes beyond this topic, and I know media is trying to teach us every day that only youth is good, but came on!

So, when he is 60, he will still look at 20 yo and find them hot? He will always want something that he can't have but we'll be stuck with me?

This means that we are all doomed.

 

But he will not think you are the hottest girl in existence. He may tell you that, but if he does he will be lying his * * * off to try to make you happy because he loves you for reasons that have nothing to do with hotness.

I think that when you choose your gf, it has A LOT to do with hotness, don't you agree?

[basnik0]

I meant to ask you before...when this conversation came up, you said "someone" mentioned her name. So I am wondering if your boyfriend made his comparison of you and his ex in front of other people, as well. Or was it just between the two of you.

Oh no, he never went so far!

It was b/w the two of us, completely innocent.

[Scout]

Why can’t a 30, 40, 50 yo woman be the ‘hottest thing’ to someone?

 

Plenty of us are! Look at Ashton Kutcher, he's gorgeous and could have any cute young thing in Hollywood. He picked a woman fifteen years older instead. And look at Paul Newman and his wife Joann. They're both in their 70's/80's now, he still is madly in love with her. Look at Prince Charles, he had a beautiful young wife, but could never shake his love for his same-age mistress, who he ultimately divorced his wife to be with. And DN, one of the posters here on this thread....he's been with his wife for over 30 years, and happily at that!

 

My own boyfriend is eight years younger than me, and as a musician, has many opportunities to meet young girls. But he doesn't and I trust him to the ends of the earth.

 

There are always people who will hold on to stereotypes, because that is a safer - and less time consuming - way to think. But you don't have to let those stereotypes influence how you view yourself and your own attractiveness.

[Scout]

And to answer your other question, I don't expect to be the hottest girl in the world to my boyfriend. I guess because I never had to wonder about it...he already treats me like I am. Like I said in a previous post, he would never have made a comparison like that, ever.

[serenity25]

And to answer your other question, I don't expect to be the hottest girl in the world to my boyfriend. I guess because I never had to wonder about it...he already treats me like I am. Like I said in a previous post, he would never have made a comparison like that, ever.

Exactly, great boyfriends treat you as though you are the hottest girl in the world to them... to them you may be the hottest female in the world because they come to love everything about you. Hot doesn't always mean the same things to different people. All I have to say is, if your bf is making you feel inadequate, there are plenty of guys out there who would make you feel as though you are the most beautiful person in the world to them. I've had that and now that I've had it in relationships, I wouldn't accept any less. People are always going to notice the attractiveness of the opposite sex- that is human nature. However just because my boyfriend thinks Angelina Jolie is hot doesn't mean he'd ever tell me her boobs are 'better,' just like I would never tell him that Brad Pitt has a 'better' build. It would never cross my mind because simply noticing someone physically attractive is no comparison to the beauty I see in my partner. Love and attraction makes him the most handsome man in the world in my eyes.

 

-and noticing someone attractive is not the same as oggling someone. I can't stand guys that whistle or holler at me when I'm just at places like the supermarket or drugstore. It shows noooo respect. We don't like guys that stare us up and down either. A boyfriend that blatantly makes comments about other females in front of his girlfriend- or is vulgar behind her back- shows no respect for women in my opinion.

 

I completely agree with Scout. She's right on the money.