basnik0

To be honest, he did apologise. He said that I was still the best looking girl he's ever seen in his life, even if someone else has better boobs or butt. And he looked sooo sory that he hurt me.... For some reason, it didn't work for me. Just sounded like he wanted to get out of an unpleasant situation. Maybe it was just my vanity that was hurt, but I still can't shake the feeling off … I thought he found me extremely good looking! And he still says so. The only thing that might've (subconsciously) triggered that question was his looking at other women… Ditto

When we choose a bf/gf, we look at how attractive that person is. We expect to have sex with that person (if we stay together) till the end of our lives. No one likes if their SO goes and has sex with someone else. Most people think that a relationship doesn't have anything to do with physical attraction, but is based on personality match and similar interests. If it has nothing to do with sex, why we all get so upset with the idea of our loved ones doing it with someone else? Now, I don't understand: if a marriage/relationship is only about personality and common interest (and not about physical attraction or sex), why do we have to complicate it with sexual monogamy? Or with sex at all? Why don't we simply choose partners that are on the 'same wavelength' as we are (regardless of sexual attractiveness) and have sexual relationship with people that we are attracted to? Why do we have to mix the two? On the other hand, if relationships are about sex and attraction, why do we complicate things by trying to find someone with nice personality? In other words, why don't we separate this two. It seems to me that the fact that we (as a society) keep these two things together causes more problems than it solves. I feel I'm missing something important that everyone else gets. Can anyone help?

I’m not trying to be rude, but I don’t understand your point. (You loved those air hostesses? You loved your gf?)

Well, I guess I am. For me, it is very hard to think about physical characteristics only, because I find that everything else seems to affect my perception. But I know most people don't have this 'problem'…

This came up in another thread, so I thought I'd start a new one… Do you girls expect to be the ‘hottest thing’ out there for your bf? How about guys?

Oh no, he never went so far! It was b/w the two of us, completely innocent.

I know lots of girls who expect that. How about girls here? Do you expect to be the hottest girl out there to your bf? Under 20?? That leaves you only 2 years of legal age. Isn't that discrimination? Why can't a 30, 40, 50 yo woman be the 'hottest thing' to someone? Same goes for men. I know this goes beyond this topic, and I know media is trying to teach us every day that only youth is good, but came on! So, when he is 60, he will still look at 20 yo and find them hot? He will always want something that he can't have but we'll be stuck with me? This means that we are all doomed. I think that when you choose your gf, it has A LOT to do with hotness, don't you agree?

It seem that I'm the only one to feel like this, but anyway... I love him to bits. I think he is the sexiest man that ever walked the earth. (I'm sure other people wouldn't think so, but who cares?) I don't go around checking other hot men. I don't want anyone else, no mater how hot they are; I'm not interested even to look at them twice. And I'm not able to cut him to pieces and compare him piece by piece to someone else. Since I feel this way, I guess, I expect same from him. I think my problem is not the fact that there are bigger and firmer boobs out there, but that he shows interest in them. For those of you who were wandering, I wasn't exaggerating! It was word by word. I didn't push or nag or interrogate – I just asked simple, half serious question. (Well, at least it was half-serious at the time I asked, feels my more serious now...)

Thanks very much to all of you. It really helps to hear other peoples' opinion in moments like this and I'm really grateful. It seems I have some serious thinking to do. If you have any other comments, please keep them coming.

To be honest, I feel like I want to dump him right now. I also know he IS a good person. I am not sure if it's just a spur of the moment. I'm scared… It's going to miss him so much… And the reason sounds so shallow to me... Maybe I'm the shallow one? PROS: - It hurts like hell - I hate spending my life with someone who will always find someone else better CONTRAS: - I myself know that some women have better bodies – why does it hurt so much if he thinks so too? (maybe because I don't go around looking at them all the time ) As you said, most men are like that, what chance do I have? Should I leave him only to find someone else who is the same? How do you avoid being in a competition? It's so confusing…

Definitely something worth thinking about. My friend says men will always look at women and will always find someone else more attractive. Is that true?

Well, I think I know what kind of person he really is. That's how I fall in love with him in the first place. I just get so uncomfortable with him admiring other women's bodies, especially if he finds them 'better' than mine. I suppose this incident just helped those feelings to come to surface. Do you think I'm overreacting? Am I expecting impossible? P.S. And thanks for helping me to figure things out. I really appreciate it.

Sorry, I didn't quite understand what you meant here. Did you mean behaviour towards other women or people in general? Are you talking about finding out what sort of a person he is, overall, without concentrating too much on this particular aspect?

OMG, he told me the same thing! Was it the same guy? Or maybe it's a popular excuse. He also told me he was a "people watcher," he told me he was looking at men as well as women. Yeah, right! You should see him! My problem is, if I tell him not to do it when he is with me or if I tell him not to mention his ex's qualities, that would be an invitation to lie. I would never know what's in his head. Should I just accept he is interested is some way in other women? Most men are, anyway… I just hate that so much ](*,)