basnik0

To be honest, he did apologise. He said that I was still the best looking girl he's ever seen in his life, even if someone else has better boobs or butt. And he looked sooo sory that he hurt me.... For some reason, it didn't work for me. Just sounded like he wanted to get out of an unpleasant situation. Maybe it was just my vanity that was hurt, but I still can't shake the feeling off … I thought he found me extremely good looking! And he still says so. The only thing that might've (subconsciously) triggered that question was his looking at other women… Ditto

When we choose a bf/gf, we look at how attractive that person is. We expect to have sex with that person (if we stay together) till the end of our lives. No one likes if their SO goes and has sex with someone else. Most people think that a relationship doesn't have anything to do with physical attraction, but is based on personality match and similar interests. If it has nothing to do with sex, why we all get so upset with the idea of our loved ones doing it with someone else? Now, I don't understand: if a marriage/relationship is only about personality and common interest (and not about physical attraction or sex), why do we have to complicate it with sexual monogamy? Or with sex at all? Why don't we simply choose partners that are on the 'same wavelength' as we are (regardless of sexual attractiveness) and have sexual relationship with people that we are attracted to? Why do we have to mix the two? On the other hand, if relationships are about sex and attraction, why do we complicate things by trying to find someone with nice personality? In other words, why don't we separate this two. It seems to me that the fact that we (as a society) keep these two things together causes more problems than it solves. I feel I'm missing something important that everyone else gets. Can anyone help?

I’m not trying to be rude, but I don’t understand your point. (You loved those air hostesses? You loved your gf?)

Well, I guess I am. For me, it is very hard to think about physical characteristics only, because I find that everything else seems to affect my perception. But I know most people don't have this 'problem'…

This came up in another thread, so I thought I'd start a new one… Do you girls expect to be the ‘hottest thing’ out there for your bf? How about guys?

Oh no, he never went so far! It was b/w the two of us, completely innocent.

I know lots of girls who expect that. How about girls here? Do you expect to be the hottest girl out there to your bf? Under 20?? That leaves you only 2 years of legal age. Isn't that discrimination? Why can't a 30, 40, 50 yo woman be the 'hottest thing' to someone? Same goes for men. I know this goes beyond this topic, and I know media is trying to teach us every day that only youth is good, but came on! So, when he is 60, he will still look at 20 yo and find them hot? He will always want something that he can't have but we'll be stuck with me? This means that we are all doomed. I think that when you choose your gf, it has A LOT to do with hotness, don't you agree?

It seem that I'm the only one to feel like this, but anyway... I love him to bits. I think he is the sexiest man that ever walked the earth. (I'm sure other people wouldn't think so, but who cares?) I don't go around checking other hot men. I don't want anyone else, no mater how hot they are; I'm not interested even to look at them twice. And I'm not able to cut him to pieces and compare him piece by piece to someone else. Since I feel this way, I guess, I expect same from him. I think my problem is not the fact that there are bigger and firmer boobs out there, but that he shows interest in them. For those of you who were wandering, I wasn't exaggerating! It was word by word. I didn't push or nag or interrogate – I just asked simple, half serious question. (Well, at least it was half-serious at the time I asked, feels my more serious now...)

Thanks very much to all of you. It really helps to hear other peoples' opinion in moments like this and I'm really grateful. It seems I have some serious thinking to do. If you have any other comments, please keep them coming.

To be honest, I feel like I want to dump him right now. I also know he IS a good person. I am not sure if it's just a spur of the moment. I'm scared… It's going to miss him so much… And the reason sounds so shallow to me... Maybe I'm the shallow one? PROS: - It hurts like hell - I hate spending my life with someone who will always find someone else better CONTRAS: - I myself know that some women have better bodies – why does it hurt so much if he thinks so too? (maybe because I don't go around looking at them all the time ) As you said, most men are like that, what chance do I have? Should I leave him only to find someone else who is the same? How do you avoid being in a competition? It's so confusing…

Definitely something worth thinking about. My friend says men will always look at women and will always find someone else more attractive. Is that true?

Well, I think I know what kind of person he really is. That's how I fall in love with him in the first place. I just get so uncomfortable with him admiring other women's bodies, especially if he finds them 'better' than mine. I suppose this incident just helped those feelings to come to surface. Do you think I'm overreacting? Am I expecting impossible? P.S. And thanks for helping me to figure things out. I really appreciate it.

Sorry, I didn't quite understand what you meant here. Did you mean behaviour towards other women or people in general? Are you talking about finding out what sort of a person he is, overall, without concentrating too much on this particular aspect?

OMG, he told me the same thing! Was it the same guy? Or maybe it's a popular excuse. He also told me he was a "people watcher," he told me he was looking at men as well as women. Yeah, right! You should see him! My problem is, if I tell him not to do it when he is with me or if I tell him not to mention his ex's qualities, that would be an invitation to lie. I would never know what's in his head. Should I just accept he is interested is some way in other women? Most men are, anyway… I just hate that so much ](*,)

He meant that there ARE people better than him. He just wanted to show me that it was not a big deal to find someone 'better' and thought, if I experienced that myself, I'd be able to understand what he meant.

Thanks so much to everyone for your answers. I've calmed down a bit now. I know it sounds like overreacting to leave just because of one remark. What you're saying makes a lot of sense. I completely agree with the way you look at relationships. Also, no doubt he's telling the truth. So he loves me, he wants to be with me, and we are completely honest with each other. But since I'm not perfect, he should go around looking at other women who are. Looking for 'better parts'. I think he just concentrates too much on appearances. If how you look is not important, how come that he never misses to check out a woman that passes by? Also, I am not always so sensitive to the truth. I don't mind being told that I put on weight or that my hair looks awful. Those things can be fixed. But some things can't be fixed and if he's going to spend a lifetime looking for those qualities in other women… That would make my life miserable. And that is the reason I'm considering ending the relationship. He does tell me he loves me and only me. And I love him. I just always thought that a good relationship should not hurt this much. If it hurts, something must be wrong?

I was talking to him and he asked me to find someone better looking or 'better' in any way than him. I The weird thing is: I couldn't. I honestly don't think about anyone as being 'better' than my bf. Maybe that is what I expect from him: not to lie about it, but to feel like no one is better than me. I know this is just 'being in love' thing – but isn't it the whole point?

It seems he doesn't make me very happy anymore. I'm not sure it is wise, that is the reason I am here. I am considering dumping him because he doesn't feel how I think he should be feeling about me, not because "he doesn't tell me what I want to hear". I always wanted him to tell the truth and that doesn't change.

Fist of all, I was not testing him, that was never an intention. Second, I wanted the truth. As I said, I got the truth now and I will have to handle it As I also said, it won't be easy, but I will do it. What is so wrong about wanting your bf to think that you are the hottest thing out there? Why should I accept the fact that he is able to dissect woman's body and compare it part by part? It may be acceptable for some people, but not for me. This is why I have decided to leave, and if you read all my posts, you will see that one of my main points is that I would feel the same even if he didn't say anything but I knew how he feels. I never wanted him to lie to me. Never. If I don't like what he has to offer, I can leave. As simple as that. What I don't like is how he feels and what he thinks, not the fact that he is unable to lie. I don't know how you got the impression that I would prefer him to lie, but to clarify that: I would never want him to lie. If I can accept the truth, fine, if not, it means that we are not good enough for each other. It does not mean that he should start to lie, just because I don't like the truth.

That's a good question. Maybe I just play cool and say it's because his d*** is not as big and hard as my ex's Seriously, I have no idea. When I pick up the courage, I will tell him the real reason, I suppose. Now, I'm trying to prepare myself for what comes after. I will be devastated and there will be no one there to hug me and make me feel better…

I knew he found her extremely attractive. So, I suppose, I felt some vague jealousy and was hoping I'm more attractive to him. And I can't stress this enough: TO HIM. Not to anyone else. The fact that other men do find me attractive (or possibly more attractive than his ex) doesn't help to ease the pain. What counts is what HE thinks. I guess, I'll have to change this way of thinking … And now that he answered and I know… It is really that bad… ](*,)

Well, I think it still is. I wanted the truth, I got th e truth. Now, I just have to deal with it Seriously, I prefer it this way. We are obviously not compatible enough, it would be even worse if we found that in a few years time, after a few kids and a few affairs. I know it's going to hurt, but I still believe it is better this way.