Pregnant by a married man.

[abazarni]

She has the RIGHT to know if she is infected with an STD!

I am clean, I was clean before I got to this relationship and I also tested myself when I got pregnant. Still clean. Honestly if I was married, I would prefer for my husband to have a relationship with one clean woman then multiple one night standers, like he did before he met me. He can not achieve orgazm with a condom, so she should know that if he is cheating he is not using one.

 

And women who have affairs with married men are violating another woman's marriage. (just my view)

If a wife is refusing or limiting to have sex with her husband, she should know he is going to look for it somewhere else. This is why I dont feel guilty, if it wasnt me it would have been someone else.

[RayKay]

Pulling out is just playing the lottery, only one you are more likely to "win". Odds are high of getting pregnant. Don't believe someone whom says "their sperm count is low". It only takes one, and is usually a complete lie to get away without using protection.

 

While you technically CAN orgasm without ejaculating, you usually have to "train" for that by using tantric techniques. This guy does not sound like someone doing much of that!

 

He is nuts, sorry, he is a complete jerk. This is not about love, or what he told you then, it's about his actions and he is showing he is selfish and only looking out for himself. He used you, and now that he may have to actually be responsible for that he turns and runs. He wanted you to abort so that his wife would not find out, and he could continue to have his cake and eat it too. He is NOT worth it.

 

Take care of yourself, and this baby. You both deserve much better treatment. Do not even pursue anything with him. Just get a paternity test as soon as the child is born and file for child support.

 

PS...his wife will find out at some point, there is a child now which only increases that likelihood. I am not sure that you are the one to tell her necessarily, but she deserves to know for her own protection. She may not know it yet, but he already ruined their marriage.

[RayKay]

I am clean, I was clean before I got to this relationship and I also tested myself when I got pregnant. Still clean. Honestly if I was married, I would prefer for my husband to have a relationship with one clean woman then multiple one night standers, like he did before he met me. He can not achieve orgazm with a condom, so she should know that if he is cheating he is not using one.

 

If a wife is refusing or limiting to have sex with her husband, she should know he is going to look for it somewhere else. This is why I dont feel guilty, if it wasnt me it would have been someone else.

 

It's not just about STI's. You are pregnant now, she deserves to know her HUSBAND has fathered another child too.

 

Exactly, she should know he is not using one..but she can't if she does not know he is cheating.

 

As for the latter, do you want to really know how many men go around telling their mistresses they "no longer have sex with their wives". Do you want to really know how often that really is the case? Not very. Sex often INCREASES in fact when someone is having an affair.

 

So what if it was someone else, that is no reason why you should participate in intereferring with someone else's marriage. That's like me hitting a pedestrian with my car and saying well "I don't feel bad about it, if I hadn't, someone else would of".

[doyathink]

Raykay, you are so much better at wording this than I am. These are the things that I was trying to point out but couldn't express it well.

 

He is a cheater! He has cheated before you, as you stated (several one night stands) and he will cheat after you thus increasing exposure to STD's and STI's! He will continue and he will eventually bring it home to her. She doesn't deserve this. I don't know the women but I think everyone is entitled to know if their spouse is being unfaithful and possibly bringing home a virus.

 

He doesn't use condoms and someday it may catch up with him (and her)which because you are now pregnant, it may have already. Raykay's point on the 'if not me, someone else'! *sigh* people get what they give out and I hope for you sake, this kind of thinking doesn't come back to bit you in the rear.

[theantibarbie23]

If a wife is refusing or limiting to have sex with her husband, she should know he is going to look for it somewhere else. This is why I dont feel guilty, if it wasnt me it would have been someone else.

 

 

 

Men whom cheat lie about their wives all the time so they don't seem as sleazy as they actually are. They want to reel you in by using lies that provoke sympathy. The whole "my wife is cold/withholds sex" is one of the oldest lines in the book. It ranks right up there with "I just stay for the kids". I often wonder why people still fall for them, they've become so cliche.

[snowgirl]

He says YOU are destroying his life?

He is accepting no responsibility for this? You didn't get pregnant alone, and you didn't get pregnant on purpose.

I wish we could say naughty words on this forum.

 

With some distance between you, you will hopefully see what an ignorant, incredibly selfish, juvenile person he really is. Oooooh, that makes me so mad.

 

I am very glad you are not allowing this a**hole to pressure you into doing something that would hurt you right down to your soul.

 

Forgive me for calling this man names, I know you care about him. But seriously. He's pathetic.

[snowgirl]

 

If a wife is refusing or limiting to have sex with her husband, she should know he is going to look for it somewhere else. This is why I dont feel guilty, if it wasnt me it would have been someone else.

So this is how you rationalize your affair? What goes on between them is not your business, and it does NOT justify his cheating on her.

I am not judging you, but I find your logic terribly flawed, and I do hope you do not get into this situation with someone else.

If she was "refusing to have sex with him", that is indicative of a much larger problem with their marriage. Having marital problems does not give license to have an affair. Grownups with integrity either fix the problems or end the marriage before moving on to someone else. This guy has no scruples.

I find it disturbing that you think it's ok for him to have sex with you because he says his wife refuses to have sex with him. I don't believe it for a second either, but that's just me.

[sonjam]

Well, when all is said and done I want to congratulate you on keeping the new life in your womb, despite pressure from him. YOu are in the end not bound to him legally in any way, so that makes the baby all yours. If you want and need you can ask for financial support, but the baby should be registered in your name, and in my opinion you have to start looking forward. Carry on with your own life, and cut him out of it. He does not deserve to be in it, he has another family to take care of. If you really have no agenda's with the baby, then break all ties with him, he's not going to change his view, and hes not going to tell his wife. There is nothing left for you in that affair.

[TBAngel]

Some harsh words above, but most very well stated. I'm not sure what you're situation exactly is or was but married men or any man in a family situation who pursues a relationship outside of this life without ending it first is a coward and just wanting his cake and eating it too. (i'VE had one I believed for over a decade) I say this from experience. I'm not one to sit here and judge you but probability is that a man who's lying to one significant woman in his life is lying to any other significant or not woman in his life.

 

It saddens me that you do not feel any remorse for the relationship because someone would've done it anyway as so many women do believe that and don't care to respect the woman who was first involved and still involved with this man. (In one of my ex's extramarital relationships, I got a call from his victim at the time to let me know they they had sex - and trust me it wasn't stated nicely, and that she would continue until he stopped. We separated within the year but I continued to see him because I did and do love him but have to handle that it is over.) Next time around try to be more empathetic only because what you give out to the universe comes right back to you. He is being selfish and just telling you what you want to hear when he's nice but you've experienced the psychotic side, too. So that should be an eye opener. As the main woman, I never experienced the psychotic side, just mostly being misled in the relationship. Run from him.

 

However, I do applaud your strength for walking out of the clinic. You're going to be a great momma and your six year old is going to be a great helper. I'm an only child and see the closeness of my own children and it brings smiles to my heart. How far along are you now?

[abazarni]

Currently I am 13 weeks. He is still insiting on the abortion. I am so discusted by this man, I feel that even when the baby is born he is going to want it dead. I am finally realizing that what all of you have written me is true. I will be honest, for sometime I hoped that you are all wrong. But its true he wore one mask infront of his wife and another one infront of me. Ofcourse STUPID "I", thought that with me he was honest. I went to hawaii for a long weekend hoping it would help me forget, but it made me realize more that for a while I will not be dating other people, I will just be alone getting fat. But I know in the long run it will be worth it, just looking in the childs eyes thinking of if it wasnt for me this child would get no chance to prove itself in life.

[ComputerGuy]

I hate to say this but it seems this guy was using you for fun while he was away from his wife.Im willing to bet his free time with you is away fro work as far as his wife and kids are concerned. Now he gotten you pregnant, which could blow the whole thing open, he wants out.

 

Harsh yes, but that's how I see things. From here your best bet is to do what YOU want to do. If you want to keep the baby then keep it, dont be pressured into doing something you dont want to as you will regret it later on. Also Id say make him take responsibility, it takes two to tango as the saying goes and he is just as much responsible as you are. You shouldn't be forced to take this all on yourself.

[Hope75]

I hope you force him by court order to have a paternity test and than sue him for child support.

 

You did not show good judgement by having an affair with a married man, but what is done is done, and now there is a child on the way that has two parents and who deserves at the very least to be supported by both.

[chemica]

If a wife is refusing or limiting to have sex with her husband, she should know he is going to look for it somewhere else. This is why I dont feel guilty, if it wasnt me it would have been someone else.

 

Wow, you got yourself into one crappy situation and this is how you seem to view it.

 

How can you possibly believe that someone who is basically turning his back on his wife and kids is going to show any more commitment to you.

 

Everyone here is right...this guy is complete sleeze. The insults aimed at this guy in this thread don't even begin to describe just how bad a person he is.

 

But this entire thread has been about him. Hon, this guy is not going to take responsibilty for what he did. It is unfair, but it is true. If you bring this out in the open, the worst that might happen is his wife divorces him. I can't see any court finding him financially liable as I don't think there is any way that he can be forced to take a test to see if he is the parent. The more time you spend obsessing over how this guy burned you, the more your judgement will be clouded on what the right course of action is.

 

You are very honorable for walking out of that clinic. I hope it is in your heart to raise this child alone, though I wish you the best in whatever choice you make.

[avman]

I can't see any court finding him financially liable as I don't think there is any way that he can be forced to take a test to see if he is the parent.

 

No, that is incorrect. He most certainly can be forced to take a paternity test or if he refuses he will simply be assumed to be the father by the court and he'll start having his wages garnished. All the OP has to do is file a child support action and the state takes care of the rest.

 

Things are very heavily tilted in favor of the mother. It is up to the man to prove he is not the father. The mother barely has to prove anything.

[Hope75]

I can't see any court finding him financially liable as I don't think there is any way that he can be forced to take a test to see if he is the parent.

 

He absolutely can be forced to takea paternity test. My best friend got pregnant 11 years ago and her baby's father left her and denied paternity. When their son was born, she filed for child support- he denied paternity before the judge and was forced to take a test. Of course, he ended up being the biological father, and he was then court ordered to pay child support. His wages were garnished each paycheck towards his child.

 

As Avman said, if he denies the test he will be assumed to be the father unless he can prove otherwise with a paternity test that shows he is not the father.

[marinaprettyone]

You are obviously a kind and caring woman. This man duped you, and he sounds violent. He is certainly being emotionally abusive and using every tactic he can to manipulate you.

Please get far, far away from this person.

Please get your child far, far away from this person.

If he threatens you, keep a record of it and report it to police. You may need evidence later...

You deserve much better.

I admire your decision not to tell the wife. You are obviously trying to do the best for everyone involved.

However, you may not be doing her a favor, as she and her child deserve better as well.

 

You made a mistake, but you're not a bad person. He is. Get away from him.

[truthbetold]

Wow... I almost don't even know what to say. It's good that you want to keep the baby and didn't let him pressure you out of it. Currently I'm pregnant by a married man, but he never told me to have an abortion and I had once contemplated it and even though he was upset he supported me.

 

I agree with everyone else who says his wife should know what's going on. The married man I'm with is separated from his wife and has been since I met him. She knows I'm pregnant (well obviously I'm 32 weeks) but we told her right away and it actually helped her cope with her husband leaving her in the first place, now she doesn't mind getting a divorce. Not that that's really a good thing. But your guy's wife has a right to know and make her own decisions, don't protect him from getting divorced. He made mistakes and deserves the consequences! I know you said that you don't love him you just like him, and you don't want her to divorce him, but it's not your choice, it should be hers.

 

I'd advise that you do file for child support, and leave that at all you want from him. If he's this much of a jerk now, he shouldn't be involved in your child's life because I personally don't see him changing any time soon. Just my 2 cents.

[abazarni]

I have been emailing the father of my baby that I really want to do this without any hate and that I will protect his interest. I really dont have a desire for his wife to know, but he he is not responding to me and it seems like he wants me to go over the edge. Is it possible that maybe he wants me to tell his wife so he doesnt have to? Any opinions?

[abazarni]

I forgot to add that in the past he has told me that he wants me to tell his wife, but I never took him seriously.

 

Why would he want me to do that?

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I am sorry to hear about your situation and that you are in such a horrible mess.

 

I forgot to add that in the past he has told me that he wants me to tell his wife, but I never took him seriously.

 

Why would he want me to do that?

Perhaps he's bluffing, in the "I don't care if she knows" mode. But I bet if you were to take that as far as you could, like actually about to tell her, he'd stop you. He probably threw that out there to make you think that telling his wife won't damage him when in reality, it will. The wife should know because there is even a chance he's done this in the past from the description of his character.

 

The sad thing about this whole situation is the child, growing up most likely not knowing anything about his real father or perhaps meeting him once, eventually finding the story that may or may not lead to emotional issues. Not knowing he has half siblings out there. I'm no expert on this by any stretch of the imagination, and a few of my friends were raised without their fathers and they turned out fine, but in some cases it could be so difficult, especially given the cirumstances on how the child was conceived.

 

The father is a Grade A jerk. He calls you selfish because you don't want to abort your child. He is not even taking your feelings into consideration because apparently, it's all about him. Show him that it is not. If you want to have the baby, have it. If you feel you need to have the abortion, make sure it is what you want for you, not him. He may not be anywhere near this child's life, so think about it as if it is just the two of you without him, unfortunately.

 

Whatever decision you make, I wish you good luck.

[southerngirl]

I think that you should tell her. In person. In a nice way. Tell her you are sorry to have to tell her this. Be very kind. What she needs to know is going to hurt her very badly.

 

The reason I think she should know is that she deserves to have the chance to make a decision of what to do with her life from this point forward. Her husband is a cheating liar. If it were my husband, I would want to know.

 

Also, I feel you definitely should sue that man for child support. He created this child and in the long run, he needs to support it as well.

 

ps. the reason I say to do this in person is because its going to break her heart. I just dont think this is something you should do without seeing her. Also, if you do decide to do this may be best you are not alone, so that your protected from violence.

[abazarni]

Now I am 17 weeks. My baby is doing well as I saw on a ultrasound a few days ago. When it comes to me I am doing worse then ever, besides the fact that my babies father is acting like a monster it just seems like nothing else is going well in my life. It seems like I am in a stage of hoplessness, why is it impacting me so hard right now, hormones should be leveling themselves out by now and not kicking in. Last night I had a second episode of heavy bleeding, it happened to me also two weeks ago and the doctors couldnt figure out what it was caused by. I am just so worried about loosing this baby, I have gone through such an emotional war for his life that it would be hearbreaking for me if I lost him now.

[InHiding]

I respect your decision to keep your baby, and I'm glad that you are sticking with it if that is truly how you feel.

 

Although my circumstances are different, I also recently dealt with making that decision on my own. Although I am terrified, I feel comfort in knowing that this is the right choice for me. You will be in my thoughts, and I wish you strength. Good luck!

[123noone]

Just wondering..how did you meet this guy? Did he wear a wedding ring? Did he dupe you from the beginning?

[Ians Mommy]

It's been awhile since you posted. How is everything?