The NERVE of him!

[heyguys]

i can not believe the nerve of him!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am soooooo through with this relationship it has gotten way to ridiculous. my boyfriend has absolutely no respect for me at all. i am so done with his crap. i am sooooo upset right now i cant even begin typing nor do i have the energy to type out the whole story or howit began. anwyay, he brought me lunch today at work because he feels bad for the crap hes been putting me through lately. he brings me this yellow rose. sweet? think agian. this little rose comes from a rose bush he planted for his ex when they were together. he gave me some of them before but when i found out it came from this rose bush i said i really didnt want those roses, but thanks anyway. today he brought me that damm rose. i just sucked it up and said thanks. later i said during the lunch i said hey why dont you plant some new bushes (as a hint) he got all mad saying i was ridiculous. i said i dont care its nto hard to plant new ones. then he started saying all this crap like oh who cares if i gave her the same ones, you want me to change my car seat, and my bed too??? can you believe that, i didnt need him to remind me that he had sex with her in that bed too. im not that stupid or unreasonable but did he have to bring that up???? the nerve of him. please help me calm down!!! i am work and i just am so pissed and hurt he said that to me i feel nauseated. please help!!! i am stuck here for 4 more hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DN]

He brought you lunch and a flower to make you feel better and you got mad at him?

 

hmmm.

[heyguys]

ya he threw the flower in my face after i suggested he plant new ones...god this whole thing is such a misunderstanding. he posts on here looking like and angel and no one knows the half of it....this is so pathetic. i didnt get mad at him at first. i said why dont u plant new ones. thats it! HEEEEEEEEEEEEE got mad and brought up all this other junk. he got mad, just because he was probably embarssed at how unoriginal and tacky it is to give me roses that were planted for an x. if u read anther post about sunglasses, not the first time he gives me "used" gifts.

[heyguys]

i am more hurt he brought up the bed thing and how if i want him to get a new bed all sarcastically. i mean the flower thing i was bothered a bit, just bc the history behind it, is he that clueless and insensitive

[Scotcha]

I can understand where both of you are coming from, sort of.

 

On one hand you feel as if he is re-giving the same gift and that it doesn't have the same special meaning for you as it did for her. (It's not true though!)

 

On the other, what guy hasn't given his girlfriends (both past and present) flowers? The only difference is that this guy happens to grow his own.

 

I kind of think it's cool that he can keep a rose bush alive for so long. It's tricky business.

 

I believe that he brought up the bed thing to make a point.. It's a valid one. You can't replace everything just because a relationship ended... That'd get very expensive!

[kellbell]

This is the same guy you cheated on?

 

I really think there is so much damage done in this relationship. You both tried and have gotten no where. Perhaps it is best to go your separate ways.

[lady00]

He brought you lunch and a flower to make you feel better and you got mad at him?

 

hmmm.

 

Yeah, I'm not too sure I understand what the problem is based on this information alone. What are the other conflicts you have been having?

[heyguys]

i guess, i just want new fresh flowers for a new fresh relationship. i know growing his own is a cool idea. but for myself, i would never do that to a person....thats just me i suppose....

 

other problems!! i have posted here for a while.....you can read if you like..

[heyguys]

yeah maybe you can see why i prob wasnt feeling secure and cheated cuz of the continuous crap he does and he doesnt realize he hurt me. i am truley the good one in this relationship. everyone is shocked he still says im awesome, great, sweet...its because I am!!!! he brings all the crap onto him self. i should have dumped him long ago before i cheated on him. but i stayed and he continues to screw up and im still with him, not cheating! but still waiting for him to just shape up! he is now on here on this forum victimizing himself

[yeawutever]

But if he bought you roses means he loves you enough to start working out on the relation. He must give him more time, this takes years to get over it, some people never do. I don't really see why are you mad at him??

[heyguys]

i am mad because he planted that same rose bush for his ex and i already told him before that thanks, but i just rather not have the roses that he planted for her before....it might be silly, but why did he give them to me again after i said i didnt want them...he knows why i dont want them, they were intended for his ex

[robowarrior]

Relax, breathe deep. Its the gesture that counts right, he obviously didn't see any harm in it, although he has to probably brush up his tactics he at least made a gesture towards you , i never received a thing to begin with so cherish it and he does have a point , you could associate 'any' given thing with his ex, wether it be the bed, the trees , the bushes, can't you learn to put things behind you and in the past, the ex is gone right? Look its very easy if your not satisfied jump out of the relationship, if you are satisfied stay with him, if you decide to continue then you have to swallow certain uncomfortable things because no one is perfect , i think your putting up your demands way to high, but the worst person here is you, because you are the one keeps on returning back into this mess.

[yeawutever]

Well it's better than getting nothing.

[heyguys]

yes yes, well the main reason i was most upset about was not the roses that sparked. it was his insensitivity to bring up the fact that if i wanted him to replace his bed too! that just really pushed the envelope for me. he has absolutley no respect for the things he says to me...none whatsoever. i admit i screwed up once but never do i say mean things too hurt him intentionally. he posts on here saying i put him down saying hes nto a man. what i really said was he needs to be a gentleman and more respectful....i never said he wasnt a man nor do i put down his self esteem

[yeawutever]

Well you must understand that the sex act alone to most people is the worst of worst betrayal. Yes, you are admitting you did a mistake but if you think of the intensity of the pain he's doing throught, he's at a point he doesn't know how to reason nor react with you. Maybe he's trying to talk normal to you only to be constantly reminded of your betrayal. Yea I did read his posts and did answer his as I'm answering yours.

 

Why don't you guys try couple counseling. He's nice to love you enough to try working it out. It's only been a month or two after telling him what you did, this can takes a few years or just more months, depending on how he's taking it.

[heyguys]

thanks ailec, i appreciate your advice.....the only counseling that is need is him learning manners and respect to woman...no i know! we should go but i dont know if he would want to.....

[yeawutever]

Well reason I suggest counseling is cuz it will help both of you guys find out more about the troubles going in your relation and what were the previous problems. From then on, you can find out why he cheated. Have you told him why yet?? Was he treating you like this before you cheated?? If so, then your relation had already problems. If not, then he's just crush and so is his pride, his ego, that's what it hurts guys the most.

[heyguys]

YES he treated me like this before, just clueless and insensitive, ya like my other posts from months ago talked about how he called me his x's name once, he posted pics of him on myspace, he went clubbin alot with out me...this all happened before i cheated..i dont know maybe i should have just broken it off before i cheated.. i just care too much, maybe there is too much damage done....here is a reply someone gave me that givees background. its a nice summary

 

heyguys,

 

It stuck me how absolutely perfect you made this guy and your relationship with him out to be. This makes me ask two questions: why did you cheat, and what made you come to eNotalone? This isn't your first post, so I checked your threads started.

 

 

This is where you were upset your BF was in adult chat rooms.

 

 

 

This is where you were upset his ex was visiting his family.

 

 

 

This is where you were upset your BF posted pics of himself on Myspace.

 

 

 

And this is where you were upset your BF was thinking about his ex.

 

 

 

And here is another post where you were concerned about your BF's ex.

 

 

 

And this is where you found out your BF "was/is" a player.

 

 

 

There are many more, but these are some of the most recent ones and fall within the 8 month period which you say was so great.

 

 

Do you see a pattern here?

 

 

You strike me as someone who is very insecure. Do you think that is true? If so, is this a problem you have with yourself even before you were with this most recent BF, or was it his behavior that led you to being insecure?

 

Do you think your insecurity had anything to do with you cheating?

 

You may or may not be able to get your BF back. I think trying to examine why you cheated in the first place is a good idea. You say you don't have feelings for the ex you cheated with. So why do you think you did it?

[yeawutever]

Yea, there is quite some damage from both sides but what's important if the love you both have and that both you are willing to repair the damage. I do agree that if he was treating you like this before, you should have broken up, I would have long ago. Or there should have been serious talking way back, but oh well that's done is done. No use for crying over spill milk, but to move on and forgive yourself.

Do be very patient with him, assure him you're there for him now. Ever thought of the things you use to give to him or do for him that he really likes??

[heyguys]

he is just such a liar, he claims he never loved this girl yet he planted hre a rose bush, that is a very nice gesture he never did for me. i got the left over roses until the damm thing died. thanks, thanks alot. the rose bush incident isnt just the roses, or just the x, he called me her name, said she was gorgeous, so i do not want any roses associated with her

[jessicadon]

I really think you should just dump him. To be honest you don't love him or respect him, It's obvious when you talk about him. Stop wasting each others time. Life is just too short.

[heyguys]

i do love him, everything is just happening all at once. i am still at work, i cant breathe, im just frustrated his ex still penetrates our relationship. i am just tired thats all, i know i love him but by everythign he does to me i know for a fact he doesnt love me like i deserve. i wouldnt be posting on here about him for almost a year now......i just want to be alone now. nothing he can say now can fix all the lies he tells me. the rose bush he lied sid he planted it when he was 15 now he siad it was for her! i am just sick of the lies about her..so sick!

[mystik]

What you have isn't love.

 

Anyhow, even if it were, love isn't enough to make a relationship last.

 

You're so sure that nothing can fix all the lies he tells you, yet you refuse to end things with him. If you have been having troubles for a year, and come on here posting all these things wrong with him...what is the point? People say he's a good guy, then you set out to prove them wrong, insisting that he's the bad one and you're the good one. You also know he is a member of enotalone, so he will obviously see this thread. You KNOW he will see all this crap you write about him, yet you dont care. You want him and everyone to know how horrible of a boyfriend if he is... Say it is true and you are right about him, what are you sticking around for?

 

Edit: also, you don't love someone when you can think so badly of them. Love includes respect, something that is clearly lacking from both sides.

[heyguys]

Ok I Thought I Did, Also Im Very Exhausted So THAT IS PROB BY IM TALKIGN SO ANGRY, HEAT OF MOMENT

[DN]

I think you two should communicate face to face instead of on here and at the same time asking people to pick sides as that tactic clearly isn't working for you.

 

Make up or break up.