reasons for breakup

[canuckhead]

There's probably been a topic bout this but....

What were everyone's reasons for their breakup? The dumpees here mostly say that they didn't really get a reason....just that their s.o. fell out of love? But what bout the dumpers (ones who did the dumping) here? What were most of your reasons for breaking up with ur bf/gf? Incompatibility? he became a jerk? didn't treat u well? cheated? etc....

[annie24]

My ex broke up with me after 4 months because he said "he didn't feel a spark" and he "felt that by 4 months, that he thought he should be feeling something more than he was." He also said it made him "nervous" that he thought I liked him more than he liked me.

 

*sigh*

 

Oh well. As DN likes to say, "onward and upward."

[Managor]

This is an interesting thread, can't wait to see what everyone else says.

 

I've never been in a relationship so I can't really contribute.

[Rain__man]

I'm not sure how much help I'll be either... I've definitely done my share of dumping, but it was always early on into a relationship. If I've ever felt strongly enough about someone to have a long relationship, it's been because I believe in that person, and that sticks with me, no matter what they are acting like or becoming.

 

But then, my last has really been my longest yet, and even that has not quite been two years.

 

I'm not sure I buy the whole "fell out of love" thing. Either you love or you don't... If you one day decide to just stop trying to be in love, either your mind is screwing you over, or you were never in love to begin with. I think a lot of people's minds play them for fools, whether they be the breaker or the breakee. Unless the relationship is truly unhealthy and abusive, I think something that was at one point beautiful is worth working to maintain.

[STARSHINE42]

I just broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years. Basically I love him very much but I know in my heart he is not the person I want to marry. Soo that's pretty much my reason..it's time to move on and try to find "the one"

[canuckhead]

I just broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years. Basically I love him very much but I know in my heart he is not the person I want to marry. Soo that's pretty much my reason..it's time to move on and try to find "the one"

 

So pretty much....you weren't compatible? Cuz that's what i don't get....he was the right person to begin with (or else why would u guys have started dating) but then he wasn't.

Were u guys just incompatible after a while? Did he change?

[Rain__man]

Can I ask a simple question...? Did you ever explain to him who the person you want to marry is?

[Psylocke960]

My first 2 relationships, I was the "dumper." My first boyfriend was my high school sweetheart and the relationship lasted 5 1/2 years. I left because I just didn't see the relationship as a challenge anymore, plus I lost my attraction to him and wanted to see what it was like to date other guys. He was such a nice and caring person though and it was the most difficult thing for me to do when I broke it off. We still stayed friends shortly after but I decided to let him go completely.

 

My second relationship was just a horrible relationship from the get go. It's a long story but basically he was verbally and physically abusive. Of course, I fell into the typical, " I can change him" attitude. It was the most grueling 4 years of my life. I was really naive at the time but I finally decided enough was enough and ended it. I was so relieved after!

 

My last relationship which just ended about 3 weeks, I became the "dumpee." I don't really know the actual cause of why he did it but he said on the day we broke up that he was no longer in love with me. We were together for 4 1/2 years. I was very much in love with this guy and was on the verge of asking him to marry me about a year ago. I got too nervous and said I would wait another year. Go figure. Now I can see how much it hurts to be the dumpee.

 

Well, right now I'm just moving on but at this point will probably just enjoy being single since I've never really had that opportunity.

[Managor]

I just didn't see the relationship as a challenge anymore

 

Can I ask why a relationship no longer being challenging means it's not worth having anymore?

[xblondyx]

My ex dumped me about 3 months ago now. Said he was "worried" that I was becoming obsessed by him (err...no lol) and that he felt claustraphobic because all of his other relationships didn't even last 3 months. He said he was scared to fall for me as he would end up getting hurt again.....so he hurt me instead. Oh what a lovely guy

[Pixiemeat]

I was only with him for a month, but my ex (somehow it doesn't feel right calling him that) said that he didn't have time for a relationship and didn't feel that he could be the man I wanted him to be. Whatever, I say

[canuckhead]

Can I ask why a relationship no longer being challenging means it's not worth having anymore?

 

yeah...why do some ppl think relationships (long-term ones) r suppose to be challenging? isn't it about comfort and compatibility after u've been with each other for so long? i mean...u want a challenge, go climb up mt.everest.

[blemished]

Both of my ex's broke up with me and said we were not compatible. Oddly enough, they both said this after spending a substantial amount of time together (the last LTR was almost 3 yrs), which leads me to think they both just stopped loving me.

I don't know why, I did not do anything wrong and was a really good girlfriend. I think it is just human nature sometimes, to lose interest. I no longer believe in relationships, at least for me. I think trusting someone for a 3rd time and having them "lose interest" in me is not worth it AT ALL. I am 100% against enduring another betrayal/break-up from the one I love. I just can't do it again. I was able to endure it the first time (it was really, really excruciating), and I was able to swallow my pride and get by OK the second time (it's been 2 months and I no longer let myself bother to dwell on him), but a third time is out of the question. I'm going to get back to "normal" (ie not missing an ex) and then live the solo life.

[Psylocke960]

Can I ask why a relationship no longer being challenging means it's not worth having anymore?

 

I guess at that point in my life being with him for 5 1/2 years, or should I say when we were going into our 5th year, I brought up the "Where are we going with this relationship?" He never liked to discuss it and he basically kept telling me, "I don't know right now, it's too much to think about." I hated that uncertainty in my life and at least wanted some sort of assurance that he might possible want to marry me one day. The relationship just dragged on from there and NEVER went anywhere. So I guess that's how I saw it as being unchallenging. Unmotivated. And that lead me to lose my attraction towards him and wanting to see what else was out there. I tried many times to find reasons to stay but he never seemed to make any effort on his part to want to pursue anything other than "boyfriend/girlfriend" status. I wanted to be married someday so I decided to end it since it seemed like we just weren't on the same page regarding relationships.

[annie24]

So, I guess in a way, your relationship became too challenging because you really had no idea if he would ever marry you or not. And I have to agree, after nearly 6 years, you would hope someone would let you know how they feel about maybe marrying you someday.

 

I think you are better off now.

[RayKay]

Let's see.

 

1) First boyfriend we had dated on and off a couple times, it was a long time ago though. We ended up breaking up over infidelity (on his part). We ran into each other years later, and he said he was always sorry for that, and regretted it for a LONG time.

 

2) Second boyfriend I broke it off with after 2.5 years or so. He was a great person, and I hope he is doing well wherever he is, and is happy, and I am sorry I hurt him, but we just were not the right fit, and were very different from one another. Great guy, just not one for me. We were at very different places in life. At the time I was also battling so many of my own demons (depression, eating disorders) and I honestly was not a whole person myself, and no way really going to be ready to say he was my forever and so on.

 

 

3) Ended as he passed away suddenly, after almost 5 years together.

 

4) He dumped me as he "could see me being the perfect wife, but he was not ready for that yet". Throw in some crap about "paths diverging and crossing again one day...". Whatever. Essentially I just was not the one for him, which makes sense, as he was not one for me either!

 

5) There is no 5th ending, we are very, very happy together, and we have every intention of making this the one that lasts!

 

There were some other short term deals in there (such as under 2 or 3 months) which I did not include as I don't even remember the reasons well, I assume we just were not clicking though.

[FelixXavier]

Well, I've really only been in four "official" relationships... all other girls were just casual things, hook-ups, etc.

 

BUT:

 

1.) The first girl I dated. I think I was 17. She was a tomboy, I was a punk rocker. My first kiss, yadda-yadda. I think it lasted a couple months. When it ended, I'm sure I was devastated. Looking back, it was almost a joke.

 

We broke up because she got bored. Gave me NC for a week with no reason, then told me it was over. Such is high school!

 

2.) This was my high school sweetheart. We met in high school, around the time I was going out with number 1, were together for 10 months, broke up for a few days because she had a crush on another guy, got back together for another spin. At some point, we broke up and for the next three years we alternated between being together, not being together, losing our virginity to each other, went to college together, lived in New York together for a while, and basically stayed best friends no matter who we were seeing, or what happened. In all honestly, those were the most gut-wrenching, strenuous times of my life. It shaped who I am, and how I think. We still talk to this day, pretty often, after everything we've been through. Sometimes I wonder if she really is the one, after everything. Some other times, I think I want something different.

 

We broke up for so many reasons, and on so many occasions: She liked someone else, we got in arguments too much, I became a pothead for a couple years... etc. In the end, she started dating her crush (from 3 years earlier!) and that was pretty much the end of that. They broke up quite some time ago, and she's with someone else.

 

3.) This was a girl in college I met. She had a crush on me ever since she met me. For about two years, I would still hook up with and be hung up over number 2. I finally gave in and started dating her. It didn't feel right - she wasn't number 2! So, I broke the poor girls heart.

 

We broke up because I just didn't want to be with her and she wasn't number 2, who was wat I really wanted.

 

4.) THIS girl is my last girlfriend. I moved out to LA a year and a half ago. She met me then, when I first got here, and I knew she was really interested in me, but I didn't give it any thought... she was 30, a single mom, and I didn't want to deal with baggage. Plus, I'm a new kid in a new city, I'm not looking for commitment or anything like that. Well.. 11 months later, I hang out with her and some friends, and I start looking at her in a different light. She was really cool, and I start falling for her, hard. We start dating and get real serious, real quick. I'm totally in love. I haven't felt this way about a girl since number 2. Some crazy drama went down a couple months ago, I confronted one of her best friends about something he said to her, and a whole drama explodes in my face. We break up over it for a week. We get back together, for a week it's bliss. Then, she breaks it off again.

 

We broke up because she lost one of her best friends because I confronted him one night for being a scambag ****face ***hole.

 

This is what I'm currently going through, and you're more than welcome to read my previous posts for details on this latest rollercoaster.

[Psylocke960]

So, I guess in a way, your relationship became too challenging because you really had no idea if he would ever marry you or not. And I have to agree, after nearly 6 years, you would hope someone would let you know how they feel about maybe marrying you someday.

 

I think you are better off now.

 

Hehe, you're right...too challenging. I guess I'm just having difficulty trying to convey my thoughts since my ex left. Thanks!

[Allie.]

haha. my reason. im sure will get the "Dumbest reason award"...being in highschool. he says, "i get the feeling god doesn't want us together". eye-rolls allowed.

[kadvati79]

I too have only chosen the "serious" relationships in my life:

 

1. I was 21, he was 17. He fell madly in love with me. We were together 8 months I cheated on him for 7, and was generally a real a-hole. I broke his heart. Funny thing was I did truly love him. God knows why I was such an idiot. He struggled for sometime after that, and is now practically married to his current boyfriend. I broke up with him out of guilt, confessed a month later when the guilt didnt go away, then we got back together briefly and I can't even remember why we broke up!

 

2. He was 23, I was 23. He was an actor, I was in the military. Only lasted a few months, I really connected with this guy - it was great - but I wasn't sexually attracted too him. He ended up going away with his work for a month and I freaked out... and broke up with him by the patented "ozmosus" method of simply stopping calling him. I haven't spoken to or seen him since.

 

3. He was 18, I was 23. It was long distance from the start. We were madly in love. We lasted nearly two years, it was great for first six months and problematic for the rest. His reasons were that he "loved me but wasn't in love with me". I think our relationship hit the serious point, but he wasn't ready to go there yet.

[HardShowingAffection]

1. We were in college, I was 3 years older. We dated for 3.5 years, I was going to propose (we had picked out some diamonds for custom ring) on a family cruise in February of that year, but she freaked out after picking out diamonds. She dumped me in May because "something just wasn't there". The last year of the relationship was long distance (she was still in school, 100 miles away)

 

2. She was 19, I was 24 when we started dating. Things were great, we got into arguments almost monthly though... they almost always went unresolved, as she "didn't want to talk about it". Bought a house, she moved in and out (depending on the argument). Were together 3 years and 2 months. Had an argument (we were both drunk), she couldn't take it anymore, was emotionally drained, and walked away. Big communication issue, coupled with maturity, insecurities, not letting go of the past....

[Holiday]

HSA, number two sounds familiar. I know it's a matter of preference, but I can't deal with people who walk away during a talk or get icy when the communication gets intense. I could prolly start a thread on this, but I'm sure one already exists. It would infuriate me to no end to be with someone who walked away whenever the tensions rise and I would be miserably controlled by this approach since its my preference to resolve them quickly (well, within a four hour period). Anything longer begins to gnaw on my bones.