Rain__man

Darlin, please take one last look at your post? I know about being on my own (later on, you may even start to miss it). If you're in that kinda mindset, you've got some work to do! Anybody who is truly alone in this world is either not leaving their house, or taking what they have for granted (or any combination of the two My advice: start looking into some self-development reading material. Check out The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. If there's something missing in your life, you need to look at what part of that equation is your fault... and then do some rework on your end. The way I see it, if I'm happy with how I'm treating other people, and they still dont respond... **** 'em

No. It sucks, but there is no way to "save" this. Don't worry about it, man. There are plenty of girls out there. Most of them will even realize they have some responsibility for keeping it fresh too, rather than blaming you for their lack of imagination and dependent nature. The bottom line is that she has classic "young girl" syndrome... all adventurous, no proactivity. She expects the guy to do all the work, and if something's missing, it has nothing to do with her. Selfish and silly as she is, in a way she's right. You have a lot of work to do, get crackin . I know there's not much comfort in what I'm saying, but comfort is something you'll have to find for yourself. Just know that we all go through it. No matter how bad it sucks, we've all been there.

Hey Victim.. should I black your eyes again? You were the one who put the stick in my hand... I don't care what you look like, if you look exactly like them, they'll tell you you look gay, or something equally stupid. As long as you feel like the victim, or like "they" are any different from "you", it has absolutely nothing to do with the color of your skin, your weight, your haircut, or even your financial status... you will defeat yourself every time. All "they" are doing is acting like the same rediculous overpriveliged brats they've gotten away with acting like since childhood... and you're still feeding them.

I don't know that it's so much a matter of him being not worth it. The way he is now is afraid of losing you... which usually means he already has. Now you feel all strong and in control, and you probably won't really take a good look at the things you're doing wrong in the relationship. Fear driven or not... he's trying, will you?

I suppose if your interviewer dislikes you right off, your chances are a bit lower, but usually if you're sincere, and you (hopefully) get more than a two minute sit-down, minor communication issues will iron themselves out Summer, especially as a last resort, I always try to get an interview with the owner/CEO as well. Someone who thinks they should make more isn't usually very sensitive to your money issues or ambitions.

Perhaps that was taken a bit out of context... My point was to sell yourself, not pretend to be what you're not. There's a difference between lying through your teeth, and expressing confidence in your abilities. I agree about badmouthing though, but they're always going to ask why you left/ want to leave the other company. The message I try to put out is that no matter how good the job is, being underpaid is something you can only put up with for so long.

Another good point to look at is that when you are skinny, it is difficult to build up muscle mass. When you are slightly overweight, working out turns the fat into mass you didn't have before pretty quickly.

Don't quite believe the whole "she'll never be the same again" advice... that part is her choice. A good friend of mine shattered his heel over a decade ago, and was told a very similar story about returning to frame carpentry... or even walking normally for that matter. Needless to say, he didn't believe it, and ever since I've known him, you'd never know it happened. Kids bounce back fast, and sooner than you might like, she'll be pushing herself harder than she should... if she has the will.

"A damn shame neither one of us was worthy of what we could have had" is kind of how I look at my last relationship. You can only feel guilty/ hate the other for so long before realizing that there wasn't any way around it.

Pardon the terminology, but usually (and sadly) the only way to make money for the job you do is to be a * * * * *. You sell yourself to someone else for the $$ you deserve (or at least closer to it). You walk in to the new place for the interview, and you can tell them how they don't even have to train you, and how you've been busting * * * for your last company, but they just don't seem to recognize that you are outperforming people who are making more money. This is kind of scary at first, but you get used to it. I have usually spent at least a year at every job that I enjoyed, but for the most part, the longer you've been there and working for cheap, the less likely they are to think they should offer you more. The most sickening part is that they will almost invariably wave all that cash that "they just couldn't afford" a week ago in front of you when you turn in notice. As a matter of principle, I always politely tell them to bite me

I think the most obvious, but most often neglected advice is "know your product". I don't have the slightest idea what you're selling, but be ready to tell the potential customer everything about it, and how badly they need it, even if they want to know how to take it apart You're not going to convince everyone they need whatever it is, and a few people were going to buy if you had a monkey pitch it to them, the better salesman (person?) is the one that can convince the one who's curious but not interested yet. Good luck, and congrats on the new job!

If I understand correctly, the 2nd job would replace your current day job, right? If so, and that is what you are looking for from the interview, then do what you have to. I wouldn't outright lie about the other job being the reason you aren't there tomorrow, but I wouldn't let them know you are looking either. This is where my "business morality" is a bit more ruthless than the personal kind, and you almost have to be that way... Not to say the two don't intertwine often, but if your current employer was going to let you go, 99% of the time, you wouldn't know about it until your last day.

I agree wholeheartedly with 1,2 & 3 from Ducky. I guess the question to ask yourselves (and each other) "is love worth the risk?" My vote's almost always a yes

This guy may not be alumni material, but there are a lot of worthwhile people out there who aren't. Heck, some of them may even live out fulfilling lives in the Food & Commercial Worker's Union. Sara, I'm not trying to say moving on isn't the right move, just be careful about beating up on the poor dude for not living his life the way you'd like him to. This is kind of directed at the "old hats" around here... Isn't it almost universal that when we break up with someone, we tend to villefy even the most benign of their faults to "rack up" justification? I have a suspicion this is a subconscious thing to avoid admitting that a lot of it is selfish and unfair... but we choose to do it anyway. What do you guys think?

n83's got a good point, if you enjoy hanging with the guy, do what you want, but don't let it be an exclusive kind of thing. If his ex gets jealous and wants him back (subconsciously that's what he wants), he'll do it in a heartbeat. Something tells me you don't want to be in the middle of that crap to begin with though. You already know he won't be a serious BF for you.

Cheers! Guys get no respect, no respect I tellya.

These guys are probably right about being too soon... I'd be more than a little put off if I was into someone enough to show her pic off to my friends... and then to have her wig out about it. Hopefully when you are ready to date you'll be suitably flattered by this kinda thing... showing off a picture (assuming you're clothed of course) is absolutely nothing like handing out your phone number.

Don't sweat it hon, as was said... the guy who loves you will love the rest of ya Highly doubtful you'd find him chiming in the midst of that conversation.

Everybody here is right... everyone takes a breakup differently, and every breakup is for a different circumstance. NC is NOT for making someone miss you or want you back. They have to do that on their own, and NC or not, it will or won't happen. Usually it won't, so once you've spoken your peace, told them you love them and wish you could work it out, the best thing to focus on is your own healing.

Yup, she is gone man. On to bigger and better things Once you start to let go, you'll see she wasn't as great as you thought... and neither were you. Ya live and learn.

Well I'm sure you can come up with a few more Talking every day like that may be something like sex... It stays better for longer if you don't play it out. When you go without each other for a week or so (or more on occasion), you both find yourselves coming up with new ideas in your "me" time.

It sure sounds like you might want to change jobs regardless. Whether your man knows or not, that situation is just going to keep getting weirder and weirder. I haven't been through a cheating experience on either end with anyone I particularly cared about, but my thoughts: If I were the guy, I trusted and believed in you, and you did something you regretted and had no intention of repeating... I probably wouldn't want to know, honestly. Maybe a lot of guys will disagree with me here; I say if he ever asks, then he deserves to know, but until that happens, telling him is almost selfishness to relieve your own guilt. But that only goes if you really are committed to fixing your end of the issues and relationship deficiencies that even let you consider cheating in the first place.

Talk about the stuff people in love sometimes forget to ask each other... your hopes, your dreams. Beliefs in religion, dogma, other faiths, love, marriage, kids. What does the house you want to own later in life look like? It's kind of awkward to get to the "real" stuff sometimes, but you'll regret it if you never get to it

Jayar, you're doing really awesome! It's pretty eerie how similar his behavior is to my ex... except she started by saying we needed a "break". Pretty soon the three months after which we were supposed to try it again turned into the exact same situation... -her saying she "didn't want to say we'd never get back together" (selfishness, and not taking responsibilty - don't fool yourself), -not wanting to date anyone (honestly it's easier to get over someone who cheated on you than someone who would rather be alone than have the relationship you both put so much into) -and being indifferent to the point of rudeness to my attempts at friendship (seriously, I pulled the wheel offa her car because she's too irresponsible to know the difference between "time for a brake job" and a dangerous driving condition, she'd promised to call when he made it home alive, not called for a week, and then been completely unapologetic about it), -swearing all this weirdness was beacuse "she didn't want to lead me on" Finally, I went down the road (three month marker) of saying finally, "You're not even treating me like somone you want to be friends with, I would never treat someone this way. If you can honestly say I mean so little that you're willing to risk that we never get back together, and throw us away, then you are making the decision that it will never happen"...or something along those lines. That was when I finally got the $$ back I had loaned her a long * * * time ago, gave her her stuff, and went from LC to NC. Even though I truly believed that at the time, 6 weeks later, I have no idea if I can really hold myself to it if she were to truly want me back... but I will never hold out, or see her under the "maybe" bull * * * *. Aside from rambling, my point is that after trying what I thought was everything, the only thing that is starting to heal it up is seeing that she has been able to go all this time without me, and that means she really wasn't the woman I thought she was... I thought I was as important to her as she was to me. BTW, when you are ready to go NC, I really reccomend deleting his # from your phone, E-mail address from your comp, etc. Don't leave youself any opportunity to call him up all drunk, or try to contact him when you are truly in despair. Pack up all the pictures, and put em in a box (or in my case a disk) don't leave that crap where you can look at it and cry about it all the time. Working so far

Just a thought... but try feigning "busy as hell" for a few weeks and keep from contacting him. Whether it's just for a booty call or not, he'll chase you down eventually, and THEN you two should have a serious talk. I'm the anti-games guy, and screwing with him is not what I'm suggesting at all. What I'm saying is more of a "force him into some time without you, and then see if his feelings are there or not". Either way, you should plan on the kind of relationship you had being over here and now. It will be extremely unhealthy for you to continue with NSA, when you obviously want more. Just my $0.02