Question about minor infidelity!!!!!!!!

[justwondering563]

Ok let's say you're already are engage to be marry and he/she knows about this minor infidelity, which involve making out/kissing only. Only this was 4 years ago and the only time you ever did and nope, you have no regrets for that person you did it on, the relation was rocky from a long time and you were on the verge of breaking up with that bipolar type crazy person.

 

The fact that you dearly love your current partner you'll get marry and never plan to cheat again but never really regret wutever you did to the ex (it's irrelevant now), over 4 years ago, does that make you really a bad person?? You hear all the time "there's never an excuse", if yall gonna keep saying that, I'll ignore that.

[BellaDonna]

You are engaged to be married, and have been faithful to your fiance. In the past you were in a bad relationship and cheated on an ex by kissing another person, and didn't regret doing that. Your fiance knows you cheated on your ex.

 

Do I have the story right?

 

I would say- you are faithful and secure in your current relationship. Let the past be the past. Don't worry about it anymore- focus on your future.

 

This is a different relationship, and people can change.

 

With that said, if you ever feel any kind of urge to cheat, it's important that you are honest with your current partner about it. When you get married, you are committing to that person for life- you're human and there may temptation, (tomorrow or 10 years from now). If you ever have those kind of feelings, always be honest about it, and always remember your vows. If the 2 of you are truthful with one another and have good communication -your marriage will be strong.

 

BellaDonna

[Day_Walker]

Fundamentally it has to deal with how you view cheating. From my perspective if you know the relationship is coming to an end and is rocky then its time to jump ship. Now if you happen to cheat during that rocky period, I believe it shows the character of that person.

 

It is all relative for what exactly a bad person is. If you are in a dying relationship and dont break it off and end up cheating on that person then I would say you did not make the appropriate decision. I wouldnt call you a bad person. I would say you made a series of bad decisions that landed you in the situation you are in now.

[Relationship Coach]

Minor Infidelity is the equivalent of Slightly Pregnant!

 

The fact that you made out with another person while in a committed relationship with someone else, does not mean you were or are a bad person. You used poor judgement and hopefully learned from your mistake and grew up a little in the past 4 years. Leave the past in the past and go forward with a clean slate in to your marriage.

 

RC

[OceanEyes]

If I'm understanding you correctly here, you're confused about whether or not to tell your current partner about an infidelity that happened with another partner who is bipolar?

 

If this is the case, then keep it to yourself. I don't even see why he needs to know at this point. If you know that things between you and the new guy are good, and that you're not tempted to stray, then what's the big deal? Why is it bothering you so much now?

 

You are not obligated to share everything about your past relationships with your current boyfriend. It's your right to keep it to yourself.

[justwondering563]

If I'm understanding you correctly here, you're confused about whether or not to tell your current partner about an infidelity that happened with another partner who is bipolar?

 

If this is the case, then keep it to yourself. I don't even see why he needs to know at this point. If you know that things between you and the new guy are good, and that you're not tempted to stray, then what's the big deal? Why is it bothering you so much now?

 

You are not obligated to share everything about your past relationships with your current boyfriend. It's your right to keep it to yourself.

 

He already knows about this from way back in the start of our relation, there is no secret. Thing is you always hear that same BS "Once a cheater always a cheater" and that you're suppost to feel remorse to that person you cheated on. The fact that I don't feel sorry for my ex nor what I did to him, doesn't mean I'll cheat again, not on my fiance I dearly love.

[BellaDonna]

The fact that I don't feel sorry for my ex nor what I did to him, doesn't mean I'll cheat again, not on my fiance I dearly love.

 

That's all that matters.

 

Don't hold on to the past. It was a long time ago- you made a mistake. It's done and over with.

 

Forget the ex, forget what you think other's opinions about it are. Focus on the great relationship that you have now.

 

YOU know that YOU won't cheat again. That's what's most important.

 

 

BellaDonna

[OceanEyes]

Whoops! Sorry for the misunderstanding today. It's 40'C so pardon my heat-stupidity, lol!

 

If he's just worried that you don't feel bad about it, then play the role and tell him that you DO regret what happened, but that it's impossible for you to tread on it this many years later.

 

Point out that you didn't actually have to tell him about it at all, but that you wanted to be honest and forthright about what happened.

 

Of course if you come accross like you couldn't care less, it would seem like you'd have the potential to do it again. Not caring about something at all makes it seem less important and significant. It's obviously a bigger deal to him, which should also be respected and understood to some extent.

 

Validate his feelings. Validating doesn't mean you have to agree, but simple statements like, "I completely understand WHY you'd feel that way - BUT ... [explain the situation in a way that is STILL validating his feelings, but get your point accross at the same time]".

[Cecelius]

I can see where the current b/f has an issue.

 

Ultimately, where you are looking at someone who has cheated in the past, it seems rational to assume that means they are more likely to cheat in the future. So then he wonders whether you regret the cheating, because, at least for me, the cheating itself is a bad thing regardless of whether the ex deserved it or not -- effectively, your fiance feels that by not regretting it, you have taken into your own hands the right to determine whether any particular guy is worth not cheating on.

 

If you don't regret it at all (that a thing that shouldn't have happened did), then I would say your fiance is correct and you two have a schism on values.

[NW Homey]

I think some here are missing part of what you are saying. She told her fiance about the incedent early in thier relationship. He has had a great deal of time to dump her if he was worried about her fidelity. He has instead chosen to marry her. End of problem. It sounds like he already trusts her implicatly(?). What she did 4 years ago should not be a factor in today. The one thing that I would caution her about is - should things get a little rough is she going to look elsewhere? I do agree with BelleDonna. If she ever feels like she wants to do something like that again she NEEDS to talk to him about what is going on with her and maybe they can figure out what is causing it and deal with it before it becomes an issue. I believe because she was honest with him about it up front that they probably have a good communication going and that should carry them through. Don't worry about it. You are not a bad person but you need to (as does everyone) keep yourself in check. Congrats and have a good marriage and life.

[Cecelius]

I was confused because I couldn't tell what the issue was -- does the current b/f have a problem with the cheating? Or is the issue, as I thought, that he thinks she should regret it, when she doesn't?

[Big Daddy]

What about when your not "in love" for a couple months. You have to understand, marriage is a life time commitment and there will be periods of anger, distain, etc. Marriage is not just a pretty party and a wedding dress. Please be honest with yourself and if you feel you could do it again, work on yourself, recognize the issue and what creates it, and try to remind yourself of this weakness when the situation arises.

[Spectre22]

theres no such thing as a "minor infidelity"

 

and if you refer an incident of you cheating on someone you love to that? then well, you dont love them, and I wouldnt be able to have any relationship with someone who views any type of cheating as minor, i dont care if it was just a kiss or was with a different person

[computer_tec09]

Actually there is such a thing as minor infidelity. That is when you don't do anything serious to put the SO at any risk of contacting an STD's. This would be minor things like kissing/french kiss, cuddling, talk dirty online or on the phone or make out. Some people would get over that fast than actually finding out your SO had a full blown affair or one night-stand. And nope, just cuz you do those minor thing doens't mean you don't love them, you still think about them. In fact if I didn't love my fiancee I would dump her right now.

1) Do I wanna end it?? Hells nope

2) Do I wanna marry her?? Yes, sometime this year or beginning of her next

3) Do I wanna have kids with her?? Hell yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

She's my first relation by the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nicorette]

i think kissing is just as intimate as sex.

 

And nope, just cuz you do those minor thing doens't mean you don't love them, you still think about them.

 

if you loved someone, you wouldnt in any way want to hurt them intentionally. going out and making out with people or talking dirty online i assure you will hurt your fiancees feelings.

[computer_tec09]

If she found that out for sure it'll prollie be so called away with no explanation so telling will do nothing, well I did wrote a post here about my point of view. Anyways I stopped as soon as she came June 1st.

[nicorette]

i dont think you should tell her as long as you are truly sorry and wont do it again. thats not really waht i meant though. would you be okay if you found out she was doing all that?