my boyfriend likes to scare me

[cinderelly65]

my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years in june. the past six months he has been doing things to me that i don't understand. when we go places in the car and were driving down the highway he likes to scare me or strarts yelling at me. if it's raining he won't put on the wipers and i can't see out the widows then he'll start driving really fast and try to make me scared. he tries to start arguments with me and if i saw something back to him he will tell me that he will leave me on the side of the highway. i don't know why he does this stuff? he won't listen to me or even let me talk sometimes. i try to be nice to him but he getting on my nerves. i wish i knew why he is being such a * * * * *. because i'm always nice to him. what does he get out of scaring me anyways?

[renaissancewoman101]

Maybe he is just playing around with you. Or maybe he has some hidden resentment about something and this is his (childish) way of expressing it to you. Either way, the best thing to do about it is to let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and that it is really bothering you and then ask him if anything is bothering him and let him talk it out with you.

[DN]

Who knows why he is doing it. His motivation is not the point.

 

What is the point is that you should dump him - you should have dumped him five months ago.

 

He's dangerous to both you and himself. Remove yourself from the danger.

[cinderelly65]

i don't understand why he goes from being nice to being mean. and i thought this might be a form of emotional abuse or something. because it seems like he like to have power over me.

[babypink61]

Welcome to enotalone!

 

I'm worried about your bf's behavior. It seems like he doesn't care that he's jeopardizing not only his own safety, but yours as well! Does this only happen when you guys are in the car? Or does he have similar behavior in other situations? And does he only do this after you guys get into an argument? I think sometimes guys behave recklessly when they are upset over something. Have you talked about it with him and asked him why he would do such a thing? If he's just doing it for fun to mess with you, you really should reconsider your relationship with this guy. Do you really want to stay with someone that's immature and selfish like him? I'm just worried over your safety . . . Now I'm not an expert or anything, but maybe he has some sort of behavioral problem?

[coollady1957]

I wouldn't have a clue as to why some one would want to do such a thing. The things that he is doing while driving are quite risky and dangerous.

 

Have you asked him yourselef yet why he is doing all these things and being rude and inconsiderate of you? Also how old is this guy? Seems a bit immature from the way it sounds.

[cinderelly65]

he's been doing alot of things that are kinda weird. usually we don't argue much. when he does the stuff to me in the car it's usually after i have visited my family. he does say alot of mean things about my family too. but when we are at home together we hardly ever argue.

[coollady1957]

Not that age really matters in this, but I am just curious to know how old this guy is. It seems to me that maybe you should reconsider your relationship with this guy.

 

There should be no reason for him to talk badly to you about your family, nor should he be doing those scary things to you. Do you think this is the kind of person you would want to spend the rest of your life with ? It seems he certainly has some type of hidden issues going on , and you need to get to the bottom of this. In my opinion I think I would move on.

[CluelessGuy321]

It sounds like he's going through a bad phase. Hope it doesn't last. Sounds like some sort of pent up frustration or something.

[cinderelly65]

he is 40 something. so it's not about immaturity. but i think you are right about him maybe having some hidden issues.

[Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstei]

whoa whoa whoa! he gets weird around your family? red flag!!

 

that's one of the key signs of a control freak. Control freaks tend to dish out the most emotional abuse. I was in a thing like that with my first boyfriend (ugh), but I got out. That's probably one of the smartest thing's i've ever done. He used to be a sweetheart but then he just got bad (over the course of a year).

 

You can find so much better, hun.

[Ash]

The last poster (with the really long name) makes a good point about a control issue. I've seen the same behaviour in some kids and it is generally in a situation where they want to be in control and have the power to make somebody react in a predictable way when they wish.

 

I would also think it is a selfish act as well. Scaring somebody repeatedly for totally unnecessary reasons means they're not particularly concerned with that person's emotional state, they're more concerned about themselves and that's not a healthy way to be.

 

I'd suggest asking him why he does it. If he can't give reasonable answer, you could try hitting him point blank and ask him if it's a control or selfish issue. It may be possible to deal with what he is doing if you can truly figure out why it's happening.

[Momene]

I think he's bored with you but too scared to do the dumping, so wants you to dump him so he gets all the sympathy.

 

Say "You ARE the weakest link, Goodbye!"

[RayKay]

He is a bully, that is why he does it. Yes, it reeks of control issues as well as emotional abuse.

 

Why in the world would someone whom loved you want to risk your life for "fun"? The answer is someone whom loved you wouldn't!

 

They also would not say horrible things about your family - that is what people trying to estrange you (and control you) from friends and family do.

 

Why ARE you being so nice to him? Dump his butt, because he sure does not deserve you.

 

P.S. And dump him before he takes you down with him.

[blender]

Your instincts are RIGHT. This is a form of abuse and control. If you read the list of signs of a "Narcissist", or "borderline personality" one of them is "reckless driving" especially if it makes YOU vulnerable and scared. Look these up on the internet and see if he fits any more of the "signs".

 

This is a very bad sign, a "red flag" and it has NOTHING to do with YOU. It's about him and he's sick. When you are "healthy" and emotionally sound, you do not want to "scare" someone you love... his kind of "love" is not healthy, for you or anyone, not even for himself.

 

Try to go see a therapist on your own and discuss this, you need to gather strength to have the self respect to know that this behavior is unacceptable no matter what his "issues" might be, those are up to HIM to resolve, you are not his "rescuer" that is an impossible feat, and you will only loose YOURSELF if you choose to stay with him.. Be safe when you decide you are going to end this relationship, do not be alone with him, be with friends, or in a public place, make sure you have your own transportation.

 

He is showing classic signs of a person who can loose control, once YOU choose to gain control over YOURSELF.. get away, even if it makes you sad at first... you'll be okay in the long run, so much better off.... Do you have someone you can talk to, your Mom, sisters, friends, a counselor? Get some advice from someone who has YOUR best interest at heart and LISTEN to them..

 

We all care about you, your instincts are screaming for you to listen and move on from this guy..just do it safely.

[doyathink]

My first thought was that of the 'control issues', but everyone here has made a very good point! Maybe he has all of the above. From now on maybe you can do all the driving until he gets passed this phase.

[blender]

"phase?" I don't think so, if it is a "phase" which I don't think it is, sound more like a "sign" of worse thing ahead to get him "off" so to speak. But do NOT take over the driving, just simply do NOT get in a car with him at all... this is setting a boundary for YOURSELF and your own heart, this is self respecting and let's him know this is not "okay" with you..

 

Next time he wants to get in the car, say "I'm not comfortable driving with you, I don't think it's funny when you scare me, I think it's disrespectful, and it's just not okay with me."

 

If he reacts with anger to you saying this, well then you have another "sign, red flag" that he needs help, and you are not qualified to be his therapist, it's up to HIM to admit he needs help and to seek it, this is not your responsibility, you only have responsibility to YOURSELF and if YOU don't have it for YOU, who will? Be safe, please, this is not a good way for this man to be behaving, it's about him, his issues, and you need to take care of you first...

[Bethany]

I absolutely agree with Blender. If you stay and he get even more jealous and controlling, very bad times ahead for you.

 

Back away slowly then run like hell is my advise.

[btbt]

This guys sounds like her has a serious problem. Run. Now.

[Jason333]

My gf sometimes threatens to go home when we're hanging out and I'm doing things not to her favor. I'm so nice to her but I think it's because she knows she has me by the neck. I think she likes to be in control. thereforeeee, I would say your man likes to be in control. But of course, your situation is much more extreme, not to mention life-threatening. Like the other posters said, he may have a serious problem.

[coollady1957]

YOU say this guy is 40 something years old. It's certainly more than just a "phase" he is going through. He surely seems to have some control issues or something going on .

 

You mentioned that you have been together for three years but he has only been doing all this dangerous and controlling stuff for the last six months. Did anything happen in the relationship around that time that would have caused him to start behaving this way? Does he seem disatisfied with your relationship on the whole? How did he act the first two and half years you were together? Were there signs of this all along, and he only got worse the last six months?

 

I think you deserve much better for yourself. If I were you, I think I would just have to get out of this relationship and move on.

[Confessoress]

I think he's bored with you but too scared to do the dumping, so wants you to dump him so he gets all the sympathy.

 

Say "You ARE the weakest link, Goodbye!"

 

I'm afraid I agreed with Momene. This is what it sounds like to me

[blender]

He's not bored with YOU, he's bored with HIMSELF, do NOT take what he is doing PERSONALLY, he's messed up, a grown man scaring the woman he loves, and putting her in danger??? You need to slowly and safely get away...

[Momene]

He's not bored with YOU, he's bored with HIMSELF, do NOT take what he is doing PERSONALLY, he's messed up, a grown man scaring the woman he loves, and putting her in danger??? You need to slowly and safely get away...

 

You may be right but the answer is still the same - Goodbye!