Ex calls 3 months after she ended it

[LL1979]

Hi, I'll keep it short. Was with the ex nearly a year, fell in love. she kisses another guy, I forgive her, she dumps me. She goes off with the other guy.

 

After that I don't contact her at all even though I miss her like crazy.

 

2 months later, her aunt (guardian) contacts me, says the ex misses me. I say 'there's nothing I can do even though I miss her too'.

 

A Month later, the ex calls me (at 5am!) in tears. She immediately brings up the relationship, says she misses me so much, that she made a huge mistake. We talk for a half hour. Just like old times. I probably let a hint of interest slip through in conversation. I ask her bout the other guy. 'oh he's not interested' is her reply. But I tell her I'm willing to go for a coffee next week to talk. She thanks me and we hang up.

 

So I sit on it for a week, weighing up the pros and cons. I figured I'd decide over coffee if she's just being selfish or if she geniunely misses me. Then I call and we arrange everything. She says she'll text later.

 

She texts later alright - saying "can't make the coffee, another time for sure. thanks for calling" No word of when "another time" would be.

 

I didn't reply to the text (kinda shocked me) cos she went from can't-live-without-me to can't-be-bothered in a few short hours!!

 

So its been a few weeks since that episode, and its been all quiet & NC. I have a feeling she'll call again, and I can't deny I miss her. I'd be willing to work it out if she was genuine.

 

If she calls again (which she probably will), can anyone advise me on what to say/ask?? Can anyone shed any light on her mindset?

[tylercdurden2004]

You mean to tell me she comes back after she is dumped by the other guy?

[Spawn]

"can't make the coffee, another time for sure. thanks for calling"

 

thats enough for you to let go of her. i really don't see her working it out.

[LL1979]

I dunno of it ever took off with the other guy, she was pretty vague. But yeah it wasn't the best reply to hear.

[PRSOV]

Look at what tyler said above, she is likely only wanting you because she wants to be back in her comfort zone and doesn't care who she hurts in the proccess just because it didn't work out with the other guy.

 

She is using you as a rebound, she is confused and has no idea what she wants... don't go there unless you want to get hurt again. Count your losses and move on, you will thank yourself for it later.

[tylercdurden2004]

Shes vague for a reason. Unless she says the magic words "I want to be with and sort out the issues why we broke up in the first place". I wouldnt even entertain this. It seems she got dumped by the other guy and is looking for someone to fall back on, until maybe she finds someone else. It would be totally different if she was straight forward with you and if it was her that broke up with the other guy because she realized you were the one. Do you want to be her fall back guy?

[LL1979]

I wouldn't want to be second place, who would? Thing is she's 18 and I'm 27 and neither would have much experience in relationships, her moreso. Sure she's confused, but when the time comes around that she calls me again, I'd wanna find out where her head is at. I gotta ask the right questions, right?

[tylercdurden2004]

I wouldn't want to be second place, who would? Thing is she's 18 and I'm 27 and neither would have much experience in relationships, her moreso. Sure she's confused, but when the time comes around that she calls me again, I'd wanna find out where her head is at. I gotta ask the right questions, right?

 

If thats the case then ask her straight out what she wants. If she is still vague then you have your answer. Can you really date someone who doesnt know what she wants?

[DN]

I suspect she either got back together with the other guy or found an interest in someone else. She has the romantic attention span of a hummingbird. Time to move on.

[LL1979]

I remember replying to the comment 'oh he's not interested'

- I said 'so you just want me back cos the other guy left' and she said

'oh no thats not it at all'

that's when I said I'd be willing to meet up...

[tylercdurden2004]

'oh no thats not it at all'

 

Pretty vague if you ask me. i dont see this going anywhere but if you must know how she feels then just ask her. Just dont waste your time or other resources on her unless she is clear on what she wants.

[GottaLetItBurn]

OHhhhh yeah...you have been given the golden chance to kick her to the curb. Once it's over it's over, she is using you as a fall back and I'm shocked if you can't see right through that.

 

She probably got in a fight with the other guy, came to you for a fall back to lift the pressure off. Now he called her back and she is "busy".

 

Dude omg, this is the chance of a life time to become the dumper. The dumper of a relationship that has 10000000 percent chance of NEVER working out, once it's over it's done. This is especially true in your case, because she is two faced and cruel.

 

"Oh no that's not it at all"...YOu have got to be kinding me...hahhahahahahahahahhahahaha. That is exactly what it is, don't be a idiot, tell her to bite the wall.

 

Dude don't get sucked in, she is treating you like trash. Mature a little, show some mental stenght. She is so blatently using you and I can't believe you are questioning being her fall back plan.

[therealshrek]

another person prolly said it, but sounds like she was just checking in to see if youre still there for her to fall back on.

[blender]

It was five am, she was extremely emotional, and you did the right thing, you were nice to talk to her, but that's it, no more. She was having a "moment" when she called, ex's do this all the time, and yeah perhaps she could be genuine, but she still seems a bit unstable, it could just be her age, but if I were you, I would try to concentrate on what YOUR values/standards are and if this behavior "fits with your newly found confidence", it would have seemed more genuine if she called at a decent time of day and was not crying and just wanted to see you.. it's when we are happy that we make genuine choices...

 

she seems like she might be going through a bad time, and she went to the one who would be kind and understanding, YOU, and that's okay, but she needs to know what it feels like when you DON'T allow your "kindly responses" to ease her discomfort at five am, so she is "forced" to feel the real loss of you,

 

unless you are okay being her "buddy' I would just ingnore any more calls from her for awhile and see if she steps up to the plate, and "reveals" her real intentions about calling you in the first place.. let go for today at least, just let it go and get back to protecting and taking care of your own heart, you're still healing so let it go for awhile till you are in an emotional place where you're strong enough to know exactly what your "boundaries" are for a self respecting relationship with her.. it seems for today it's all about HER... and YOU need to be aware of what is "okay" for you..

 

Try to have an emotional plan for yourself before you speak to her again, and more importantly before you see her again, remember to think it through and try to imagine how you will feel if she's just coming around to get a "fix" and then move on again... there is no emergency to respond to her now, or see her right away, you can always postpone seeing her, even if she does call....until you are READY to deal with any outcome..

[Skippy]

she cancelled coffee, and said she will get back to you sometime.

SHE ISNT INTERESTED!!! She is USING YOU!!

 

Get the hell out. If she does call say you are not interested, the chance you gave her was that once (coffee) and obviously she didnt take it seriously so to bad for her. Say "it was nice talking to you but i dont have the time. Bye"

and then do a NC.

[mikeca]

I think you need to be a bit of an * * * * * here. if she calls get right to the point. something along the lines "i'm tired of being strung along you know what i want and Im not settling for less, dont call me unless you know"

 

maybe tweak it to fit your needs