My Father Just Passed Away

[Daddy Bear]

i was very saddened to read of your unexpected loss, and i'm sure i can speak for everyone here when i ask you to please extend all of the ENA members' heartfelt condolences to your mother and grandmother.

 

KO, your posts that i have read make it obvious that you are a man of great intellect and sparkling wit (ok, i admit that i'm more than a little envious) and i hope that you can take at least some small comfort in the fact that your father must have lived very, very proudly in the knowledge that he had a son like yourself.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Oh Kyo..... =( I am so sorry that happened. If theres anything I can do for you, you know where to reach me.

[ld25]

Dear Kyo,

In a way, im glad to hear that you cried. But as you said, we can NEVER cry enough!

 

Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this dark hour of your life. I am sure, God will give you the strength and support to handle this and overcome this terrible sorrow!

 

It seems that your mum needs some help. Get any of her close friends / relatives to visit you both frequently to just talk it over and help her overcome the shock & grief.

 

I can totally understand how you feel sad for your grandmother. Mine, was exactly the same situation. My dad died and he was the only son to my grandmum and it was a terrible thing to tell her. She just couldn't understand what was happening.

 

Later, she was the most understanding person in my whole life. She would analyze me by just a gaze and ask me not to worry about my dad's death. She promised me that she'll be there for me. She was that sort of person, to whom i dont have to tell what i feel....it was just that we had so much in common that we didn't have to explain to each other about the emptiness due to my dad's SUDDEN DEATH.

 

I truly feel very sorry for the loss of your dad. I am sure u'll miss him so much.....but I hope you realise that your dad will be up there in heaven watching over you all the time and waiting for you to take good care of yourself, your mum and your grandmum.

 

I know that none can replace your dad and no words can bring you enough peace right now, but I pray that may you find some comfort and support and reassurance that things will get better and you'll be able to carry on with all the sweetest memories of your dad!

 

It's good to share your feelings and let out your emotions to flow! We do hope that you'll be able to overcome this sorrow together with us!

 

Take good care of your health! Feed yourself and your mum especially because you need physical strength too to cope up with this!

 

We are here for you anytime....and do stop by here....you'll get some relief...im sure!

 

Love & Prayers,

LD

[coollady1957]

Hello KYO,

 

I am so so very sorry to hear of the death of your father. I can truly sympathize with your situation. There will be so many questions you will ask yourself about WHY WHY and WHY over and over again. There will be sadness, anger, denial, etc.

 

If at anytime you need to talk or if you need some insights as to what you mother is going through feel free to PM or email me. I will keep you and your mother and the entire family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

 

I went through a similar situation two and a half years ago , when my husband age 48 , passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest. He was the picture of health as well, and had just been to the Dr two days before just for his yearly routine physical. He was given a clean bill of health, but yet died 2 days later. I was home alone with him, when in a split second he died , with no warning.. Thank goodness the children age 22 and 17 at the time were not at home at the time.

 

The children had much they went through to learn to deal with what had happened, as well as myself. There were so many things that went through my mind and still do to this day.

 

I seriously mean it when I tell you that I am here to help if you or your mom need anything, supprt, someone to talk to, insight, anything, I am only a PM or an email away.

 

Your situaition brings back many thoughts of the day my husband died, so I completely understand the horror that you have encountered with this.

 

There are so many people here that can be of support, so just let any of us know.. Take care my friend.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Thank you again everyone.

 

My only hope is that he was not in pain, did not realize he was dying or that he blanked out, passed out and passed away. He was a strong man but at the same time, like all of us, death was not something he embraced and he took measures to avoid it. He was a leader, a manager of every job he took. He was a paratrooper and sergeant in the Vietnam War, but hardly a military persona after his honerable discharge. He took direction well but was made to be in the forefront. That's just who he was.

 

I keep saying it's not fair, but then I think of all of you who have lost loved ones, especially close loved ones, and I realize that life itself is not fair and that my family, even though they are a religious clan, is no different or special than any other family when it comes to the trials and tribulations of life. I look at the news and see a mother holding a memorial service in her house for her son who was just slain. If you watch the news, you'll see that at least three times a week. I see that everyone on this planet is equal. Forget financial status. Forget looks, charm, physical prowess, intellect, forget all of that. Forget skin color and ethnicity. We ALL go through this. If we don't, then we have not loved but everyone loves to a certain degree.

 

Christmas, 15 yerars ago, he narrowly escaped a bullet. Christmas, ten years ago, he had three heart attacks because he lost half his blood in his stool. He walked away from those heart attacks in two weeks back to normal. I am not one who expresses love as much as I should because of a shell that, with his passing, exploded. But this past Christmas I told him that it was good to have him here at home, knowing that ten years ago it could've been different.

 

The healing won't begin until the funeral on Monday. My mother, his wife for 39 years, is getting stronger. She has unbelievable faith but I am skeptical about things that are either not proven or sketchy. I believe in an afterlife, but am oblivious to it's extent. I believe in God, but not the popular version that looks like George Carlin in a white bathrobe. I am not sure if there is a Heaven and if it looks like a cloud filled paradise with harp playing angels. I don't believe in a fiery pit called Hell or it's landlord with his pitchfork and horns. Maybe my mind will change later on.

 

If I do see my father again in another life, the previous life we shared can only be seen through foggy psychic flashbacks. Shame I won't see his image in the flesh again. I am so glad he knew I loved him.

 

Ironically, two weeks ago I am watching a Good Times marathon. The most popular episode is the one where the father dies, and the mother is rearranging the kitchen, she drops the plate and says, "Damn! Damn! Damn!" It's one of those TV moments, especially in African American culture that is often imitated for comedic purposes. Even I said, "Uh oh, here it comes, brace yourself." Then strangly I said, "Fictional characters or not, you better watch it before something happens to your family." Hmm, maybe I've lived so many pervious lives that I know the rules.

 

All I know is that the rules are not fair. None of this is. But if I sit here and dwell on how NOT fair it is, I'm wasting my time by losing a battle that is already lost.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Kyo - my most heart felt and sincere condolences.

 

 

-Theresa

[coollady1957]

You are right, the healing will not really start until you get the funeral services behind you. Be prepared for so many different and weird thoughts and feelings afterwards. Its so hard to explain to people the things that go thru the mind about losing some one and dealing with the change.

 

The whole thing always feels like its unfair and was just not right some how. It will get better but those feelings will always crop up now and again. Gosh I could write you a book on all the different feelings I have had along the spectrum of sadness, denial, anger, etc. It is so difficult be I think we all find our ways of dealing and accepting.

 

You all will remain in my thoughts.......... COOLLADY1957

((((HUGS ))))to you and your family

[Dako]

KO,

I know you've sincerely touched many people, and I can see where it comes from. Thanks.

[ld25]

Dear Kyo,

Your words are filled with wisdom and quite sensible even at this time of turbulence. I admire your courage and strength and the love for your dad. All your posts reveal how much you loved him and appreciated his qualities. You are definitely one lucky little girl for him!!!

 

Speaking about what is being fair and not fair, i just want to share some simple concepts of life from my point of view. You may not agree to this totally and I can understand that b'cos given that situation even i wouldn't have, before few years.

 

There are so many people in this world who are born as orphans, physically handicapped etc., In some cases, children don't even get the chance to live with their parents for many reasons. In other cases, the family structure simply doesn't exist due to several problems within the family.

 

Given all these kind of situations in this world, I think that you are a really lucky girl to have such a wonderful family and a great dad! I hope you understand that you got the best of the best even if it was for not very long.

 

May be God had plans for your dad! ( He's lucky to die as he was, without withering out...) He's also lucky to have such a wonderful family and may be his purpose in this life is completed.

 

When u mentioned abt how "your dad took measures to avoid death", it could have been b'cos he wanted to see you grow into this wonderful woman that he can be proud of.

 

Given that he fought death two times earlier, this time he might have sacrificed his life to someone. (In our idealogy, we believe that when death approaches us, if we happen to escape/fight it, then the death knocks on someone else's door). So may be your dad has given his great life to someone in this world....

 

You are not losing a lost battle...im sure any sensible person would reflect on all these kind of things....

 

Take good care of yourself and your mum!

 

Regards,

LD

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Thank you again everyone. Obviously, only 4 days in, I am still crying my heart out, at least 3xs a day. I wonder if this would've been easier if I was in my 60s, where his age (which would've been in his 90s then) would not make me feel so bad for him leaving in an untimely fashion.

 

 

Thank you so much LD, that was very kind of you... um, not to make this awkward, but you kinda put a smile on my face inadvertedly... perhaps my avatar has mislead you... but I'm a dude. Well, sometimes I feel like a woman, but that's for another thread.

 

 

I feel that right now. I will suddenly think of the things my father usually does and I start to ball. Right now I am supposed to be preparing his fish, vegetables and spighetti. I am more sad because I know he wanted to live long, and he should've lived longer. But I am relieved that he did not have to suffer knowing he was eventually going to die. I will go through the, "I can't believe he's gone" every now and then. Holidays will not be the same. For me, I have to begin a new era. I have to start my own family and have my father as a memory. I have to finish paying the morgage to this apartment and make sure my mother is surrounded by friends. I can't live the life I lived for the first 33 years because if I do, not only am I not moving on, but I will be miserable witnessing day after day that things are not the same and that one of my Life Tentacles has been ripped from my essense.

 

 

You're right, it's not fair. But humans are selfish. We want everyone here with us right now, and taking them away from us is so cruel that we question our own existence and it's meaning. The one thing that helps me a bit, which I pass to all of you, is the fact that everyone on this planet will eventually go. This is not forever. Maybe I'll mourn his death for my next 60 years.

 

They say that, "Time heals all wounds." No it doesn't. It merely closes the cut, but the scar will be there forever. As we mourn and the wound is slowly closing, we will get sudden spurts and flashbacks of their memory, which is like pouring salt and lemon over those wounds. How do I know this?

 

Because as I wrote this reply, I had 2 flashbacks of my father's sense of humor and one more, "I can't believe he's gone." The closing of my wound can't get here fast enough!

[hosswhispra]

Thank you again everyone. Obviously, only 4 days in, I am still crying my heart out, at least 3xs a day. I wonder if this would've been easier if I was in my 60s, where his age (which would've been in his 90s then) would not make me feel so bad for him leaving in an untimely fashion.

 

Crying is so cathartic and good for us, Kyo. When my father died, I felt like someone ripped my heart from my chest. I think I cried everyday for 6 months after my father died. I remember being in the food store one day about one month after my dad died, and I just started to ball my eyes out. It was in front of the cashier, too. The fact is I would get these thoughts about my father anywhere I was, and the tears would flow like flood gates were open. Tears are a good thing....I think they helped me in the healing process...which I feel I still am in.

 

I will suddenly think of the things my father usually does and I start to ball. Right now I am supposed to be preparing his fish, vegetables and spighetti. I am more sad because I know he wanted to live long, and he should've lived longer. But I am relieved that he did not have to suffer knowing he was eventually going to die. I will go through the, "I can't believe he's gone" every now and then. Holidays will not be the same. For me, I have to begin a new era. I have to start my own family and have my father as a memory. I have to finish paying the morgage to this apartment and make sure my mother is surrounded by friends. I can't live the life I lived for the first 33 years because if I do, not only am I not moving on, but I will be miserable witnessing day after day that things are not the same and that one of my Life Tentacles has been ripped from my essense.

 

Reading this reminds me that I felt similarly. Holidays won't be the same Kyo, but your father's memories will live on through you. Your wound is so fresh, Kyo, but please be reassured that one day (amount differs for everyone, there is no set amount of time) that you will feel a little bit more like yourself. Things will seem colorful again, and life will have a different but good taste to it again....I know this does not mean much now, as my father would say: "words to a grieving person are futile,"............

 

They say that, "Time heals all wounds." No it doesn't. It merely closes the cut, but the scar will be there forever. As we mourn and the wound is slowly closing, we will get sudden spurts and flashbacks of their memory, which is like pouring salt and lemon over those wounds. How do I know this?

 

Because as I wrote this reply, I had 2 flashbacks of my father's sense of humor and one more, "I can't believe he's gone." The closing of my wound can't get here fast enough!

 

So true, Kyo. But in time the lemon juice and salt will get weaker. The feeling of 'loss' never completely goes away. We just learn to live with it. Other people will come into our lives, but they can never fill the void in our hearts that belongs to our fathers. They will take another special place in our hearts, though.

 

You and your family are not far from my thoughts.

[Beyondthesea]

oh Kyo, I'm so sorry that this has happened.

 

You and your family are in my prayers. You are such a good support to others, and I can only hope we offer even half as much support to you.

 

Love and hugs to you.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

My mind goes through so many flickering emotions:

 

- I can't believe he's gone.

- At least he didn't suffer at the time of death.

 

- He was so healthy, he was supposed to live to 100.

- At least he didn't live knowing he was going to die.

 

- He's not going to enjoy the things he enjoyed.

- In the After Life, you don't miss what you never had as a spirit. He is moving on.

 

- He was not the first, last or only to die. Everyone will die. He is not alone. Hundreds of people died one minute before he died. Hundreds of people died one minute after he died. Hundreds of people died at the same time.

 

- We are left here to suffer.

- He is not suffering.

 

- He saw me do my best and he was proud of me.

- He didn't see me AT my best.

 

Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years are the three days I dread now. I see myself 5 years from now at those holidays, with my family and my (future) wife's family, enjoying New Traditions, but taking time out to be alone and cry about the Old Traditions I had with BOTH of my parents.

 

His memorial service had standing room only. They gave me and my mom his flag because he was a member of the 101st Airborne. They showed a collage of pictures that spanned his life, from his joining the army, being promoted to Sgt., jumping out of airplanes, going to war while leading the charge, marrying my mother, raising his son, living life. Yesterday after the service I bought some video games to take my mind off of it. Didn't work. I broke down for what seemed like an eternity.

 

His mother is the strongest person I know. She had two sons and outlived them both. She had a husband and outlived him. She had 2 sisters and a brother, and outlived them. She is a breast cancer survivor. And she's only 83. I say only because she's so strong, she'll reach triple digits without a problem.

 

But as I will say with every single accomplishment in my or my family's life, my father won't be there to see it.

 

The mind is unusual. We get used to things even though we are unaware that we are doing so. When someone is not there for a long time, as they should be, we miss them, but we get used to the fact that they are not coming home, or calling us on the phone, or writing us letters. Our mind slowly settles into the present reality as it battles the wanting of the past reality.

 

Over time, my father will be one of my best memories. Right now, he's my most painful one.

[coollady1957]

It was good to hear from you and see you post your thoughts and feelings. You , your mom, and the rest of the family have been in my thoughts daily since the day I heard of your fathers death.

 

I and my children can completely relate to the thoughts going through your mind right now.

 

Fathers are very special people in our lives. They will always be missed greatly by those that loved and cared for them. Thankfully, I still have my father, whom is 71 years old right now. So I have never experienced loss in that respect. My loss is experienced through the eyes of the surviving spouse.

 

My children and you are experiencing loss in a different way, with having lost a father. My daughter was a daddys girl from day one, and they had such a special father/ daughter relationship that she misses horribly, but treasures the memory on a daily basis. Her father did not live to see her get marrried, and to have children in the future. He was so looking forward to being a grandpa one day.

 

 

My son was just on the verge of becoming a man and making his way in the world at his fathers death. HE was only 17 when my husband died. His father did not get to see him graduate high school, join the U.S. Army and serve his country, nor go to college.

 

I understand about the holidays and special times. THose are the most difficult days to work your way through. Christmas, THanksgiving, New years, birthdays, anniversaries, those are all days that bring back so many memories, and wishful thoughts of them being able to be with us. Somehow I feel that even though they not here in the physical sense, they are always with us, in heart and memories.

 

My husband passed away three weeks before Christmas 2003. That has been the most difficult holiday to survive each year for us. What would have been our 30th wedding anniversary is coming up in about two weeks and that always is a difficult time as well.

 

I have concern for your mother, and I sincerely hope that she is doing as well as she can at the present time. I remember at times trying to hold back my sadness , hurt and anger from my family, but I ached inside myself. It took some time for me to learn to let it all out, and that is when I began to heal. IT only gets easier to deal with , but the hurt and pain never completely go away. We learn to adjust and go on with life.

 

You are a very strong person and I am sure with the support within the family, that you will all come to terms with what has happened. My heart aches for you right now, and I truly think of you each day.

 

Your friend, Coollady1957

[Daddy Bear]

Coollady, with that touching and poignant post you have succeeded where many have tried and failed: you left me speechless for several minutes. how fortunate we all are to have you as a fellow ENA member.

 

my own father will turn 80 in just over a week, and his recent visit from Baltimore--perhaps the last time i shall see him alive--coincided with KO's sad news. needless to say, i was copious with my hugs and attention.

 

i recall when my paternal grandfather passed away, and how much it affected Dad. the lost look in his eyes is forever etched in my memory. nonetheless, he persevered and Christmas that year was just as joyous for me as ever. it will honor our remembered ones when we continue to enjoy holidays and life in general as we did when they were alive.

 

my whole heart goes out to you both, and i hope this post can have some small bearing on how you perceive future days marked for celebration.

[skyblue1]

I'm so sorry! My thoughts are with you darling. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx BIG hugs from me to YOU xxxxxxx

[coollady1957]

I know that Kyo is going to be ok and get through this together with his mom and family. Had it not been for my children and I sticking by each other for support and comfort , I honestly do not know where I would be today.

 

Thank you SB for the kind words.

 

Kyo, Hugs to you and you mom and all the loving family left behind with your fathers death. He was obviously loved by many.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Thank you again everyone.

 

I still can't believe it was 1 week ago today that we were on our way to the hospital. Sometimes, 1 week ago can feel like a month ago. To me, it feels like a few minutes ago.

 

His memory will NEVER fade, but hopefully those dark moments will. Coollady, I was incredibly touched by your story and I feel for your loss, not knowing the experience of losing a spouce, but of losing someone you love, a member of a family. I feel heartbroken for you and your children and I hope each day you will live your days to the fullest.

 

I cannot express this enough, if you are angry with someone you love, do not let that anger linger. About 7 years ago, I was incredibly pissed on New Years Eve because I had a chance to win $5,000 but missed the opportunity because of a dumb mistake I did. I had a foul attitude that day and into New Years. My father is a positive person so whenever I got that way, he'll ignore me and let me ride out my attitude. The next day, I apologized and we moved on. But what if the last day I saw him, we weren't speaking to each other, especially over some dumb lotto number that is insignificant in the overall picture of life? I never would've been able to live with myself. Thank goodness our last days were just as our normal days were. From now on, I'm never leaving anyone on a sour note.

 

I can't see myself being happy again. Today was so weird. I usually don't see him for more than 2 minutes in the morning and an hour in the night time, but knowing he's not here just makes me empty.

 

My Grandmother wanted to see the body Sunday before his cremation. I kept asking why? I never understood that. So we had 10 close relatives to see the body and when they did, they all cried their hearts out. I chose not to see it. My lasting memory of his was alive and on his feet. Even when I saw him last week in the hospital to identify the body, it looked as if he was sleeping and snoring. I saw him for about 3 seconds and never looked back.

 

Recent pictures of him are too painful right now. It is so hard to explain to people the flooding of emotions running through our bodies when this happens. I see him complimenting me and then I cry. But it's not like I'm crying because he left. It's not like he will come back for a few seconds, say, "Oh damn, I died? Shoot!" and then die again. He'll never know. So I am crying because he's not here to keep on complimenting me and enjoying life for the next 20-30 years as he would've.

 

I just can't see myself being happy for any moment at any time for a long long long time. That future is not foreseeable. It's an uphill climb on a mountain made of axel grease.

 

i recall when my paternal grandfather passed away, and how much it affected Dad. the lost look in his eyes is forever etched in my memory. nonetheless, he persevered and Christmas that year was just as joyous for me as ever. it will honor our remembered ones when we continue to enjoy holidays and life in general as we did when they were alive.

Please do so. The Wednesday before this past Thansgiving was the best day for me in 2005. I was so happy and looking forward to what lied ahead. I had jitterbugs in my stomach with so much excitement and anticipation because I was ready to enjoy the holiday season, which I did. It was flawless. Family, great food, football games, the usual tradition. Same for Christmas and New Years. I am going to try and enjoy myself and my family this holiday season, but that is looking too far ahead. One day at a time.

[hosswhispra]

I just can't see myself being happy for any moment at any time for a long long long time. That future is not foreseeable. It's an uphill climb on a mountain made of axel grease.

 

Hello Kyo,

 

Reading your words brings me back to my father's death, November 15, 2004. What you are describing reminds me of my feelings. To me, it also seems like just yesterday. Time went by in a blurred type of state for me.

 

For an unspecified amount of time, it will feel like an uphill climb. Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries will be especially tough, for awhile. Don't feel bad about how you grieve, either....for example, 10 days after my father died, I spent my first Thanksgiving all alone. I chose to do that---because I wanted to be alone. I could not stand to be around anyone, especially anyone who was in a joyous and cheerful mood. I probably came of as the Grinch....but so what...that's how I dealt with it. There is no wrong way to grieve.

 

Please know that although your father is not physically here, he is watching over you (I know that these words are not much comfort to you now....)

 

Prayers and peace,

hosswhispra

[ld25]

Dear Kyo,

Each day passes by and we can still remember how we felt that minute/hour when it happened. It's been only a week and things will seem tougher now...however I don't mean to say that as days pass we'll overcome this...but atleast we will get to understand and move on with ever-lasting memories.

 

Things will get better....you will be stronger and our prayers are with you and your family at this tough hour.

 

Take it as each day and face it .... I'm sure you'll be able to secure your mum's future and plan your family with the loving memories of your dad. He'll be proud of what you are...

 

(Im sorry abt the gender thing....i didn't notice...it was a genuine mistake.....In any case, the feelings are still the same, the assurances are still the same).

 

Take good care of urself..

 

Thoughts & Prayers...

 

LD

[Caldus]

Kyo,

 

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. IM me any time if you want and we can talk about whatever.

[coollady1957]

Just to let you know you are still in my thoughts. Please take care !

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Just to let you know you are still in my thoughts. Please take care !

Thank you very much, everyone. The realization is starting to set in, even though it's only been 15 days. I cried heavily on sunday. Then I almost broke down for my uncle, his brother, who died of AIDS 15 years ago. He got divorced and started to play the field and ran into a woman who had the virus. At that time, it was a new discovery, about 7 years old. He began to wither away. I saw him one time at the hospital and he was in so much pain. I was too young to understand what was going on but today, I felt SO bad for him. But I am glad my father did not experience that at all in his life. The only time he was in pain was when our football team was losing, which at the present time was practically all the time.

 

I miss him terribly. He had a recent picture of himself on a senior citizen bus pass and I threw it away without looking. It is too painful, I have not looked at a picture of him since the memorial service and I don't plan to for a long long LONG time. It is just way too painful to see him at all. I am already dreading the holiday season. Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years, when it was the three of us, is going to be so painful I don't even want to recognize the days.

 

The Memorial Service we had for him is also now starting to set in with me. My goodness, I can't believe I was at a memorial service for my father! It was like a fog, a twilight zone, a matrix when I was at the service. He flashes in my head every other minute and occasionally stays there for a few minutes.

 

Last night I dreamed about him. He came home and I was shocked and relieved. I said, "I thought you died." to which he replied, "No, they made a mistake at the hospital." I then grabbed his arm and led him to my mother's room but just as I got there, he disappeared. My mother asked what happened and I said, "I just saw dad,he was right here with me, then he disappeared. It was all a dream I guess."

 

The weird thing about that dream is that it was a daydream only a day before. I am doing better with this, but I am obviously still in tremendous pain.

[Iceman26]

My sympathies for your loss Kyo, hang in there. I know your father isn't physically there with you anymore, but remember he lives through you in the love and things he taught you.

[nicorette]

kyroshiro..i know what youre going through. dont worry, things go better. i am only 18 and my father passed away due to cancer a couple of months ago. my brother who is 14 is having a much more difficult tim than me. my mother is perhaps the worst though. just try to live in the routine of life. keep busy. i KNOW how unfortunate this is, but remember all teh good times you had with your father and how lucky you were to have him in your life for 33 years. i wonder: why did my father leave us when i only had him for 18 years? but then i think ont eh bright side: i had a whole 18 years with him, some people dont evne grow up with fathers. i know its hard to do, but try your best to come to terms wtih it. it takes time. of course im not okay with it, but im doing better and although i think about him everyday, i try to think of the good memories with him.

i dont know about in the states, but at least in canada werhe i live at prom we have a thing claled the grand march. its where a female dances with their father, and son dances with their mother. i am going to be problbay the only one at grad not dancing with their father, and thatll be a big obstacle to overcome.

keep your head up. i PROMISE things get better. try to support your family and stick with them.