Interracial Dating

[Hleb]

Jax - It seems like you have something against black women. You say when you date other women you get stares and whispers from people and when you with a white girl someone said stop F****** N*****s but black women give you the worst attitude!! Personally there nothing worst than somone calling you the n word. You say Black women give you a hard time but you say "The way you see it you wouldn't be theirs anyway so why do they care" you also say "I'll probably going to marry a black woman" - Why is that - Can you explain, as i feel the black women may prefer you to be with a sista but not necessary them?

 

You say you get on better with white women as black women you know are from a poor neighbourhood and have attitude problems. As an educated man I presume you won't look for your black wife in such a neighbourhood and i presume if you went to a poor white neighbourhood you may not get along with white women there.

 

You also say "I don't want my future kids to grow up not feeling apart of any one group. Kids who are the products of interracial relationships usually end up being confused as to their identity" to me that sounds like you don't want non-black kids which makes me think why you having relationships with non-black women. What if you got someone pregnant?

 

You also say "Most of the time it's not about comments that Black women make, but mainly just the attitude that comes with them seeing me with a White woman. I don't bother trying to explain myself because I shouldn't have to. I don't care who they date, so why should they care who I date?" You may not care who black women date but you DO care what they think it cuts deep that some may not accept your choice, more than if you was dating a white women and another white woman or man said stick with your own, that wouldn't affect you as much.

 

Personally I think you like to have short term "fun" relationships with non-black women but you don't want to commit to them (no kids etc) - and all it takes is the "attitude" of black women and your relationships with white women fail.

 

I think you should find a black women with the "attitude" that you see in white women and then I think you be happy.

 

 

No offence Jax - just the way I see it.

[butterflies]

I'm asian and my boyfriend is white. My relatives are against it cuz they think 'white men' will just use you for sex if you marry them. Marriage won't last that long and they will divorce you. for me, i don't think it's like that cuz even in the country i live in or any country in asia, the divorce rate is getting higher and higher. so definitely not a reason.

 

 

In asia when an 'asian girl' is with a 'white man' people stare at them as if it's a crime, a sin..etc. i've been asked by several asian men why am i with a white man, is it becuz they have bigger %%%%? and most people think that 'white men' here are sleeping with different girls while 'white women' with 'asian men' becuz he's rich.

 

i don't get it why people would think this way. as i'm getting older, i'm more used to those 'stares' from people i don't even know. i just keep my eyes focused on my man.

[nottoogreen]

Nottoogreen,

I'd be interested to hear your experiences on this topic. Have you encountered a lot of racism, and if so: between which groups or in what circumstances is it highest in your view?

 

This is a hard one, I wrote three replies, toning them down...

 

I am continental european and live in asia for more than 20 years. I travel a lot mostly as far as middle east but also spent a bit of time in north america.

 

People can be weird: You all know cockroaches. In England it is called German cockroach, in France English cockroach and in Germany French cockroach.

 

I have encountered acute racism, discrimination in the following places:

 

Atlanta, Dallas, Houston, New Orleans, LA: White > Colored

Asia: Asian > Black

Honolulu: White > Asian

Britain: Brit > none-brit

...

 

The circumstances are just everyday life as if people just must dislike each other.

 

Western travelers (tourists) to Asia seem (besides looking cheesy and overweight) often judgmental about differences observed.

 

Asians think they like everything western beginning with fast food. How dumb, 20 years ago there where no overweight kids here and today 20% are overweight.

 

Then one got religions against each other. Age 8 or so I was tought about heathens in the east (referring to middle east and asia), and that they were bad. I knew they were different but could not understand why they were bad, it just seemed unjust and made a lasting impression on me.

 

Alexandria, Cairo, Haifa, Jerusalem, Tel Aviv: Religion to perfection in action.

 

You asked about groups. Whoever is in a different group is bad.

 

Education does not seem to matter. I got friends with PHD's in the same field in Cairo and Tel Aviv whom I met at a conference in Holland we all were attending, but they still won't talk/work with each other - I tried. The Dutch are quite open and tolerant by the way, perhaps most so in Europe.

 

IME older people with lots of global exposure are more tolerant and open but you can find plenty of colonial (white) brat which just won't change.

 

In short, confinded people think quite similar accross the globe beginning with the idea that they all think they are different. One thing is clear, white men of christian faith did most the damage.

[itsallgrand]

Thanks, nottoogreen, that was a very interesting post!

[Confessoress]

My boyfriend is Indian (born in UK, parents are both from India) and I'm white. We've had a few stares, mostly from other Indian's obviously curious, probably thinking things like "I doubt his parents will be impressed with that" and they are right. Had 1 racist comment, but that was where I live which is a small seaside town and people are small-minded. In London and where my BF is from (which has a large Asian and Black community) didn't have any problems, didn't notice anyone looking. But I have noticed my boyfriend refrains from holding my hand depending where we are and I can understand why he does that, but still...

 

It's so sad that in today's world people are still so incredibley racist.

[nottoogreen]

My boyfriend is Indian (born in UK, parents are both from India) and I'm white. We've had a few stares, mostly from other Indian's obviously curious, probably thinking things like "I doubt his parents will be impressed with that" and they are right. Had 1 racist comment, but that was where I live which is a small seaside town and people are small-minded. In London and where my BF is from (which has a large Asian and Black community) didn't have any problems, didn't notice anyone looking. But I have noticed my boyfriend refrains from holding my hand depending where we are and I can understand why he does that, but still...

 

It's so sad that in today's world people are still so incredibley racist.

 

Village people are the same everywhery.

 

Think about going to

an Irish Pub speaking English (UK)

a Bavarian pub speaking German (Germany)

a Basque pub speaking French (France)

 

It must be almost an animal instinct to dislike what is different.

 

Monkeys are generally orange, brown or black. Albinos (white) are possible and rarely happen but you will not see any.

 

Why? Mother will eat it before it left the birth canal completely. If anyone sees her the horde will kill her at once...

 

Such is life.

[Confessoress]

Humans have a greater intelligence and thereforeeee can overcome 'basic instinct' reaction, they should know it's wrong. I probably have the capacity to be racist, from fear of something different, but I know it's wrong and I know from experience you can't judge people by their race alone.

[nottoogreen]

Humans have a greater intelligence and thereforeeee can overcome 'basic instinct' reaction, they should know it's wrong. I probably have the capacity to be racist, from fear of something different, but I know it's wrong and I know from experience you can't judge people by their race alone.

 

You can, but you should'nt

 

I am very interrested in the fundamentals behind racism.

 

I primarily see ancient forms of Fear Uncertainty and Doubt - FUD used for thousands of years to manipulate people behind racism. FUD is entrechned as a competitive and management mechanism by the "knowledgable" since the dark age. Before them it was "instinct out of control" and as population grew, another mechanism was needed.

 

An example of FUD: Have been to Jerusalem many times. There are 4 quarters: Armenian, Christian, Jewish and Muslim. Never entered the Armenian quarter because it is essentially off limits for non-Armenians. In every quarter people live quite peacefuly but conflict begins at the boundaries and has not ended for 1000s of years.

 

Other examples are: peer pressure, group pressure and gang pressure. One is either in or out.

[Jax]

Jax - It seems like you have something against black women. You say when you date other women you get stares and whispers from people and when you with a white girl someone said stop F****** N*****s but black women give you the worst attitude!! Personally there nothing worst than somone calling you the n word. You say Black women give you a hard time but you say "The way you see it you wouldn't be theirs anyway so why do they care" you also say "I'll probably going to marry a black woman" - Why is that - Can you explain, as i feel the black women may prefer you to be with a sista but not necessary them?

 

Growing up in the U.S., I've grown to accept that many White people are racist. It's just a fact of life, just like the sky is blue. Thats not to say that I hate White people. I've just developed a tougher skin when dealing with them. If a White man makes a racist remark, most of the time I will just ignore them. I learned early that I can't fight with every White man who calls me the N word because theres just too many, and I'll probably end up in prison. However, I'm not used to racist remarks from Black women. And most of those remarks are not directed towards me but towards the white women I date. And this only happens when I date White women. I never received any negative attention from Black women for dating latino or asian women.

 

 

You say you get on better with white women as black women you know are from a poor neighbourhood and have attitude problems. As an educated man I presume you won't look for your black wife in such a neighbourhood and i presume if you went to a poor white neighbourhood you may not get along with white women there.

 

Exactly! I don't get along with "ghetto" white women either. They have very unfeminine characteristics as well.

 

You also say "I don't want my future kids to grow up not feeling apart of any one group. Kids who are the products of interracial relationships usually end up being confused as to their identity" to me that sounds like you don't want non-black kids which makes me think why you having relationships with non-black women. What if you got someone pregnant?

 

I'm still young and am not ready to settle down yet. If I have kids with a white woman then I will take responsibility for them.

 

 

 

Personally I think you like to have short term "fun" relationships with non-black women but you don't want to commit to them (no kids etc) - and all it takes is the "attitude" of black women and your relationships with white women fail.

 

I think you should find a black women with the "attitude" that you see in white women and then I think you be happy.

 

 

No offence Jax - just the way I see it.

 

Actually I have never split up with a white woman because of racism. Most of the time they are the ones who can't handle all of the negative attention.

[Jax]

Jax - I am half Chinese a quarter Welsh and a quarter English. I'm dating a Dutchman. We have not encountered any racism as of yet, but we have encountered some funny looks due to the age gap. I think the best thing to do is to ignore them; you shouldn't care what they think because you don't know them and it is silly to let a stranger wreck your relationship from one comment or one strange glance. And tell these black women that are mean to you what you've told us: you don't care whom they date, so why should they care whom you date?

 

I think you should go ahead and live your life the way you want. Don't let others chose whom you date or marry.

 

Thanks I agree.

[avman]

Growing up in the U.S., I've grown to accept that many White people are racist. It's just a fact of life, just like the sky is blue. Thats not to say that I hate White people. I've just developed a tougher skin when dealing with them. If a White man makes a racist remark, most of the time I will just ignore them. I learned early that I can't fight with every White man who calls me the N word because theres just too many, and I'll probably end up in prison. However, I'm not used to racist remarks from Black women. And most of those remarks are not directed towards me but towards the white women I date. And this only happens when I date White women. I never received any negative attention from Black women for dating latino or asian women.

 

I have heard of this a lot. A good friend of mine is a very successful black chiropractor. He has a wonderful white wife. And he tells me that his black female patients constantly give him grief about it. I don't know what to tell him and he doesn't know what to make of it either. They make a terrific couple and have 3 adorable children.

 

Unfortunately you are always going to run into those small minded bigots whether they are white or black or whatever who just cannot get it through their head that we are all just people. If a couple is happy and treats each other well why should it matter what their races are?

 

Sheyda hit it head on, don't let the stupidity of others affect your choice of dating partners.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I dated a black guy when I was in high school. I had no idea there was any kind of issue with it. I just liked him. A lot. I mean, I understood there was racism but it was so far removed from where I was, it meant nothing to me to date someone who didn't have the same kind of skin as me.

 

He also had a penis and I didn't, but I think that was part of the appeal. His being a different gender or color didn't deter me at all.

 

He told me tho that we most likely wouldn't go anywhere because he was pretty sure he'd marry a black woman just because that was probably the right thing for him to do.

 

well we didn't last for other reasons than our color but he married a white girl anyway.... I mean a not me white girl

 

My point is...are we still hung up on the color of people's skin when there are so many other things to worry about when it comes to relationships??!?

[alyira]

My boyfriend is half Filipino and Catholic, whereas I am white with a sprinkle of Native American somewhere in the family tree and Protestant. Odd thing in Filipino culture...you are automatically considered much more attractive if you are at least part white there, and it's highly encouraged to date white people. My boyfriend only spent a bit of his elementary school years there, so that didn't really rub off on him, and honestly, racial and religious differences have never come into play with us.

 

We were actually dating for quite awhile before I suddenly realized out of the blue, "Huh, we're an interracial interfaith couple. Oh. Cool." and then continued on with my day. I come from one of those infamous sea-side small villages that are known for narrow minds, and when I recently took him for a walk through town, we indeed got a few looks. But whatever, that could very well be because he was a mysteeeeeerious outsider too. Luckily, that sort of thing has no factor in my familys views or opinions, though it does in some of my friends. I've long since rid myself of one friend who made it known she disapproved of me dating a Native American boy a few years ago.

 

Come to think of it, me, my cousin, and two of my aunts are all in interracial interfaith relationships. I guess when it comes right down to it, race never has mattered for me, but bigotry sure as hell does.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Racist people suck, plain and simple!!

 

I mean think of the logic: A person is upset or bothered because one color dates another color. If you really think about it, it is the most idiotic thinking that roams this planet. Why should that upset them? What are these two people who love each other and could give a damn about them doing to their person? Are they robbing their home? Making terrorist threats? Is the fear of mix breeding consuming them 24/7? There is absolutely nothing a person can say to defend why a person of one race should not date another. Nothing.

 

I have heard of this a lot. A good friend of mine is a very successful black chiropractor. He has a wonderful white wife. And he tells me that his black female patients constantly give him grief about it. I don't know what to tell him and he doesn't know what to make of it either. They make a terrific couple and have 3 adorable children.

I mean come on, what is their problem!? They are his patients, not his parents. This world is not about them and keeping it in the race.

 

I never lose my temper over anything except this. If I dated another race and my friends joked about it, that's fine. I'm all about jokes, even if it's harmless stereotypical jokes, as long as the target is not offended. But if someone were to approach me in a serious tone and objected to me dating another race, I'd say, "It's none of your business who I date", and then end the conversation because everything they say after that won't contribute to my knowledge.

[ocrob]

Jax, it is so weird for me to here that most white people are racist, but I don't walk in your shoes. I have friends of all ethnic cultures. I dated a Korean woman and now date a half Black and half German woman. I guess I have been lucky and have not encountered much racism. I just grew up with different people and we all call each other names jokingly. I was brought up to never say the N word, but that is probably the only place I will not go. I guess words are words and intentions and meanings are different. With that said, certain words are derived from some very bad times and that is why I choose not to say them. My best friend is Chinese and I make certain comments to him, but when I am with him he is my friend and not a Chinese or any other race person. I don't think of my friends in terms of color or ethnicity and that applies to the women I date. I guess that is life at this point in time. Eventually racism may be curtailed, but there is just a lot of hate out there and a lot of people that don't like other people of their same race. I guess we all just need to find people we like and not worry about what the rest are thinking or saying.

 

Robert

[Jax]

I didn't say most, I said "a lot". I don't experience much if any racism when I"m walking by myself or with Black, Asian, Latino, women. It's only when I'm with White women that I get racist comments.

[ocrob]

Ok, then a lot are racist. I guess that is their problem. You can come down to cali with the white woman you are dating and we can go out to dinner. I think we both might get some good looks. They would probably wonder why your girlfriend was sitting with me and why mine was sitting with you. lol I don't let if bother me, but as I said I don't walk in your shoes. I would never think that I could imagine what that feels like, but was just trying to be supportive.

[Relationship Coach]

Jax,

Just realize that there are many fools who are 50 years behind in time and their short comings are their downfalls. There is no place in this world for racism but it's an easy way to identify the real morons of the world. Like I said, date who you want love isn't about a color.

 

RC

[angelbomb101]

I'm a white girl, dating a black man. I'm a Christian and he's a Muslim. Yes we get stared at, yes we get rude and crude comments said about us. That's just how some people are. They're ignorant and stuck in their ways, especially the older generations. And the ignorance that lies within usually comes from the way people were raised and whatever race was dominant in their part of the world effects it as well.

Im from a small hick town, where everyone is racist and everyone is white. My bf is from Africa and is the small minority in the small city I live in now. We've been together now for 3 years. I cannot imagine my life without him. Our relationship is about "Us". It is not about other people, it is not about what other people think or say or even do to try and destroy what a wonderful thing we have. Other people do not matter in this issue, race does not matter in this issue. He is an amazing man and I am a woman and we love eachother and want to be together. Love can be strong enough to bind anyone together.

Being from a white christian family, you can imagine how everyone reacted when i brought home a black Muslim man. I find that generally, the reason for allot of this "ignorism" is because allot of white people in the area I live have never been around Black people. They don't know how to act, they don't know what to say, they're constantly worried theyre going to offend the other person accidently, and of course they have heard allot of stereotypes and are not sure what to believe. When i brought my hunny home with me to meet my family, everyone acted very strange. Nobody acted like themselves. They tried to avoid eye contact with him, tried to ignore his presense or they would bombard him with very strange questions and the youngest siblings in my family(under the age of eight) could not stop staring at him. My friends acted the same way when they met him. It wasn't because they had anything against him personally and it had nothing to do with the fact that they didnt like black people. It mostly just had to do with the fact that they had never known or even seen a black person before. A few friends of mine did have a problem with me dating a black man. They would make rude comments, such as "I can't believe your dating a N****!" or they would constantly try to fill my head up with crazy stereotypes that he was going to cheat on me all of the time, and use me for sex, treat me like crap, and eventually catch an STD and give me AIDs. Which is rediculous. I learned who my true friends were. My true friends got to know him, they made an effort to see why I was with him rather than make assumptions and so did my family. Now they all adore him. Allot of people assumed right from the beginning that I was with him because he was black or that he was only with me because I was white and they were very wrong to make that assumption. The only reason i dated him, was because he had outstanding moral integrity and strong faith and that has also been the cornerstone of our relationship.

Does it really matter what strangers think? and If someone in your life is making negative assumptions and judgements just because of the race of your partner do you really think they're worth keeping around?

 

Another thing, North America is made up of generations of people that exist because of immigration and from multicultural/interracial marriages. I am a white girl but my hertiage is so unbelievably complicated. In my bloodline, I come from a British, Scottish, German, Jewish, Irish and Metis heritage. Allot of those countries, or cultures over history have been in war with eachother at some point in time. And now that more darker skinned people are moving to North America I do strongly believe that it will be more accepted in society over time. But if people give up, if people decide that what society thinks is more important, or if people think that it's just to hard to face in life, it will never happen. Someone has to fight for equality and actions speak louder than words. I will never let the world shape and make the decisions for me in this life and nobody should.