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Hleb

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  1. Hleb
    Hi - During most of my life I've always wanted something better or different no matter what I have. I seem to excel at achieving things but not maintaining them. This includes relationships and other goals. I make friends easy but never seem to maintain them...I have been lucky enough to purchase property to live and one to rent. I made sacrifices to get them but once I have I don't fill the urge to improve them but instead look for the next one. Are there any people that find life boring or routine unless they are achieving something new? I'm in a comfort zone - and I don't like it. Maybe someone can help me with why I can't just enjoy what I have......
  2. Hleb
    Jax - It seems like you have something against black women. You say when you date other women you get stares and whispers from people and when you with a white girl someone said stop F****** N*****s but black women give you the worst attitude!! Personally there nothing worst than somone calling you the n word. You say Black women give you a hard time but you say "The way you see it you wouldn't be theirs anyway so why do they care" you also say "I'll probably going to marry a black woman" - Why is that - Can you explain, as i feel the black women may prefer you to be with a sista but not necessary them? You say you get on better with white women as black women you know are from a poor neighbourhood and have attitude problems. As an educated man I presume you won't look for your black wife in such a neighbourhood and i presume if you went to a poor white neighbourhood you may not get along with white women there. You also say "I don't want my future kids to grow up not feeling apart of any one group. Kids who are the products of interracial relationships usually end up being confused as to their identity" to me that sounds like you don't want non-black kids which makes me think why you having relationships with non-black women. What if you got someone pregnant? You also say "Most of the time it's not about comments that Black women make, but mainly just the attitude that comes with them seeing me with a White woman. I don't bother trying to explain myself because I shouldn't have to. I don't care who they date, so why should they care who I date?" You may not care who black women date but you DO care what they think it cuts deep that some may not accept your choice, more than if you was dating a white women and another white woman or man said stick with your own, that wouldn't affect you as much. Personally I think you like to have short term "fun" relationships with non-black women but you don't want to commit to them (no kids etc) - and all it takes is the "attitude" of black women and your relationships with white women fail. I think you should find a black women with the "attitude" that you see in white women and then I think you be happy. No offence Jax - just the way I see it.
  3. Hleb
    Stolen - Thanks for your comments I guess friendships shouldn't be such hardwork. It has been nearly a year since we broke up, which I thought would be long enough to deal with any resentment or issues. Friends are there to bring out the best in you and vice-versa and this not happening for whatever reason. I don't need that in my life but feel its a shame things aren't different.
  4. Hleb
    She found a new guy weeks after (maybe before) we broke up. Its not holding me back from moving on - I have kept in contact with previous ex's. I know all relationships aren't the same and some people you can't be friends with but as she left I thought it be easier to be in contact as she wouldn't feel bitter. Stolenshadow, I feel you can have different level of friendship even with ex's as once you moved on any anger or regret should have passed. I agree that she might be negative towards me to show what i have 'missed' and that someone else is enjoying it. but i've been cool with her wish her well etc. Maybe she wants me to get upset about it but I have never shown it to her though felt it inside sometimes. I don't think about her constantly but I'm concerned that everytime we talk it will be with a reference to the past or her wanting to know about my love life possibly to compare.
  5. Hleb
    I broke up with my ex about a year ago. It was painful at the start but I got stronger. Initially I fell for the 'let be friends' but she used that to her advantage. During Email contact, she talked about her man droppin hints what they have done and where they gone. I expected this as part of breakups. I did NC for a while but even now she has to refer back to the past or ask if I'm seeing anyone. Whenever I talk its about general nothing personal regarding the past or future relationships. Why can't she let go when she wanted the breakup and has a man? Why does our past matter now or my future? I understand people not wanting to keep contact but if they do contact why can't it be on a easy going level especially when it seems she has moved on.
  6. Hleb
    I agree I think the poster is sleeping with the brother\sister or thinking about it. The internet is pretty much annoymous why can't this friend post the question and give us the correct detail instead of vague answers. If a person was doing this why would he won't to know what people think? If he or she was thinking of doing it then maybe.......
  7. Hleb
    Agree with Heloladies - if a girl got a new man being friends doesn't work. You're still in her life but her life isn't on hold like yours is...if she was single i will say be friends. She can't miss you if you're there for her at her important times !!
  8. Hleb
    I understand why you want to send the email. You might not want a reply but you want her to feel that you're not the same person she dated.That you're much happier and feel better. That you're life is going to be exciting, go wherever you feel like etc !! When she thinks about you like all exes do from time to time you want her to think about this email the better side of you. You say you have been emailing her - I wonder why she hasn't been able to work out you have move on from those emails !! If sending it makes you feel better than not sending then you're def not over her cos what she thinks still matters. I think closure is a door that closes slowly not slam shut like this case....You will still think about her, even though you want her to forget you. You wonder what she thought about the mail. I think this email will make her stronger and you weaker !!
  9. Hleb
    Has anyone stayed friends with ex - How did you approach it? What are the signs to look for whether they want to be friends or just to be in control?
  10. Hleb
    Heloladies21 - I think she is trying to keep me as a backup - I don't think she will change her mind unless I make a move cos she hates being on her own (never been without a man for more than a month in the last 8 yrs) I don't think she will risk that situation !!
  11. Hleb
    I don't care for her in a relationship way - I just tried to be civil. We "agree" to be friends after the breakup but when we arrange to meet she would always cancel though that was straight after the breakup and i guess she loved that control. I have wished her well in her life which includes her new man. I think she wanted me to react badly. She started leaving kisses on emails and i told her that wasn't right...I haven't tried to get back with her and the more i don't talk the more intrigue she become. Jordan, You're right I am happier and she wonders why I'm not displaying hurt or hate? I think she is not as happy as she makes out and wonders why. I do wonder if she is making an effort to be friends after everything has settled down. I wanted to be friends but I didn't like the character she was turning in to.
  12. Hleb
    Split with my ex after 2 year - been 5 months now. She went straight into another relationship.We talked now and again via email where she would always make sure she mention her man indirectly or directly or what they have done. Once she admitted said it was going to fast. I have been doing NC for a while and now she SMS me asking how i'm doing? Do ex's genuinely want to know how their partner is doing hoping they are doing well or Ok or is it just to make sure they can stay in control of that person? If I felt she was genuine then I wouldn't mind talking opening up a bit but I feel she wants to prove a point especially the way she reacted in emails. Also for those who find someone do u think abt your ex too contact them evry week to find out what they are doing? Especially during the "honeymoon period".........surely if you're happy the last person you want to contact is your ex?
  13. Hleb
    Echo - you know him better than me so you know if how he would react just saying the way I see it.A person who has been an ex for a month is still sensistive. When people split up they analyse everything the way the relationship was, what the person is thinking and what they say when contact is made, for this reason I think he will make an issue of it even though its an accident. Do you want him to come to your comedy nite? If not and he knows that you wouldn't want him there then it looks like you're trying to make him jealous. If you split from someone it means you don't want to see them if you're only contact is to invite them (deliberately in his opinion) to an event that he couldn't possibly attend then it means only one thing. From your point of view you done nothing wrong as it was an accident and but he'll see it different but like you said you've moved on so its not an issue One thing I don't agree with is people that group exes especially recent ones under the heading friends like cos we're friends I can treat you like my friends and tell you stuff that may not be what you need to hear....Having said that enjoy your night....!!!
  14. Hleb
    He will think that you have done it deliberately and will assume that you are trying to make him jealous. Question: If you have or are moving on why do you need to let him know that you having fun etc? Not sure if he is your first guy but you wouldn't email other exes and say what you're doing because probably they don't care and you don't care whether they know or not and that how you should feel if you have moved on. This guy opinion is still important to you I feel......
  15. Hleb
    It could look that your trying to indirectly show him what you're doing in your life and that can come accross as childish rather than mature. Do you normally send out mass emails about your stand-up nites. If not then it looks bad. What are the chances of him coming to this nite? Why would he spend a fun nite with a girl he split up with a month ago!! It looks like your saying look at all the people who be having fun with me and you can't come cos your my ex and it be uncomfortable but I put you on the email so you know what you're missing !! - Jus my 2 cents........
  16. Hleb
    Thnaks LadyV, I guess if i respond she know it has affected me and she can go back to her man happy. If I ignore her like i don't care she will always wonder what i think about her comments.....As long as she got a man then I will not respond to personal details......
  17. Hleb
    Hi LadyV, I just want to let her know indirectly that I can see the games she is playing trying to ease back in to my life. If I tell her its not fair on her man it will show that I have no interest in her and she has to stay with what she got.This is the truth I don't wish to go back to her, at times i miss her but that was due to being lonely and being use to the her in my life. The reason I want to say something is more for the guy than her out of respect and possible Karma I wouldn't want a girl i'm with, talking to her ex like she is and i don't want to encourage it by saying nothing......
  18. Hleb
    My ex broke up with me 4 months ago. It was hard at the start but now I'm getting on with my life. At the breakup I did the begging promise to change etc. She said she wants to be just friends.We then arrange to meet a few times but she cancelled each time. We talked through emails, at first she would say how happy she is, indirectly telling me things she is doing that she didn't do with me. At the time I knew she was trying to get at me but I wish her well etc rather than get angry...She said her man had no faults but was going too fast which showed she was not seeing thing properly. Now she keeps asking what I'm doing weekend, how is my house etc? Last message was if i was still going gym and have I got my 6 pack yet !! This I thought was too personal. I'm thinking of writing an email saying out of respect for her man I want to keep the conversations on a certain level with nothing too personal saying I wouldn't want to be with a girl who talked with their ex like that. I think this will hit her more cos i know she playing a game to get me to open up on that side. This shows she is not happy with her man. Should I write the mail or ignore her totally (though I like to keep the friendship) or just reply ignoring anything personal?
  19. Hleb
    My ex split with me a month ago we have talked during that time not much though we both agreed to move on (she has a man now). Last week I said there was a new girl that people at work said reminded them of her - she said I should go for it !! This week she email to see if i had contact her and how i was doing? I didn't talk about the girl (which I haven't made a moved for) Just say how i was doing. During emails she said she had a dream about me with another girl but didn't know what it meany. I said possibly subconscious she was wondering about my relationships. She got angry and said she couldn't care less who i was with etc. It made me wonder why did she mention it if she didn't care.She started talking about her man saying they were doing things that we didn't and the he was good to her etc. I just said Ok he sounds like a good guy hope it works out. Then she said the relationship was going too fast and she had to slow it down but didn't want to upset him and that she always messing up relationships. She dumped me and have another man so why is she bugging me about her relationships and problems. I'm cool talking as a friend but why do i matter to her in this way. I've been told she might be on the rebound - does it look like that? I think she insecure but she feels security when with someone so why she upset about the past? Isn't it easier to get over someone when you got someone?
  20. Hleb
    Even though she left and move with another man. I'm ok about it because I knew she wasn't what I wanted. She wants to tell me what her man does for her what i didn't do. I don't understand why are you bothered about a previous relationship if you're 'happy' in a new one which she says she is. I think she is on the rebound and has to convince herself that she has the better option.
  21. Hleb
    My ex was seeing a guy 2 weeks before she told me it was over.Her excuse was she thought it was over months ago and that we was just friends. When i asked her when she would have told me she had a man she said she would - which was a contradiction cos if we was just friends then why would i care if she had a man !! since 16 (and she 24) she has never been without a man for more than a month.her relationships haven't lasted more than 2 yrs. She seems insecure and needs to be loved. She reckons once she gets married her insecurities will go because she knows her man is coming home to her !! I don't understand how people can go from one relationship to another without time to mourn. I think she may have mourn the relationship while with me and when this new man came it was an excuse to leave.
  22. Hleb
    The worst for me is that after a month even though she says lets be friends she hasn't made no effort to be friendly or make contact even though she chose to dump me. The other feeling is knowing she may never contact you again, but her life will get better and the man she with now could be with her for life. Guess at this time people think there ex life will go down - the new partner will treat her bad - or she realise they made a mistake. The opposite of that can be hurtful.
  23. Hleb
    I think there are levels of being dumped - worst first: Catching your partner cheating on you Hearing your partner has cheated on you Partner telling you they cheated on you Mutual agreement but she founds someone in the first month after Mutual agreement and you both mourn the relationship showing each other respect of not jumping in to another relationship What hurts the most in the months after the breakup? Is it not hearing from the person (famarility)? Is it the sex? Is it the fact she is with someone else? Is it when she tells you you should go look for someone? Is the fact she says she is happier with life? Is it the regrets?
  24. Hleb
    Hope - I think your right - insecurity was the problem in all of this, because she is with another man )i know it none of my business) but i think she is repeating the same mistakes - she knows she has to get past the 2 yr mark or she feel that its her fault for all the breakups. when we ws together she was so loving and didn't seem insecure but as time went on she kept asking where we was going in the relationship she said she trust me but would check my phone for msgs...I'm taking time alone but its hard I don't feel i can get someone who more compatiable she ticked all the boxes.... She says its just a coincidence she finds men straight after each other and she would have dump the guy before me even if she didn't meey me and she thought i had moved on months ago so she didn't feel she jump straight in another relationship.She says she happier now and he treats her like a princess but I wonder if she truly happy or is it just some1 to hold her at night or txt during the day. During the recent bombings in London (as she works near Liverpool Street) she was txting me how scared she was and left kisses on the msgs - I wondered why she wasnt txting her man. I lasted contacted her yesterday - I won't contact her until her birtday on aug 25th as she wish me happy birthday on mine but in between though there will be NC - i still want to be friends but maybe when she ready cos i'm the only one making the moves.Think her man is filling the emotional void for now.....
  25. Hleb
    I've been beating myself up about the way things have gone. I think I always want something better (grass is greener) instead of enjoying what I have now! When I think about her qualities I realise she was the perfect girl for me but something told me she wasn't right maybe my insecurites. i caught in 2 minds whether 2 try again because she seems suited for me or whether I'm just missing someone in my life.......
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