Sex out of a relationship?

[Princess18]

I came out of my first sexual relationship of 3 years about 6 months ago. I have never had sex with anyone but my ex boyfriend. Now, i'm starting to feel like i need it and am missing it a lot. A guy recently told me he would like to have casual sex with me cos he thinks i am hot but doesnt want a relationship because he feels he wouldn't treat me right. He told me if i want a good time then he's the man to call. His exact words on MSN were I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU BUT YOU DON"T WANT IT. The trouble is i do want him- i find him very sexually attractive but somehow i feel like a sl*t excepting his offer arranging to have sex at a certain time-- just isnt natural.

 

Any advice? Im getting horny!!!

[laura_5000]

Well one night stands or casual sex can make you feel really used and down but it really depends on what kind of person you are.

Just ask yourself a few questions:

Will you feel down after you have done it? Will you start to want a relationship? Is it worth it? Just ask yourself a few questions.

 

I don't think there is an answer to this its just how you feel about it.

[loveydovey]

Well, IMHO when being intimate with a significant other you have the connection to go off of. That means, sex with someone new and especially someone you have a casual relationship with may feel a little weird. Thats not to say it won't be good , but I would say if you're okay with those feelings, then its fine.

[BellaDonna]

I think you should take a trip to an adult toy store- before you act out your sexual urges with this guy. Toys don't have STD's and they can't get you pregnant- you won't fall in love with a toy or feel used or upset when it doesn't call.

 

Aside from that: Seeing that you've had sex with one person, and that you are just coming out of a break-up of a long term relationship- I worry that you may get hurt emotionally by having casual sex with this other guy. You also can't be mad at him if you have sex and then never hear from him again- he's making it clear he only wants sex.

 

I don't think you need "a man" to get rid of your horniness. There's no shame in self-help.

 

Of course it's ultimately your decision- but once you have sex with a person, you can't take it back- so I would advise that you really think this through and be prepared for the consequences.

 

BellaDonna

[Spugly Fuglet]

Using others just for sex is in my book is an empy act. It has been said that you can get sex toys, but I would think long and hard about having one made of flesh and Blood.

 

(added (LOL at BellaDonna's coment)

[Day_Walker]

I think you have to examine your ideas of what casual sex means to you. If its something that you are opposed to then its probably not something that you are going to enjoy. Some people can have casual sex while others cannot, you are going to have to find the answer for yourself. If you are that horny and its only increasing buy a sex toy or even a couple. They will be potentially more gratifying than a sex partner.

[BellaDonna]

Using others just for sex is in my book and empy act. It has been said that you can get sex toys, but I would think long and hard about having one made of flesh and Blood.

 

I agree. A toy is the easier option and carries little or no risks or emotional baggage or consequences. I also see a pun in there (bold)- though it probably was not intended.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Scout]

If you honestly thought the idea of casual sex at an arranged time was unnatural, then go with your first instinct on that! You deserve better than such an offer.

 

And remember, you also had emotional intimacy in the sex with your boyfriend because you two were in a committed relationship - and that might be a component of sex you're missing. However, you won't get it in casual sex.

[renaissancewoman101]

I wouldn't get involved in just having casual sex with a guy. For one thing, like Bella Donna says, he might just disappear after having sex with you and that will make you feel cheap and used. Also, what happens if you start to develop feelings for the guy after you start sleeping with him? The both of you can say that up front that all you guys are interested in is the sex and no strings attached but sometimes, after sleeping with someone, emotions get developed and feelings get formed even if it wasnt planned. It can happen and it will hurt if he doesnt reciprocate and you will feel used.

 

If you can handle it then go for it. But, think is through carefully before doing it. Another thing is you open yourself to being able to get STDs from someone if you just sleep with him for sex because who knows WHO else he has been with.

 

Good luck!

[Derek]

Especially for a woman, mind blowing sex is usually when you have the complete package. Physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually even,

connectedness.

 

Because you're impatient, you're gonna settle for a second rate product. I don't think you should. You're worth more aren't you?

 

If you think you can separate out the physical part and just have a casual roll in the hay, then that's your decision. Be up front and honest about it. Don't expect him to "come around" and become your boyfriend.

 

I've heard people say, each lover you have you give a little bit of yourself to and less of you is available to invest in your future soulmate. Is this guy worth giving that up?

 

I think the showerhead would do and it wouldn't complain that you didn't cuddle afterwards or that you didn't go down.

 

 

 

P.S. Apologies to all the players out there for foiling your plans that count on girls like this to fall for your charms.

[Blue Skittles]

I would stay away from this one. If u have sex with him u might start to have deeper feelings for him and that will just lead to disappointment and hurt later on. Like others have said you will end up feeling used. I'd wait for the right guy that actually wants to have a relationship with you.

[RayKay]

Just because there is no "relationship" does not mean there is not an emotional aspect to it, and it does not mean it won't hurt you.

 

If a guy says he won't treat you right in a relationship, why is he good enough to be with you sexually either? The answer...he isn't. Sex is a big deal, anytime you sleep with someone you are putting yourself at risk - physically and emotionally. There is always a chance of a pregnancy, or an STI or of heartbreak.

 

Go with your gut. From the sounds of it you are not really someone wanting the casual sex relationship.

 

Go to an adult toy store, find yourself a nice new vibrator, pick up some erotic novels, and have fun with it. You don't need to compromise your values just because you have a libido.

[BellaDonna]

A guy recently told me he would like to have casual sex with me cos he thinks i am hot but doesnt want a relationship because he feels he wouldn't treat me right. He told me if i want a good time then he's the man to call.

 

You have to wonder how many others he has said that to. Anyone can have an STD- but I would think someone that offers themselves up as a guy for "a good time" probably has a higher number of sexual partners which increases his risk of havng an STD.

 

I think if I was single I'd have a really hard time having casual sex- (not because I think it is promiscuous or that I don't like sex) but because I'm too paranoid about my own health and I tend to view people as potential walking/talking diseases. If a man made it clear to me that he was available for a "good time" the first thing I would wonder is if he had a "good time", just the night before and then tried to come near me after. Yuck. I'd skeeve the idea of that.

 

If I didn't have a serious relationship, I'd have to have a good toy collection. At least I would know where the toy was the night before.

 

BellaDonna

[thegirl_00]

uh oh! i dont think that having sex with this guy is a good idea! It could completely ruin your image if the word gets out that your "sleeping around" even if its only with one guy. IF that word gets out it could ruin cahnces for you to have potential actaully boyfriends in the future because they'll think your a "sl*t". Iv seen it happen to Many Many people! watchhh out.

[Princess18]

Thanks everyone for your replies. This website is always the best for getting the right advice. Especially a big thankyou to Raykay and Belladonna, i trust your judgement (agree with all your advice) you should be proud of yourselves for helping so many people like me. I really seem to end up doing what you say!!

 

Anyway Ive decided to let this guy go- sex is a risk and although i feel like it now, i'll probably regret it and end up getting hurt. The last thing i want is for people to talk about me too. He's not worth my time if he can't make an effort to be my boyfriend....it's not like i wanna marry him or anything- just a bit of commitment

 

I just hope the right ones coming along soon....Where are you???

[Scout]

I just hope the right ones coming along soon....Where are you???

 

Just remember, the right guy's appearance will be even further delayed if you get yourself all mixed up wtih someone who is clearly not right for you. Because what happens is we can actually talk ourselves into settling for unsatisfying situations. And then, we get too placated to get out there and keep looking. Also in the process, our self esteem is chipped away, so that we won't even recognize the right guy when we see him!

[xprincessbugx]

If the idea of it makes you think of a sl*t then you are prolly not going to be happy with yourself once its said and done and you go home. then you're by yourself alone with your thoughts it will prolly get to you.