loveydovey

Oops, forgot to give Another Update: We are together again (that separation last Sept only lasted a month lol) that's my honey and we still have a beautiful relationship that's going strong

Anyone? Opinions please?

Well, at first it was the issue of our distance. He moved back to his hometown when we graduated earlier this year. So we've been long distance since then! I would ask him all the time when would we be able to close the distance between us and he would always say he didn't know. I told him I would NEVER knowingly be in a LD relationship; the only way I feel that LD relationships work is if they are temporary.....if there is light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. He had no plans of moving back to where I am, so when I suggested that I move to where he is, he was in agreement....HOWEVER i couldn't shake the feeling that it didn't feel right . I felt like if he wanted me to move there with him, he would have at the very least brought up the subject before I did. I don't know I felt funny about it so I made the decision to stay put until I could get something more solid from him. He still couldn't be firm in expressing the desire to be together, so I told him I wanted us to be apart. [-( A month later, we talked and he laid it all out on the table. He suggested that first we do X, then we do Y, then we could do Z. I was very happy that he was finally sounding more convinced that he wanted this to work so I just picked back up where we left off. I just seem to be in the same boat again and I have about had it!! We have such a cute story of when we met. I wrote about it on here last August. I can't believe now, I'm writing about breaking up with him

Any advice or comments would be appreciated.....I'm so troubled by this, I think I may get it over with and do it before I go to bed.

I broke up with him at the end of August....by the end of September, we just picked up where we left off. I love him with all of my heart but everything I hoped for in this relationship is going down the drain. We are Long-Distance; I haven't seen him in 3 1/2 months; he has no goals, no ambition; he hasn't had a job in 4 months; he lives with his mom. He hasn't come to visit me in all this time because he has no money, because he has no job. I really am so frustrated because I'm a very loyal girlfriend and I feel bad about leaving him. But I asked my mother and my girl friend if it's wrong to break up with someone because they have no job, and they both said that if he has no job NOR ambition, then there's nothing wrong with it. I don't know, it's just starting to seem to me as if he's just flat out LAZY!!!

By the way, I feel as if once we decide to be in a relationship and are discussing monogamy, committment, marriage, I think a man should WANT to pay for me--for whatever. And that's all i'm going to say. Off to the other thread!

Thanks so much. I was looking for it earlier

Hazey_amber, its interesting you say that. Whenever you and your bf go out, do you feel as if you are perpetuating the old-fashioned mentality that many think we should leave in the past? Do you ever feel guilty if 4 out of 5 times he pays?

There are many things that give men power in thinking they are superior to women. Is money of them? Or does a man need to take care of his wife and family (or whoever is to become his wife)?

So if we're talking about a couple who is in a committed relationship that could lead to marriage, the woman should still pay 50/50? Or should the man take care of the bulk. Furthermore, if we are talking about a married couple (or 2 people that co-habitate), should the man pay for the larger bills and the woman take care of small things around the home?

....the man or the woman? Should a man pay all the time? In what situations is it okay to pay 50/50?

...for someone else? Not meaning you planned it or not even meaning that you cheated. But, have you ever ended a relationship to start dating someone else?

Also, we have visited each other a few times in the past four months, but we are both in between jobs and cannot afford to drive/fly/etc. to visit now.

We are about 8 hours away. Thank you all for responding! Oh man I'm going crazy and am experiencing an anxiety attack right now because I'm so confused and torn. Please read this my original post. Only one person responded to it. So again thank you all for responding thus far

Do I leave this man or do I stay? We've been in LDR for 4 months. I thought he would be the one, but I cannot take this distance.

See this is exactly how I feel. And I think that is what hurt me the most. I am willing to move, but without much opinion from him. To him its "If you move here, great! If you don't, then I understand" To me, thats not good enough if we're supposed to be in love and want some kind of future together. He moved to his hometown and is currently looking for work in his major. However he hasn't really found anything yet and it's been FOUR MONTHS since he finished school. So, it's not like he moved back to his hometown because of a job, he just moved because he felt it's where he's "called to be right now".

Please Read: VERY SHORT; MEN & WOMEN HELP. My bf and I have been together for over a year. The big question is "Do I stay or do I leave"? Here's some background info. We were in the same state, different cities, different colleges. Due to Hurricane Katrina, he came to my city, lived with me, and went to school in my city for approx 4 months. At the beginning of this year he went back to his original college to finish out his final semester in school. We both graduated in the spring. Immediately after graduating, he moved back to his hometown which is in a different state. He feels, and has told me, that he will be in his hometown indefinitely. Now, I have tried to discuss the future of our rlshp with him, but he thinks it best if we take it one day at a time. Because he left and we are now faced with LDR issues, I think its important that we discuss where this relationship is going. I have tried to talk to him about this for the past 2 months, but because nothing has changed and it doesnt appear that it will ever change, I told him that I needed a break from the relationship. Am I just being an overly-demanding girlfriend? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I'm glad you asked this. I was just putting my own 'list' together after having a horrible series of let-downs. 1. He ONLY calls you at certain times of the day (Also applies if he doesn't call you after a certain hour of the night, i.e. 10p.m.) 2. You've been trying to get to know him for 2 weeks now and you still don't know much about him. 3. He breaks promises when he says he's going to call or come visit (this may not indicate he wants a booty call necessarily, it does however indicate that he's not very interested in putting his best foot forward). 4. Your 'dates' are never spent out in public. Mostly at your house or his. 5. You live in the same city but have never met any of his friends or family (this applies moreso if you've been dating for a few months) 6. Your phone conversations last no more than 5-10 minutes at a time. And, the other posters are correct; you should definitely sit back and let him show himself before you allow him in physically. Good luck!

Is it a big town? Don't know if you've found anything on the internet, but many times that can be helpful.

Wow, this is a similar situation I was in. I was faced with a decision to move or stay (we live 7 hours away), and I chickened out. My reason was mainly because I am not financially in a position to relocate right now. However, I suspect you'll be okay. Yes, you will probably have times when there is nothing to do, but it will get better. If you have your degree, maybe you could join some professional organizations. Join a gym where you could take some aerobics or pilates classes and meet new gfs! Depending on what city you're moving to, there may be lots of events and activities open for the public to attend. And if you need to, in the beginning have your family and closest friends on speed dial and let them know you'll be calling them and bugging them when you're feeling lonely Hope that helps! Let me know how it goes once you move there. I'm interested to know the outcome from one LDer to another

Update: We are separated now. It happened 2 weeks ago.

Hmmm....I think you're right. I do that a lot in real life too, lol. Sorry, guys. I think everything is good right now though because we spent some time together over the weekend and so far so good. I feel comfortable enough that I don't feel pressured, but I feel confident enough to where I know he is sincerely into me! Thanks to everyone who responded; sorry for the confusion!

I told him I enjoy spending time with him but that I want to take it slow and steady. One of my main reasons for that is to allow him to get fully adjusted to the new city, etc.

Maybe I'm just being pessimistic, but something happened last night that I'm a bit skeptical about--he asked me to be his girlfriend. I don't understand if this is a joke or not. Do I need to loosen up?

We met out one night 2 weeks ago. He asked for my number and we talked for a while that night. Whenever we talk, HE calls ME. I make it a point not to call him unless its to call him back. When we talk on the phone he talks about how he likes talking to me and how surprised he is to meet a woman with such a good personality. The first time I went over was Labor Day; he paid me a surprise visit in the store I work at (the first time we saw each other after meeting). We talked on my break and then before we parted ways, he told me that he was BBQ-ing and that he wanted me to come over to eat with him and his family/friends. I accepted, however I didn't get there until 10:00pm. We watched a movie and played with his pomeranian. The second time I went over, I offered to visit (figuring that he would NEVER ask me on a date since he has no vehicle). I went over, at 1:00am, we played XBOX, talked a lot, then we kissed for the first time. Another background note: He told me from our first conversation that he's kind of quiet. I can sort of tell this is true, as I am somewhat of a quiet person myself. But I'm trying to figure out, how quiet can you really be at the age of 26? I mean, I'm quiet but dang not when it comes to the OS.