Ex tricked me into phoning her.

[ryan1987]

my ex an i have been apart now, 1month and 1 week, she ended it for reasons such as,

 

-pressure from school exams,

-me wanting to see her to much (i ended up seeing her 4 times in the last month we were together)

-fighting over silly things, (i started most of them because she was so distant)

-she said she needed space before and i never give her it or changed, (which sadly is true, she asked for a break, we took one, but i called and phoned constantly)

 

anyway last night i broke the nc which started 2 weeks ago,(i have broken it twice) this is sorta how the convo went.

me: hey

her: hi

me: why are you online, are you not supposed to be rivisin ya big slacker lol

her; i needed to come online couldnt concentrate

me; why chum wats up

her; i cant tell you

me; why

her; you will go mad

me; why you think that chum?

her; dunno

me; i take it you have a new boyfriend, by the sounds of things anyway.

her; nope

me; almost going with one?

her; nope

me; then whats up, why would i go mad,

her; dunno, i cant tell you

me; ill fone you if ur not gona tell me chum ;p

her; sooooooooooooooooooo lol

 

 

i then phoned her, she went along with this false act for a futher 10 minutes, until she burst out laughing and said " i am only joking i was just bored", i was like ooook. she then began speaking to me about lots of things, telling me a new secret of hers, and talked about somthing that friends just dont. she was like "its ok we talked about it before" and on another occasion she got jelious,

 

she was telling me a story of a lesbian on msn that asked her did she want to see her naked,lol, i said "what was her name hehe" she began to say the e-mail adress when i said sarcastically" hold on to i get a pen", she replied HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY ill hit you- oops what did i say that for, she then changed subjects quickly, i then ended this convo after 40 minutes, she said it was nice catching up, i said yea we should do it again somtime and she replied "yea it would be nice"

 

she also was very prompt with her answers about new boys, i said so u got asked out yet, she said yea, i was like, "you gonna go out with anyone, she replied " HELL NOO" i said why? do you not like anyone? she said "no" do you? to which i said no.

 

 

this has left me in a muddle, confused, but at the same time releived, this happened before to us, she dated me for 3 weeks, ended it, 1.5 months later, little chats like this began to happen, which i found out later was mind games, and that she knew she wanted to be with me again but just didnt tell me,

 

what could be going on??

[Beyondthesea]

In my opinion she is just playing mind games with you. I'd stop all contact. She doesn't have any intention of getting back together, just stringing you along.

 

I would cut contact bud, she's not the one for you.

[evy38]

Sorry my friend, she didn't "trick" you to do anything. You talked to her on line because you wanted to and you phoned her because you wanted to. NC means NC, that includes everything. Doing it half measure will acomplish nothing except making you feel lonely as you count the days until you allow yourself to talk again, hoping she will miss you enough to come back.

[RandomAdvisor]

I agree. You should add her to ignore on the message program and delete her from your list so you wont be tempted.

[ryan1987]

is this not the getting back together thread? lol, i thought the advice and stuff was supposed to be on how to get back with her, not move on. im only asking to see what you think that could have been, and why she is starting to play games again. thats all. sorry

[coooolsome]

This forum isnt about how to get your ex back. Its here to help those who think they have a chance and what to do to make that chance greater. From what you have said, nothing that happened indicates she wants you back. You contacted her not the other way around.

 

Now, moving on is one of the best ways to get your ex back b/c it puts you in the best position you can be in to deal with anything that comes up

[kellbell]

Sorry dude,

 

No where in your original post asked about anything regarding get back together. She did not trick you into calling her. She is playing games BIG TIME with you and her words and behavior is extremely childish. Ignore her for now on, block her on MSN and so forth.

[Mrocza]

You can't trick someone into getting back together with you the same as no one can trick you into phoning them

 

If she were interested, she would let you know. It's obvious that things were already off between you two in the last month and it ended up in a BREAK UP not a fight for survival.

 

You called her. She talked for so long because it was easy for her to talk. Why would it be easy? If she were missing you, she would be doing something about it. Taking space apart is basically figuring out if person a will miss person b.

 

She did not message you, she did not call you, she did not ask you back out.

 

I know it hurts to hear it bud, but she is being nothing but friendly. Since you are far from over her, being friendly will only hurt you because you will be misinterpretting the things she says and thinking her niceness indicates she wants you back.

 

Cut contact and try to get over her on your own...and don't break NC.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Tupac - errrr Ryan, sounds like you wanted to hear something else. i think the people here just don't want to see you get into something that they is see going no-where.

 

Why would we encourage you to go after a relationship with a person we don't think wants a realtionship with you? I know that's not what you want to hear, but people here don't like to give bad advice for the sake of pandering. I hope you wouldn't want that anyway.

 

Sorry dude, I too think she's messin' with you cuz she can and that's not cool.

[ryan1987]

thanks people, she is a very comples character, i know that, its just because she has done this before then went out with me again, i think i treated her to well for her to miss me, or for another boyfriend to fulfill her, for 13 months she said the only thing she hates about me is that im to perfect, cuz i bout her everything, when i had 60 pound left i would spend it on her, buy food, dvds, fne everynight to say i luv u and night night, give her support no matter what, its only been a month, and the exams are approaching in 4 weeks, so after then i am hoping for sum results, im sorry for sounding so childish and no responding to you comments like "ur right i will do that" but im sure you all know how it feels when this happens, so you know the only advice i want to take in is somthing i feel is positive,

[Mrocza]

You are too nice and she obviously doesn't appreciate it.

 

Complex or not, you're not her lap dog.

[RandomAdvisor]

but im sure you all know how it feels when this happens, so you know the only advice i want to take in is somthing i feel is positive,

 

 

This is often the case here, but just as often what someone needs to hear is exactly what they don't want to.

 

If you want to hear something positive, I think you should positively kick her butt to the curb and never talk to her again. She doesn't deserve you.

 

As far as you treating her well and her still walking off, I always thought it was so counter intuitive but I've come to learn from my time on this site that it sadly happens often. She is the kind of girl who wants a challenge. If a guy is too easy for her to get, or treats her too well she starts to get complacent in the relationship and loses feelings. There are others on the site who are more experienced with these kinds of situations. Maybe one of them will chime into the thread and explain it better than I can.

 

In any event, she wants what she cannot have. And what she can have (you) doesn't seem as interesting precisely because she can have you. I still think that staying far away from her is the best thing to do. But let me warn you beforehand so you are prepared for it when it happens: once you stop talking to her completely she is going to want you. She's going to start calling you. She's going to want to start up conversations with you if she sees you in public. She's going to start e-mailing you. Why? Because by refusing to talk to her after she's treated you so poorly she will see that you have respect for yourself. And by resisting her advances you will become a challenge, which she likes.

 

I know a guy on this site who was in a similar situation. He was with his GF for four years. She dumped him multiple times to go out with other guys because she was "confused." Finally he had enough and told her it was over - for good. He initiated no contact and he has remained very strong with it. He hasn't contacted her at all. Her on the other hand, she has a new BF she's been with for a year and she still keeps trying to talk to him. They go to the same school and she spreads nasty rumors about him and other stupid/immature things to try and get him to talk to her. Whenever she sees him on campus, she stops what she is doing and she just stares at him. This is exactly the kind of girl I think your ex is. She falls into the same game playing category.

 

I know it sucks. I wish people could just express their love and treat their partners well, we'd all be happy and that would be the end of it. Sadly life is not that simple because people play these stupid games like your ex does.

 

So yes, I think no contact is the absolute best route to take. Don't answer the phone when she calls, and if it wont be much of an inconvenience to you I think you should change your phone number. Add her to the block list on e-mails and messenger programs. And be prepared to tell her very firmly to %$^ off when she inevitably comes back to you telling you how much she loves you and how she wants to work it out. Believe me, the second you take her back all you will have done is started the cycle all over again. She will dump you again and see if you come chasing her, and she'll keep this game going as long as you let it. It happened with the other guy I know for four years. Learn from his mistakes and the mistakes of others on this site. Don't let all the collective wisdom go to waste. Save yourself the time and the pain and just forget this girl. You'll find someone better sooner or later.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Ry - you don't have to say "great advice, I'll do that." And I don't think you were being childish either.

 

People just want to give you what they think is good for you and leave it to you to do with what you will. If you take the advice and it works, great. If you don't but you still find it works, great.

 

Its a buffet, take what you like, leave what you don't.

[ryan1987]

thanks so much som-guy, if anyone has msn my email adress is ryan_bs_tor@hotmail.co.uk if anyone would like to chat about things, not even relationship wise, i just see alot of potentila "friends" and rocks here that will help a total dtranger, i thank you all from the bottom of my heart,

 

som guy as much as it hurts me to say this, i think your right, when she dated me for 3 weeks then ended it, she only called on night after she found out i was becoming friendly with a girl she knew, and knew we we almost going with eachother, she even told me to go with her, but later down the road in our relationship that lasted a yr and a half, she told me she didnt want me to date that other girl, she was just trying to real me in, .. so yea

[majord23]

The positives Ryan - you are on speaking terms with your ex. That's it mate.

 

Now you've had a nice interaction with her, you disappear...don't follow-up on the plan to catch up again. Let her wonder where you are.

 

Next time she asks if you are interested in someone, tell her 'yes'...and give no further details.

 

Put that in your pipe and smoke it

 

BTW, this advice is the best chance of getting her back...but that's not to say that it will be effective. As others have said - you contacted her, and she has said absolutely nothing to indicate that she wants to reconcile.

[ryan1987]

on the other two occasions she spoke to me first, but we have avoided the relationship talk, well actually i have, because ima scared of getting the answer i dont wat to hear, but i will take that advice and see what happens, thank you very much

[ryan1987]

any other advice on what to do?

[majord23]

Ryan

The overwhelming consensus seems to be to leave her alone and go NC. I'm not sure what other advice there could be mate. How about you post what you're thinking of doing, and then see if the posters here think it's a good/bad idea.

[ryan1987]

my plan, or "tatic" is to give hot and cold flushes, appear out of the blue every so often, be heart warming, appear happy and independent, then disappear again, hoping after a while she will want to hear from me more and more everytime,

 

she is still under ALOT of pressure from exams, she is so foucsed on the work she needs to do,( one of the reason we broke up i believe ) also another reason was the arugments we were having constantly, just became to mush for her( i admit i was was to obessive and controlling, but in a gd way, like showing to much attention and always wanting to be with her and telling her i love her, that kinda thing) i strongly believe once these exams are over we will reconnect, (just a beleif)

 

so yea i plan on being in the picture just long enough for her to notice then dissapering again, also creating a little jeliousy by making new "girlfriends" not dates just friends, so yea, LC only modified.

[ryan1987]

senisable^^??

[haley999]

I admit i was was to obessive and controlling, but in a gd way, like showing to much attention and always wanting to be with her and telling her i love her, that kinda thing

 

Ryan you are still being obsessive and controlling. The "hot-cold" plan shows that you are still trying to control her emotions. Making her happy, then disappearing, then lying about other girls, aka. "friends." You can't make her want you. She has to come to that realization on her own or else the relationship will continue to yo-yo forever. Do not contact her anymore for a while. Work on you - don't pretend to be independent and such BE independent. That's what NC does. After a time the obsessive impulses fade.

 

You do not have a relationship with this girl anymore. She obviously likes your company, more now as a distraction from her studies, but nothing more. Leave her be to miss you and wonder about the new you....

[ryan1987]

im actually not pretending to have "girlfriends" ive made quite a few, i think i am independent now that i have went a month 2 weeks with out her, i realise now what i could have done to save this relationship, that leaves me with alot of regreat, and now i just want to find out the best way back, i dont think the nc would work because she nevers asks people out, she would NEVER do it, i dont know why. but its just how it is, happened before with me. thanks for your input

[RandomAdvisor]

senisable^^??

 

I don't think so.

 

You are just planning on playing games that wont win her back and will ultimately delay your healing process.

[ryan1987]

im not looking to be healed if the defination of that is = realised that independance is not bad, and at the point where you do not want your ex back,,,

 

this relationship is somthing i do not want to lose, we had amazing chemistry and i cannot help but clinch onto the possibilty that we will come together again, hope is a word i like,

[majord23]

im not looking to be healed if the defination of that is = realised that independance is not bad, and at the point where you do not want your ex back,,,

 

And therein lies the problem mate. You will NEVER have a healthy relationship with your ex...or anyone else...unless you have healed from this break-up.