Ex tricked me into phoning her.

[ryan1987]

do you mean healed as in, emotionally stable,independent,self respectfull...etc. or dont want my ex back??

[RandomAdvisor]

do you mean healed as in, emotionally stable,independent,self respectfull...

 

Yes.

 

Here's the thing though. Once you truly are healed and emotionally stable and independent, you know what's going to happen? You're prboably not even going to want your ex back!

[majord23]

Being healed does *not* mean that you have to give up wanting her back at all mate.

 

You've pretty much summed up what it means - being independent, not relying on your ex for your happiness, not being afraid/hurt at the prospect of not getting another chance with her.

 

Remember what it's liek to meet someone you like for the first time? You may want to be with them...but you won't be devastated if it doesn't work out. When you're healed, you'll be able to view your ex in the same way.

 

That way, if things *do* work out, you have alot less of yourself invested in the relationship at the start. You are far less likely to be clingy and needy, and most importantly you retain your identity and independence....which is essential when embarking on a *healthy* relationship.

 

To heal though mate, you have to let her and the situation go. Go NC and give yourself TIME to make progress. You won't be able to heal as long as you are 'planning your next move' to get her back.

[majord23]

Once you truly are healed and emotionally stable and independent, you know what's going to happen? You're prboably not even going to want your ex back!

 

And that is what generally happens. Once you *do* regain your independence, you realise that you are probably asking for trouble to go back 'into the fire'. You may still have a desire for reconciliation, but have enough perspective to know whether it is the right thing to seek.

 

So you take your new-found confidence and channel it into a more worthwhile, and probably more fulfilling relationship.

[ryan1987]

i dont think i want that healing, my relationship was fullfilling, completley, i see where your coming from, but i still believe its stress and pressure talking, pretty dumb i know, but i will find out the answer after the exams

[majord23]

i dont think i want that healing, my relationship was fullfilling, completley, i see where your coming from, but i still believe its stress and pressure talking, pretty dumb i know, but i will find out the answer after the exams

 

Take it or leave it mate.

If you don't let go at all, and you *do* happen to get back together, your relationship is starting from waaaay behind the eight-ball and will more than likely fail.

 

If you don't let go at all, and then things *don't* work out....then you have just wasted time hanging on for nothing, and THEN you will have to let go.

 

Do it while you have a choice, take some control - it's all you have at the moment.

[ryan1987]

thanks majord23,

[ryan1987]

situation update,

 

since this happened i have not spoken to her, she has not contacted me, has not even been online, so im predicting she is busy with exam work, which brings me some sense of releif, because i want her to do really well, people that know her,are still telling me they think its stress and pressure talking, and she will realise that she loves me once again, i want to believe it, but i actually just take it on board and forget about it again, i am being optimistic at this stage, and do have some sense that is urging me to believe we will reconcile, i am starting to cheer up more, work more and truly am beginning to see past life without her,

 

i know now if we do get back together i will be a diffrent person!! more understanding and i will never take things for granted again,, i got this motto, "this is MY LIFE, and im diying one minute at a time" (fight club there, lol) but it just made me realise there is no time in this life to be wasted, i will never give up hope, but i will give up trying,

 

THANK YOU ALL WHO HELPED ME. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, true insprations!! really, i believe i will be happy once again, somtime soon

[ryan1987]

well since i posted this i have been strict NC, and now i feel like she does not deserve me, i know i should not be the one looking for a second chance but her!! if she comes back to me now she may have a darn good reason to get me back, thanks to all the people who has helped me along this difficult road!!!

[RandomAdvisor]

well since i posted this i have been strict NC, and now i feel like she does not deserve me, i know i should not be the one looking for a second chance but her!! if she comes back to me now she may have a darn good reason to get me back, thanks to all the people who has helped me along this difficult road!!!

 

 

 

Here's the thing though. Once you truly are healed and emotionally stable and independent, you know what's going to happen? You're prboably not even going to want your ex back!

 

 

Told you so!

 

Good for you ryan, and good luck finding someone more worthy of your love.