Nothing, nothing, nothing

[Prenkle]

Most of the time, I'm happy and optimistic. But once in a while, like today, I feel down in the dumps for no particular reason.

 

People are always running away from me. Why can't anyone ever show some initiative and tell me they want to be with me?

 

I don't think anyone can love me enough to want to be with me. I don't think anyone can love me enough to stay with me and not leave. I have this nonsensical conviction that people will hurt me. They will leave me. That I don't deserve them and that I have no power, nothing to persuade them to stay.

 

I'm not very intelligent. I'm not beautiful. I'm not graceful or cute. I don't have a great personality or an attractive sense of humor. I can't entertain people. Come to think of it.... I have nothing whatsoever. Nothing to encourage someone to be my friend. Forget about romantic love.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Now why would you think that you have absolutely nothing to offer anyone?

[SwtMary]

Oh hun...I can feel you pain. I have days like that also. They seem to be more frequent here lately also. I know tho that for some reason I will literally wake up tomorrow and feel much better. I know it sucks and usually when you feel this way no one can make you feel better. Keep your head up and just keep talking to people here. I havent been here long but I know it helps to get things out and off of your chest.

[-Hollywood-]

yeah, i know exactly what you're going through... at least you have the courage to talk to people about what is bothering you. i can't even do that, because i'm afraid of scaring people away even more. or i might look weak or weird or some such rubbish. there's a funny rule in the universe that whenever you say what's what, it starts to go away: to name it is to claim it. once you start talking about what is bothering you, you start to talk away its power. just like that. so you're on the right track. and if it's any consolation, a million other people (myself included) feel just as lonely and insecure as you do. take it one day at a time and everything will be fine. take care.

-H-

[Süsser Tod]

You reminded me of my gf, she is like that. And let me tell you, that attitude is slowly convincing me of running away from her.

 

So, change your attitude, as there are people out there that do want to be with you, but you make them go away, as my gf is doing with me.

[Doctor Smurf]

Aw Prenkle, I feel that same way sometimes as you do - *Hug*.

 

I just keep telling myself that there must be someone who can appreciate me, and if I keep trying I'll meet her in the end. There must be something about you thats just great - It might even be your endearing differences from other people.

Doc

[Kevin T]

Wow, I'm sorry you feel that way. You summed up to a tee how I've been feeling lately.

 

But I'm sure you must have some good qualities. You can write well and articulate yourself very well, you sound smart, you have deep emotions, and this is just from your post. I'm sure you've got a lot more good qualities than that!

 

But I understand where you're coming from. Let me guess... you feel down on yourself because you're alone and/or have been hurt in the past. I can relate; trust me, I can relate. I'm not gonna tell you to change your attitude, you feel this way for a REASON (whatever it may be). So your feelings are perfectly normal and valid.

 

I hope you get through this... heck, I hope we both do. But I'm sure you have some good qualities to think of. You're just focusing on the negative so you can't see the forest for the trees.

[Cloudchaser]

Life can feel that way. Life can suck sometimes, BUT! There are ways to make yourself both feel better and to attract many people to you.

If you don't think you have the superficial beauty or charm to attract friends or lovers, do not fret, there are ways to develop and discover your deeper self which radiates superior beauty and charisma than any skin deep beauty. I know it sounds like that worn clesh'e, "beauty is only skin deep", but there is great truth in this.

When we feel that others do not like us, or retreat from us, it can create a self defeating circle. We may try too hard or cling, or come accross as desperate, which repels people even more. But this circle can be broken. This is achieved by becoming more of yourself. And there are some simple techniques to uncover more of your being and thus find your center. You are more than you think you are. The Psychologist Carl Jung said: " If you have not yourself you have nothing at all." At times Prenkle, you feel that you are nothing. But really you are a limitless something. Jung realized that nearly all people go through life not really knowing themselves and thereforeeee not really knowing others. He came to the conclusion that to become more of who we are is to bring our awareness further into our unconscious (or its older term. the subconscious). Our conscious self, the person we think we are, is only the tip of the iceberg to our fuller self, our more powerful self. The old saying that we only use 10% of our brains has some truth. We only use a small portion of the power of our minds, the writer Colin Wilson made the comparison that our being is a grand mansion, but we only live in a small closet, not knowing who we really are. But this is science. Our unconscious mind is much more wise and powerful than our small consciousness. What am I getting at? How is this going to help you? Well, by becoming more of yourself you will radiate an aura and a presense that will attract others to you. Have you ever been somewhere, and someone comes into the group, or into the room, and you can feel something about them, even if they remain silent? They have a presense that attracts others. They have possession of themselves, they are grounded, they are out of the ordinary, this makes others want to know them. They might not be the best looking people in the world, but they are more attractive than pretty people. Good actors actually are trained to mimic this presense through what is called "veiling". They bring up an extreme emotion for a scene, then they veil it, subdue it, and the effect is they smolder! Prenkle, you too can smolder. Your being can silently smolder with a powerful presense that will bring feelings of awe in others. You can do it the easy way like the actors, but because with the actors it is not real, once you have swooned someone with your fake smolder, their attraction would wear off. So you must do it for real, and this will take a little effort on your part. But it will change your life, I promise. By the way, I am an Author and a Philosopher and I write about subjects like this. I don't want to say who I am so you don't think I am trying to sell you a book LOL, But I thought you would like to know I have had many years experience in these areas, and have completed much study and research. I have made a good income from my writing so I like to now come to forums and give some free advice. If people take the advice or not, it is up to them.

So how do you become more of yourself and smolder with presense? First you must light more of your powerful unconscious mind. This is achieved by stilling your mind. Still your mind of words, and initially, just about everything. You will find once you mind is silent your deeper being (unconscious)can reveal itself to you and you will become more. Here are some techniques to help from fellow writer Dorothea Brande:

‘Choose a simple object, like a child’s gray rubber ball (it is better not to select anything with a bright surface or a decided highlight). Hold the ball in your hand and look at it, confining your attention to that one simple object, and calling your mind back to it quietly whenever it begins to wander. When you are able to think of the object and nothing else for some moments, take the next step. Close your eyes and go on looking at the ball, thinking of nothing else. Then see if you can let even that simple idea slip away.

‘The last method is to let your mind skitter all it pleases, watching it indulgently as it moves. Presently it will grow quieter.’

My own method is to do, in my mind, a continuous ‘Shhhh…’ that is louder than my thoughts. Eventually, the ‘chattering monkey’ cannot hear itself and becomes quiet, and then you can stop shushing and have perfect stillness. If you can, try practicing stilling the mind at least once a day. If you do this your periods of successful stillness will get longer and longer. It is best, initially, to sit or lie alone and comfortably still. Really, this is all you need to do. Practice this and you will become your more powerful self. Once your fuller self has "awakened", it will know how to awaken more. If you find yourself in a situation that you find stressful, or a social situation where you don't know what to say, or you are trying too hard and making a goof of yourself, just still your mind and trust your deeper self to take over, because it will. It is smarter and better at doing things than you, let it take over. Still your mind and let your larger being surround you and make the way through life for you. Don't be lazy. Just practice stilling your mind because it will make a difference. At least try, you will be amazed. There are some other techniques to help you relax, both to help the still mind meditation, and in life in general. It is a paradoxical technique borrowed in part from the Buddhist monk's practice of letting go of desire. Sit down, relax, and feel your feelings. Then go through whatever is bothering you one by one and let it go. For example: you say: "I don’t think anyone can love me enough to want to be with me." Say, "I let go of the need for anyone to love me and want to be with me". Say, "it doesn't matter." I know it sounds dumb to let go of precisely what you want, but what you are doing is letting go of the need, not the want. If we need something from someone we are a burden to them and they will be repelled by this. As we let go of the needs we become more centered. And with the still mind meditations, our being, our self, becomes more, so that we really don't need others so desperatly, and we can make a calm choice about what we want. The singer Bono from U2 wrote: "if you hold onto something too tight you've already lost it". Its a catch 22. To get what you want you have to let go of it.

Can you imagine yourself, going into a small group of people at work or at school or at a social occasion, and not needing anything from them? Not approval, or recognition, or even acknowledgement? You walk in and sit, or linger in silence, not eyeballing anyone, not seeking anything because you have let it all go, and because you have stilled your mind and allowed more of yourself present. Do you not think they will feel the presense of someone unique?

Anyway, give it a go if you want to find that endless something and never fell like nothing again.

 

Oh, and always remember that line from Old Blue eyes song, "Love is just a glance away".

[Arielle]

Wow! That was quite a post, Cloudchaser!

 

Prenkle, I feel your pain, too. I'm currently not actively looking to date for various personal reasons, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life like that.

 

A lot of people will ask "How come you don't date?" The truth of the matter is, nobody asks me out!

 

I don't have a lot in common with most people. I've been described as odd, quirky, marches to her own drummer, that sort of thing. I'm also considered a Plain Jane.

 

However, every once in a while I'll meet men who are quite similar to me and will go absolutely nuts over me. I trust that there are more men out there, so I don't worry about not having a huge supply of men fawning over me.

 

I don't know if this is practical advice for you, but I think if you keep cultivating your best qualities, someone will appreciate you eventually.

[mmmending]

okay.. you left this post about 9 days ago.. do you still feel this way with the same intensity?

 

i used to feel very rueful about the fact that things change, now i totally love it that this is so