Any success stories?

[Diggitydave]

??????????????

[Diggitydave]

lots of negative in here. any positive?

[jman311]

I think by nature most people who got their ex's back would be less likely to be in these forums anymore, or at least not as often ...

[chai714]

Depends on what you define success to be. If success means getting your ex back, is it truly success? Why would you hold one person in such a high light that you consider getting them back, "success."

 

You can have "success" regardless of whether you get your ex back or not. I say this because I've lived it. Although I never did get my ex back, in the process I learned much about myself that I would have never known before. I consider this to be somewhat of a success. So, success is relative. You'll see many people who do get their ex back whose relationship turns out to be the same and end in failure, you'll see people who will conduct obscene bargaining (such as buying someone a car, buying their own self a new car, or other irrational purchase) to get their ex back. It works sometimes - sure, some do get their ex back. Is that success? In my book, no. Rather, if you take time to learn about yourself, analyze the relationship and your ex parter and learn how to fulfill both yours and your parters emotional needs and THEN get back together - this is success.

[tylercdurden2004]

I was "successful" for two years......but now I am unsuccessful. Oh well. Next!

[Dako]

I'm successfully free of wanting her back.

[NJRon]

I second that Dako... it took almost 6 months for me... but my life is finally back to being fully under my control, and I like it. I feel better than I have ever felt before, during or after.

[Dako]

NJRon,

Congratulations! It's a great feeling to cut that cord and be free.

[keenan]

Congrats to both of you.

 

That cord is cutting off the circulation to my brain (though my heart seems to be getting plenty of blood).

[Dako]

Those are your best parts. Treat them well.

[tylercdurden2004]

I second that Dako... it took almost 6 months for me... but my life is finally back to being fully under my control, and I like it. I feel better than I have ever felt before, during or after.

 

Absolutely! Success can only be defined in yourself. Letting go whether they come back or not is the measure to look at.

[NubianLove]

You also have some folks with success stories, who never come back to the board to post them. When the going is good, folks seem to forget, so its normal that most people on here would be those who didnt quite get back too.

[drum4god]

I have posted my story a few times on here, but for the benefit of the thread I will do it again. I was dating a women for about 3 months. I liked this girl for about 2 years, and when I finally dated her, I lost a little control. I fell madly in love, and was moving way too fast. She was sort of onboard in early in the relationship but became a little more distant as we approached the holidays (Christmas and New Years). She went to Puerto Rico to visit some family for New Years. She came back a week later and seemed even more distant. The straw the broke the camel's back was when she didnt' return my call for 2 days. I asked her about and she gave me a lame excuse. I then asked why she was becoming distant. She said she didn't feel the same way about me, and broke up. I sort of seen it coming, but it hurt like hell. I didn't beg her back. I just took it like a man, and went on my way. After the breakup I went strict NC. No calls, e-mails, just a little wave at church. I made sure that when she saw me at church I would do my best to show I was O.K, and I did. During the breakup I did everything I could to take my mind off of her. I worked out hard, played alot with my band, and prayed and read alot.

About 7 weeks later, I run into her at church. Though I was dying inside, and had tremdous butterflies I acted cool. I was cordial, and showed that I was O.K. I left church almost convinced it was over. She didn't show anything that would indicate she was interested.

She then e-mails me a few days later. Saying she wanted to know if her and her friends can see my band play. She also said she didn't like I was keeping my distance, and wanted to talk. I didn't jump at her request to talk right away, but finally asked her about it 2 weeks later, and we met at Starbucks.

She told me she missed me, had feelings for me, and wanted to give it another shot. She told me moving too fast scared her. She said she isn't the type that falls in love right away. It takes her time.

So where are we now? Its been almost a month, and its been great. She seems more responsive. More affectionate, and even talked about having kids and wedding (not necessarily with me, but the fact she didn't talk much about it before, and is now is big). She is in Mississipi now helping the Katrina victims with my church, and has called me 2 times. Yesterday, she left a message on my machine, and said she was thinking about me, and ended the conversation with I will speak to you later "Sweetie". Again, this is not earth shattering stuff, but she never did this before.

 

We are together, and by know means is this in the bag. She could flake on me again, but I don't think it will happen. The big difference is me. I changed. I am not that needy guy I was before. Yeah, I have some worries and some insecurities, but I am doing everything to not let them rule me. I try to have a mindset of being the prize, instead of her being the prize. I feel so much more relaxed when I am with her. I am confident, I make her laugh all the time, having fun, and most importantly I am myself. I don't think I was before.

 

I have to admit this board was a Godsend. It introduced me to the NC concept. If not for this board I would have called her, and it might have cost me any chance of getting back with her. For those who are struggling I want to endorse going NC. It works. It may not get your ex back, but it will make you stronger. Here is what it did for me.

1. It gave me time to reflect on what I did wrong. Yes, I know alot of people here are victims are some messed up crap like cheating, abuse, and having your ex's leave out of the blue. But there is something in you that contributed to them breaking up. During the time I realized how needy I was acting, and how impatient I was. Its funny I put myself in her shoes, and said if I were her I probably would have done the same thing.

2. It helped me get more in touch with my spiritual side. I know there are a few here that are not religious, or spiritual, but if you are, use this time to pray, go to church, and read your bible, koran etc. I am Christian, and the time away, has gotten me much closer to God. It gave me a lot of peace during my breakup, and I know my ex saw that when she ran into me.

3. It showed me I can live without her. Yes, it was rough, and at times I cried, but I lived. In fact I did the things I love even with more passion. I played with my band and played my drums better than ever, I worked out harder in the gym, and did everything possible to move on with my life. I had a life before her, and knew I had a life after her.

4. Not calling her, or e-mailing her, showed her a strength that she probably didn't think I had. I don't care, its human nature to wonder why someone that was so nuts about you, seems like they are suddenly O.K. It displays strength and self-control, which is a very attractive quality. This also helps if they get back with you. My girlfriend knows, if she breaks up with me now, its really going to be over. She knows I can live without her, and that enpowering.

 

NC is the way to go. If you get tempted to call, DON'T DO IT! Think as NC as muscle, the more you work the stronger you will become. It may not seem like it at the time, but it does make you stronger. You will be stronger, if they come back, or you will be stronger to move on. Its a win-win.

[NubianLove]

Wonderful post, I totally agree. I believe my breakup was overdue and God sent, I'm Christian, and I had been lacking in my spiritual growth, folks wonder how I'm able to be calm after 8yrs, and I say its because of faith in God's plan for my life, it really keeps me smiling. I dont think my ex ever thought I could go strict NC with him, I think deep inside he expects me to call or text begging, like I had always done b4, something he didnt like. Plus now I can see life without him, I had other goals outside of him and I've to remind myself of that.

Thanks for the reminder.

[RayKay]

Sure...my success is after a few months of ups and downs, I healed and moved on, realized how much better I was without all that pain, and met someone absolutely wonderful and amazing whom treats me with absolute respect and total love.

 

"Success" comes in many, many forms Sometimes it turns out what we really needed was not what we spent so much time wanting.

[chai714]

I'm successfully free of wanting her back.

 

Dako - this is great news. Glad to hear about it.

 

After a while, you don't have much of a choice - learn to adapt and swim or let the pain consume you and drown.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I have been successful with not talking to my ex (whom I dated for almost 4 years) for 4 months. I have no urge to contact him whatsoever.

 

I have been successful of getting my butt back to the gym and pumping iron.

 

I have been successful at keeping a journal.

 

I have been successful of putting my needs first.

 

Like the others pointed out...success comes in many different forms. Thanks for asking though.

[babypink61]

After going out for about a year my bf and I went on a break for about a week and then he came over the one night and we had a little talk. He wanted a breakup but I convinced him to stay with me and work things out. One week later he broke up with me again and it was pretty tough on the both of us. We still kept in touch after that and would email each other occasionally because we wanted to remain friends. The time apart gave me a lot of time to look back at our relationship and re-evaluate everything. I was sad over the whole thing but I didn't let myself get all depressed and fall into a slump. I tried to move on with my life and went out and hung out with my friends. It made me stronger in a way because I've learned some much from this relationship than my previous ones. A couple of weeks later he contacted me and wanted to talk . . . apparently the breakup made him realize how much he missed me and he wanted me back in his life. I was skeptical because I didn't want to get hurt again . . . but I love and care for this man so much that I decided to give it another shot. Well that was about two months ago and I am happy to say that we're still going strong I've learned to open up to him more and we've both learned to make compromises (he used to complain that I never tell him what's on my mind).

[Midgi]

I was successful in getting my ex back! Twice!

 

And unsuccessful in keeping him. Twice.

 

Now I am unsucessfully trying to move on.

[eljose]

Yes, I remember the my first love dumped me on my birthday. Ouch. It bothered me so much, I instictively went into No Contact. As much as I wanted to see her, I just could not believe a decent person would dump someone they loved on their birthday. Stone cold.

 

I found out two months later that she was dating someone else. Other than a few whiny calls right after she dumped me I had no contact with her at all.

 

Six months after the break, she called wanting to go out, we went on a date, I was upbeat and having a good time. As we wraped up the date, she came clean, admitted she had made a mistake and said she wanted to start seeing me again.

 

Is this the kind of story you had in mind?

[confusedashell]

Present!

 

Broke up for about 5 months (her doing). Eventually got back together and everythings going great!

[Demond34]

holy crap, good going man, I remember you last year.....i thought there was no way you were going to let her back in after what she was doing to you. I remember that you were moving away but had to remain in contact with each other because of your kid.............I'm glad everything is going good for you, thats great!

[Phoenix69]

Success Story here, although it has taken a while. We are still working on our issues but we have been back together for 3 weeks, and so far so good.

[007]

That's so great for you guys! I hope that I too can post my success story here...although it's been almost a half year now that we have been apart. It's been NC for 4 months now. I finally decided to give it up in January.

 

Again, congrats to those that are having a 2nd chance with their loves!

[onmyownagain]

Been back with my wife for four months now. Hard work but we are getting there.