Going further

[MewSkitty]

I have this friend online, and I want to get closer to her. All I want to do is get her mailing address so we can send letters back and forth, but every time I ask her she says it's not safe and she get's all mad and stuff. Is there any way I could talk her into letting me have her mailing address? You see, I have an obsession with handwriting and letters. I love to collect samples of people's handwriting and send letters back and forth. It's my way of connecting with people. So, is there a way to talk her into giving it to me, or should I just let things be? IMO there's no such thing as unsafe online unless it involves hacking. I give out and even post personal information like address, name, phone number ect. and nothing has happened or will happened to me. I just don't she why she's so scared to give me her address.

[Lansing]

Because she is a girl! And if she is your age that is an extra reason! For all she knows, you could actually be some 50 year old guy pretending to be a 16 year old.. I think she is wise not to give you her address....

 

Maybe you can scan your letter and send it to her.. I know it isn't the same.. but, at least it is better than nothing!

[MewSkitty]

We're good friends, we both trust each other a lot. She just acts all weird when I ask her for her mailing address.

[b8s]

she's a girl.. i know i wont give out personal info. and when someone is pressuring me i tend to back right off and not want to talk with them. don,t press to hard!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Ummm...maybe because she doesn't want you turning up on her doorstep? Why don't you be honest about your motives. In this day and age email works just as well as letters. You want to know exactly where she lives.

[MewSkitty]

Ummm...maybe because she doesn't want you turning up on her doorstep? Why don't you be honest about your motives. In this day and age email works just as well as letters. You want to know exactly where she lives.

Due not my obsession with letters. I don't care where she lives or anything like that. I just want to have a sample of her handwriting!

[DN]

If it's really just her handwriting you want you don't need to have her address - you just need to give her yours.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Due not my obsession with letters. I don't care where she lives or anything like that. I just want to have a sample of her handwriting!

 

....mmmmhhhmmmm.....

[MewSkitty]

....mmmmhhhmmmm.....

You don't understand. This is a real obsession. You see, I have OCD and it's getting worse every month. I get obsessed with more and more things as weeks go by and I do more and more rituals. I don't know how much time I have left before I have to get put on meds for it or get put in an institute. I just want to collect as much writing samples as I can before I can no longer make new friends.

[Scout]

You don't understand. This is a real obsession. You see, I have OCD and it's getting worse every month. I get obsessed with more and more things as weeks go by and I do more and more rituals. I don't know how much time I have left before I have to get put on meds for it or get put in an institute. I just want to collect as much writing samples as I can before I can no longer make new friends.

 

Quite frankly, if you continue to persist her about this, you're not gonna get emails from her anymore either, much less a letter. I'm a little concerned by your "obsession" here, to be honest. You're putting what you want as more important than her feelings of safety - and that is not exactly reassuring behavior.

 

Like DN said, she can send you a letter without her return address on it, and you'll have another "sample" for your collection. Which, to be honest, sounds strange, too. You really don't see why this girl is getting freaked out by your requests?? They're odd.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Well if that is true, then that is actually quite scary for this girl in question. You should not continue to ask for her address, and you should talk to your health care provider right away. Treatment may help you. Perhaps you need an SSRI.

[Lady Bugg]

I hear Twilight Zone music...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Mee tooo! lol..

[oki1029]

you know, I was thinking.. maybe its not so much you're 'obsessed' with her.. perhaps, and I don't mean to offend you by this.. maybe you just have alot of friends who 'use' you, or who aren't really your friend.. and finally you've found someone who treats you with respect and dignity, and you want to bring her into your everyday life. its like.. you have so many things going the wrong way, and you just want to fix one thing so that it works for you. there's nothing wrong with that.. but I suggest before jumping the gun on getting her address, maybe give her your phone number, tell her she can call you from a private non-disclosed line and you two can talk. that way, she can pick up personality traits and really 'sense' who you are, because, simply, text just doesn't show any kind of emotion. and I know that can be frustrating.. but the more you two talk one on one, and laugh, make jokes, the more she'll want to find out more about you on a one-on-one envirenment. take it slow.. have patience. if you force this and get angry, I promise you'll only end up with her blocking your emails completely. just sit back.. it will fall into place.

[annie24]

I think she sounds like a smart girl, not giving out her mailing address to a random person!

 

You can always ask her to scan a letter and upload it online, and sent it to you that way.

 

but, I think you should cherish her words more than her handwriting.

[MewSkitty]

I know my habits may seem odd, but she understands that. That's probably the only reason she still talks to me. Well, I'll give her some space for now, I'll just find other people to collect. Anyways.....I forget what I was going to say but it was something worth saying. I hate it when my brain freezes up on me.....wait I remember now: I know I have multiple mental illnesses like OCD and autism, but because of this I can find out who's truly worth being friends with. People who don't care about me will stop talking to me soon because of the weird things I say and do, but those who really care about me stay as my friend. So, you can call this looking on the bright side of things I guess.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Well if you have autism and ocd, i am certainly not without compassion for you, but like i said you should try working with your health care providers on some medications and behavioral therapy as they may be very beneficial to you. But until you have a better grip on things, you should take care of your friend too, you see?

[annie24]

I too think you should try to get this under control with your health care provider.

 

I understand that wanting her handwriting is OCD-driven, however, it is rather strange and maybe she's afraid you will show up at her house one day with a gun. you never know, there are some really messed up people out there. even if your motives are harmless, just to collect letters, it is freaking her out.

 

I think you should really talk to your health care professional and get things under control. I would hate to see you pushing away people with your unconvential behavior.

[MewSkitty]

I used to go to a counsiler, but she stopped having meetings with me because I'm so stubborn. I don't know what to do.

[Scout]

Try another counselor. A truly talented, knowledgeable one will know how you put you at ease and help you open up a bit. This one sounded like a quitter, and that's hardly professional.

[MewSkitty]

I don't like asking people for help. I love to help others, but not be helped in return. I only ask for help as a last resort. Besides, I live in the middle of no where, who can I go to for help?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

yes, try someone else, it can't hurt, and if you have to try someone else after that, it's ok, there are people who are trained and have an innate understanding of your issues, so don't give up.

[AwdreeHpburn]

well Mew - you came here! You can come here for help!

 

I do think that while you may think she understands your ocd, she probably doesn't understand it as well as you do. You live it, feel it and live it.

 

I hope you understand too that often times, what people don't understand they sometimes fear.

 

There's nothing wrong with that reaction, it seems a fairly common one. But she IS uncomfortable with sharing that information. Not just with you, I have a feeling she wouldn't share that with anyone. And I think you should respect that.

[tylercdurden2004]

First off I will say I have been heavily invovled in the autism field. Are you getting any kinda of therapy such as ABA? Its not abnormal for people with Autism Spectrum Disorder to have some sort of "pet" interests. Some organize books, items in there room etc religiously, so the handwriting thing is not at all surprising to me. Of course ASD seriously impairs social interaction skills so I can see how you are not understanding her point of view. This is not behaviour that is acceptable in "normal" society and you need to find another way to deal with your need for handwriting. Maybe sign up for a pen pal web site or try to connect with people who live in countries where internet may not be an option and they want a pen pal to practice english with. I would also recommend you look at getting therapy.

[Scout]

First off I will say I have been heavily invovled in the autism field. Are you getting any kinda of therapy such as ABA? Its not abnormal for people with Autism Spectrum Disorder to have some sort of "pet" interests. Some organize books, items in there room etc religiously, so the handwriting thing is not at all surprising to me. Of course ASD seriously impairs social interaction skills so I can see how you are not understanding her point of view. This is not behaviour that is acceptable in "normal" society and you need to find another way to deal with your need for handwriting. Maybe sign up for a pen pal web site or try to connect with people who live in countries where internet may not be an option and they want a pen pal to practice english with. I would also recommend you look at getting therapy.

 

Great, practical advice. Mew, I hope you take it to heart. Re-read it a couple of times if you must. It sounds like Tyler knows what he's talking about.