StarryEyedSuprise Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I've recently met this guy through my mom and his. After weeks of talking we've finally become GF and BF.. he's 27 and I am 23... great. But the thing is he lives 4 1/2 hrs away from me... long distant relationship... We take turns seeing each other... and when we're together he's very affectionate, but on the phone he's not... not one bit... and the only time he calls me is when he's done with his buddies... i hate being last and so when he does call its late (10pm) and we talk for an hour.. Now yesterday night i jokinly asked him " so when are you coming" (it was his turn) and his answer was " you know it does get expensive driving back and forth"... ouch!...I dont know if I am over reacting.. should i be patient... does he even know what he wants.. im so confused.. am i just wasting time. Link to comment
xblondyx Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Long distance relationships are ALWAYS hard. And he's right, it is expensive. LD relationships hardly ever work out, so, my advice to you is find someone closer to home. There's nothing worse than being stuck in the house waiting for your LD bf to get in touch. Go out with your friends and meet someone new!! Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Welcome to ENA StarEyedSurprise! I'd 86 this one...and do it sooner than later before you start getting attached. You're wasting your time with him. There are plenty of wonderful guys who will be excited to be dating you, won't make you feel confused, and will be closer to you... NEXT!!!! Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 wow Starry - yeh, tough call. Ouch is a good reaction, I think. Just so I can get a better understanding of where you are in this, for you, is this like, THEE guy? Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 LD relationships hardly ever work out Relationships "hardly ever work out" thats why most people end up in several before they find the one! LD or not. Sounds more like this guy is just not into you. He doesnt want to make the effort so dont see it as anything more than what it is. Its a long distance casual and might I add expendable relationship. Dump him and move on to someone who wants to put the time in with you. Link to comment
DN Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I think before you dump him you might ask him how he feels about the relationship and decide together if you both think it worth continuing. Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 He could have at least put it in better words when he said it was too expensive lol. I think i would have been a little hurt too. He could have said something like "when i have enough money" or something. That seemed a little harsh. I personally dont think the feelings of feeling second are going to change. Long distant relationships are hard like that. You can find someone else and be a lot happier, believe me. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I agree with frisco..... NEXT!!! Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 LDR's can work out if you want them to. It just seems like he doesn't want it to, and isn't putting much if any effort into maintaining it. Time to kick him to the curb. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 You guys just started dating right? This should be the time when you guys are ga-ga-goo-goo for each other and excited about dating. And he's already giving you clear signals of low-non/interest. Do you think this thing is going to get worse or better over time? Especially being 4.5 hours away from each other with no established basis in the relationship yet? Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I agree with frisco..... NEXT!!! And from your avatar StarryEyedSurprise, I'd say you won't be waiting too long... You're hot...now go find a guy who treats you that way! Link to comment
StarryEyedSuprise Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 Just so I can get a better understanding of where you are in this, for you, is this like, THEE guy? Well I really thought things would work out especially since i met his whole and i mean his whole family.. but its cool, i shoudlnt let him see me sweat the small stuff.. theres plenty of fish in the sea.... Link to comment
DN Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Two things you might consider before you talk to him: One: He might be calling you last in the evening so that he is free to talk to you without interruption and give you his undivided attention. Two: It might genuinely be a strain on his finances at the moment to see you so often and he is hoping another way of seeing you might be found that would be more affordable. I am not suggesting this is how he is thinking - just that they are possibilities. As I said before, talking to him before making any decisions to make sure of what he is really thinking might be a good idea. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Frisco, I noticed from a lot of your posts that you appear to have a chronically itchy chin! Have you had it checked out? Link to comment
RayKay Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Sounds to me like the bigger problem might be the fact it is a LDR and that is not the kind of relationship for you. It seems he DOES make time for you, even if it is later. A lot of people (men & women included) aren't much for talking on the phone which of course kinda sucks if you ARE in an LDR! It does not sound like you are top on his priorities, but that may be partly as you are just starting dating too, and in an LDR. It's your choice, but maybe it would be better to talk to each other about your expectations and about how you felt hurt by that comment first? I mean maybe he calls at night when he has the TIME to dedicate fully to you? Or to talk about your day, all of it? Because he wants to hear your voice before he goes to bed and say a goodnight? I was in an LDR before and we were 9 hours away by road...and we both sometimes commented it was expensive! It did not mean it wasn't worth it, but it did add up! (over the 6-7 months of long distance time, I myself probably spent $1500 on travelling there and back 2x a month, and he the same). Obviously don't stay if you are miserable, but I would not so quick to blame the challenges of an LDR on him and lose out on something where apparently you do get along really well and have a good time when together. Link to comment
TheLegend Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 It seems he DOES make time for you, even if it is later. A lot of people (men & women included) aren't much for talking on the phone which of course kinda sucks if you ARE in an LDR! Yes that's right, I personally dislike talking on the phone, I prefer IM or even better, seeing the person. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 I am just coming out of a LDR that was 9-12 hours flying form each other $1500 each time we wanted to see each other. Yes we both spent a lot of money on it. Lasted 3 years and ultimately it was other issues, ones that you get in any relationship, that led to its demise. i should be bitter about LDR but they are like any other relationship just has different challenges. Link to comment
Scout Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 You guys just started dating right? This should be the time when you guys are ga-ga-goo-goo for each other and excited about dating. And he's already giving you clear signals of low-non/interest. Do you think this thing is going to get worse or better over time? Especially being 4.5 hours away from each other with no established basis in the relationship yet? I've got to agree here. That comment about it being expensive driving back and forth also set off some alarm bells for me. If I was in your position and someone said that to me, I'd probably take it as a not-so-subtle hint. Link to comment
StarryEyedSuprise Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 thanks a bunch guys... Link to comment
Scout Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 Two things you might consider before you talk to him: One: He might be calling you last in the evening so that he is free to talk to you without interruption and give you his undivided attention. Two: It might genuinely be a strain on his finances at the moment to see you so often and he is hoping another way of seeing you might be found that would be more affordable. I am not suggesting this is how he is thinking - just that they are possibilities. As I said before, talking to him before making any decisions to make sure of what he is really thinking might be a good idea. But then again....DN does make some valid points here, too. I guess you should just ask the guy himself. As long as you are ready to be genuinely objective and open to his response. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 As long as you are ready to be genuinely objective and open to his response. And be genuinely objective in what actions he will have to display to show his feelings and actions are congruant. Ie if he says he has lots of disposable income yet says its too expensive to see you well you have your answer there. Not matter what he says (and remember people can say anything they want) its the congruency between his actions and words that gives you your answer. Link to comment
friscodj Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 "Congruency". Great word dude...I love it...and valid points you make indeed... As for these guys you posted about earlier, the site doesn't have a guy scratching records so I have to go with scratching the chin... Link to comment
Scout Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 And be genuinely objective in what actions he will have to display to show his feelings and actions are congruant. Ie if he says he has lots of disposable income yet says its too expensive to see you well you have your answer there. Not matter what he says (and remember people can say anything they want) its the congruency between his actions and words that gives you your answer. Amen. Actions + words really need to jibe together. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted March 31, 2006 Share Posted March 31, 2006 [quote=friscodj As for these guys you posted about earlier, the site doesn't have a guy scratching records so I have to go with scratching the chin... I have to completely disagree here. Clearly your avatar on THIS SITE shows someone scratching what would appear to be, in industry terms, DA WAX. But maybe this dude scratching something else. Think men have a habit of that. Link to comment
StarryEyedSuprise Posted March 31, 2006 Author Share Posted March 31, 2006 Two things you might consider before you talk to him: One: He might be calling you last in the evening so that he is free to talk to you without interruption and give you his undivided attention. Two: It might genuinely be a strain on his finances at the moment to see you so often and he is hoping another way of seeing you might be found that would be more affordable. I am not suggesting this is how he is thinking - just that they are possibilities. As I said before, talking to him before making any decisions to make sure of what he is really thinking might be a good idea. those two thoughts have crossed my mind... and i do keep them into consideration. Link to comment
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