Still in shock

[ultrablueviolet]

This year has been full of losses. I finished treatment for breast cancer, my parents died within 5 months of each other and my husband decided he didn't love me anymore and wants out after 20 years of marriage. He is still sleeping on the couch and isn't making a concerted effort to vacate. He is working on it, but not fast enough for me. It has been a month since he made his announcement and I have been on a rollercoaster of anguish, hope, fear and grief. I still have feelings for him, but they are being overshadowed by feelings of anger, and disappointment. I am amazed that he thinks it's okay to take his time getting out, when he knows how much his being here hurts me.

My marriage hasn't been good for a long time, but I was willing to stick with it anyway and try to make it work. The signs that he gave up were apparent before I was diagnosed with cancer.

Well, there is nothing I can do to change his descision and I know it's time to move on. I asked him if he was making any progress on his move and he said he was working on it and asking him every five minutes won't make it happen any faster. I am wondering if I should be firm and give him a deadline, or if I should just let it go and let him leave when he is ready. I still would like to have a cordial relationship with him since we do have a daughter.

[winter2005]

I know exactly how you feel! My husband said he did not want me etc.. I tried for 6 mtnhs to chnage his mind and he did not so I left... I left not because he still did nor make up his mind but the fact he was going out with single friends/seeing other girls calling girls saying we are no longer married. He wanted his freedome i guess.. he regrets it now that i left he calls every day crying..

I say move out for a while.... and see if he calls

[ocrob]

It seems to me that you should file for divorce. This will wake him up and get him moving. You have been through so much and should not have to endure seeing your husband everyday. My ex wife wantede to be separated and when she told me she wanted to date I said we needed to get a divorce. Good luck.

[Lost1n7heDark]

be firm, be strong. dont let anyone get to you like that, it's not fair to you. keep a cool head, though, as to not cause any more conflict between the both of you for the sake of your daughter. good luck.

[DN]

What does he intend to do about the custody of your daughter?

[ultrablueviolet]

Our daughter is 18 and there are no custody issues. I plan to file for divorce when I get back from a trip whether he is still here or not. I need to move on with my life and there are so many doors opening for me!

It's just hard to be dumped, no matter what the circumstances are.

[ultrablueviolet]

Thanks, I am filing for divorce the minute he vacates the house. I have the paperwork already filled out. If he doesn't leave the house by the end of next week, I am filing the following monday and will have a Sheriff serve him with papers and an order to leave the house as he promised.

[Orlander]

You KICK * * *!!! Sorry, I had an episode of adolsecent regression there...but truly taking this action is several steps in the right direction. Even if you wanted to work it out, there is no way it could have worked with him still being in the house.

 

Dont give in. Get him out of that house!! Good luck and keep us posted.

 

 

Orlander

[ultrablueviolet]

After a month of suffering, he finally moved out. I have learned from this forum that having no contact is the best way to go so I am not even going to answer the phone if he calls. He calls only when he needs to get something out of the house, or asks me computer questions etc. My daughter and he can continue their relationship, but I am going to be strong and not be his friend. He doesn't deserve my friendship anyway.

I did slip the other night and called him. We talked for about an hour and it wasn't unpleasant necessarily, but I listened while he told me I got what I wanted. I felt horrible the next day! I couldn't stop crying. The feelings of abandonment just resurfaced and I was a wreck. So, that won't happen again!

Next week, I am filing for the divorce and instead of asking him to come over while I serve him, I am going to have the Sheriff serve him. I don't want to see his face for a long, long time.