I'm such a

[markm]

And she keeps you.

 

What does that mean?

[newbie30]

you check her emails??? are you serious? i don't even know what to say to that. you need to detach ASAP. that is seriously scary!

 

i agree with tylercurden- this has turned into something obsessive

[markm]

you check her emails??? are you serious? i don't even know what to say to that. you need to detach ASAP. that is seriously scary!

 

i agree with tylercurden- this has turned into something obsessive

 

She had it setup on Outlook Express on my computer.

One day I opened it and saw that her emails would come in on it.

I vowed not to check it again.

But I did this morning, and now I deleted the account so that won't happen again.

(that was tough)

[tylercdurden2004]

Mark I am going to be as serious as I can here. i mentioned it in my first post on here. I really think you should check into whether you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Its unhealthy you are obsessing over her and now you are obsessing over this forum. This is now 38 pages long. Are you posting in other forums as well or just here?

[markm]

Mark I am going to be as serious as I can here. i mentioned it in my first post on here. I really think you should check into whether you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Its unhealthy you are obsessing over her and now you are obsessing over this forum. This is now 38 pages long. Are you posting in other forums as well or just here?

 

I only post here.

My thread is so long becuase I just like to document how I feel on it.

I suppose it is more difficult for me to let go than others.

Not sure why I can't just let go. But I have continued with NC.

I really don't want to talk to my friends and family about it anymore, so I post feeling and updates here instead.

[tylercdurden2004]

Do you have any other extremely repetitive behaviours?

[markm]

Do you have any other extremely repetitive behaviours?

 

none at all.

[Big Jim]

You guys are giving him too hard a time. The guy just has a broken heart and is taking it really hard. So I am, I have a couple drinks and talk about it with my best mate (who surprisinlgy hasnt shot me yet), but it makes me feel a hell of a lot better. Mark here, well this is his outlet. I would bet he doenst really talk to anyone else about this. Hey man, if you feel better venting every detail that happens i say go for it. Your posts are coming less frequent with more time in between, shows this is helping you. As for the email thing, im gulity of that too, not that huge of a deal, i know my ex checks mine, ive been signed out randomly before, and would bet majority would once in a while if they could.

I say if this repeated posting helps you man, go for it, you are not crazy or need help, just hurting bad, im there too. Sometimes just bic#%ing about it till you are sick of talking about it helps so much. Hang in there man

[kadvati79]

I agree with Big Jim largely, although I think the checking email thing - in the long run - really hurts you alot more than it hurts them. In my definition it is "holding on too tight".

 

Sometimes we have to let go a little to get alot. I think you're starting to let go a bit, and thats great.

[markm]

Thanks guys.

Yeah, I am getting better bit by bit.

And I've noticed that my posts are becoming less frequent.

I think I have been making our relationship better in my head than it really was.

 

For quiet a while I felt that I didn't want her anymore, but was too scared to end it.

When she moved out I was half relieved and half sad, kind of wanting her to move back, but we weren't on a break as far as I knew.

Then, she meets another guy, I freak out and want her back soooo bad!

 

I think I want her because of the familiarity.

But, I can't even fathom the idea of her with another guy.

And I am certain they are snuggled together as I type this post. (Ahhhhhhh! Torture!!!)

Just felt like she was always my girl (good or bad).

 

I guess I have some growing up to do.

I bet if she came back I would feel great at first but then get the unsure feelings would come back again.

Jeez, I can't win eh? What a dope.

[markm]

Ok, so I've been doing my best lately.

I am not hurting anymore really, and I often feel like I dont want her anymore.

But I still miss her. I wish I could just talk to her about my day like I used to. She was my best friend.

I think about her most of the day even though I'm busy with other things.

The toughest part is when I wake up she is automatically on my mind, and when I'm going to sleep I struggle with knowing she is with someone else.

I do still analyze things, etc.

I know she extended her job here in Arizona, but the job is kind of far away and she is moving to another apartment this weekend that is farther away too.

Everyday is another day I haven't heard from her and it makes me sad. I guess I am hoping she contacts me even though I told her not to.

Most of my memories for the past 3 years involved her, so any story I tell usually involves her.

Living alone at home is becoming normal now. It is feeling less empty here. I just really wish she would call, I miss her terribly.

unfortunately, she is with another man and I don't think I could ever forgive her anyway. I feel bad because I would like to have her back, but she is with someone else. So I feel like if she ever came back I could never accept/forgive her, even though i would like to.

 

Funny thing, I feel bad becuase I have been moving forward, feeling less hurt, feeling less for her and wanting her less. Weird eh?

 

A couple of days ago she sent an email to a friend saying how she has fun with the new guy. But it is still hard letting me go but felt it was for the better. (hmmmm....still thinking about me and trying to justify her actions???)

 

It has been almost 2 weeks since I last had contact with her (she came over to pick stuff up), and had about 3 weeks of NC before that (even though she was contacing me).

[majord23]

Not weird mate - it's natural.

 

Moving forward is something that we have to do - we have no choice, so it's only natural that if we are moving forward out of necessity that we hold on to the things we would like to bring with us - our exes.

 

Missing her is normal, thinking about her is normal and being stuck in a rut is normal.....staying in that rut for an extended period isn't normal though.

 

It sounds like you are making progress mark, and that's great. It doesn't mean that the pain will just disappear, but it *will* ease.

 

The resentment you have towards your ex (as much as I hate to say it) is because you have allowed yourself to monitor her progress and keep up-to-date with what's going on in her life.

 

I am in the dark in regards to what my ex is up to - and while I am certain that she is with someone else...that's as much as I want to know. That gives me enough reason to resent her - choosing someone else over me. I know that I am capable of forgiving her at the moment though - if I was to hear stories of her going away with him etc etc...then I may feel differently.

 

Either way, look at this as a chance to grow mate - and a chance to learn about yourself and what helps you to move on rather than hold you back.

[markm]

Dammit! Why am I feeling worse?

It feels as though the more time that passes the more I miss her.

I was doing great the last few days! I felt like I didn't want her at all.

Now, I just wish I could see her.

I can't believe I haven't spoken to her in so long.

I have a date with a new girl on Sunday which is good.

But, it doesn't make me feel any better.

Guess I'm just not ready to lose her, even though it looks as though I have.

The worst part is going about life without sharing it with her.

I am realizing now more than anything.....she was my best friend.

 

I'm sure maintaining NC is the best, and I will continue it.

But I just wonder how she is feeling, if she misses me.

unfortunately, I'm sure her new relationship is doing better (for now), and I am becoming a distant memory.

I hate this.

[acb_22]

Mark:

 

Would you be willing to have her in your life simply as your best friend? Obviously, most of us want our exes back as our best friend, lover, life partner, etc ... but, could you (or anyone for that matter) accept them back into your lives as 'just a friend?' Without hoping that they will fall back in love with us, the attraction will grow, etc., reconcile things, etc?

 

I'm struggling with that proposition ...

[markm]

Mark:

 

Would you be willing to have her in your life simply as your best friend? Obviously, most of us want our exes back as our best friend, lover, life partner, etc ... but, could you (or anyone for that matter) accept them back into your lives as 'just a friend?' Without hoping that they will fall back in love with us, the attraction will grow, etc., reconcile things, etc?

 

I'm struggling with that proposition ...

 

Oh no, of course not.

I was just saying that I didn't anticipate feeling like I lost my best friend too.

[markm]

Damn....I'm thinking of her more and more now.

Been NC for 2 weeks now after a brief run-in with her, and 3 weeks NC before that (exept she was texting me, but I never replied)

I'm overthinking all the good times, what I would have done different, & what I would do now if she were here.

I miss her so much! I know it's normal.

But, I was feeling fine before, why is it harder now????

[BONO]

Its the third week itch kicking in. I had this, it use to irritate the hell out of me. No pain to gain right ?? Well this is the hard bit. Once you get into 5/6 weeks then 8/9 weeks, you get through the pain barrier. It take TIME but soon you stop counting the weeks, and then you think to yourself Hmmmm , thats odd ??

 

 

Scruff

[markm]

Update:

I'm doing well. Dating a bit.

 

After another 2 weeks of NC.....

Karen (my ex) texts me Sunday at 2:30 am. The text said:

"Are you awake? I'm driving and I don't know that I should be"

So I reply, "yes".

Well, then she calls, and the whole time spoke in a kind of wimpery voice.

She had a couple of drinks and was driving home (idiot)

I told her to pull over and not drive. She asked me to stay on the phone with her while she drive home. She asked how I've been, etc.

I asked, "Why are you calling me?"

She replies, "I don't know who else to call."

(I thought to myself......ummm how 'bout your new bf????)

I told her, "things have been good, and a lot of stuff has happened since you left."

She asked me, "Please tell me what's been going on with you"

At first I said I wasn't gonna tell her, but she insisted.

Well we chatted a bit, I didnt say much. I mostly listened and when I spoke it was with an impartial monotone voice.

She went on to say that she was going home to visit her family in Wisconsin this week.

She then told me that she transfered to another Hospital (she's a nurse) which is about 40 miles away, and she moved to another apartment.

She said, "I had to tell you I was moving. I know it's over, but if I didn't tell you that I moved then it would be over-over"

(ok.....what does that mean?)

She goes on to say that she was thinking she should move back home to Wisconsin. (after meeting the new guy she said she was thinking of not going back)

Toward the end of the call I could tell she was fighting back tears and says, "I miss you". She says that it's hard to not talk to me, etc.

Then she thanked me for talking with her, and we said goodbye.

 

The next morning she calls again, I let it go to voicemail.

She thanked me for talking to her, etc. I couldn't understand much more cause she sounded like she just woke up.

 

Well, she hasn't contacted me since.

But, something must have happened for her to call me at 2:30 am and say she misses me, thinks about moving back home, didn't know who else to call, etc.

Something is up.

[enolaton]

Mark, glad to hear you're slightly better. It won't be the last time she contacts you. She had some alcohol in her when she called you, but was obviously aware she was doing it. Hope you don't read too much into it though. Stay strong and let things take their course.

[majord23]

Update:

I'm doing well. Dating a bit.

 

After another 2 weeks of NC.....

Karen (my ex) texts me Sunday at 2:30 am. The text said:

"Are you awake? I'm driving and I don't know that I should be"

.

 

And that should have been where it ended mark.

 

But you replied, got into a dialogue and are now back to thinking about her and analysing what she said and why she said it.

 

You will probably counter by saying that you were worried because she said she 'shouldn't be driving'.

 

No excuse mate - that is NOT your problem. Get this woman out of your life now.

[Big Jim]

instead of looking at it so negitively, i would think to yourself. Well its been a while since we talked, for all you know she is with that other guy and having a great time, yet she still is obviously thinking about you and missing you. The fact she called the next morning and didnt give the usual, "hey i was drunk sorry shouldnt have called", shows she didnt regret it. Keep moving on man, but realize you are in control now completely. She knows it too. I thnk you handled it well.

[BONO]

Mark Majord right mate.

[acb_22]

I had that problem too -- where I tried to analyze EVERY word that she said, every action, every move she made ... it's not healthy, and you'll drive yourself crazy.

 

It's not easy - but try to take things at face value. She called you - thus, she was thinking about you. Period. That's it. Don't try to get inside her head, what was she intending, what did she mean when she said ... just be happy that you were on her mind ...

[Lady Bugg]

Hey Mark

 

I'm gonna start off on a positive note: I think you handled the call very well..you stayed neautral and noncommital.

 

Now the bad stuff: I think you should not even give her the satisfaction of hearing your voice personally. I would even consider getting your number changed..because as long as she has the ability to contact you..YOU are going to be stuck. Not her. Who cares if she is moving? Let her. It's not YOUR issue, and remember...she has another BOYFRIEND. You are her second choice.

 

Take care.

[markm]

*Update* (Long)

 

Ok, haven't posted since 4-12 when she called me as she was driving home at 2:30 am. That was after another 2 weeks of NC. She then called me the day after leaving a message thanking me for talking.

Since then, she flew back home to Wisconsin to visit her family for a week. She called me several times, leaving messages about thanking me again for talking with her last time. Then a message about how her computer was acting up and she needed help with it. Then a lonnnnng message asking me to call and how she knew I told her parents about the idiot she was dating. She thanked me for telling them, saying it upset her but it showed that I cared about her, etc. And how she didn't like how things ended the last time we saw eachother becuase we didn't hug or kiss.

 

I found out that the new guy broke it off with her (yes again! 4th or 5th time. LOL!)

 

She flew back from Wisconsin early this week. I tried calling her to at least return the call about the computer issue but her phone said it was temp out of service.

Yesterday she emails me, "Can you believe my luck, I lost my phone in the airport. Now I have to buy another one, another $200 down the drain."

So, I replied, "Sorry to hear that. That explains the temp out of service message."

She replies, "When did you try to call?"

Then another message, "Do you think we could go to Costco to get me another phone?"

Later I replied, "sure"

Then she replies later, "Got a new phone, guess I couldn't wait. But you can call me now if you want

 

A few hours later, I go out for Happy Hour with my friend and his sister. We sat outside on the patio bar.

A few hours go by and I see Karen (my ex) walk by with some friends! So I go over and tap her on the shoulder and said "hi".

It surprised the heck out of her! I then said hello to her friends and quickly said bye. She asked why I had to go so fast and I just replied I've got to go. So I sit back down.

She then comes over and says hello to me and my friends for a few minutes and then went back inside the resteraunt. I was about to go but I had to go back to see her before I left. So I got up and went insided the resteraunt. She was with a bunch of people from work. She got up and we talked for quite a while right in front of the whole resteraunt (felt like an hour). We talked about how things were going, etc. She began crying several times. She was saying it was just still hard. But I just talked with a big ole smile on my face the whole time. She even asked why I was smiling so much. She said she came over the other day to my house to see if I was home, but I wasn't. She didn't like that we didn't hug the last time we saw eachother. She said that whenever she does new activities she wonders if I would enjoy doing them too. She doesn't like not being able to tell me about the things she does.

She teared up several times. She inquired about my dating situation several time, but I was very vague about it.

Well, she gave me a BIG hug twice, and we gave a little peck on the lips.

She asked me to give her call.

She asked for a second if I wanted to hang out with her and her friends, But I said was going to a party. But when she sat back down I asked if she would like me to stay, but she then said no, because she didn't want to ignore her friends. So I said "OK" and left.

 

I didn't get a call, or a text message after that. Thought that I would have.

Now, I can't get her out of my mind again. I wondered if I should start initiating communcation since she has been calling, email me, and seems to miss me. Perhaps she is waiting for me to make the next move?