I'm such a

[markm]

couseling? jeez.

I think maybe when I have her I don't really want her, but I don't want anyone else to have her either.

Kind of sick, eh?

It's been such an up and down relationship that was so challenging and I guess I got addicted to it.

There were so many things about her that bothered me.

She drove me nuts!

But all of a sudden I forget how all those bothersome things made me feel.

Perhaps my ego is just hurt.

Even when I felt I didn't want her, just knowing she wanted me made me feel OK.

The minute I felt she didn't want to be with me, I would get all worried and cave.

I think our whole relationship was based on who was in power, sort of speak.

[solo34]

M&M, U been going through this 4 3 years? I mean, coming on here about the SAME girl? Wow, man...wow.

 

Nothing wrong with U, I just didn't realize that she put U through all this.. coming on here, etc. 4 3 years.

 

Maybe U should seek out a professional...some one on one with a pro would do U some good, I bet.

 

Just give it a thought, man. You'll learn things that can help U, and then U can come on here and help us with your new knowledge, as well.

 

-Solo34

[deejay74]

But, the instant she told me she started seeing someone I freaked out!

All of a sudden I wanted to be with her and I felt like I love her and can't live without her, etc.

Why did that happen?

 

i'm sorta guessing here, but it seems like this is a case of wanting what you can't have.

 

she "beat you to the punch" and now you're the one who was left behind and now you feel hurt because of it. now that you found out she's with someone else, you now know getting her back is not going to happen.

 

i don't if this is accurate or not, just a guess.

[deejay74]

couseling? jeez.

 

why "jeez" - i am seeing a therapist and it's helping A LOT! they are professionals and can help you sort out your feelings and issues.

 

like my therapist was saying to me, it's not about my ex, it's about ME. perhaps it's the same for you. try it out, it can't hurt and there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

[Scout]

It's up to you Mark. If you think it's more embarrassing to go to counseling than to pine for a girl who went to visit another man while she was living with you and you still took her back...and basically repeated the same thing over and over for the next two years afterwards...that's your choice.

 

In all honesty, I don't think we can help you. Because I don't think you're really coming here for help. I think you're coming here to continue to talk about this girl and to feed your addiction to obsessively thinking about her. And that's not really fair to us, is it? Or to other posters who could be benefiting from our time and feedback.

 

That being said, if I didn't have some sympathy for you, I wouldn't have stayed on this thread for so long. But at this point, I think the best way to help you is stop trying to. I'm sorry, man.

[markm]

M&M, U been going through this 4 3 years? I mean, coming on here about the SAME girl? Wow, man...wow.

 

Nothing wrong with U, I just didn't realize that she put U through all this.. coming on here, etc. 4 3 years.

 

Maybe U should seek out a professional...some one on one with a pro would do U some good, I bet.

 

Just give it a thought, man. You'll learn things that can help U, and then U can come on here and help us with your new knowledge, as well.

 

-Solo34

 

LOL, wait a minute!

I came on her over a year ago about some problems back then.

But they were resolved.

I just got back to this site a few weeks ago when she broke it off.

[Scout]

I came on her over a year ago about some problems back then. But they were resolved.

 

Mark...your thread history is up in plain site. You first started coming here in 2003, because she had left you. You then put another thread when it happened again. And then we have this thread, where the same thing is happening...again.

 

Let's just say, you've gotten a tremendous amount of feedback on basically one issue...more feedback than any other poster I've seen, to be honest, if you add it all up. And yet here we still are...three years later.

[markm]

Mark...your thread history is up in plain site. You first started coming here in 2003, because she had left you. You then put another thread when it happened again. And then we have this thread, where the same thing is happening...again.

 

Let's just say, you've gotten a tremendous amount of feedback on basically one issue...more feedback than any other poster I've seen, to be honest, if you add it all up. And yet here we still are...three years later.

 

Well we always ended up getting back together.

But, those times I chased her and worked hard to get her back and it worked.

This time I'm not contacting her at all.

[Nathalie1970]

Not to sound harsh, but it sounds like you were addicted to the drama. You have been on an emotional rollercoaster, been very happy and very sad, but now you have been pushed off (or jumped, which ever way you want to look at it). Heck, we all know that it hurts, pick yourself up, brush yourself off and find a ride that you want to be on, that won't scar you, and you can be happy on.

 

Stay strong, maintain NC and never look back.

[markm]

Well at least I have been maitaining NC.

I havent contacted her in about 2 weeks. (wow can't believe it)

She has called me once and left a message that I didn't return.

And she texted me at about 5 times, and I didn't respond to any of those either.

But that was last week, and since Sunday she hasn't contacted me at all.

So at least I've got that going for me.

[brassplum30]

GREAT job on the NC! Two weeks is rough. Good luck to you- just keep looking forward

[markm]

GREAT job on the NC! Two weeks is rough. Good luck to you- just keep looking forward

 

Thanks.

Well, after almost a week she text me tonight.

Twice actually.

 

"Saw 944 Magazine, thought of you! Hope you are having fun!"

 

Then 20 miutes later, almost the identical message,

 

"Saw 944 Magazine, thought of you! Hope you are doing well!"

 

I'm not responding.

I wish she would quit it though.

Makes it that much harder to move on.

Well, let the NC go on!

[UnBroken]

Hi Mark,

I'm new to this forum and I was just reading through all of the threads on this post of yours. While I can't offer any real advice on your situation since I'm fairly confused myself with my situation, I can say this: We all make mistakes, but it seems to me that the mistakes you made throughout your relationship were either a.) insignificant, or b.) brought on by her actions.

 

You seem like a great, genuine (and not to mention cute!) guy. I can't speak for all women, but as for me, if I could find a guy who cared about me as deeply as you do her, I would be on cloud nine. And I'm saying this to tell you that there is another woman out there who will take the love you offer her and cherish it...not abuse it like your ex is doing and has done throughout the past. You deserve better (we all do).

 

I totally empathise with you, and I truly hope that you find happiness again soon...with or without a new relationship (but definitely NOT with her!).

 

Angie

[Scout]

Well at least I have been maitaining NC.

I havent contacted her in about 2 weeks. (wow can't believe it)

She has called me once and left a message that I didn't return.

And she texted me at about 5 times, and I didn't respond to any of those either.

But that was last week, and since Sunday she hasn't contacted me at all.

So at least I've got that going for me.

 

That's right! And indicates you can do this. Keep it up!

[markm]

Thank you for speaking so highly of me.

But, I didn't show her all the love I had to offer.

I often held it back.

When she moved back from Colorado to live with me (again) I became weary.

I barely snuggled with her.

I would sleep on the opposite side of the bed from her.

I remember waking up in the morning with her and I would just get out of bed. I wouldn't roll over and snuggle at all.

And I knew this all bothered her.

I wish I could do it all over again, and change all that.

But, I did it for a reason I guess. I didn't want to get hurt, becuase I felt that if I become too emotionally involved with her she could hurt me.

And I didn't want to be hurt again. So I kept my distance.

All in all, I just didn't want to wear my heart on my sleave and get hurt, and I had some commitment issues about her.

Now, this is all because of past issues.

2 years ago she broke it off with me and started dating another guy.

Well, I fought like hell to get her back.

She was living in Colorado and I fought like hell to fly there to get her back.

Each time I flew up to Colorado we would get along so well and have sex and it was great.

BUT! The other guy would visit too! And she would cave in and fool around with him too!

This happened a few times and I just kept taking it.

So when she finally moved back to Arizona to be with me, she kept in contact with him which made matters horrible.

For 3 months I was always snuggling with her and loving her, but she would never love me back.

After 3 months of that we finally became close again and she really wanted to be together.

But, her next assignment was in Colorado again.

She said she was gonna move right back after the Colorado assignment was done in 3 months.

But I was pissed because I just figured the other guy would visit her and I'd have to go thru all that hell again.

Well, he never did. She did end it with him and really showed she wanted to be with me.

So she moved right back to Arizona to be together again.

Well, I just held so many grudges against her that I didn't give this time around much of a chance.

That is why I acted the way I did!

Don't get me wrong, we did have many many good times together.

We spent all our time together.

I was always loyal to the core.

I was always there for her, always supportive of her, and would have done anything for her. And she knows that.

[brassplum30]

I know this will be REALLY hard, but it seems like maybe you should move away from this site. It seems to keep you talking and thinking about her. Almost like a way to keep her in the forefront, when, after this amount of time, she should be a memory. You both did things wrong, you both did things right. Try to accept this and move on. You seem like you're trying to 'keep the dream alive' by re-hashing over and over again on here.

 

You're a great guy- get out there and prove it to someone who deserves it!!

[markm]

I know this will be REALLY hard, but it seems like maybe you should move away from this site. It seems to keep you talking and thinking about her. Almost like a way to keep her in the forefront, when, after this amount of time, she should be a memory. You both did things wrong, you both did things right. Try to accept this and move on. You seem like you're trying to 'keep the dream alive' by re-hashing over and over again on here.

 

You're a great guy- get out there and prove it to someone who deserves it!!

 

Thanks.

I just wanted to make sure people understood the situation more clearly.

It has only been 3 weeks since our breakup.

[brassplum30]

Mark...your thread history is up in plain site. You first started coming here in 2003, because she had left you. You then put another thread when it happened again. And then we have this thread, where the same thing is happening...again.

 

Let's just say, you've gotten a tremendous amount of feedback on basically one issue...more feedback than any other poster I've seen, to be honest, if you add it all up. And yet here we still are...three years later.

 

 

MarkM,

 

Ummm... sorry, was just going by the history of your thread? Was Scout wrong?

[UnBroken]

Mark,

Bassplum30 is right. Rehashing this isn't gonna help you, nor will it help others help you. You are telling us what she's done to hurt you, but at the same time, you keep defending her. If you're waiting for someone to tell you that she's the one for you, and that you should fight for her, it's probably not gonna happen.

I would suggest making a list of pros and cons. Pros = all the reasons you would take her back, things about her that make you happy. Cons = what she's done wrong, what you've done wrong, differences, arguments, things you cannot change about her, etc. I think once you've done that it'll help you sort out all your confusion a bit....and help you see things clearly rather than going around in circles.

[brassplum30]

I'd agree. You're a sweet, great looking guy! Get out there!

[markm]

I'd agree. You're a sweet, great looking guy! Get out there!

 

Thanks.

I've been going out a lot lately.

I hate just sitting at home so I go out as much as I can with my my friends.

[markm]

Well just a little update I guess.

I posted that last Friday (St. paticks day) she texts me twice about how someting made her think of me and she asked if I was doing well/having fun.

That was at about 9pm just before she went out I guess.

Well, yesterday I found out from one of her friends that The new guy broke it off with her again (3rd time now) on St. Pattys Night.

This was because Karen told his ex that he was a "bad seed" and smokes to much weed, etc.

And of course his ex (that he has a kid with) told him all about it. (LOL, idiot)

This was right after he got thrown out of some bar.

So yesterday (Sunday), I get 2 emails from her.

One Email was a joke, which was mass mailed to other people at the same time.

I told her not to send me jokes anymore a couple of weeks ago.

Then a second email that said,

 

"Just wanted to know if you went to the comedy show and if it was fun.

I hate that you don't keep in touch once in a while" - Karen

 

Well, it makes me feel kind of good when she contacts me, but it pisses me off too.

I told her not to call me, text me, etc. and she does anyway.

I'm trying to heal and when she does this it makes me fall back a few steps.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to see her or call her, but I am just sticking to the NC.

But I sure wish we had another chance together, even though it is the wrong thing.

I havent contacted her in just over 2 weeks!

She has text me quite a bit, but I just ignore her. And of course last weekend she came over with her family, unexpectedly.

Should I respond to any of her messages?

[deejay74]

Should I respond to any of her messages?

 

no, please don't! please try very hard to move on from this girl. find someone else or do something to stop thinking about her.

 

i know how you feel but my ex has not made ANY attempts to contact me, it's been all me who's broken NC and i've regretted everytime. i do want her to contact me but i don't think that will help me until i've moved on because i've been hurt everytime i saw or spoke to her, even though i tried to act like it doesn't bother me. i've been reading this thread and everyone on here has given you great advice. just stop responding to anything and she'll EVENTUALLY get the message. you really need to try and move on as hard as you can. it'll probably be the best thing you can do.

 

just ask yourself, what would you get if you replied to her messages? you may get a response back but so what? is she going to ask to work things out again? and if she does, will you? so what's the point in responding?

[markm]

OK, I won't respond at all I guess

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Good for you. She's only trying to use you to make herself feel better. If she TRULY cared, she would have been trying to contact you a lot more. Not just after her new BF broke up with her.

 

Scout is right, you really need to stop thinking about her. You're on the way to doing that. Keep up with the NC, if she gets upset with you, you really aren't to blame. You did ask her to not contact you anymore. Nuff said. She made the choice to cut you out of her life. Let her live with that choice and find yourself a woman who won't play with your heart.

 

Good luck to you and great job on the NC. You should feel proud of yourself!