bf checks out other girls when we go out

[shau_nee]

hello, I went out the other nite with my bf and I notice that he's always checking out other girls. It's so noticeable that I know exactly how he does it. It takes him about 5 to 10 seconds to check them out. His eyes go from butt to boobs back to butt. It makes me mad but yet I find humor in it when I catch him in the act. I was wondering if this is a normal guy thing and should I be jealous because we are in a relationship?

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I would talk to him about it and let him know it makes you feel uncomfortable. He may not even realize he is doing it or that is makes you feel bad. Communicate with him.

 

If he continues to do it even though you talked to him about it, then he does not respect you or your feelings. If it gets to that point, then it would be a good idea to re-evaluate your relationship with him and decide whether it is worth the heatache. Good luck with everything and take care.

[Dako]

I think it's normal unless he's ignoring your feelings and being a jerk. Some women turn it into a big fight, some just laugh. He might find your amusement a sign of confidence.

 

A friend of mine used to do it so much in front of his wife I broke ties with him. We had been buddies for almost 40 years.

[keenan]

It's totally normal, but it can be annoying if he's super obvious or does it all the time. Try reciprocating with cute guys and see how your bf reacts. Maybe he'll tone it down a bit then, and do a better job of keeping his eyes on you.

[shau_nee]

well to be honest i feel a little insecure if the girl looks better than me. does that make any sense? i think i have a problem with jealousy. plus if he talks to the girl and seems interested in what she is saying then i will get up and leave. so i only really find humor if they aren't competition.

[Dako]

Tell him just to check out girls you find unattractive.

Seriously, it's nice to want your guy to ignore other women, but if you 're with him long enough he'll be talking to them and looking at them to some degree. That's where trust comes along.

I used to trust my ex traveling on business with guys. I had to, or become a jealous pain in the butt.

[ratherbesailing]

Shaunee -

 

It is one of the curses of being a guy, all genetics, wish we could stop. I love my girlfriend like crazy but its like our eyes are trained to seek out women.

 

When my girlfriend sees another woman she turns to look at me to see if I'm checking her out. I'm so afraid to get caught that I think I can check out a woman in half a second. My eyesight is better than my girlfriend's so I have just enough time to notice someone and then make sure I'm looking in any direction but that when my girlfriend checks to see if I'm looking.

 

It won't completely stop him but my girlfriend would always let me know when she thought I was checking someone out and that has changed my behaviour and made me a lot more aware of what I am doing. I really didn't even realize how often it happened or how obvious it was so I'm glad she at least curbed the habit somewhat.

 

My girlfriend lets me know when she catches me but she is pretty good natured about it. I want her to be happy and I don't want to hurt her so I do the best I can, wish I could stop completely, but that doesn't happen until we die.

[ehg228]

This seems to be something all guys do. Usually if I notice my bf checking out other girls I'll comment about them. If I think she has great boobs, I usually say so. Guys like to look and I'm pretty sure it's impossible for them not to. When you get jealous of the other girls just remind yourself that your bf is with you and not them!

[shau_nee]

I guess I get upset because when we are out with friends they see him doing it too. then someone will say something like he is gonna cheat on me someday. but sometimes I look at other guys too, just not as often as he looks at other girls, I kinda think it's natural to do so but if it's over excessive I'm not really sure, like I said sometimes I see the other girls as competition. Sometimes I wonder if he would try to take one ofthese girls home if I wasn't with him. I think it's pretty normal to feel that way. I'm a pretty confident person but I have my doubts sometimes.

[NJRon]

My girlfriends usually start critiquing their assets loudly... that keeps me from looking too often.

[keenan]

Yeah, it sucks if the other girl is prettier than we are. I think most girls also do that same 'up and down' thing, but the unconscious summary of the process usually amounts to something as shallow and tacky as "Yeah, I could take her" or "Ugh, she wins." I try to always ignore that horrid little devil on my shoulder, though, and try to be even nicer the the girls who are prettier than me, just so I'm one of those hateful bi*tchy women who won't make eye contact with (let alone talk to) other girls. Nasty. As far as your guy doing the same scan, I got to the point where I knew the kind of girls my husband would be inclined to check out, and I'd make a little joke out of it. Sometimes I'd even grin and point it out first, "Hey, my man--she's totally your type!" which would usually result in a hug or a "YOU'RE my type" comeback (After the appraisal, of course!).

[ratherbesailing]

Shaunee -

 

Tell him that other people have noticed him doing it. Tell him when you notice him doing it. If he doesn't at least slow it way down then he may not be a keeper. He should want you to be happy and not want to hurt you. I've already gone on record saying it is natural but if he doesn't care enough to try and curb it then I think you could do better.

[renaissancewoman101]

Funny thing is that guys do it all the time, check out other girls, but then when a girls goes and checks out other guys and their SO notices it, they dont like it and it becomes a problem. Case in point, when I was going out with my ex, he took me to a party that his friend (who is part of a jazz band) was hosting. I was having a good time and saw a guy there that I found cute and also he was very intellectual (I heard him talking about some books he had read) so I struck up a conversation with him and kinda looked him over. When my ex saw I was doing that, he felt insecure and he kinda butted in and didnt want me talking to him.

 

If guys want to check out girls, they shouldnt mind if their gfs do the same.

[shau_nee]

if my bf notices me looking at another guy. we will immediately leave. sometimes I won't even be looking exactly, just looking in the direction of another guy and he will get pissed. he even gets mad if we go out to eat and have a male waitor. why be so jealous of a waitor???

[ratherbesailing]

Shaunee -

 

Now your boyfriend is starting to sound a bit strange. I get jealous if another guy is showing interest in my girlfriend but I don't get mad (especially at her) and it isn't her fault for being so damn attractive.

 

Does he get mad at you with no reasonable cause? Does he really make you leave somewhere you wanted to stay?

 

I'd say it is time to take inventory on his good points and bad.

[shau_nee]

yes he gets really mad if i talk to other guys and stuff like that. but then he's always talking to and hugging other girls and expects me to say nothing. he says as long if he's not touching on them or they are not touching on him that I shouldn't worry.

[Dako]

Sounds like he's a bit loony.

[ratherbesailing]

Shaunee -

 

It could be you don't need to worry about him talking to other girls, that I understand. What I don't like hearing is that he wants to control who you talk to and he's so one sided about the whole thing.

 

Do your friends like him and think he's good for you? Do you like him and think he's good for you? Don't settle thinking a guy has the right to treat you unfairly.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

He does sound rather hypocritical, which probably stems from his own insecurity?

Big important talk is needed here, either way.

 

I have problems with this too, but mainly because I have gender issues (with myself, I feel like I should be a guy) so Im jealous of any woman who is happy being a woman..which externally at least is a LOT.

[annie24]

He does sound rather hypocritical.

 

I don't mind if my bf looks at other women. I wouldn't appreciate gawking at them while I'm trying to talk to him, but glances are fine with me. And of course, I never see him looking at other women.

 

Your guy sounds really insecure to me.

[Scout]

I think we all check out attractive people to an extent, but most of my boyfriends have at least tried to hide it from me. The ones that were blatant about it were also jerks in other aspects. I couldn't help but notice the correlation.

[PocoDiablo]

if my bf notices me looking at another guy. we will immediately leave. sometimes I won't even be looking exactly, just looking in the direction of another guy and he will get pissed. he even gets mad if we go out to eat and have a male waitor. why be so jealous of a waitor???

Plain and simple, he's insecure. Can you address this? Probably not. He needs to grow up to get over this one, unless he thinks you are planning on dumping him ("Hey, she's checkin out the waiter, she's going to dump me!") which is pretty ridiculous if you ask me.

 

As far as looking at other women, he's got eyes (like all of us) and he's going to use them. Now if he stares or actually hits on women, you've got a problem in my opinion, otherwise you may as well be at a museum of fine art. People are attractive.

 

If *I* were you, I'd confront him on the male waiter thing (but not the women thing) and let him know how you feel about him. Let him know that it's obvious he is insecure and he needs to pay attention to the quality time you spend together, the way you care for him, etc., and see if you can allieviate his fears. It'll possible kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.

[spunkykatt]

Yeah its a very common thing with guys to check out other girls. Kinda sucks when they do it in front of you though, I know. The main thing here is to relize that he may be giving them a 5 to 10 second glance but he is giving you more than that. He is giving you him time. Not that Im defending guys for doing it though, its just there are alot bigger things to worry about, and this isnt one of them. If it really upsets you though, just tell him that you would rather he do it when your not with him. Simple enough request, and if he cares he should be willing to meet you half way on it.

[ocrob]

Well, I am totally guilty. It seems that I like to observe people and look at everyone. After my girlfriend broke up with me, she told me that I always looked at other women and acted like I didn't even care if we were together. She was so wrong, but I wish she would have said something to me earlier on. I would have tried not to look at other women. As long as he is loyal and loves you, then you should cut him some slack. I would suggest saying something to him, if it bothers you. It is better he knows now and not after the fact.

[ShySoul]

In my opinion if you truly care about the one you are with then you will not be "checking out" anyone else. Your eyes will stay on the one you are with because you realize that no one could be more beautiful. If you are having a problem with your partner doing that, talk with him or her and explain how you feel. Your partner should do his best to stop. Also realize that while he may look at someone else, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you.