ehg228

I know his lawyer was very surprised that he was still convicted. My bf was very honest with the cop and told him that right before he left the bar he had taken a shot (maybe more than 1, I don't remember. Extremely stupid, I know). That's why the cop made him sit in the car for over an hour so that when they went to the station his blood alcohol level would be above .08. Supposedly there were calibration records of the machine, but the officer at the station said it usually doesn't work right. He knows about the passing the breath test and still getting convicted thing. The reason the cop said he was intoxicated was from the test where you stand on one leg and count by the 1000s. He went up to 22,000 and the cop never told him to stop and was doing fine, so he stopped. I guess this was wrong, but from hearing other people's stories it's something often used against people in court. It's very obvious that all of these things sound like a bunch of excuses. He knows what he did was wrong and that he should have taken a cab. He knows he was irresponsible. There are a lot of things working against him here, and if this had happened in another state the consequences may not have been as harsh. But anyway, that's just another excuse for doing something wrong. He's a pilot in the Navy and will most likely lose his job over this. He can drive to/from work, etc. but I don't think they really care about that. He just feels that he wasn't a raging drunk who was going to kill someone. There's been talk of VA's drunk driving laws being unconstitutional and I think he's frustrated with VA's system for prosecuting first-time offenders (he's from TX). Anyway, thanks for your input. He knows what he did was wrong and will probably hardly ever drink again.

Thank you to everyone who replied and offered me advice. It really helps being able to hear other people's situations. I told him last night that I knew what was going on. He was silent for a minute and looked really upset and then said that he had no idea how to even begin telling me. Basically this has been hanging over his head during our entire relationship, which actually explains a couple things. He apologized for not telling me. He pretty much feels like his life is over. I feel so bad because he was screwed over by Virginia's justice system. When he got pulled over and did the breathalyzer, he blew UNDER the legal limit. However, the cop made him walk the line, etc. then cuffed him and made him sit in the police car for over an hour. After that the cop drove him to the station and made him use the machine there. As he was doing it, the cop said something to the effect of "yeah, this machine doesn't usually work very well." Top that off with the fact that my bf smokes which affects the reading as well. My bf asked for a blood and pee test and the cop refused. During the court hearing the cop lied about what happened and made up all this stuff about my bf stumbling and not being able to stand on his leg and count to infinity. His lawyer was amazed that he was still convicted. The judge he had was in the news recently for letting repeat offenders go too often, so I think that influenced his decision. VA has a real problem with repeat offenders killing people because the judges are lenient. They need to worry more about that then people who have 3 drinks and are driving their drunker friends home. If my bf can afford it I think they're going to appeal. It completely sucks for him. He has so many things that he's done well in life and they could all be canceled out by this. He hasn't heard yet if he will lose his job, but should know hopefully in a couple days. Yeah, so, lots of stress right now.

You know, I kind of want to hold out and see how long it takes before he HAS to tell me because it's obvious something is up. I mean, it could actually become humorous. He knows I'm not an idiot and was suspicious this weekend but believed his story about his trip getting cancelled. I am much more angry about being lied to. Because I know him well, I'm pretty sure that he wasn't out-of-his-mind drunk and going to kill someone the night he got pulled over. He probably had been out and had a couple drinks and wasn't necessarily drunk but had a blood alcohol level higher than the limit. But, who knows really. He's probably lying about it because he thinks I'll break up with him when I find out. I mean, it's a really embarrassing thing to have happen. It could potentially ruin a lot of things in his life, and I'm guessing that he's wishing it would just go away. We'll see how it goes.

Well, I'm sure the judge put in the provision that he can drive to/from work, to/from the doctor, etc. That's generally what happens in VA if this is your first offense. As I said before, he's a very responsible person (or so I thought...) and would not drive with a suspended license. We went out to dinner the other night and I drove because he told me he had car trouble. Which was most likely a lie. VA's DUI laws are extremely strict for first time offenders. I'm certainly not an advocate of drunk driving - I'm very against it and think that it's so irresponsible and stupid. I mean, just call a cab! But anyway, I had another friend who got pulled over and got a DUI. He was on his way home from dinner at a restaurant and had a few glasses of wine. He was not drunk by any means, but his BAC registered above the legal limit. I'll see what happens tonight. If it goes more than a week or so past when his license got suspended I'm going to definitely say something. I want to hear what happened that night and what the consequences of this are going to be. I'm sure he's stressed about this because it could very well ruin his career.

I have a rather interesting situation. I saw a letter on my boyfriend's desk the other day telling him to be in general district court last week. I wasn't snooping, the letter was sitting out on his desk. I don't think he meant for me to see it though because the next time I walked by the desk it was gone. Court proceedings are a matter of public record though, so I went to the court's website and looked up his name. Turns out that he got DUI back in mid-November before we started dating. It was actually the night after we met. He was charged last week. He has never mentioned any of this to me. Big problem - We live in VA and a DUI conviction carries a mandatory one year suspended license charge with it. So, since the end of last week he has had a suspended license. I'm not sure how exactly he thinks he is going to keep this a secret (if that's what he is planning on doing). The other issue - he told me he was going to be out of town (for work) from the end of last week through tomorrow. I had a really strange feeling that he wasn't actually out of town, and turns out that he never went. His court date was during this supposed out of town period. When I called him the day after he was supposed to leave he said that his plans changed. He also said he had to work all weekend, which is something that does happen with his job. I assume he was working, but I'm not positive. He called me both Sat. and Sun. afternoons when he got home. So. Should I confront him about this? Maybe he'll tell me eventually, but it's already been a couple days. I mean, a year is a long time to pretend to have car issues to get me to drive places. I'm more pissed that he lied to me than got a DUI! I don't know any of the details about what happened, but he is not an irresponsible person. I'm frustrated and worried. Any advice?

My friend's husband, who is in the Navy, was stationed with the Marines in Iraq (I can't remember where). He ended up being able to call her every day and they seemed to talk on instant messenger all the time. Hopefully that will be your case as well! Yeah, this completely sucks not knowing when he'll be back. I was fine yesterday, but today I got off work early and had nothing to do in the afternoon. Luckily I have plans all weekend so I think that will keep my mind off it. I'm so used to being at his place all the time that I'm not used to being in my apartment. I did laundry this afternoon and while I was folding it I just started crying. Pathetic, I know.

This seems to be something all guys do. Usually if I notice my bf checking out other girls I'll comment about them. If I think she has great boobs, I usually say so. Guys like to look and I'm pretty sure it's impossible for them not to. When you get jealous of the other girls just remind yourself that your bf is with you and not them!

Thanks! How long will your ex be in Iraq? My friend's husband got back in December and is now in Officer Candidate School. She said it was bad at first but got easier. When my bf goes on actual deployment I'll know how long he'll be gone and have email and all that. This time just sucks because he won't have email since it's a short "trip." I do like him a whole lot though so I'm willing to go through this! I Googled military support groups/forums online but didn't really have much luck. I'm not in the category of "officer's wife" which is where a lot of the support is. Yet anyway A lot of the support groups seem to be for enlisted guy's girlfriends and I don't really have the same situation as a lot of them. Hopefully that doesn't come out as horribly snobby. Anyway, thanks for you response. Everybody's experiences are helpful!

Thanks for the reply! I've done the long distance thing before and it didn't work out well. I'm not really considering this long distance yet. Since he'll be gone such a short time (short meaning not months), he won't have access to email. Basically I'll know he's back when I get a phone call. He's not career military so he won't be in forever. I just have to find things to do to keep myself busy.

I met my bf in Barnes & Noble of all places. We both happened to be standing in the same section looking at books and he picked up a book of short stories that I had just finished reading. So, I told him that it was a good book and we started talking. We exchanged info and then he had to go to CA for training (he's in the Navy) so we kinda stopped talking for a week or so. When he got back I invited him to go to Starbucks one Saturday evening and we talked for hours. The next day he invited me over to watch a movie and we've been inseperable since then. Funny part of the story - he asked if I wanted to get dinner the night that we met at B&N but I was on the way to my parent's house for dinner and I couldn't cancel. Once we started officially dating he told me that he thought I was making up the dinner at my parent's house thing because I didn't like him! I didn't hear from him for a couple days after we met, so I sent him an email (because I'm a wimp and was too scared to call) just to say hi. Now I know why I didn't hear from him!

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 months. He's a Naval Flight Officer. He's been home for the entirity of our (short) relationship so far. However, he left this morning to go somewhere (he wasn't sure where they were flying) or some amount of time (could be days, weeks, who knows). I know that in the grand scheme of things I should not be complaining because a.) I'm dating someone in the military and I knew what I was getting into - especially having grown up in a military community and b.) this isn't a deployment where he will be gone for 6+ months. However, I'm very new at this whole "girlfriend of a Naval officer" thing and I've never dated anyone before who knows things they can't tell me about and goes to undetermined places for undetermined lengths of time to do undetermined things. Basically I'm looking for people in similar situations to talk to. Thanks!!

Deleted until I can figure how to actually delete thread.